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Always take the weather with you 

After Dallas, I cannot prevent thinking that I may need to tune it down a little. I mean, it’s not as if I have any regrets at finishing metropolis, but if I go on at this rate, by dinner time there won’t be much of the world left to rule!

I have a privileged view of my surroundings. If someone managed to climb to the top of Mount Everest, after several months of practice and after several days of hardships, they would still be more or less at the height of the cute piercing I’m wearing on my belly button. With Texas being more or less flattish, this means that I can see for hundreds and hundreds of miles.

If the city I just level was indeed Dallas, this must mean that the large city I can see by the sea must be Houston. I somehow know that getting there will take me out of the path towards my destination, but I’m not too worried about that. I mean, right now I’m probably able to walk across the entire country in less than an hour, so I should really not get worried by a few hundred miles. Besides, I can always grow a little more, if I’m in a hurry.

I decide to follow the path of the Interstate. It’s not that I need it in order to find my destination. It’s only that it’s the path that crosses with the highest number of towns and cities.

Most of them are rather small, so I’m not too worried about bringing them down. Their impact on the world’s overall population is relatively reduced, compared to the chance for fun they offer.

“YOU GUYS NEED TO WATCH OUT WHERE YOU BUILD STUFF. YOUR TOWNS KEEP GETTING ON MY WAY” I say seconds before flattening an entire population center under my left foot. I did not even adjust my walking pace.

I meet the next one two steps later. I change my mind as I’m bringing my right foot down on it. Instead of just crushing it flat under my sole, I tilt my foot and rest my big toe in what seems to be the center, at least from my vantage point of view. Needless to say, a large number of blocks disappear under it.

Then, I start to playfully move my foot in circles, digging the ground and flattening block after block of the town as I do so. It all finishes soon enough, the town size not allowing for much more.

I go like this for a couple more minutes… and then I reach my destination. I twitch my nose as I stop a couple of paces away from Houston’s outskirts. Even if I can more or less see through it, the thick dark cloud cover over the city bothers me. It’s about level with crotch and it’s pouring a pretty heavy rain on the millions of citizens below. It’s hard to judge considering how ridiculous everything seems to me now, but I would bet that this is a hell of a storm for the people under it.

It’s not that I am sympathetic with the poor people from Houston. I could not care less if they soak to death. But not being able to see well or, even worse, knowing that I will get wet if I lower myself under the cloud level in order to interact with the population bothers me enormously. I realize it’s the first time I feel annoyed as a 10-mile goddess. And, curiously enough, it has not been because of anything the microscopic population of the world has been able to do. 

I don’t care. People should not bother me… but Mother Nature should not, either.  When before I said that I felt that nothing in the world was out of my reach I was referring to everything.

So, I decide to take Nature’s challenge. Sitting in my haunches, I push my glossy lips out and then start sucking.

I cannot prevent feeling a slight shiver running down my spine as the storm clouds get sucked into my mouth and feel somewhat raspy. As expected, they prove to be no match against the power of my lungs and I smile, truly content, as I keep on sucking.

I’m careful to keep my face pointed straight to the front. I’m not hungry yet (I guess it’s not lunch time yet) and I have other plans for Houston.

It takes me well over a minute but by the time I’m done, the population of Houston is enjoying a bright shiny day. The fact that the storm clouds are gone also means that they get a much better view of myself. It’s hard to judge reactions from up here, but I’d say that they were happier with the rain.

“WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?” I joke. “WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE THE RAIN BACK? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU’D BE THANKFUL. IT’S GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO UNDERSTAND YOU MICROBES”

I force my sight to be able to make out individual dots within the multiple crowds all around the city. Even with suck a super-sight as I have it’s not easy to read their body language. That does not mean that I cannot tease them, of course.

“DO YOU PREFER SOME OTHER WEATHER? WHAT ABOUT THIS?”

As I finish saying it, I push my lips out once more and start exhaling, making sure that the air will be as cold as I can as I do so. I do not point towards the city and I make sure that the force of my exhalation is as soft as possible. I’m not interested on bringing the city down with my breath. I’m “just” trying to change its weather.

My casual action starts to deliver results soon enough. I’m still straining my eyes to see the consequences at street level. It feels amazing to see people getting together as their surroundings start getting whitish as I keep blowing into the atmosphere right above them.

I cut my breath a couple of seconds alter and continue with the teasing.

“IT SEEMS THAT CHRISTMAS HAS COME EARLY THIS YEAR” I mock them, seeing that I’ve brought the temperature of one of the biggest cities in the Gulf below the lowest lows registered in Alaska in winter.

Of course, I do not feel sorry at all. If anything, I’m both impressed and intrigued by the results of my actions. I go on with my tease, so, pouting, I keep addressing the microscopic fuckers.

“OH, WHAT’S THE PROBLEM? YOU DON’T APPRECIATE A COOL WEATHER? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN FED UP WITH STICKY HEAT BY NOW, BUT HEY! LET IT NOT BE SAID THAT I DID NOT AT LEAST TRY TO GIVE YOU THE WEATHER YOU WANTED”

With that, I open my mouth and change the pace completely. Rather than blowing as cold as I can, I start exhaling my warmest breath, this time directly in the direction of the city. I look like someone trying to warm her hands up in the middle of a cold winter day. Only instead of my hands, the recipient of my warmth is a large metropolis.

I don’t know how ready the human body is to suffer extreme changes in temperature. I guess that if anyone in Houston survives, it will be easier for doctors to tell. In a matter of seconds, temperatures go from -40F to over 120F in Downtown.

I manage to zoom in some more and I delight when I see people passing out and dropping to the floor like rag dolls as I keep exhaling.

“OH, YOU MICROBES DON’T SEEM TO LIKE ANY WEATHER AT ALL. WHAT IS A GODDESS LIKE ME TO DO WITH YOU? YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH ANYTHIN!” I protest between giggles

Right at that moment I feel an itch between my legs. It’s familiar, of course, and it reminds me that 10-miles tall and all, I’m still bound by most of the needs of a girl my age. And after having drunk half a lake and having sucked a massive storm-cloud loaded with water, my body necessarily needs some relief. This sends a wicked idea to my mind.

“WELL, SINCE I DON’T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, I GUESS THAT I’LL LEAVE YOU WITH THE WEATHER YOU HAD WHEN I GOT HERE. IF IT’S RAIN THAT YOU WANT, THEN RAIN IS WHAT YOU’LL GET. I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND IT’S OF A DIFFERENT KIND”

I don’t give them any other warning. I just stand up and take a couple of paces back. Then, I squat back down and widen my legs a little.

I’m still zooming into the streets below, and I smirk when I see that a number of people seem to have realized what’s coming and are trying to flee as they warn the others. It doesn’t matter. They were doomed the moment I made my mind up.

An instant later a warm torrent of golden liquid roars out of my snatch and hits the ground below with the force of a multi-megaton nuclear bomb. I can see the already familiar mushroom-shaped cloud of dust emerging from the spot where my golden stream has hit the ground and leveled an entire neighborhood. Its destructive power is far from done, yet. As a matter of fact, it’s barely beginning.

My simple act of relief has created one of the deepest craters on Earth… and the wildest tsunami too. It’s hard to judge from my height, but the wave fronts are easily tearing everything at their pass, vehicles, people and buildings alike.

I need to admit it’s kind of neat to see a supposedly regal skyscraper being dragged out of its foundations by my ever-expanding puddle of pee. I’m at it for over a minute. By the time I’m done, one of the largest metro areas in the country is reduced to little more than a puddle. I guess that someone at ground level would have called it a stinky swamp… but then again, I doubt there’s anyone at ground level to judge it. 

Feeling the last drops of urine get out of my snatch and standing up, I sigh in relief and say:

“UH OH, I GUESS I’M PISSING A LOT OF PEOPLE OFF TODAY”

I know. It’s a lame joke. You can come and tell it to my face if you have guts though. That is, assuming you can get as high as it is without suffocating first.

 

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