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I'm so dead to the world that I don't even feel my house moving. In fact, I don't even wake up until I feel the sudden warmth of Nicole's hand. I bolt upright and scream as her massive fingers close around me.

"It's okay, Ray," she says soothingly. "You wanna watch cartoons with me and Kim?"

"Please, Nicole. I just want to sleep right now."

It's Saturday morning, and I guess Paul and Naomi are still asleep. God knows I'd like to get another few hours, but I doubt I'm going to have any choice in the matter. Nicole is already carrying me into the living room, where Kim is sprawled on the couch. She perks up when she sees me and reaches out a greedy hand. "Ooh, let me hold him!" she squeals.

Nicole drops me into Kim's sweaty palm, and she closes her fist, pinning my arms helplessly to my side.

"Move," Nicole commands Kim, slapping at her bare feet. "I wanna sit down too." Kim sits up and slides over so Nicole can join her on the couch. Nicole grabs the remote and starts flipping through the channels.

"You need to get a satellite or something," Kim says. "Basic cable sucks." She holds me up to her face and pouts.

"I think Mary Kate and Ashley come on in a little bit," Nicole says, a little hurt.

"Baby stuff," Kim says, rolling her eyes. She gives me a squeeze and smiles cruelly when I yelp with pain.

Nicole reaches for me. "You said you weren't going to hurt him."

Kim yanks me away from her with such ferocity that my head snaps backward. "I swear, Nicole. You're such a little kid."

"I'm bigger than you," she says, flashing an evil grin at Kim. Her grip on me tightens, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I squirm desperately in her grasp, trying to free my arms so I'll have a modicum of security. I hate being so damned helpless.

Kim glares at Nicole and whispers, "Bitch." Nicole's face flushes with shock. Her mouth hangs open, and her eyes widen. "Momma says we're not allowed to say that in this house."

"'Momma says we're not allowed to say that in this house,'" Kim repeats in mocking baby talk. She leans toward Nicole and whispers, "Bitch... bitch... bitch... bitch... bitch..."

"Stop it!" Nicole shrieks, slapping Kim's arm. "I'm gonna tell my momma if you don't quit."

"Fine," Kim says, smirking. "And I'll tell her that you felt my boobs last night while I was asleep."

"I did not!" Nicole leaps to her feet. "You are such a liar!"

Kim shrugs, then gives Nicole a friendly smile. "Okay, I'm sorry. Now sit down and quit yelling so much. Your parents won't let us play with Ray when they get up."

Nicole sits back down, her arms crossed, staring angrily at the TV. Kim shakes her head and turns her attention to me. "Hey, widdle boy," she coos, relaxing her grip and holding me close to her chest. Despite her claims to the contrary, she has no "boobs." Poor Kim is a late bloomer and will probably still be built like a young boy when the rest of her friends are out buying their first bras. I think this, more than anything, is what makes her such a bully. Well that, and the fact that her mom is such an evil bitch.

Kim suddenly drops me down the neckline of her nightshirt. I plummet, grabbing desperately at the fabric of her shirt as I bounce down her chest and tummy. Her hand slaps against me through the shirt, pinning me against the warm flesh of her stomach. I feel her entire body quake as she laughs.

"What are you doing?" I hear Nicole ask.

"It was an accident," Kim answers, still giggling.

"Come on, Kim. Let him out."

I try to wriggle free, and she laughs again. "Ooh, he tickles."

"Kim!"

Kim's belly rises and falls as she lets out a melodramatic sigh. "Okay, fine." She lets go, and I tumble the rest of the way down, landing on the couch between her legs. I scramble out from under her nightshirt, and she immediately snatches me up again.

"Naughty boy," she scolds me, poking me roughly with her index finger. "Say you're sorry."

God, you can't imagine how infuriating this is. How come everybody I've met this week takes such delight in my helplessness? Well, everybody except Suzy...

Her finger prods me hard in the stomach, knocking the breath out of me. "I said, say you're sorry."

"I'm sorry," I gasp. "Please let me go."

She twists her mouth, as if considering it. "Um, no." Her fingertip touches my face, tousles my hair. Then, suddenly, it's gone. Kim's other hand drops away as she lets out a delighted squeal. "Ooh, I love this cartoon," she says, leaning forward. "I haven't seen this in forever!"

It's one of those Schoolhouse Rock songs. I used to have the entire collection on DVD when I was at SPECTRUM. Dana, my English tutor, gave to me for my birthday a couple of years ago. She told me you could tell a lot about a person by what their favorite Schoolhouse Rock song is. She was partial to Conjunction Junction, and claimed that song had single-handedly influenced her to major in English. Me, I really liked Interplanet Janet and that song where the rabbit sang about multiplying things by seven. Which, I suppose, makes me a right-brain kind of person.

The one playing on the TV at the moment is entitled "Unpack Your Adjectives," and I get an uneasy lump in my stomach as soon as I hear the vaguely familiar tune. Kim sings along with it, mumbling across the parts that she doesn't know.

I remember this one now. I watched it once, then never again, because of that one disturbing part...

A cartoon girl stands next to a cartoon boy, who snickers meanly at her. The song exuberantly states, "Girls that are tall get taller, boys that are small get smaller." And while this is going on, the boy begins to shrink while the girl begins to grow. "Until one is the tallest and one is the smallest of all." And with this, the girl raises her sandaled foot and stomps the boy into dust.

I first saw this a couple of months before my "sexual awakening," when I started having all those embarrassing fantasies about Louise's bare feet. At the time, I had no idea why it bothered me like it did, but it seemed to activate some kind of primal fear in me. I know it was just a cartoon, and supposed to be funny, but the image of that poor boy so effortlessly and casually crushed really struck a nerve with me.

So of course it figures that it would be Kim's favorite. Good one, God.

"Girls that are tall get taller," Kim sings as she leans forward and sets me on the floor. "Boys that are small get smaller." As soon as my feet hit the carpet, I bolt. I make a mad dash for my dollhouse knowing full well how futile my attempt will be.

Kim's foot lands on the carpet in front of me, too close for me to stop. I slam into it and fall backwards.

"Where you going?" Kim asks, smiling down at me. She raises her foot over me, letting it hover inches above me. I stare up at her white, wrinkled sole, helpless as it slowly descends. She covers my entire body with her foot. I turn my head to the side as the warm, soft flesh presses down on me with surprising gentleness.

"'Til one is the tallest and one is the smallest of all," she sings, rolling me beneath her foot. The carpet presses painfully into my back and against the side of my face. The pressure decreases somewhat as she lifts her foot slightly. I raise my head in time to see her monstrous toes spread. She grasps me between her big and second toe and holds me there, smiling her mother's infuriating smile.

"Now I've got you," she says softly, playfully.

"Come on, Kim," Nicole pleads, looking down at me as well. "Just let him go."

"Why?" Kim asks. "My mom said he liked it." She pinches her toes together, squeezing me. "Don't you?" she asks me with a grin. "You like that, don't you?" She finally releases me, dropping me onto the floor.

I run towards Nicole, looking up to her for help. My blood runs cold when I see a smile creep across her face. "Boys that are small get smaller," she sings as she covers me with her socked foot.



After a rocky start, the day begins to look promising. Paul spends all day at home, sitting in his Barcalounger, drinking beer and watching golf. Which means Naomi is on her best behavior. She "accidentally" brushes against my dollhouse a couple of times when she walks by, but I just ignore her and she eventually goes away.

Around one o'clock or so, she brings my lunch to me. She slides my dollhouse completely away from the wall and kneels outside. I'm downstairs in my living room, sitting on the hard plastic divan. Holding the tiny plate between her finger and thumb, she slowly reaches in and sets my lunch on the floor.

I wait for her to leave, but she doesn't. She hovers there, her face out of view. All I can see is her hand, her knee, and her sandaled foot. She knows I'm looking; she flexes her toes slowly.

"Go ahead and eat, sweetie," she tells me. Sighing, I slide off the divan and crouch before the plate. A torn piece of bread and a slimy chunk of ham. Thank you, Julia Child.

I tear off a piece of the bread and gnaw on it, eying her warily all the while. She taps her thumb on the floor impatiently a few times, then finally withdraws her hand. She scratches her foot with a pink fingernail, just under the thong that runs between her wiggling toes.

"Mmmm," she sighs. "Maybe later, you can help Momma rub some lotion on her feet."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Naomi!" Paul shouts from the living room. "Leave the boy alone and make my damn sandwich!"

"You can't hide in there forever, you know," she whispers as she stands and walks off, shoving my house back into place with her foot.

I'm not even thinking about forever. Right now, I'll be happy to just make it through the day.



It's late evening. Dinner is done, and everybody is in a really pissy mood.

Naomi is mad because... well, I'm still not sure what set her off. She's been looking for a reason to be angry with me since lunch, and I've been very lucky so far. But I've got to admit I'm on eggshells around her, scared to death I'm going to give her the excuse she needs to punish me.

Nicole is pouting because I wouldn't come out to play with her, and she didn't dare grab me while Paul was watching. I told her I was still angry about this morning, and she actually got her feelings hurt because she and Kim were "only playing" and I was being a "big baby" about the whole thing.

And Paul is feeling rather sour because he just got a phone call from Rachel Foster. It seems that SPECTRUM received an anonymous phone call alerting them to Paul's arrangement with GenetiTech. They lost no time filing an injunction, which means Paul won't be able to make his deal with GenetiTech until after he legally adopts me. It's not a permanent solution, but it certainly slows things down a little.

And I think I know who made that anonymous call. God bless Suzy, anyway. Have I mentioned in the last ten minutes just how much I love her?

"But can they do that?" Naomi is asking. "I mean, he's your son. How can SPECTRUM tell you what you can and can't do with your own son?"

Paul sighs. "He won't be my son in the legally-binding sense until after the hearing," he says. "This is gonna suck. Those SPECTRUM bastards are gonna try to make out like I was selling Ray."

"Does Rachel think this is gonna hurt our case?"

"I don't think so," Paul says. "She didn't seem that worried about it. But it looks like we won't be moving to Midland until sometime in the fall."

Nicole looks up from Mad TV and whines, "I don't wanna move to Midland."

"God damn it, we're not going to have this conversation again," Paul snaps. "You'll make new friends, okay? Now drop it."

"Cheryl and Kim can come visit us, sweetie," Naomi says. "Midland is only three hours away."

"Oh, yeah," Paul groans. "That reminds me. Those SPECTRUM bastards want to visit with Ray. Rachel said we're allowed to supervise, but we gotta let them."

I perk up, my heart racing. This just gets better and better!

"Dammit," Naomi says, glaring at me. "When?"

"A week from tomorrow," Paul says. "It'll be that Louise woman and that big, goofy sonuvabitch."

Louise and Alan, coming to visit me! I'm so excited, I think I might just cry...



I guess it was inevitable. Paul and Nicole went to bed, and Naomi has managed to wait all of three minutes before walking over to the dollhouse.

"Ray," she says sternly. "Come out here."

With a sigh, I climb out of my bed. I'm halfway down the stairs when I feel the house thump.

"I mean now," she says.

"I'm coming!" I shout, hurrying the rest of the way. I run out the front door and find myself face to face with her pink slippers. Her toes twitch angrily within, and for one horrible second, I imagine her lifting a foot to stomp me flat. Boys that are small get smaller...

Instead, she reaches down and grabs me between her finger and thumb. She lifts me, kicking and dangling, until I'm staring right into her face. She's glaring at me, still waiting for me to do something to justify her anger with me. She's really in the mood to punish me right now.

"Next time I call you, you'd better come," she says. I'm not about to start anything with her, so I just nod and say, "Yes ma'am."

"I bet you're feeling pretty smart right now, aren't you?" she says, carrying me back into the living room.

"Not smart, just tired," I say.

"Are you getting smart with me?"

"No ma'am."

She plops down on the couch. Her robe falls open, revealing the white satin of her nightgown.

"You think I don't know who made that phone call? You and that little bitch Suzy think you're so smart, don't you?"

"How do you know it was Suzy?" I ask. "There were a lot of people here last night, and I bet they all knew about the deal with GenetiTech."

She gives me a shake. "If you mouth off to me one more time, you're getting punished. Understand?"

I nod. "Yes ma'am."

Naomi sighs. "I know it was Suzy because you two spent a lot of time talking last night, probably planning your little scheme."

"But we weren't! We were just talking."

"What did I tell you?" Naomi snaps. She crosses her leg and slides her slipper off of her foot.

"I wasn't talking back!" I shout at her. "I was just trying to tell you..."

With a triumphant smile, she drops me into her slipper, tilting it so that I roll down into the toe. The inside is lined with fleece--it's dark and warm, and smells of sweat and that lavender soap that she uses. The slipper turns sideways, and I grab a fistful of fleece to steady myself. She slides the house shoe back onto her foot. The light grows dimmer and is finally eclipsed when her massive toes reach me.



After a half-hour in "time out," Naomi finally puts me back in my dollhouse and goes to bed. Frustrated and filled with self-loathing, I masturbate to the memories of her pretty pink toenails, then finally drop off to sleep.
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