Giantess World
Author's Chapter Notes:
And no spoilers for the chapter! Well, maybe just a little: that one dies.
Kate just came back to her quarters but.. she cannot stay here. She wants to calm down after what happened, but she needs to do something. She does not care about Amber, not now at least... But her People?
She was struggling with herself for a couple weeks now, she still feels this guilt after what happened before Nicole's graduation. About how she gave Amber those Volunteers... and they even gathered so quickly did they know what was coming to them? And were they already dead?
Even giving them the synthesizers seemed.. empty, like she wanted to buy them off with some gifts hoping she would no longer feel guilty. Of course they thanked her explaining how it will greatly help them with their daily problems. Apparently even seven was already a lot, they have had barely twelve total before and they still produced enough food for over eighteen million people. Kate did not really want to listen to the details, since... well, it did not help her to settle her guilt.
She still felt bad, dirty. Like she failed them. Like Nicole and Amber used her. Used her People after everything Lauren told them, that micros can do a lot of different things. She still remembers the words hairdressers, massagers and manicurists... All the things she and her friends were doing themselves at least before they were supposed to use them for it...
It now seems so.. obvious. Like it was in front of her the whole time and she did not see it! Especially when Rachel told her.. that Yes still rang in her ears. So simple, unconditional. Why hasn't she told this earlier? Why Kate did not figure it out earlier she feels so.. stupid and ignorant!
No, she needs to go back there and explain them everything. Even if it means they will hate her and ridicule her. She was pathetic, after all. Unable to stand her ground against Nicole and Amber earlier... Failed to protect her People.
But this will not happen again. When Amber did... No, she does not want to remember it. Pushing her zone cords into the wristcom, she teleports into her spot. Tell them... tell what? She just stands there for minutes thinking about how she can even begin explaining this.
Right before Amber came, Kate was crouching next to a city trying to imagine what their lives must be like. She was thinking about everything that happened earlier. Everything that she has seen and heard. Trying to make sense of it. She did not understand it so clearly yet, just... felt that Rachel was right. She was always right, in one way or another, but Kate was trying to figure it out instead of simply accepting the Yes.
She looked at the minute dots moving around the narrow paths between the skyscrapers, everything laid down before her. She was trying to stay perfectly still, as she already noticed how her slightest movements tend to.. stop the moving? She wondered just then how she must look for them, like a huge monument of some kind...
She has seen some statues they put up in the cities, as she carefully walked around on the paths they set up for her. Apparently the synthesizers allowed them to clear some farmland for her, which then were flagged as places she can step without worrying she may hurt anybody.
The paths even lit up so nicely during the night when she wanted to look around before going to bed. She had never seen anything like this anywhere else...
But still.. she barely any time in her zone, the guilt simply did not allow her to, she wanted to do something, but did not know what! Now she knows what she needs to do, but... how can she even talk.. how to explain them that more deaths were caused by her attempts to be friendly. Everybody else usually meet up in the zones, except maybe when stumbled across while eating or things like that. Sure they were playing in the facility when they were kids, but now they are expected to...
Maybe if they did not set up those paths she wouldn't be watching the city and Amber would not get in... No, it was Kate's fault she should have done more! She tried to bully Amber to obedience, after seeing how she listened to Lauren, but...
She should have never let her in.
It is also so obvious now. She feels that they... How could they do these things to her People! But Kate is now certain that she needs to protect them. When Amber jumped... it was already getting late and the towns were clearly illuminated, she could easily see the lights dying off around Amber's shoes... Kate was absolutely convinced that she must do something no, anything that she possibly can to stop it!
Was she wrong about trying to hurt Amber? Kate thought about doing something like that earlier.. when that.. monster crushed her music, but... The violence felt just so wrong. But wasn't that just what Amber was doing? Destroying, crushing.. killing... Her People! No, she must not fail them again.
The guilt is still there, but at least Kate understands it now. Another obvious realization. She even tried to avoid her zone, her People, to diminish it to forget about the problem. Of course it did not work. She kept thinking about it... She knew she was wrong about something.
Was Kate also wrong about concealing the fact that it was her who attacked Amber? It happened so.. spontaneously Nicole seemed to actually blame Amber for this whole mess, well.. she was behaving uncontrollable when they met...
And when she fainted in her room Kate had no idea that something like that would happen, she never wanted to actually hurt her. Of course she wanted to protect her People, but... Or did she?
The plan that she suddenly come up with was.. repulsive to hold Amber from behind, with one arm around her neck so she could not breathe. Kate seemed so desperate to cripple her at the time even with the field protecting them against any injury... She even had no idea whether that would work they never fought.. not like that!
And how Amber must have felt back there and back in her room, where Kate with almost no emotions ordered her to talk with Nicole. When Amber passed out.. was she afraid of Kate? Well, she is in no mood to think about the bitch's feelings anymore not after what she did to her People.. again!
But then Kate was merely trying to save her face, not to show how crazy she was just moments earlier - it seemed to disturb Amber even more... is Kate becoming a monster? No, she just wants to protect her People! And it was important to be seen as a moderate and mature person. Not one that could try to strangle her friend...
It seemed Nicole believed that or was it just another of her games? She seemed almost.. compassionate after Amber left as if she actually cared about what Kate was through. Of course she already felt bad for withholding the whole truth... And what if she finds out? What if anybody finds out?
Right after Amber fainted, Kate was unsure whether mentioning the mothers was a good idea.. if Amber decided to go to them with this... Well, it would be her word against Kate's. Nicole should also confirm how crazy Amber was when they met it should be okay. It may actually be better, since Kate will have an excuse never to let Amber in again. It all happened so quickly... and now seems almost too lucky.
How Nicole simply agreed with her and supported her against Amber. Or maybe it was one of her games after all? Either way, there is nothing left to do now and Kate just hopes she will be strong enough to keep pretending that she is not crazy.. For both her own and her Peoples sakes...
But the People.. they have seen her. The sudden realization hits her. How could she explain what she just did, her sudden explosion they must already think she is crazy. Maybe she is? Nobody else behaves like that... Now it just does not feel right!
Kate must tell them something, explain herself, try to reassure them she cares about them... For probably the first time she actually cares about Them and not the stupid counter! Maybe except when the music.. But how can she tell them about this? About how ignorant and stupid she was and how cruel, in a way.
She is almost crying by now and trying not to think about the dead gap in the towns where Amber landed, she simply starts:
Listen, I.. don't know how to tell you this or even if I should... But for the first time I feel that you deserve to know. You all do! I.. see now how wrong I was about so many things, about you. When I first came here, I only saw you as tiny dots.. At first I was only worried about your.. deaths, because I did not want to lose you, because I did not want my only zone to... - Kate already feels ridiculous for saying that, it is obvious now just how stupid she was - But I can see this now! I know you are People too and I need to protect you. I am so sorry it took me so long to realize... I.. I cannot even ask you to forgive me. But I wish I could explain you how bad I feel about everything that happened - during last month over a million of them died, and even though Kate killed less than half of that directly or indirectly she feels responsible for all of them.
And I should have protected you from the others. It's just that the other Caretakers.. they... they are Monsters! And I was a Monster too... I should have never even come here you would all be so much better without me! - Kate actually cannot stop herself from crying upon this realization - And so many of you must have died for me to realize this, even just now I am so stupid.. and so sorry... - and bursts into tears.
While trying to calm herself, she notices the slowly blinking light on the blimp asking her to get her headphone in. Oh no, I even forgot to wear it... - she realizes. Putting it on, she stands up again and apologizes for this trying to recall where in the explanations she was in order to continue, but the governor's voice stops her:
Miss Kate, it is all fine, we understand.
You... You do?!?
Yes. - the calm and self-confident - almost comforting - voice makes her believe it immediately - In fact, my lady, you need not worry about the Amber's actions, there were only several casualties of...
But she did.. everything is...
Miss, we have long evacuated the nearby towns and villages - he explains.
But the lights.. the movements... I don't understand.
It is alright, we had only a small dedicated maintenance team overseeing the remote and automated activities that were programmed into the power and vehicle grids. - even though it seems like he is trying to explain it as simply as only possible just like so many things when they spoke Kate can hardly understand it, but automated and small team convince her that they must have figured it out somehow... after all they were always so smart about everything and she was never seeing the actual people, not without holding her face very close to the ground at least she thought those dots were people.
If only they told her.. she would not have to assault Amber.. was that the word? Kate remembers Rachel mentioning it a couple times in school but right now she is so delighted that almost nobody was hurt that quickly forgets the thought.. After checking the counter, she finds it may have actually went up since she has seen it the last time it must have really been only several people in the towns. She still feels bad for this team:
I am so sorry about even those few people...
It is okay, miss, they knew the dangers and they were willing to stay there even despite that.
Kate seems so touched by what she hears - if only she could thank... but no, they were dead, of course. She still feels bad about passing over all the earlier deaths as if they were meaningless - especially that she killed some of them herself and no apology can change that. She wished to explain this, but it was just so much! She was also a monster back then...
But at least she can hope they understand now. She just told them about all this and they did not question her motives, they did not blame her just told her they understood. This only reinforces her resolve to protect them.
If is there anything I can do for you... - she asks while trying to wipe her eyes, which are still wet from both grief and happiness.
Well, Miss, we would greatly appreciate if you could prevent the others from...
Of course! I will even lock Amber out immediately! - she exclaims and starts reconfiguring the privileges on her wristcom. After doing that in silence, she asks if there is anything more...
Thank you, my Lady, for the consideration but I believe we are good for now. - well, as long as no Monster is killing them, they seem to be doing very well Kate thinks - But I think You should get some rest after these strenuous activities.
Kate thinks about it for a second but she is actually more energetic now, so she speaks I would prefer to stay here for some time...
Of course, is there anything we could do for you?
What could she possibly want from them now... the very idea of using her people dejects her, but after a minute, she thinks of one thing - Well, if you have any recordings of the music this band played for me a couple weeks back - it seems forever now - I would simply love to hear it again!
After a brief moment of silence, the governor speaks: Miss Kate, if you don't mind me suggesting alternatives, there may be some other kind of music that I think you may also like...
Two hours later, she still is unable to believe what she is hearing. It took them a while to organize this - she even suggested that it is not a problem and they do not have to do this - but when she finally heard it...
At first it felt like some separate sounds, as if playing with each other. No voices or anything, but.. they were changing and entwining merged and parted. When melody as she later learned the word silenced she wished it would come back, but.. a different one replaced it. Not better, just.. different. They were all so beautiful. It always continued to develop and there was always something new, that continued to amaze her.
She thought that at the band playing it must be really brilliant, it seemed impossible for three people to produce such harmony of sounds... maybe other bands can have more people? Maybe five or six, yes, at least six if even a single person was enough to produce one of the sounds she heard at the beginning, there were simply so many of them now...
When it silenced for a longer moment after several minutes, she wanted to ask them to replay it she was beginning to think it may be a recording of some sort of machine generating it. But another melody returned with more strength, even more rich and varying. It was simply magnificent she could not think of other words to describe it. Kate was so astonished that she could not possibly interrupt it, but she thought she must learn how it was created. After the first week, she felt a bit stupid when asking them to explain some apparently simple and mundane thing which still were unknown to her earlier... But this kind of music was just so... perfect.
She was so excited listening to the melodies that when it came to an end after another several minutes, it took her a moment to calm herself.. She asked if she could hear it again but the governor explained her that the orchestra has yet another masterpiece in mind. She congratulated them coming up with such beautiful sounds, but they explained how it was a creation of somebody long dead, Beth-oven and the passages were from his fifth symphony in some letters she did not understand.
Fifth? So there are more of them? - she asked surprised and shocked, but after a moment of silence they continued to explain:
Well, yes, just one of the more known classical works - it seemed so mundane when the governor spoke, yet she has never heard anything like it - In fact, those were only the first and fourth parts...
Could you play the others?
With all due respect, my Lady, the artists here thought of a different masterpiece you may like.
Of course how could she possibly suggest them anything, she felt so... uneducated.. she barely remembered what Rachel told them the artists were and yes, it seems they were playing for her. Specially for her. Even now she feels humbled by the incredible talent those people must have. To be able to play something so beautiful. Obviously it was a completely different kind of music from the band that played for her two weeks ago... she wondered how many other musics are there?
The only sad thing was that she feared if she has killed that Beth-oven earlier... that they mentioned he was dead. She could not stand the idea that such ingenious little person died due to her actions.. or her fear of confronting others... And so, in the end she did not even ask about it.
Next, they played her a melody called the blue danoobe - Kate had no idea that musics have colors, especially that there was no mention of any in that symphony. Well, it must have been obvious for everybody but her so she did not even bother to ask. Actually, she recalled how two weeks ago they were playing on a dark yellow stage maybe that was the orange music?
She imagined what colors the previous one would seem like... this blue one was definitely calm and peaceful. Still very original and inspiring... and so lovely.
Later they played a walts of tchai, tzay.. - she tried to pronounce it a couple times with no success. But it was also very beautiful they definitely knew what was really nice, so much better than she.. so vivid and energizing, yet at times slow and timid.
But now she is laying on her back, since they explained how the four seasons they would like to play next are fairly long and she may get more comfortable than sort of half-crouched, half lying down on her belly position with hands supporting her head. She carefully rotated while telling them that she would listen to anything they were only willing to play for her and mentioned how they don't have to if they are tired or anything, mindful how she was a bit tired already.
The seasons... are just the perfectly perfect. She has no idea what the seasons are, but they must be extremely beautiful to have such music named after them. Again constantly changing and evolving.
So she just lies perfectly still, listening to this music there were three breaks already, is this the fourth season? She is afraid that it would mean this is the last one... But she can swear she heard something.. else? A voice? Maybe they have some of her people singing in this music after all but no... it is not coming from the headphone. Her other ear?
Um, guys, I am terribly sorry to interrupt you, but... - the melody quickly stops, she thinks about this yes, she can definitely hear a voice in her other ear. Just barely audible asking if she can hear him.
Is there anybody in my ear? Yes, I can hear you - she replies quietly.
Oh thank God - she hears - I am sorry, my name is Gary Oleman and before the Failure, I used to be a caretaker as well...
Chapter End Notes:
I finally decided to move some of the content to the oncoming interlude and publish this more quickly - and what a twist! The turn to aware gentleness, on the other hand, was to be expected - how could anyone possibly think that the sweet Kate may be evil?
But, if You look closely enough, You will still notice how she usually uses plural form and even thinks of them as “her people” (which may seem cute, considering the alternatives, but...) - well, at least it is better than what Amber or Nicole are doing... But more on this to come.
As for the “musics” – I had a hard time imagining just how a somewhat passionate and sensible young person would feel when hearing beautiful melodies for the first time... There are probably some experiments on natives of wherever that have shown they did not enjoy it much if at all, but.. even if I am wrong (I don't know, haven't researched the topic at all), I feel that this turn of events is touching – especially given that the sound is basically the only way how the people can actually get to the Caretakers. Also, that whole section went out of proportion (sorry – fans of different types of “musics” have probably found it boring), especially how I have been listening to those tracks trying to imagine... which bloated the descriptions quite a bit.
And of course.. the Gary guy. I hope You do not picture him as some commissioner from Gotham city already (not my intent – just incidental similarity of names I noticed only after writing it, actually) and some of You will probably perceive him as the long awaited messiah-recurring-tiny-person. Well, it seemed he did not die in this chapter after all, so unless something happens in the meantime – wait, let me flip a coin... fine, nothing for now – he will be in the next one, which makes him the first named inhabitant to manage that. But I think You already learned not to get Your hopes up in this area too quickly... How long do you bet he will survive?
Finally... is Kate's change believable? It certainly does not seem “sudden” when she thinks about it, just.. I don't know.
As always – let me know what you think! (but remember to attach reviews to the proper chapter – I will delete spoilers put on the intro, this is actually important now – well, I am not sure if anybody looks for reviews before they read the whole story, I know I do and quite often – but incorrectly attached review with spoilers can be bad..)
But, if You look closely enough, You will still notice how she usually uses plural form and even thinks of them as “her people” (which may seem cute, considering the alternatives, but...) - well, at least it is better than what Amber or Nicole are doing... But more on this to come.
As for the “musics” – I had a hard time imagining just how a somewhat passionate and sensible young person would feel when hearing beautiful melodies for the first time... There are probably some experiments on natives of wherever that have shown they did not enjoy it much if at all, but.. even if I am wrong (I don't know, haven't researched the topic at all), I feel that this turn of events is touching – especially given that the sound is basically the only way how the people can actually get to the Caretakers. Also, that whole section went out of proportion (sorry – fans of different types of “musics” have probably found it boring), especially how I have been listening to those tracks trying to imagine... which bloated the descriptions quite a bit.
And of course.. the Gary guy. I hope You do not picture him as some commissioner from Gotham city already (not my intent – just incidental similarity of names I noticed only after writing it, actually) and some of You will probably perceive him as the long awaited messiah-recurring-tiny-person. Well, it seemed he did not die in this chapter after all, so unless something happens in the meantime – wait, let me flip a coin... fine, nothing for now – he will be in the next one, which makes him the first named inhabitant to manage that. But I think You already learned not to get Your hopes up in this area too quickly... How long do you bet he will survive?
Finally... is Kate's change believable? It certainly does not seem “sudden” when she thinks about it, just.. I don't know.
As always – let me know what you think! (but remember to attach reviews to the proper chapter – I will delete spoilers put on the intro, this is actually important now – well, I am not sure if anybody looks for reviews before they read the whole story, I know I do and quite often – but incorrectly attached review with spoilers can be bad..)