Now Jake had headed off into the bathroom under Courtney’s order to clean scum off the surfaces. Meanwhile, she was rustling around in the cupboard. In living room, the TV was still running through a saved music playlist, and the tunes lulled you and Will into a sense of calm. Then a loud sound crashed over the top of the music.

You both went stiff in alarm. The sound was like a passing train, and obliterated all other sounds. It was a vacuum cleaner motor. Courtney was vacuuming down the hallway outside the living room. With a jolt of panic, you realized the sound was gradually getting louder.

You went running over the floor. As usual, Will was a little faster than you. He was heading for a reclining chair, and you unthinkingly followed him. The two of you reached the chair as the vacuum noise encroached into the living room. Will ran straight under the recliner footrest, which was lifted, and so did you. There was a metal frame that ran around in a square, supporting the reclining mechanism. The two of you pressed yourself in against a length of this mechanism and watched in wonder as a gigantic vacuum cleaner came in and swept around. It glided around searchingly, as if it could sense you. You could only watch as a vacuum nozzle bigger than you nosed around the floor, back and forth, pausing to swallow every small object it came into contact with. Objects whizzed so fast up the nozzle they practically vanished, and any of them could have been you. The sound was everywhere, like a surging storm. The size of a pair of walnuts, and feather light, the two of you were adequately sized to pass into the nozzle and whiz straight into the vacuum bag like a monster’s belly. Courtney had no idea she was leading this monster around to eat you up.

At some point, Courtney began getting down and sending the nozzle in under the chairs to strip up all the dust and detritus that was trapped underneath. She stopped in front of the recliner and got onto her hands and knees to check beneath.

You were met with the sight of her humungous face peering in under the footrest, exposing the two of you directly for her consideration. Her eyes locked upon you; she seemed to make you out amidst the shadows, but didn’t know what you were. Maybe she thought you were a couple of pieces of discarded litter that had drifted under the chair and gotten caught in the metal framing. Whatever you were, she decided to swallow you up whole with the vacuum. The nozzle came impatiently pushing its way under the sofa.

With no time to escape, and no way to outrun the vacuum, you and Will both wrapped your arms around part of the metal frame and desperately held tight. Next second your view of Courtney’s face was obscured behind a huge metal ring that roared and sucked at you. Dust, lint and crumbs tore away from the ground and disappeared down the nozzle before it aimed right at you. A fierce stream of air grabbed your feet and pulled hard. You yelled in shock as your legs whipped back and were guzzled up into the nozzle. Your hair was rippling; you felt like a piece of paper being flapped about by a fan. No matter what, you ensured you held onto the framing with all your might as the nozzle fiercely tried to wrench at you. As the surge of powerful air grasped and shook you, you felt your torso stretch alarmingly, and your body became thinner.

Unable to detach you, the nozzle reluctantly relinquished its hold on you in order to focus on Will. It tugged at him viciously, but he managed to hang on. Undaunted, the nozzle returned to claw at you, stubbornly trying to separate you from the framing. It even managed to gulp you all the way to your head, but every time it pulled away, you had managed to cling onto the chair and keep from vanishing down the long cylinder.

Unable to suction either of you away, Courtney finally gave up. She assumed the two of you must be fabric strips lining the underside of the chair, and retracted the nozzle. Forgetting about you, she went back to vacuuming the floor.

Breathing so heavily your lungs ached, the two of you let go of the framing and lay back on the floor. You listened as the roaring of the vacuum gradually receded across the house. Courtney was taking a phone call on her phone, through an earpiece. The vacuum was so loud you couldn’t make out what she was saying, but it was clear from her lively tone she was talking to someone she knew, probably a friend.

The vacuuming had exerted so much force on your flexible body, you had been pulled out of shape. The yanking torrent of air had teased your body out into a long, thin tube. You had previously been the thickness of a walnut; now you were ¼ that width, roughly the thickness of a pencil, and half a pencil in length, or 3 ½ inches long. Looking across, you noticed the same had happened to Will.

It was a little weird to have been stretched out, but also a relief that you hadn’t been sucked up. Either way, you needed to get moving again and find a sheltered area to give you time to reform, and then figure out the next move, maybe figure out another plan to get someone’s attention.

The vacuum cleaner noise had now receded further down the hall. You tried to get up, only to wobble on your feet and fall over again. You were too long and skinny to balance upright. Will had gotten to his hands and knees and began to crawl. Taking his lead, you did the same. Crawling was easier than walking upright, but still difficult. Your body was weirdly stiff and difficult to move.

The two of you slowly crawled to the middle of the room. Will seemed to be leading you to the side opposite where Courtney was. When you were both nearly across the room, the vacuum shut off and you heard it get packed away. A moment later, Courtney reappeared. Like opossums the two of you lay down and went completely still as she began to walk through the room. Surprised, you could only watch as her mountainous form strode directly on the path you were lying on. Playing dead was a bad idea, but you realized too late.

Without a downward glance, Courtney marched over the carpet, heading towards the kitchen. She didn’t even notice you lying on the floor. Before you could react, the end of her foot shadowed over your vision and got lower and lower…

Her big toe landed squarely on your face and your entire head was flattened by her stupendous weight, and also curled a little around the underside of her toe, cupping it from beneath. Then her foot lifted, her toe slipped off your head. You were left lying on the ground, and your head was a shallow cup shape. By flattening your head, her toe had effectively stamped your face into frozen position, which meant you couldn’t close your eyes or open your mouth.

The steady thudding of Courtney’s departure trailed away. Mere minutes later, more footsteps boomed in the room, different from Courtney’s. A gigantic pair of socks appeared nearby, and stopped right before you. Jake bent down, briefly looking into your face without comprehension. His humungous forefinger and thumb delicately pinched the skinny pencil-thin tube that was now your neck. His fingertips were so huge your neck practically got lost between them. You hoped he wouldn’t press too hard and accidentally squeeze your neck even thinner. As his firm grip searched about for a comfortable position on your neck, he accidentally closed off your throat, your voice was trapped in your lungs.

Holding you in one hand, he grasped up Will in the other, who was also the same weird shape as you; thin with a flattened, slightly curved head. Courtney must have accidentally stepped on him as well.

“You leave these spoons here?” Jake called out. With a sinking feeling you knew he was talking about you and Will. Courtney’s tread had accidentally deformed the two of you into what looked like a pair of spoons.

When Courtney didn’t answer, Jake said:

“I’m putting them in the wash.”

Taking you both in hand, Jake briskly went into the kitchen and stopped by the sink to yank open the dishwasher.

He placed you down on the retractable cutlery tray with several other knives and forks, and then slid the tray back in. You had one last glimpse of Jake’s legs before the dishwasher interior surrounded you, some plastic rotors directly above. The door shut you inside.

Then you had to wait out the dishwasher cycle. This involved two hours of being sprayed by warm jets of soapy water, which blasted you from below. The spouts of water then rained back down, like a monsoon, rinsing you thoroughly. Roaring like a waterfall, water pounded around and sluiced over you in unending waves. Your body naturally absorbed the water. As you began to fill like a little balloon, you could feel yourself swelling and tensing. You flexed your little body rapidly to keep squeezing the water out so you didn’t burst.

As the deluge carried on, detergent was added into the mix, causing the hose down to get thick and soapy. You were covered in bubbles and foam, before being blasted by more jets of water. Now your body began to absorb the detergent, and some pieces of dishwashing tablet. Once inside you the chemicals reacted with your body, clumping together and turning you rock solid. No amount of squeezing and flexing pushed them out.

Over the course of the dishwashing cycle, more pieces of dishwashing tablet packed into your body and stiffened. Your body had removed all the water and some of the chemicals, and the tablet pieces were left behind, filling up inside your body, all gummed together like rock candy.

Now you were straightened out, stiff like a log and you couldn’t move. You lay in place, motionless, listening to the sound of the dishwasher wind down. As the cycle finally drew to a close, the spray reduced, pattering down from the spinning rotors like rain drops.

It had been some time now, about two hours, since you had been placed into the dishwasher. There were a few beeps, indicating you were finally done. And good timing, since Courtney and Jake would need a couple more tea spoons; they had guests.

A pair of teenage girls sat together at the dining table, murmuring to each other.

“I’m going to make some coffee. You girls want a drink?” said Courtney.

The two girls looked up. They looked like the kind of preoccupied teenagers who talked quietly and excitedly together to block out the world, and thought anything before ten years ago was too old. One of them was a reflexive hair-flipper while the other barely turned her head from her phone.

Hair-flipper flipped her hair and then piped up:

“Do you have any carrot or celery juice?”

“Any other requests?”

“Some carrots and a blender? Vegetable juice makes you younger.”

"Aren't you seventeen?" Courtney lowered an eyebrow. "If you got any younger you’d be a kid again.”

The teens concurred; tea for ‘weight loss’. Courtney went into the kitchen to make a tea, and coffee for herself and get something for Jake, who had just wandered in. He happily took whatever.

“You’re Jake,” Hair-flipper said suddenly, staring at him. The other girl finally lifted her eye a fraction from her phone screen to glance at her friend.

“That’s right,” he said. “How are you?”

“I’m great. Okay I didn’t know you’d be here. Whatever.” She giggled and flipped her hair.

Courtney came back with the drinks.

“Oh, I forgot the spoons,” Courtney said. 

"Guess we don't need them," Jake said. But Courtney insisted.

"No, I've got some cake in the fridge, too - wait, you girls said you're on a diet-?" she smirked at them.

"No," Bratty protested, "my friend was only joking! I want some cake!"

"Yeah, I was only joking, Mrs Rugger," said Chatty. 

"It's Mrs Luxford now," said Courtney.

She offered to get the cake and plates, but Jake offered to get the spoons, since he already knew there were some just finished in the dishwasher.

You vaguely heard him enter the kitchen before the dishwasher door swung away, revealing Jake’s legs again.  He pulled the tray out, giving you a full, bright view of his enormous upper body, and his hand hovered over you a second before noticing you specifically. He caught you around the waist and lifted you into the air. You wanted to say something, tell him it was you, but the pressure on your stomach kept your voice trapped, plus you couldn’t move your mouth. His other hand took another couple of spoons, including Will, which were all bunched together with you.

Back in the dining room, you were placed down on the table and Jake took his seat. He kept one of the spoons for himself, leaving you and Will and a third spoon out. Staring around, you wondered if you’d be picked up. Then you noticed the teens and did a double take.

Placed center of the discussion, you instantly felt hyper-conscious of your size. The girls were disarmingly pretty, not shy, and didn’t look like the kind you could just walk right up to and join. The girl on the right, hair-flipper, was the most confident and talkative (you called her Chatty), and sitting next to her, the girl on the left was smug and interruptive (you called her Bratty). She didn’t talk as much as Chatty, but when she did, she talked fast which came as a surprise. You could do nothing but stare up at everyone, in awe how big everyone was, and how tiny you were. It was weird to be lying on the table, in full view of everyone, yet no one paid you any attention. Anyone could, at any time, pluck your narrow body up off the table and keep you between their fingertips. It was crazy how helpless you were, a basic tool waiting for use.

Meanwhile, the amplified voices resonated vibrantly through your body. Because you were long and thin, you made a great conductor for acoustics, and every utterance ran from head to toe down your body in ticklish waves. There was nothing you could do except patiently wait to reform. Unfortunately all the chemicals your body had absorbed during the dishwashing prevented your body from naturally reforming.  There were other distracting sensations. The air was layered with herbal tea and perfume.  Every time a cup was put down, a tiny shock trembled up your spine.  

Then Chatty and Bratty reached over for the spoons.