#4 - Jade & Theo

“You’re putting too much glue on it,” Jade said.

“Ah, I am?” Theo said, watching the thick layer of hot glue cool on the wooden pieces, too late to do anything about it. “I guess this one will be mine then.”

“White translucent stuff pouring out of all corners of your bed, a fitting personal touch,” Oscar joked.

Theo’s cheeks flushed. He didn’t jab back, or even tell his tiny friend to shut up. He took the teasing like he always did; in huddled embarrassment, as he quietly focused on attaching the other side of the miniature bed, going a bit easier on the ‘white stuff’.

It had been two days since Oscar was the first to shrink. He had regained a lot of his old tough-guy facade since the night Robin walked in, carrying a shell-shocked, quivering little jock in her hand. It had been a confronting image to all of them; the biggest and strongest of them, in the palm of Robin’s hand, shaking like a mouse.

Despite being the designated caretaker, she hadn’t touched him ever since. The minute she got home, she set him down in front of the rest of the group, and pretty much ignored and avoided him, leaving it up to Jade and Theo to carry him around and keep him fed, as Elias wasn’t contributing much.

While Robin was at work, the three of them were at the kitchen table, putting together tiny beds Jade had purchased on another trip outdoors. Elias was where he’d been the entire week, on the couch with his phone in hand. A bottle of white wine stood near him on the table, emptied past the halfway mark, even though it was only two o’clock in the afternoon.

Theo couldn’t help but find the contradiction between who Oscar was, and his current size sort of adorable. Earlier that day, Jade had been trying to feed him a piece of her strawberry, which she held out in a pinch, prompting an argument between the two, as Oscar insisted she should drop it, not wanting the humiliation of having to nibble at her fingers like a hamster.

He had to relent eventually, but when Theo tried to pull the same thing, Oscar started an entire debate on how that felt a little gay.

“Well, maybe not capital ‘G’ gay,” Oscar said. “You’ve always been a bit of a femboy, which is the only reason I’m even allowing you to touch me with those baby skin hands of yours.”

There it was, the thing he’d been teased for the most by just about everyone in the group, the fact that he was this short guy, with a squishy face, who’d get embarrassed and awkward as easily around men as he did around women, causing most who knew him to project the idea that he was a closeted bisexual disaster.

Not that he minded, he’d never refute the gay femboy allegations, but he’d never affirm them either. To him, it was still a sensitive spot, as he wasn’t quite sure where he landed. The type of mindset he had been pulled out of had never allowed him to sit and consider. He knew he liked girls, but guys had their appeal too, along with the domineering male characteristics, which he had always looked for in the gender least likely to hold them.

Robin wasn’t the only one with a secret past. Unbeknownst to his friends, Theo hadn’t always been the timid and awkward soft boy they loved him as.

There were memories, things from his early childhood he had shoved into the deepest, darkest corner of his mind. Memories of the first house he could remember living in, the neighbors, and their daughter, Nora, who was ten years older than him, and would often be invited to babysit him.

Horrid memories of her, along with those of his terrible relationship with his mother, who was unkind, unfair, and favored outdated forms of corporal punishment, all of it coalesced into a warped perspective of what women were like, one that, as he aged, would clash with the real world he’d inhabit.

All throughout his youth and high-school years, he’d carry that twisted demonic view of the opposite sex, a projection that at once excited him, and put him at odds with women socially. To him, feminism wasn’t a movement aiming for equality, but a way for these bloodthirsty sadists to claim more power, over him, and other men like him, whose crimes were, at worst, fawning over the beauty of these would-be abusers a bit too much.

God had made men stronger than women, to keep them in check, and in a world where physical strength didn’t matter, men would be dragged around by these beings of superior social capital like dogs. It was a disgusting prospect during the day, and a fun fantasy at night.

Theo would move on to college, quickly finding comradery with other men who’d share some variation of his distrust, nay, disdain for women. His time with these men would be short-lived however, as a few weeks into college life, he and the posse that dragged him along would find themselves at a certain pub, meeting a certain group of people.

It was one of the most vocal members of his group, one who had more than just misogyny on his lips, who drew the ire of Robin and Oscar. Theo had pretty much gone unnoticed like a fly on the wall, until he decided to try and intervene and break up a fight. For which he took Robin’s unintended elbow straight to the nose, sending him to the floor.

The masculine woman had noticed, turned to him, looking like someone who had accidentally stepped on a dog’s paw, “Shit, are you ok buddy? You shouldn’t have bothered. I had it. Let me buy you a drink.”

Perhaps it was that innocent, cute appearance he was now defined by, but Robin mistook his entrée into the fight as some sort of knightly act towards her, not knowing the side he’d been on. His so-called friends had already run out on him, and he didn’t refute her assumption.

As she stood over him, the spiritual archetype of Nora, his construct of women’s true nature, but with the kindness and remorse that his abuser never had, he did what he would always do from that day on, and acted like the puppy he was perceived to be.

As he joined their table, he’d mostly get talked at, answering in short squeaking words, having his shoulder shaken by Oscar, complimented for being brave and stupid, while being doted on like a little brother by Elena and Jade.

And as he befriended them, kept hanging out, he kept attuning to people who saw the world a lot differently. He started to understand progressive movements like feminism as something other than attacks on him, slowly growing able to express himself in ways no social group before them ever allowed him to. He was allowed to be soft, to be imperfect and damaged, and if one day he came to that conclusion, a little bisexual.

It didn’t take a knock to the head for him to change, it took a hand reaching out, and offering a drink. He had the benefit of a blank slate, as a worldview not written on your forehead can be rewritten. He had the benefit of having found people who could tell him the stories that made him understand experiences outside his periphery. He had the benefit of friends.

Theo finished his little bed and put it down on the table, before unwrapping the custom mattress-shaped pillow that came with the build-set from its plastic. He remembered the funny remark Jade made that morning, in response to Oscar’s straight bro-logic.

“If it’s gay to interact with a giant of the same gender, then I guess I’m about to be little gay too. Then again, it’s a little gay for anyone to be into Robin, even for straight dudes.”

Jade’s life experience had been a common example of one that a younger Theo had been blind to. She’d grown up in a traditional-minded family, which she spent her entire life rebelling against. The expectations for her were to find a good husband who could make the big bucks.

All the college money her parents saved would go to her older brother, who’d end up squandering his opportunity, while Jade had to take out a massive loan to get hers, a debt that would be forgiven upon her size change. One of only a few benefits to being a glow victim.

Her parents weren’t that eager on her even attending college in the first place, feeling like that environment would only corrupt her further. How right they were. Jade delighted in the idea that with every decision she made, every little thing she’d achieve, she’d be sticking it to those backwards old prudes.

Now that all her chances of becoming the strong independent woman that the neo-liberal corporate world marketed feminism as would soon be shrunk into nothing, the only positive was that her parents wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing a man take care of her.

While she wasn’t completely against the idea, the list of men she felt she would be able to trust at that size was small, if there even was a list. Perhaps the only safe choice would be Theo, who seemed like the most harmless guy she ever met, not knowing what crucible of brain-rot his aura of safety had developed out of.

But safe or not, it was the principle of it that mattered most to her, the principle of affirming a classic power dynamic by gigantic proportions. She couldn’t submit, be dependent on a man. The idea that it would be Robin, the type of woman whose mere presence would give her parents an aneurysm, that gave her at least a little peace of mind about the whole thing. She didn’t mind a little size-based political lesbianism.

Throughout her stay at the apartment, she couldn’t help but think about something Robin had said months before, something that had activated a few neurons she didn’t think she had.

The usual gang had been sitting outside a coffee place, when Elena had noticed Jade was carrying around the book she’d recommended. As they were discussing it, Oscar jokingly interrupted with the assumption, by the cover alone, that it must’ve been one of those gushy girly romance novels. While shooting each other the widest grins they could manage, Jade and Elena challenged him to read a specific page they picked out.

Oscar, with an over-the-top playful reading voice, bellowed out the words on the page, his voice slowly getting quieter as he went on, until he eventually sat there, scanning the lines in complete silence, with an expression they’d pay money to see.

“W-What,” Oscar said. “Why- Is this really the shit you are into? This is worse than Simon.”

Simon ecstatically replied, “See, what have I been telling you? Women are freaks when it comes to this stuff. All that feminism, and then they write shit like that!”

“I mean, I think it’s important to distinguish fantasy from how you think society should work,” Theo said. “Just because you think something is hot, doesn’t mean it’s good enforced policy.”

“Sure,” Simon said, “but it proves that women by their very nature prefer to take a submissive role, and want a big, strong, scary beast to scare, hurt and protect them, in rougher ways than they’d like to admit anywhere but on a page. It’s like their only kink.”

“Yeah, that’s another thing,” Elias said, taking the book from Oscar’s hands and inspecting it like a mysterious relic. “Why is that the only kink women seem to have?”

“Privilege,” Elena said, drawing the attention from the entire table. “Men have the privilege of exploring new ways to approach how they view women from complete neutrality. When something is an empty vessel desired due to its physical qualities, you can fixate on the specificities of every inch, find which parts you like best. You can imagine it with every personality and make it do any dance you want it to, and see what excites.”

“Women don’t have that privilege,” Elena explained, as her eyes turned to Theo, who couldn’t be more attentive. “They don’t get to explore men from a neutral position. Men aren’t bodies for them to project new fantasies onto. Men already have a well-defined role in the minds of women. From a young age girls learn that men are strong, scary and dangerous. Anything horrible that they imagine could happen to them in this world will most likely be perpetrated by a man. Ask any of us and we’ll tell you a story.”

“On top of that, the dominance of men is socially enforced,” she said now turning to Simon. “Imagine growing up from childhood in a world where you are an object of desire to a bunch of barbarians, most of whom are too dense to even see the survival horror going on just a body away, wouldn’t you develop some brainworms? Would that really be nature? Or is that nurture?”

“The cruelest thing the patriarchy pulls is that the society it creates trains women to have a kink that affirms its own existence.”

“Damn,” Oscar said, as most of the table remained quiet. “Makes the whole thing seem kinda hopeless, doesn’t it? How do you fight the patriarchy when it’s nestled in your brain?”

While she would usually be completely silent during discussions like this, Robin chimed in before Elena could respond with another rant, “Well, maybe there is an alternative way to handle that brainwashing.”

Robin leaned back in her chair, stretching her shoulders to emphasize the collarbones, sticking out of her loose, oversized men’s tank top, which laid bare her soft yet muscular lean arms, as she continued to explain, with a turned-up jawline, and a confident, knowing smile.

“Think of it this way,” she said, “What if, after all those experiences, after all the mind-fuckery this patriarchal society has done to you; what if, after they put all this work they put in to turning you into their perfectly trained pet; wouldn’t it be hot if another woman simply snatched you away instead, stole all that submission meant for a man, and simply kept you herself.” 

Jade felt Robin’s words wrap around her lungs and cut off the air. The bisexual girl’s dark eyes peered into her skull, with that smug smile across her thin lips. The suggestion, and the way her friend had phrased it, triggered something, planted a seed. And from the look on Robin’s face, it was clear she knew what she was doing.

Jade had not been the only one left with something to ponder that day. As he sat in silence, listening to that conversation, Theo tried to move around the pieces, swap the genders. With his crossed wires, his brain had been trained the same way they said women were, just not towards men. He wondered if that meant the comfort of a guy would be his version of the subversion Robin suggested.

Theo looked over the miniature bed he’d finished, lowering his index finger into the mattress and squeezing it, while he imagined how soft it would be once he’d shrunk to the size to use it. At this point anything would be better than the floor he’d been sleeping on so far.

He felt a sudden burning sensation on his lower back, his mark. He pulled back, and straightened his posture on the chair, “Jade, I think-”

His vision blocked by a sea of purple, Theo shrank to a size of two inches. When his sight returned, he was looking up at the bottom of the kitchen table.

His head swiveled, taking in his surroundings until his eyes looked upon the giant legs and butt of the woman who sat beside him. Was that Jade? Did he even dare to look up and check?

Jade had heard Theo call for her attention before it happened. She was looking down at another one of her friends, reduced to a miniature of himself. The way he sat there, just a little guy too small for his seat, as if he wasn’t cute enough already. Theo sat frozen, tiny legs outstretched, confused, it would almost have been funny if she didn’t understand how scary it must have been.

“It’s ok, I got you,” Jade said.

She lowered the back of her hand onto the seat, as a platform for him to climb on. She’d gotten used to it by now, after having to carry around Oscar.

However, she hadn’t expected the reaction she would get from Theo.

Theo froze as he saw the weird, pale-skinned, alien elevator platform offered to him. He squeaked, and scrambled back across the faux-leather surface of the chair’s seat. When he finally raised his head to look up, he didn’t see the face of a friend, but that of a giant woman. The itch he’d buried in the back of his mind, shot through the rest of his brain with full force, something raw and animalistic.

“No, leave me alone!” he shouted.

“Wow, chill, it’s okay.”

“Don’t touch me!”

Jade hadn’t expected this bad of a reaction, was it really that scary for someone his size? Was she really that horrifying to him right now? She couldn’t take the sight of his distress, and her impulses told her to comfort him in the only way she knew how, by reaching out to hold him.

Theo watched as the platform she had offered lifted and flipped upside down, the fingers spreading, and the massive palm turning toward him. He crawled away on his back, his breath catching, his heart pounding.

The hand he had told off was reaching for him anyway. He wasn’t big enough to stop it. He was small again. It wouldn’t stop just because he wanted it to, it would do what it wanted; what she wanted. He broke down in tears, at the thought of it all happening again.

Giant fingers embraced him, wrapping around his powerless form, before lowering him into another eager hand like a small object. It was warm, it was soft, yet it was of no comfort to him. It was invasive, all-consuming, an unwanted hand not just touching a part of him, but touching all of him at once.

Oscar could see Jade’s hand as she slowly raised it from below the table. Having heard the commotion, he was ready to have some fun at the expense of a wimp who was taking his first minutes of being small a lot worse than he did. Any comment he was ready to make got inhaled again, at the soul-wrenching sight of his friend’s contorted face, drowning in tears.

“Theo, it’s ok,” Jade said. “You’ll be ok, you’re safe.”

“I’m sorry,” Theo sobbed. “I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Jade said. “It’s ok.”

She lowered her finger toward the palm, with the intent of brushing his head or back, hoping to calm her friend down. Theo rolled onto his back, frantically kicking up his legs, as he futilely tried to slap the monolithic finger away with his hands, but it was too big, his hands barely squished into a thick layer of skin. He cried, trapped upon this surface of a woman’s hand, this enormous instrument of hurt and confusing sensations.

Jade pulled back her finger, realizing it was only making things worse, “Theo, look at me. I’m not gonna hurt you. Nothing is going to happen to you.”

Theo obeyed the command and looked at her, the distraught pale face of a familiar alt-girl looming over him, her steel-blue eyes, her black hair hanging down along her cheek. It was Jade, a woman he knew, a woman he understood, a woman he trusted. These weren’t Nora’s hands, these were her hands, these were safe hands.

He kept repeating himself as the sobbing seemed to die down a little, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Jade, I’m sorry.”

It was hours later when Robin came home from work, only seeing Elias on the couch and no one else. He had polished off his wine bottle, and was emptily watching slop content on the television.

“Where is everyone?”

“Table,” he said, pointing with a loose arm at the small living room table in front of him, where a shrunken Oscar was trying to cheer up a much calmer Theo with some casual banter.

“Room,” Elias said, following up with yet another single word, as his hand folded into a thumb, which he swung over his shoulder, to point at the wall behind the couch.

Robin walked in further, peering into her room, to see Jade sitting on the bed they’d been sharing for the past week. She was huddled up against the backboard, hugging her knees to her chest. Robin walked in quietly, and dropped her bag, causing Jade’s head to jump towards her. Her eyeliner hadn’t been waterproof enough to hide the fact that she’d been crying.

“You ok?”

“He was scared,” Jade said. “Scared of me.”

“Theo?”

“I’ve never seen him like that.”

Robin walked up to the side of the bed, pulled off her sneakers, and swung her legs onto it, shifting closer to Jade to put her arm around her.

“I’m scared I’ll be like that too,” Jade said. “I’m scared of being scared.”

Robin pulled her in closer, letting her friend rest her head against her chest. She didn’t have the words to comfort her, only an ear to listen, her presence and her warmth.

Jade grabbed onto the woman’s plaid shirt, squeezing it inside her fist, “I’ve always felt safe with you guys, with you. I know it will be scary at first, but what if that never goes away? What if I’ll never feel completely safe again.”

Those words caused Robin’s body to turn a little more rigid, as they laid out an impossible task. Not crossing the line wasn’t enough, she had to care for her friends with unfaltering guise of safety.

As Jade lay in Robin’s arms, she felt it, the mark on her shoulder burning.

With a deep sigh and calm tone, she said, “My turn.”

A canvas of purple covered her eyes, and when her sight returned, she was lying upon the soft surface of a mattress, looking like a desert at nighttime. A mountainside view of the blanket lay in front of her, with various entrances to its caves beneath it. Beside her, sat the giant this desert belonged to, a god in familiar clothes. Looking up, she could see those dark eyes look down at her, with an unsettling stillness, until her massive lips finally moved.

“So, is it…”

“Yes,” Jade said, clenching her fists to put on a brave face. “But not as bad as I expected.”

Robin gave her a sorry smile, and slowly, carefully reached out her hand like an elevator, the very gesture that had sent Theo into a frenzy. “Let’s go back to the others.”

Jade could see the intimidating size of it, but she walked towards it with only a pit in her stomach. She pushed herself onto the pillow-like surface of warm human leather, and crawled towards the center, where she curled up, and looked to the face above, that of the person she had chosen for this.

“Steal me away,” she said.

Robin frowned in confusion, “What’s that?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing. Never mind,” Jade said, a bit disheartened that Robin didn’t recall the conversation, which had burrowed itself so deeply within her mind.