Have you ever been to the mall with a woman? For those who have, you know there are rules that one must follow. Rule number one: you are, and will forever be the holder of all purchases made by you, and the woman you are with. Think of it as a show of strength. The woman needs to see that you are more than capable of handling not only the weight of the world, but also her dresses, shoes, jeans, and whatever else she may have bought that day. Rule number two: only positive feedback is acceptable to the aforementioned woman when she queries your input. If there is something wrong with the product or material she is presenting, you must dance around the situation with the balance and grace of a tightrope walker, without raising any alarms. “No honey that dress doesn't make you look fat, but you look a little hesitant. I saw this dress over there that I think you would look stunning in. Why don't we give that one shot?” Rule number three, and maybe the most difficult for us guys to understand: you are going to be there for a long time. There is no way around this. The more you fight it the longer you will be there. However, there are things you can do to keep yourself entertained and keep the woman happy as you walk across the thin ice that is shopping with a lady. My favorite thing to do is to browse the store with her. Keep a mental checklist of the things you see. Picture your girl in them, and save the hottest ones for when that ever-so-tricky rule number two pops up. Not only will this kill time, but this will also give the impression that you care and are involved with something that she loves to do. If you're lucky, this can lead to an awesome event I like to call the private fashion show. This is where the woman takes the sexiest clothes that you have personally picked out and displays them for you, and only you, to witness and enjoy. This took me years upon years and countless slaps in the face to perfect, and it all became worth it the day I took Ali to the mall.

When we arrived at the mall, the first thing I noticed were all the heads swiveling towards Ali's direction. Heads will turn when an average-size beauty walks by. Add the fact that she was taller then most men and you really have something to look at. It didn't take a detective to realize that Ali was getting uncomfortable with all the stares.

“Hey,” I whispered. “Don't give them a second thought. It's not like you can blame them. I'd be starin' too if someone as beautiful as you walked by.” She gave an uneasy smile. “Come on, where do you wanna go first?” I asked her. She gestured down at her feet. God they were gorgeous.

“These shoes are already starting to bug me. No way I'm gonna be able to walk around this mall all day with them on.”

I nodded “Shoe store it is then.”

We approached a store called U 'n a Shoe where signs in the front window proudly declared 50% off all purchases from now until the 24th. We entered, and a overly perky sales lady greeted us.

“Hello! And welcome to U 'n a Shoe. How may I- Oh my...”

The sales lady's gaze reached Ali and cut short her rehearsed greeting. She looked Ali up and down starting with the top of her head and ending at her now super-sized feet. I could tell she wasn't trying to be rude but she clearly couldn't help but to gawk at Ali.

“My cousin here is from out of town,” I started. “She had to get here in a hurry and in her haste forgot to pack any shoes.” It was a farfetched lie but the only one I could come up with on the spot. “As you can see, my shoes just ain't doin' the trick so we was hopin' you might have somethin' in her size.”

She looked up at me from staring at Ali's feet and blinked. Then she smiled. “Yes, of course!” She grabbed Ali by the hand and walked her toward a vacant seat. It was like watching a child guide her mother to show her something important. “Why don't you have a seat here and we'll give y'alls foot a quick measure.” She pulled out one of those foot measuring devises from underneath the chair, one of the ones that kind of looks like a vice clamp for your foot. According the the device, Ali's foot was a size 13. A mens size 13. No wonder Ali's toes hung over the edge of my sandal. I was only a size 10. Ali took this news surprisingly well. She didn't freak out or cry, but simply asked, “Do you have anything for me in that size?”

The sales lady thought for a second, brow furrowed, then she smiled and said, “I think I have something that just might work. Stay here dear, I'll be right back.” She got up and disappeared behind the curtain that lead to a back room. Ali looked at me, her face showing signs of discouragement.

“Don't worry little lady, it'll all work out.” I said.

She frowned. “Unless she's got a pair of clown shoes back there, I think I'm outta luck.”

The lady returned with a shoe box in hand and as far as I could tell, they didn't contain clown shoes. She knelt down in front of Ali, opened the box, and pulled out a pair of Birkenstock sandals similar to the ones I let Ali borrow.

“Now these are made for men but they are comfortable and in your size.” Ali slid them on and gave her toes a little wiggle.

“How do they feel?” the saleswoman asked.

“Better than what I have now.” Ali shrugged and walked too and fro, sandals slapping against her heel as she did. Then she stopped in front of me, one foot off to the side perpendicular to the other, allowing me to gaze at her high arch. The shoes may have been made for a man but Ali's feet, with their elegant slopes and freshly painted nails, made them seem almost feminine. I found myself lost again staring at them. Wanting to touch them, rub them.

“Jack!” She yelled snapping me out of it.

“Yeah?”

“I asked what do you think?”

I gave her a big thumbs up. She looked down at me quizzically, as if she were trying to put something together. Maybe whether or not I was lying. Finally she turned to the store clerk and said, “I'll take them.”

“Wonderful!” the saleswoman said. “Just come over to the register and I'll ring you up. I assume you'll be wearin' them out?” Ali nodded. We paid for the shoes with the cash Chet had given me. When the receipt printed the clerk swiped it up and started scribbling down something on the back. “I'm gonna give you our store's website. We may not sell them here but our online store has a wider selection for girls that have larger feet than most.” Ali took the receipt and beamed at her.

“Thank you, mam.”

“It was my pleasure. Have a nice day!”

Next we hit a few clothing stores, the typical girly stops. Old Navy, H&M, etc. All the while I employed my rules keeping myself occupied while still contributing here and there, adding my opinion where need be. The funny thing was, I actually found myself enjoying my time at the mall. Ali had not let the fact that she had just shot up over 6' tall dampen her spirit. We stuck to sundresses, skirts, things like that for fear that most stores would not be able to accommodate Ali's new found, mile long legs. When it came to shirts and tops it was much easier. Most stores had things in her size so all we had to do was stay away from long sleeves, and being summertime that wasn't an issue. Ali had gotten herself 5-6 outfits and we still had about $200 to spare. You gotta love summer sales. We had just exited a Forever 21, my arms not quite yet filled to capacity, and I was about to ask where to next, when I heard what I thought to be a bear letting out a low, angry growl from behind me. I turned around to see Ali with a hand over her stomach and a hint of embarrassment on her cheeks.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I haven't eaten anything since the hospital.”

I smiled. “No problem, I could use a bite myself. I think we passed a food court a while back. Shall we?” I moved all the bags to one arm and offered her the other as if escorting her to a ball. She smiled and laced her arm in mine as we made our way back through the mall.

Ali and I entered the food court and immediately started scouting for a place to eat. My eyes glanced over the multitude of different fast food signs all lit up in neon. The food court had the usual mall cuisine; you had your McDonald’s, Subway, Taco Bell, and a few Chinese, Greek and Pizza places scattered throughout for flavor. I went for Subway, seeing as how it was the healthier of the choices. Ali must have been thinking the same thing because she followed suite. We both ordered foot-longs of our favorite sandwiches and we found a little two-person table to sit down and eat. I unrolled my sub from it's wrapper and took a huge bite. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and the food, although not from a five star restaurant, tasted like heaven stuffed in a roll. I took another bite and looked over at Ali. To my surprise she was already finished with the first half of her sub and was reaching for the other half.

“Damn girl, slow down! You're gonna choke if you ain't careful,” I chuckled.

“Sorry,” Ali said through a mouthful of food. She swallowed, covering her mouth as she did. “I feel like I haven't eaten in days.” She took another couple of bites of her sub, nearly finishing it.

“Dang, I outta enter you in one of those eating contests. I bet you can take that little Asian hotdog champ no problem.” Ali finished her sub in another couple of bites and a look of satisfaction, followed by embarrassment, fell across her face.

“Don't worry about it doll, I expect you to be a little hungry. You're a growing girl after all,” I said jokingly. Ali looked at me, embarrassment fading into a warm smile and stared at me for a pregnant moment.

“You know I'm curious about something,” she said breaking the silence. “How is it that you don't have a girlfriend? I mean, you're such a sweet guy, Jack, and as far as I can tell you're a hard worker, devoted, trustworthy, and you don't look like you have any diseases so what is it?”

“I kick puppies,” I replied nonchalantly. Ali smiled and gave me a lite kick under the table. An image of her immaculate feet flashed in my mind.

“I'm serious,” she giggled. “You've been working for my daddy for what now, six months? And in all that time I haven't heard word one about any girls or dates... oohhh. She gasped as if she just solved the riddle of the Sphinx.

“What?”

She brought her voice down to a whisper. “Gay?”

“NO!” I shouted loud enough to turn a few heads.

“Are you sure, because some of the outfits you helped picked out are rather stylish for a straight-

“I'M NOT GAY!” I interrupted.

“OK, OK! Then what is it?” she asked.

I sighed. “I just travel around a lot is all,” I explained. “I'm from Texas originally. I had a girlfriend there and it was a really... shall we say... unhealthy relationship. It wasn't really either one of our faults, just conflicting personalities, but she was my first love and I fought tooth and nail to keep us together. Hell I almost married her. One day the fights and disagreements got to be too much and I ended it. It was tough but eventually I got past it and I swore I was never going to trap myself like that again. I started traveling doing odd jobs here and there, picking up trades as I went. I tried dating as well. I've had girlfriends in Colorado, New Mexico, California, but never anything serious. I guess I'm just afraid of being tied down like I was in Texas. When I got here I decided to swear off women for awhile. As selfish as it sounds, I wanted to focus on me for a bit, figure out exactly what I wanted before I went out and got myself into another meaningless relationship.”

“I see,” Ali sighed. “Sounds lonely.”

“It can be,” I confirmed. “But hey, enough about me. I've been wonderin' myself why you're still single. I mean, a gorgeous, smart, quick-witted woman like yourself. I'm surprised guys ain't linin' up outside your house.”

“I've dated plenty of guys in this town and believe me, they're only after one thing. They want a girl that will be happy bein' barefoot and pregnant', cookin' supper and waitin' on them hand and foot for the rest of her life. That just ain't me. Trust me, as soon as I'm done school I'll be takin' a page from you're book. I want to travel, see the world, or hell even just outside this state. I know it sounds cliché, but it's always been a dream of mine to be a big star some day. Be famous, have people look up to me, you know? Daddy doesn't know it but I changed my major last year to Dramatic Arts. I'm actually pretty good at it, or so my professor says.”

“I believe it,” I said “Hell, a girl as pretty as you, I'd pay twice to see.”

Ali chuffed. “Yeah I can see it now. Come see the incredible growin' girl, get your tickets fast before she out grows the tent! I mean, I walked passed a guy and he turned his head so quick, swear I thought his neck was gonna snap.”

“You were turnin' heads long before you started growin' little lady believe you, me.”

Ali glowed and her smile was infectious. I took the last couple of bites of my sub and wiped my face with a napkin. Out of nowhere I felt a slow tickling sensation on the inside of my calf. I looked down and saw that Ali's foot had found it's way over to me and was gently rubbing me up and down. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I looked up at Ali. Her eyes met mine and we were once again locked in a private moment, where everyone around us seemed to disappear and time stopped, as if to gaze at us, before it continued it's everlasting flow.

“You have been so sweet through all this Jack,” Ali said ,still caressing my calf with the tips of her toes. She took my hands in hers. “Not only did you save my life, but you clothed me, consoled me, took me shopping, all without a thought towards yourself. “There has to be something I can do for you.” Ali beamed at me. We shared a brief silence, broken when Ali shuddered, courtesy of the mall industrial air conditioner. She glanced down at her chest and noticed her nipples had become erect. The tight T-shirt I had supplied her not leaving much to the imagination. She looked up and a mischievous grin crept across her face. “You've been so helpful today, but there's one more place I need to stop.” We got up leaving our trash at the table and Ali lead me to the Holy Grail of womens stores. I held my breath as we crossed the threshold of Victoria's Secret.

I needed to play it cool. In my mind I was jumping up and down like a kid at Christmas and it was all I could do not to mirror this on the outside. Ali turned to me, releasing my hand, and bent down until her lips nearly touched my ear.

“Why don't you have a look around. I'm gonna go get my measurements taken.”

I took my time, looking around casually, picking up the occasional bra or panties and imagining Ali's curves filling them out. I made notes in my head of different styles and cuts. I was holding up a lime green pair of boy cut panties when I heard Ali's voice whisper in my ear again.

“Find anything you like?”

“A few things,” I said hiding my enthusiasm beneath a casual tone.

A few minutes later and I found that I had lost Ali. I scouted the isles and various sections of the store until it finally dawned on me. I made my way towards the fitting room and sure enough, the only room occupied held a redheaded beauty, a head taller then it's door.

“Jack!” she gasped noticing me. “You're just in time. Come here, I have something for you.”

I approached the door to her dressing room, my palms becoming damp with perspiration. I knew what was coming. I only hoped I would handle it like the adult that I was and not the teenage boy that was causing my heart to pound like a tribal drum. I reached the door and Ali swung it open. There she stood, one foot pivoted on her toes, hands placed gently on her hips. She wore the lime green panties I had spotted earlier and had completed the outfit with a matching push up bra. The lime green was a perfect contrast to her fiery hair. The light in the dressing room illuminated her pale skin and accentuated the the strong lines of her muscles, even though she was not flexing. If the models in the posters that surrounded us could speak, they would have spit venomous words of jealousy her way. She stepped closer to me and once again, on their own my hands strategically placed themselves in front of my manhood. She leaned forward and gently kissed me on my cheek.

“Thank you, Jack. For everything.” She rose to her full height, gently tore the tags off the items she wore and handed them to me. “Take these to the register.” Then she turned around and bent over to pick up the rest of her choices. I took full advantage of the view, the bottom of her panties only coming half way down her cheeks. I walked out of that dressing room so hot and bothered I swore I was going set fire to the racks of clothing that I brushed passed. I paid for the purchase with the remaining cash and was left with 25 cents. Money well spent if you ask me, and with that, we left the mall, visions of Ali's goddess-like body dancing in my head.