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"Kappa Alpha Tau Sorority House; Louisiana State University; Baton Rouge, Louisiana. October 31, 2013 (5:30 P.M./CST)."

"This is Henry McGee, recording the first entry in a new audio diary, courtesy of the new mini-DAR bought for me by my giant benefactresses."

"It is now over two weeks since the Dorothy Sloan incident in Magic City, Texas. In addition to the local branch campus of Texas Tech, a good portion of the city was destroyed (even if inadvertently) by Ms. Sloan's tremendous feet. Miraculously, however, no one was killed!"

"No one but Biff Morgan and myself, that is."

"Biff's fate is known the world over, thanks to KOWZ-TV and the Internet. And, when the President of the United States saw what was happening, via the latter, he immediately authorized Fort Sill, Oklahoma, to fire off satellite-guided surface-to-surface missiles at Ms. Sloan!"

"The warheads of these missiles were filled with some kind of sleeping gas, however. And, when they exploded all around her (quite literally, at her feet!), she was too stunned to avoid breathing in the veritable fog of anesthesia. Promptly collapsing flat on her enormous face, as a result."

"A fleet of Tarhe skycranes then flew her off to an undisclosed location. Watching them struggle to stay aloft, in the process, made the whole thing resemble a puppet show version of Gulliver's shipwreck on Lilliput! In any event, nobody has had news of her since."

"As for me? I am presumed dead, also. More specifically; obliterated (along with the rest of the Physics Building) by the sole of one of Ms. Sloan's feet. So, absolutely nobody knows I'm still alive! Nobody, that is, except my benefactresses; the LSU Golden Girls."

"I tried to plead with them, to turn me into the commanding officer of the Texas Air National Guard (the one who oversaw the unique airlift). So, he could turn me over to somebody with the proper scientific qualifcations for possibly restoring me. But, they wouldn't hear of it!"

"Claire-Ysabel personally told me that they had talked it over. They had decided that they couldn't stand the thought of me being poked and prodded, like a lab rat, for the rest of my life. Plus, being only three inches tall, there was certainly no way I could fend for myself. So, they had resolved to adopt me as their ward!"

"When I tried to talk her out of it, by pointing out what a burden looking after me would be (such as trying to find doll clothes small enough to fit me), she said they would improvise something when we all got back to Baton Rouge. In the meantime, I should just learn to tolerate being naked. They certainly didn't mind!"

"Of course, when I temperamentally told her that I certainly minded, Claire-Ysabel told me I had a cute little body and I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Whereupon, she spirit-glued my arms to my sides (so I couldn't hide my now seemingly incessant erections), in front of all the other girls! Much to their giggling delight!!"

"I spent the next three full days enduring so-called games like 'Rub The Tiny Magic Lamp.' "

"To their credit, though, the girls kept their word. They did improvise something for me. A series of white handkerchiefs, that I can wear around my waist, sort of like a cross between a Greek toga and a Scottish kilt. If you can imagine a kilt with all the plaid bleached out of it!"

"Anyway, tonight is Halloween. And, the girls have promised me a special treat. Ostensibly, to make up for that nasty glue trick...which deprived me of some valuable epidermis when I finally managed to pull my arms free."

Little Hank hit the "off" button when he heard the door to Claire-Ysabel's room open up.

"Hi ya, Hankenstein. You ready for your surprise?"

"Lay it on me, mon cherie," he smilingly replied.


Much to his mixed emotions, Claire-Ysabel and the rest of the Golden Girls went to the campus Halloween party as Washington Redskins' Cheerleaders. While Little Hank was forced to pretend he was the world's smallest Dallas Cowboys bobble-head doll.

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