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Gleefully the fly buzzed around the lunchroom, enjoying the stale air that rushed past his face. He was free again, and it looked like nothing could bring him down again.

            “Like, Oh my god,” Britney exclaimed. “There’s a totally disgusting fly!” Britney was a senior in high school whom Nick had, at one point in time, had a crush on. This was until he talked to her and realized she had an IQ somewhere between pile of cow dung, and the color blue.

            It may be important to note that the cow dung discussed in the last paragraph was intended to be made from a cow native to earth, as apposed to the cows on planet H-Raven. H-Raven cows are similar to earth cows in every way, except that their turds are very intelligent. When one was given an S.A.T test, it received a 660. This is amazing considering that it was a pile of cow feces, and because it had no limbs to hold the pencil with. It is still unknown how it actually managed to complete the task.

One of these turds was responsible, in part, for the destruction of planet H-Raven, but that is a story that will be told in a time and place that is something other than this one.

            The color blue, for this to be accurate, must be a normal shade of blue, and not the super intelligent shade of blue as is seen in the book, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which I have been ripping of since page one.  

            Nick’s first conversation with Britney was about how she had just been given a new car for her birthday, a bright pink mustang with a hydraulics system, and nitrous. She had been asking, for the past year mind you, for a bright pink mustang convertible with hydraulics. Being the person she was, she was overjoyed at the gift and completely looked over the small imperfection.

            She did however crash it into the head of the statue of liberty. It is still unknown how. When questioned about it, she said, “Well, I was like, driving. Its not easy, Okay?”

            Normally she would never dare to touch a fly, or even to look at one, but today was a special occasion. Early in the day one of her friends told her a joke, which she had not been able to understand. This annoyed her to no end, and she could not stop thinking about it. This put her in a very negative mood.

            The joke was as followed. What is the difference between a black person, and Batman? Batman can go to the store without robin.

            I would like to take a moment to say that racism is not Okay, but it can be really funny.

            Britney was many things, but she was not a comic book nerd. She was a racist, however. Many years ago she had had a nanny to take care of her. The woman was Pilipino, didn’t speak English well, but did her job. So one day, when Britney was extremely bored, she went up to her father and said, “Daddy, the Mexican stole my money.”

            Her father, with a stern look on his face, replied, “Probably to by landscaping equipment.”

            Again, racism is not Okay, but can be funny.

            Since she was in such a bad mood, she acted on impulse, not even thinking about her perfect nails. She swatted at the fly, managing to hit it square in its fat little body.

            “EW!” She screamed as she realized what she had done.

 

            Nick fought to control himself as he tumbled through the air, his head still spinning from the hit.  He saw the floor above him, realized that this is not how it was supposed to be, tried to correct himself, and wound up in a thick layer of pudding.

            “Oh god!” Nick said as he tried to pry himself from the death trap. “Vanilla. Why did it have to be vanilla!?”

            Amy was a freshman girl, long brown hair flowing almost down to her waist that matched her dark brown eyes. Her wide smile never left her face, always exposing adorable, tiny dimples in her cheeks. She sat at her lunch table, talking with her friends, completely unaware of the small little bug that had managed to find its way into her dessert.

            She placed her flimsy, plastic spoon into the white goo, scooping up a thick chunk, along with the little buggy.

            “Wait!” Nick shouted desperately as he tried to retch himself away from the goo. “Vanilla pudding is terrible!”

            He entered into the gapping cavity that was her mouth, the air turning hot and wet. Her mouth closed, all light shut out from Nick’s newest prison. He could feel her pulling the spoon out, her lip scraping everything on the spoon onto her tongue

            Nick fell onto her thick, wet muscle, spit now adhering itself to his body along with the disgusting pudding. She swished the substances around in her mouth for a few seconds, the fly being tossed around like the helpless food scrap it was.

            “Wait,” Nick said desperately. “If you swallow me, you’ll get fat!”

            The girl didn’t hear him, nor would she have cared. She swallowed all that was in her mouth, bug and all. The contents dripped down her throat, the warm, squishy muscles pushing Nick lower and lower.

            Finally they stopped, and he dropped into a narrow opening he could only assume was her stomach.

            “Great,” he said. “I guess this is my punishment for failing biology. A full tore of a girl’s digestive track. Oxygen not included.”

Chapter End Notes:

So, anyone got any good plans for the summer? Me, I’m probably going to go out, make some friends, party hard, get wasted. You know, the norm.

Or, sit at home and write my life away. Whatever.

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