I know that my existence is nothing but a half of an atom to your universe, and that you may never know of my firey passion for thee. There is no such lady with skin more fair than thine, or with anatomy comparable. You are the pinnacle of species in mine eyes. One could not request a gift better than knowing of thee on their mortal anniversary.

I knew of thee when you first trod upon the concrete, striking terror most unforgivable into the hearts of the common man. Had they any amount of respect, they would have lauded thee with the highest of ecstasies, as I wish I could. But I cannot even hope for my efforts to sate your infinite lusts. For you are an indestructable Goddess, even to the lower folk. What am I to thee? If they are naught but ants, what whould an ant's ant be? A mite? No, a mite's mite.

Forever burnt into the folds of my cortex are the images of thine haunch. When it began to shake with power that gods would envy, I felt the deepest longing across my entire self. When it spared the lady of the television, I saw your unending benevolence. Ah, but said benevolence will never reach a mite's mite, for it is doomed to only gaze but to never meet. The closest I may reach to thee would be an ending most tragic that even thee may shed a tear if thou knew of it.

Even among the ants, I am still in the threat of obliteration. Heidi, my dearest friend, and of the exclusive three that know of my existenve, is a great threat to my mortality. Her bosom is massive, even to my betters. But to mineself, they are vast fields of living flesh. I only survive around her because of her improved hearing; she is a work of sciences, with the body of a woman and the horns, pinna and tail of a bovine. She is an idiot, but an honorable one.

Among the threats is my dearest mother, who is completely human, unlike dear Hiedi. She needs a device to be able to even register my voice. But still, she is kind and loving, despite her use of the common language. Her cooking is considered the best of the city, and she was preparing me the finest cake around when that lady wound up in thine saintly stomach. But, in danger of her offense, no cake made by anyone would replicate the joy of seeing thee.

Which brings me to my current matter. I would be honored if you were to allow me in your Olympian residence. If thou hast accepted my lowly presence to thy home, I would kindly advise keeping hard watch upon thine toes. And, if you'd be O.K. with it, I'd talk normally like this. But speaking in this flourent tongue is habitual when thou hast my mind as a miniscule throne.

Awaiting Thy Grace,

"Is this good, Heidi?" I asked, holding up the letter that took hours to write.

She leaned in, squinting her eyes to focus on the delicately written text. "Mmmoooo," she said, "I dun get it."

"No," I said, placing the massive sheet down to give my arms a rest, "I just want to know if you can read it."

"Yeah," she said as her head bobbed up and down, "I can." Her nodding upset the jiggly flesh of her breasts, knocking me from my balance. "Whoops!" she exclaimed, holding me up with her index finger, "Sorry 'bout 'dat."

"No problem," I said as she lowered me down. After landing on the bed, I peered up at her face. I never get over the dizzy feeling I get when looking up at someone, especially if they are an intimidating individual like Heidi. If I can't even keep my guts in line around my best friend, how can I even show my face around Beth?