In the Marvelous Land of Oz, a boy from Gillikin Country named Woot the Wanderer set out on a long walk through the Land of Oz, in the hope of meeting someone who might one day be his wife. He set off across the country in an easterly direction. Before long, he reached Rolling Lands, which were a succession of hills and valleys where constant climbs and descents were required. That journey now became tedious, because on each climbing hill, he found before him nothing in the valley below it – except grass or weeds or stones.

Up and down he went for hours, with nothing to relieve the monotony of the landscape, until finally, when he had topped a higher hill than usual, he discovered a cup-shaped valley before him, in the centre of which stood an enormous castle, built of purple stone. The castle was high and broad and long, but had no turrets and towers. So far as Woot could see, there was but one small window and one big door on each side of the great building.

“This is strange,” wondered Woot, I had no idea such a big castle existed in this Gillikin Country. I wonder who lives here. Perhaps, if I go nearer, I shall find out whether anybody lives here or not. Looks to me as if nobody lives here.”

On he went, and when he reached the centre of the valley, where the great stone castle stood, it was beginning to grow dark. So he hesitated as to what to do.

“If friendly people happen to live here,” thought Woot, “I shall be glad of a bed; but should enemies occupy the place, I prefer to sleep out here on the ground; and if nobody at all lives here, then I can enter and take possession, and make myself at home.”

While thinking, he went nearer to the great doors, which were many times higher than any he had seen in a house before. Then he discovered, engraved in big letters upon a stone over the doorway, the words: YOOP CASTLE.

Woot decided to slip under the door, and made his way into the castle by those means. He found himself in a fairly dark hallway, and stumbled along a stone passage, not knowing what danger was likely to befall him. Suddenly a soft glow enveloped him. It grew brighter, until he could see his surroundings distinctly. He had reached the end of the passage, and before him was another huge door. He slipped under this one as well, and observed a big chamber, the walls of which were lined with plates of pure gold, highly polished.

This room was also lighted, although he could discover no lamps. In the centre of it was a giant  sized table at which sat an immense woman. She was clad in a silver dress embroidered with pretty floral designs over this splendid raiment. The table at which she sat was spread with a white cloth and had golden dishes upon it. So the Wanderer saw that he had surprised the giantess while she was eating her supper.

She said in a voice that was big and deep but not especially unpleasant:

“Why don’t you come right in, you foolish stranger?”

Being thus urged, Woot approached the table, until he stood where he faced the great giantess, level with her ankles. She continued eating, but smiled in a curious way as she looked at him, which didn’t please Woot at all.

Bruno, one of Charles Dodgson’s two goblin friends, was exploring in the field one day, when he was found by a beautiful housewife, who was enjoying a picnic.

“My name is Pottiffera. It’s nice to meet you,” she said, “I get a little lonely while my husband’s at work. Maybe you could do something about that?”

“Are you referring to something romantic?” asked Bruno.

“Of course I am. Whatever did you think?” asked the woman.

“I’m flattered by your offer,” said Bruno, “But I am a close friend of the Reverend Dodgson, and I have learned that it is wise that I don’t believe in any form of adultery.”

“What harm can it do you, or me for that matter?” asked the woman.

“The Bible explains that a husband and wife should be faithfully to each other until the day one of them dies,” said Bruno, “The story of King David’s affair with Bathsheba (the wife of Uriah the Hittite) shows just how much hurt was caused to everyone involved. It’s a sin against the creator of the world, who designed the romance concept in the first place.”

“You’re surprisingly well spoken for such a young goblin boy,” said the housewife, “but I’m not doing this to upset God. I just want us to have a little fun together.”

“But it would upset God,” said Bruno, “It would be obvious rebellion against His laws, against one of His Ten Commandments in fact. It would upset me too. God didn’t just put those laws there to inhibit us. He knew what we’re designed to cope with and what will hurt us.”

“Couldn’t you just do it, and then tell God you’re sorry afterwards? Aren’t your sins forgiven?” she asked.

“They are, if you’re a Christian, but the New Testament book of Romans says that forgiveness and grace are not a reason to go out and sin to your heart’s content. And would I really be sorry and making a true repentance if I plan it back here with you, before I commit the sin?” asked Bruno.

He was finding it exceptionally difficult to stand firm, with such a beautiful and persistent woman doing all she could to tempt him. Yet he knew he would only make life worse for himself by giving in.

“What have you really got to lose?” she asked.

“I’ve nothing to gain. I can’t find my own happiness by undermining your husband’s, and yours as well. When it’s over and done with, you’ll still be married to him-“

“You don’t know that,” she said.

“I don’t want to be the cause of a broken marriage either,” said Bruno, “Even if you left him and married me when I was old enough, I would then spend the rest of my life worrying that if you left him, you could one day leave me for another. You’ll miss out on the joy of having stayed true to your husband, and he will no longer have a pure wife. To say nothing of how impure I will have made myself. You’re a beautiful woman, Pottiffera, but I must decline your offer and encourage you to stay true to your husband.”

“I guess it’s my loss,” she said.

“It’ll be your gain,” said Bruno.

He watched her pack up her picnic basket and walk across the field, out of his life. He was a little crushed, but he knew it was better in the long run to obey God. Bruno continued walking on his way, and was soon found by a young girl, much closer to his own age.

“Hello!” she said, “My name is Gretel. You wouldn’t like to ride on my shoulder for a while, would you?”

“I’d like that a great deal,” said Bruno.

They walked and talked, and she explained that she was not involved with anyone else, having gotten past a brief near encounter with Jack, who had disappeared some time ago. She had wondered if there had been any connection between Jack’s disappearance and her brother Hansel’s. However, Gretel did not know that Hansel had been cooked in the shrinking radiation of Dinella Lawson’s oven and eaten by her.

Before that day was out, Bruno and Gretel enjoyed their first intersized kiss, and Bruno was elated that he had trusted and obeyed God. Now he could enjoy all of Gretel’s heart, not just the stolen portion that he might otherwise have had from Pottiffera. He and Gretel would be together forever, and live a life of happiness.

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“Well,” said Miss Yoop, “What excuse have you to offer?”

“I didn’t know if anyone lived here, Madam,” explained Woot, “So, being a wanderer in these parts, and wishing to find a place to sleep, I ventured to enter your castle.”

“You knew it was private property, I suppose?” said she.

“I didn’t know if it was still used in these times,” said Woot.

“Well my name is Miss Yoop, and  I frequently make use of it for cooking and eating, which are the two things I enjoy most in life,” said the giantess.

Woot the Wanderer was silent for a time, uneasily considering this statement and the effect it might have on his future. No doubt the giantess had wilfully made him her prisoner. Yet she spoke so cheerfully in her big voice, that until now he had not been alarmed in the least.

“Am I to consider you my friend, Miss Yoop, or do you intend to be my enemy?” asked Woot, who was both wary of the beautiful giantess and strongly amorous of her.

“I never have friends,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone, “because friends get too familiar and always forget to mind their own business. But I am not your enemy, not yet anyhow. Indeed, I’m glad you’ve come, for my life here is without an abundance of special treats. I haven’t seen anyone else since I captured the flying boy from Neverland called Peter Pan.”

“How did you manage to do that?” asked Woot the Wanderer in amazement, “A flying boy could have flown higher than your height.”

“He could,” said the giantess, “but now he is my pet and my prisoner. One day I looked out my castle window and saw Peter Pan flying over the Land of Oz, on his way somewhere. I quickly concealed a bag on my person, went up to the castle roof, stood at my full height, swung the bag over Peter Pan and snared him. Knowing that he could fly, I took him back down inside, carefully removed him from the bag and put him straight into my mouth. After a few minutes, I was ready to swallow him. I gulped several times, until he had fallen down my throat, but he was a most annoying little boy and kept flying back up my throat. Though he could not force his way out of my mouth, I found I had to keep gulping him down again and again, which, as you might understand, did not give me the final satisfaction of having eaten him. I soon came to realise that I would have no peace from having him in there. So I put my mouth to the cage door, let Peter Pan fly up my throat once more and out into the cage. He flew out of my mouth so fast, that he was in the cage before he knew it, and there he has remained ever since. I have kept him as a pet to amuse me.”

“Where is Peter Pan now?” inquired Woot.

“The cage is hanging up in my bedroom,” said Miss Yoop, eating some more of her supper.

Woot the Wanderer was now more uneasy and suspicious of the Giantess than before. If Peter Pan, who could fly, had been captured and imprisoned by this huge woman, what was liable to happen to Woot?

“Do you know, Madam, who I am?” asked Woot.

“Of course,” said she, “a small teenaged boy.”

“I am a nice friendly person,” said Woot.

“All the better,” she replied, “I shall enjoy your presence all the more on that account. For I mean to keep you here as long as I live, and I stopped aging years ago, in my thirties.”

Woot didn’t like this speech at all, and frowned in a way that made Miss Yoop smile.

“I have powerful friends who will soon come to rescue me,” said Woot.

“Let them come,” she returned, with an accent of scorn, “When they get here, they will find no boy, for tomorrow morning, I intend to cook you and eat you for my breakfast. Once inside me, you will not be found.”

This threat filled him with dismay. The good natured Giantess was more terrible than he had imagined. She could smile and wear pretty clothes and at the same time be even more cruel than she had been to Peter Pan.

Woot tried to think of some way to escape from the castle before morning, but she seemed to see his thoughts in his eyes and shook her head.

“Don’t worry your poor brain,” said she, “You can’t escape me, however hard you try. But why should you wish to escape? Be contented with your fate, for discontent leads to unhappiness and unhappiness in any form is the greatest trouble that can befall you.”

“What recipe do you intend to use me in?” asked Woot earnestly.

“I haven’t decided as yet. I’ll dream over it tonight. So in the morning, I shall have made up my mind how to cook you. Perhaps you’d prefer to choose your own recipe?”

“No,” said Woot, “I prefer to remain as I am.”

“That’s funny,” she retorted, “You are little and you’re weak; as you are, you’re not much account anyhow. The best thing about you is that you look tasty, for I shall be able to make of you some sort of delicious recipe which will be a great improvement on your current role in my castle as a trespasser.”

Miss Yoop stood up and bade him follow her into the next room. Woot looked back at the door and saw that it had not the room for him to slip under it. He had never seen a giantess before. She was neither old and ugly nor disagreeable in face or manner. Yet she frightened her prisoner in a way that nobody had ever done before.

“Please be seated,” she said to him, as she sat herself down in a great armchair and spread her beautiful embroidered dress for him to admire. But the chairs in the room were so high that he could not climb to the seat of any of them. Miss Yoop observed this, and beckoned him closer and lifted him up onto the seat of the soft armchair beside her own.

“Now tell me of your powerful friends,” said Miss Yoop.

“If Princess Ozma knew that you dared to eat a citizen of Oz, she would send General Jinjur’s all girl army out to deal with you severely.”

Miss Yoop stuck out her tongue in derision.

“And THAT for your Ozma!” exclaimed the giantess, “What do I care for a princess whom I have never seen and who has never seen me?”

A sweet young girl named Little Red Riding Hood had made friends with a tiny boy named Tom Thumb, who was one of Sylvie and Bruno’s goblin people. One day Little Red Riding Hood invited Tom to go with her on a visit to her Grandmother’s house. Tom enjoyed meeting the kind late middle aged lady, and made such a favourable impression on Grandma Hood, that she invited him to visit her on his own as well the following week, while Little Red was at school.

Tom Thumb accepted, and turned up on the specified day. Grandma Hood was wearing her glasses as usual, but she looked a little different, as though she had put on weight. Tom didn’t want to say anything tactless. So he just looked at her.

“Is something the matter?” asked Grandma Hood.

“Not really, Grandma Hood. It’s just that I was thinking what big hands you have.”

“All the better to hold you with,” said Grandma Hood, picking him up.

She held him close to her face and talked with him. He looked into her mouth and thought that her tongue looked different. He had remembered that her tongue had looked thin and pointy. Now, since she had apparently gained so much weight in a week, her tongue seemed to look thicker and rounder.

“Why Grandma Hood, what a big tongue you have!” said Tom Thumb.

“All the better to lick you with,” said Grandma Hood and ran her tongue slowly over his face.

Somehow her own face looked younger too. Maybe it was a side effect of rapid weight gain. When she had finished licking him, he looked at her neck. It looked as though it too had widened in the last week.

“Why Grandma Hood, what a big throat you have!” he said.

“All the better to swallow you with!” said the woman, removing her glasses with her free hand.

Then she took off a grey wig to reveal younger hair. She wiped off some make-up, that she had used to age her facial appearance, and smiled at Tom Thumb.

“You’re not Grandma Hood,” he said.

“No. She’s fast asleep after I snuck in here and slipped her a Mickey,” said the woman, “I saw Little Red Riding Hood on her way here last week, when she passed my timber-wood cottage with you. I followed you both here and listened in at the window, as she invited you to come back today. My name is Dinella Lawson. I have a radiation oven which shrinks boys down to your size, so that I can gobble them down in one mouthful. But I’ve never eaten a real goblin boy before. I shall do so this evening, but first, I had better be gone before Grandma Hood wakes up.”

Dinella Lawson took Tom Thumb back home, and found that her sister Cuisinella had come to call on her.

“You caught a goblin, sister!” said Cuisinella, “You lucky girl!”

“It was more a case of luring him,” said Dinella, “Come on in.”

Dinella put Tom Thumb in a pot of warm water on the stove to simmer. She knew that goblins were actually burn proof and could be left to simmer indefinitely, without feeling the pain that would surely have hurt a shrunken boy. The two sisters sat on stools by the stove and talked.

 “But Ozma is the ruler of all of Oz, including this valley,” said Woot.

“What I do here in my own private castle in this secluded valley – where no one comes but fools like you – can never be known to your Princess Ozma,” returned the giantess, “Do not seek to frighten me from my purpose, and do not allow yourself to be frightened, for it is best to meet bravely what cannot be avoided. I am now going to bed, and in the morning I will put you into a delicious recipe and eat you. Good night, and pleasant dreams.”

Saying this, Miss Yoop rose from her chair and walked out, closing the door, and went into another room. So heavy was the tread of the giantess, that even the walls of the big stone castle trembled as she stepped. She closed her bedroom door.

“The big woman might have given me a bed,” thought Woot, until he realised that the cushion seat of the armchair was at least as soft as any mattress. He lost no time in slipping down and was soon fast asleep.

Morning found him still unsuccessful in his quest to escape. After a while, the giantess came from her bedroom, wearing another dress that was quite as elaborate as the one in which she had been attired the evening before.

“Good morning,” she said, “The next thing on the program is to cook you for my breakfast.”

She carried him to the kitchen and put him down on top of the oven.

“I suppose you think that after I have enjoyed the taste of you in my mouth, I might turn you loose, but that would be impossible to consider,” she remarked, “Nothing I taste in my mouth ever comes out again uneaten.”

“Then please don’t put me into your mouth,” begged Woot, “For I am quite satisfied to remain here as your boyfriend if you would have me.”

“I am not expecting to satisfy you, but intend to please myself,” she declared, “and my pleasure is to cook you and eat you. For, if by chance your friends came in search of you, not one of them would know where you had gotten to.”

Her tone was so positive, that they knew it would be useless to protest. The woman was adorable to look at. Her face was not cruel. Her voice was big, but gracious in tone. Yet her words showed that she possessed a merciless heart, and no pleadings would alter her purpose.

“Have you decided what recipe to include me in?” asked Woot.

“Yes. I dreamed it all out while I was asleep. You seem like a very sweet fresh young man. So I shall put you into a sweet pavlova with fresh fruit.”

All she did was to reach up to the shelf and take down a pavlova that she had cooked the day before. It was the size of a large shed to him, but he saw her large arms lifting it down with ease and placing it on the oven top beside him.

“Madam,” said Woot hastily, “I consider this action very impolite. It may even be called rude, considering that I am your guest.”

“You are not a guest, for I did not invite you here,” she replied.

“Perhaps not, but I craved hospitality. I threw myself upon your mercy, so to speak, and now I find you have no mercy. Therefore, if you will excuse his expression, I must say it is downright unfair to take my freedom and future away and use me in a meal in which I have no wish to partake.”

“Are you trying to make me angry?” she asked, frowning.

“By no means,” said Woot, “I’m just trying to make you act more ladylike.”

“Oh indeed! In my opinion, Mr Wanderer, you are now acting like a sour grape. So, as a grape in a pavlova you shall be treated.”

This chapter fairly faithfully adapts the story “Little Jip” (published in “A Book of Ghosts and Goblins” by Ruth Manning-Sanders), except that I have changed the ending to one that vore fans will no doubt enjoy. The only other difference, is that the original story of Hansel and Gretel was written by a completely different author, and no such sibling relationship existed between the two cannibal women (whom I have named Dinella and Nigella for my story).

“How I envy you, Dinella,” said Cuisinella.

“Well I hope you catch one for yourself soon,” said Dinella, smiling sideways down at Tom Thumb.

They talked for a few minutes, and then Cuisinella got up to leave.

“I’ll let you enjoy him in privacy,” said Cuisinella and departed.

Dinella stood up, took Tom Thumb from the pot and put him on a plate and took it to the table and sat down.

“I trust you haven’t already forgotten how this feels,” she said, and licked Tom Thumb enthusiastically. Then she held him back from her mouth a little and ran her tongue about her mouth in several directions, while he looked on in awe. She licked Tom Thumb several more times, and then lowered him into her mouth and gulped him down happily.

Cuisinella’s memory (of the sight of Tom Thumb waiting to be eaten by Dinella) made her feel hungrier than ever for a goblin of her own.

“Ha! Ha!” said she, “I will go and catch a juicy little goblin for my supper, and the juiciest of all the little goblins that I know of is Little Jip. So I will go and catch Little Jip.”

Then Nigella put some berries into a sack, and went to the hill in search of the goblins, shouting, “Little Jip, Little Jip!”

A door on the goblin hillside opened, and Little Jip put his head out.

“What do you want?”

“Handsome little Jip, handsome little Jip, come and see the sack of berries I’ve brought you – so large, so red, so sweet!”

“Oh, oh! I like berries!”

Little Jip hopped out of the door. Cuisinella gave a pounce, caught him up in her slender fingers and crammed him into the sack on top of the berries. Off went Cuisinella, sack on shoulder, along the road towards her home. On the way, she came to a farm. By the farm gate was a woman cutting faggots, and behind the farm was a lettuce field.

Said Cuisinella to herself, “I could do with a lettuce! A salad of Little Jip and a mouthful of green lettuce would go nicely together.”

So she put down the sack beside the woman who was cutting faggots, bade her to mind it a minute, and off with her to the field behind the farm to pick a lettuce.

Little Jip called out of the sack, “Hi, hi hi!”

“Who calls?” asked the woman.

“Open the sack and you’ll see.”

The woman opened the sack and out hopped Little Jip.

“My word!” said the woman, “What were you doing in there?”

"Cuisinella put me in there, to take me home and eat me. But now I’m out, and I’m not going in again.”

“I don’t blame you,” said the woman.

So then she and Little Jip put a lot of thorns into the top of the sack. The woman tied the sack up again, and Little Jip ran home. Cuisinella came back with the big lettuce under her arm. She slung the sack over her shoulder, and off with her on her way. But when she got home and put down the sack and opened it, she found nothing but berries and thorns. She fairly danced with disappointment.

“I’ll get thee yet, my lad!” she screamed.

Again Miss Yoop’s powerful arm came towards Woot, and her fingers gripped him inescapably, lifted him up a little, and then pushed him down into the pavlova until he was buried up to his shoulders. Woot was amazed, but he was also thoroughly frightened.

“It didn’t hurt, did it?” asked Miss Yoop.

“No, of course not,” said Woot, “But I don’t like being in this predicament. It’s sticky and undignified.”

“Well,” remarked the giantess, “I’m very well pleased with your predicament. I’m sure you will like it better when my tongue licks the pavlova from you later. So now it is time to add some whipped cream to you.”

Again he saw her powerful arms and hands going to work, as she poured cream into a bowl and whipped it for several minutes.

“Don’t you think you’d better leave me as I am?” asked Woot in a trembling voice.

“No,” she replied, “I’m going to make a main course of you. I like Gillikans. They’re so cute. I think a Gillikin pavlova will be very tasty now that I am hungry.”

Woot shivered, for again the powerful arms moved, and she began to ladle the now thickened white cream out evenly over the pavlova, taking care not to cover his eyes or mouth.

“Very good,” said the giantess, “Let us all become friends after all, and anticipate this meal together. How is my Gillikan boy feeling?”

“Fairly comfortable,” said Woot, “I wonder what I’m good for in this position.”

“You are only good to keep me fed,” replied the giantess, “Now I shall go and pick some fresh fruit, while you remain here. You are helpless and in my power. So you may as well make up your mind to be accept your fate and be content. Remember that you will be eaten for good, since no power on earth will be able to locate you or remove you from my stomach. Amuse yourself while I am gone, and when I return I hope to find you reconciled and happy.”

So the giantess walked to the door and out, down the hallway and into the garden. Soon she returned with strawberries and raspberries. She removed any stalks and then gently dropped the fruits onto the pavlova. Soon Miss Yoop took the pavlova to the dining table and sat down and began to eat. The sight she made, spooning fruit and cream and pavlova into her huge mouth and gulping it down, the movements Woot saw of her enormous neck (with the prospect of it soon gulping him down in the same way) filled the Gillikin boy with terror.

Soon she spooned Woot himself up to her mouth and looked at him.

“You’re still rather sticky, aren’t you?” she said.

“Y-yes,” stammered Woot.

“Gently, my little boy, gently,” she said, “There’s no need for fear of the unknown. Your future has already been confirmed. Now let’s see about the stickiness.”

Very gently, so as not to knock him off the spoon, Miss Yoop used only the side of her tongue to ease the remnants of cream from his body, while Woot stared in wonder at the top of her tongue just below his neck, spread out before him at point blank range. There was something about the proximity of that beautiful sparkling taste sensitive part of Miss Yoop, that made Woot raise his arms in turn and run them across the top of the swishing appendage.

“Now at last you’re cooperating,” she said, “It’s much nicer to face this together, isn’t it?”

“It would be nicer for me,” said Woot, “if I didn’t have to face it at all.”

“Quite, quite,” said Miss Yoop, “But there’s no time for you to go into that again. In fact, it is time for you to go into me. Farewell young Gillikin Wanderer.”

Next day Cuisinella put some ripe apricots into a sack and went to the hill where the goblins lived. She knocked again, and called out, “Little Jip, Little Jip!”

His door flew open, and he put his head out and asked what she wanted.

“Little Jip, come and see the sack of apricots I’ve brought you: so orange, so juicy, so sweet!”

“Oh I like apricots. But I’m not coming out. You can leave them outside the door,” said Little Jip, not keen to be caught a second time.

So then Little Jip thought to close the door again, but Cuisinella grabbed his head with her long slender fingers, pulled him out of his doorway and crammed him into the sack on top of her apricots.

“Eat your fill, while you can, my handsome meal,” said she, and slung the sack over her shoulder and walked off towards her home.

On the way she saw a lady seated under a wall by the roadside, breaking stones. On the other side of the wall was a melon patch.

“Sweet melon would go nicely with sweet goblin,” thought Cuisinella. She dumped the sack down beside the stone breaker.

“Mind that for a minute,” said she.

And off she went, hipperty skipperty over the wall to pick a melon.

Once again, Jip was able to enlist the help, this time of the lady stone breaker, to escape the sack. They put a stone in place of Little Jip, and he ran home.

Cuisinella took the sack home, staggering with the extra weight of the stone, which was much heavier than Little Jip had been.

“Ah little rogue,” said she, “I’ll soften you in my stomach directly.”

She got home and opened the sack to another disappointment.

“I’ll get thee yet! I’ll get thee yet! I’ll pay thee out with such a goblin gobbling!” she screamed, “I’ll taste thee slow and taste thee steady and eat thee up and all!”

So what did she do? She disguised herself as a pedlar, took a fruit juice container on her back and went to walk in the wood where she knew Little Jip sometimes liked to play. She had not been in that wood more than a few minutes, when sure enough, Little Jip came skipping along.

“Ah Little Master Goblin,” said nonesuch pedlar Cuisinella, “Look alive, my little boy. The Cuisinella woman is after thee! Don’t you see her long hair sticking out from behind that tree?”

Little Jip didn’t see Cuisinella’s hair where the woman pointed, but he felt a bit alarmed all the same.

“See here she comes!” yelled Cusinella, “Quick, jump into my juice barrel, little goblin boy. I’ll shelter thee!”

She put the barrel on the ground and turned it on its side, so he could easily step straight in. Little Jip ran into the barrel, right to what would be the bottom, once it was upright again, and felt her turning it back to the vertical position. Cusinella sprang the lid down on him and roared with laughter.

“Little handsome goblin, dost thou scent the Cuisinella woman?” she chortled, “Aye, aye, aye, Cuisinella has thee safe this time! And she ain’t going to let thee go, neither!”

And so saying, Cuisinella went scurrying home with the barrel and didn’t stop on the road for anything. When she got home, she took Little Jip out of the barrel and stood him in the pot on the old fashioned stove. Then she went out to fetch some furze to heat up the fire under the stove. She soon returned, warmed up Little Jip and took him to the table.

“Thee won’t escape again,” she said, “And now I’ll gobble thee down.”

Cuisinella loaded Little Jip into her mouth, played with him on her tongue for a while, and then gobbled him down with glee.

Miss Yoop slid Woot backwards across her lower lip, face down. When his head reached it, he rubbed each of his cheeks in turn on her lip, and heard a soft laugh coming up from her throat, to show that she remembered his offer to be her boyfriend. Miss Yoop was fully aware that he found her beautiful in spite of her conquest of him. She simply didn’t mind in the least what effect her behaviour was having on the tasty little boy.

Once she had drawn him completely into her mouth, she turned him over a few times on her tongue, and then slowly slid him into her throat. She waited for the sensation of him attempting to steady himself and keep from going any further. Then, enjoying her advantage in the situation, she gave such a powerful gulp, that Woot was carried halfway down the inside of her neck, before he stopped and awaited her next gulp. She paused for effect, let him remain there for nearly a minute to contemplate (and allow herself to savour) the situation he was in. Then she gave another overpowering gulp, and Woot was carried right down her throat in slow sliding movement, until he reached her stomach.

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One day in Lilliput, Flirtacia, Egar, Bunko couldn’t find Glum anywhere. Bunko’s girlfriend Miss Gulliver offered to help them look. Glum was simply nowhere to be found. Gulliver’s sister secretly thought back to the night before. Glum had been sleeping on a warm night with his bedroom window open the night before. He had awoken to find himself surrounded by Miss Gulliver’s hand, so that it blocked his mouth from speaking, lifted out of the house and out of Lilliput and taken away to talk to him at her boat.

“What did you bring me here for?” asked Glum.

“Well firstly, I wanted to know why you don’t have a girlfriend. Is there anyone you like?” she asked.

“Only two,” said Glum.

“Tell me who they are,” said Miss Gulliver.

“The first was Flirtacia,” said Glum, “I even helped to rescue her once, when she ran away after she found a picture of you with a message to Gary on it. Flirtacia was in love with Gary and reacted to the picture. I had to help get her out of the quicksand, and in the end she kissed me, but it was still only Gary for her … until she fell for Egar.”

“And who was the other one?” asked Miss Gulliver.

“You,” said Glum, “All the girls I like are spoken for.”

“Well we can’t let that go on, can we?” said Miss Gulliver, “I’ve been supplementing my food supplies with an occasional Blefescu citizen when I’m really hungry. They’re quite delicious, but not one of them looks as delicious as you.”

“Oh me! Oh my!” said Glum.

She kept him on her bed in the boat until morning, and then ate him for breakfast before his friends could awaken and notice his absence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shortly after Miss Yoop had enjoyed her delicious meal of young Woot the Wanderer, a powerful tornado blew through her valley and carried Miss Yoop’s castle (Peter Pan and all) up in the sky to Brobdingnag and lowered it down into the Valley of the Giantesses. It came to rest on a vacant lot, which Miss Yoop soon realised would be her new home. Even a giantess could not simply pick up a giant castle and carry it back to a Land she could no longer reach.

One day, Cuisinella was running her weekly cooking class in a large tent in the marketplace. None of her students knew that she had eaten a goblin, but she was a superb cook, and her classes were particularly popular with married women who had families to cook for. There was also an 18 year old boy who attended them regularly.

On this day, she decided to approach him after the class had finished.

“I thought I’d come and say hello to the only boy in the class,” she said.

“It’s an honour,” said the boy, “I’m Button Bright, and I’m your best fan. I love watching your cooking classes.”

“I’ve noticed,” she said, “I’ve seen the way you seem to pay particular attention, whenever I’m licking the spoon.”

“Oh,” he said nervously.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” she said, “I’m glad you like it. It’s nothing to be shy about.”

“Thank you,” he said, “It’s hard to explain why I like it. There’s something about the sight of a special tongue doing such frequent licking that looks so nice.”

“Well I’m pleased that you think my tongue is that special,” said Cuisinella, “How would you like to come over to my place and I’ll give you a private lesson? You’d be the only student who’d be told my address.”

“I’d love to,” said the boy.

She wrote down her address and gave it to him and said, “I’ll expect you tomorrow just after lunch time then.”

He arrived at around two o’clock the next day. Cuisinella welcomed him into the house, closed the door and gave him a long hug.

“I think I like your cheek as much as you like my tongue,” said Cuisinella at last, and suddenly turned her head and licked his cheek a few times.

“I like your tongue even more now!” said the boy.

“I had a feeling you would,” she said, “You’ve had a long walk here. Would you like to relax in the sauna for a while, and I can be setting up the kitchen for your private lesson?”

“Thank you. That sounds nice.”

She showed him into the sauna, closed the door and turned it on from the outside. The heat made him drowsy, and he soon fell asleep. When he awoke to the sound of the door opening, he looked up and saw Cuisinella coming into the room. She looked much taller.

“No, I’m not a giant,” she said, stepping towards him and lifting him up gently, “My sister built this sauna using the same principles that she’d incorporated into something she designed for herself. The sauna bathes you in a radiation that reduces your size.”

“That’s incredible,” said the boy, with no thought to the possibility of reversing the effect. He was now more fascinated with Cuisinella’s achievements than ever, as she took him to the kitchen and placed him on the bench.

“I’m sure you’ll have a clear view of today’s lesson from there,” she said, “Today I’m going to show you how to make a creamy mushroom casserole.”

“It sounds delicious,” said Button Bright.

“It will be,” said Cuisinella, “Now the first thing to do is boil some rice. You tip one cupful into a saucepan, and add two and a half cups of water… There. I’ll just leave that on the stove to boil, while we work on the sauce. Here are some freshly picked mushrooms I gathered and washed this morning.”

Back in Brobdingnag, Alice had so far spared Robert as she was only that keen on eating him when she was hungry. For the moment at least, their love affair continued.

Miss Yoop soon made friends with her neighbours: Alice and White Robert; Red Jean and Michael, Mrs Grimble and Jack, Serena and the Pied Pipe Eddy. She learned all that had recently happened in the giant kingdom and went back to talk to her captive pet Peter Pan, who was still caged in her bedroom.

“Oh well,” she said, “I can think of far less suitable places for a giantess and her castle to be relocated, than in a Valley of other Giantesses. I’ve learned what happened to your Lost Boys too. They have all been eaten by the local giantesses, at a banquet held by a giantess named Mrs Grimble … all except for one boy named Michael, that is. He’s now in love with the Red Jean.”

“Then my entire trip to save them has been fruitless,” said Peter, “To think that circumstance has brought me to their location, only so that I can discover that I have been too late, and the very woman who organised the banquet has a daughter who is now in love with the Pied Pipe Eddy who brought the Lost Boys here.”

“I don’t think it’s been fruitless that you came with me,” said Miss Yoop, “I think you’re quite a dashing little young man.”

“I’ve always thought you were very beautiful too,” said Peter.

 “Why didn’t you say so before?” asked Miss Yoop, “I’ve been fascinated with you ever since keeping you eaten became such a challenge.”

“I was preoccupied with saving the Lost Boys, but now that they’ve become the lost cause, I’d much rather be with you than return to Neverland.”

“Am I the only girl you’ve ever loved?” asked Miss Yoop.

“Well there was this girl called Wen-“

“You’re not supposed to tell a lady such things!” said Miss Yoop.

“I was going to say that she was the only other one, but that I didn’t love her a fraction as much as I love you.”

“Well I should hope not,” said Miss Yoop.

“Come to think of it, the amount of her that there was to love was only a fraction of the amount of you that there is to love. She was my size.”

“If you give me your word not to fly away, I’d love to let you out and be with you,” said Miss Yoop.

“I will,” said Peter, “And if you give me your word not to keep gulping me down repeatedly, I’d love to let you eat me again once a night before your real meals.”

And so began a love affair between Miss Yoop and Peter Pan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Button Bright watched Cuisinella’s elegant feminine hands gently breaking the mushrooms into small pieces on the plate.

Then he watched her preparing and stirring the sauce in another saucepan on the stove. It was a yellowy pale brown colour. She let it cool down, while she lifted the plate and used her hand to brush the mushroom pieces into the saucepan. Button Bright watched them falling into the saucepan. She turned down the stove, stirred the mixture a few times and let it cool down until it was safe to put her finger in and taste the mixture.

“And that looks,” she began, and smiled at Button Bright, noting his pleasure at seeing her tongue come out and lick the spoon, “absolutely mouth watering. How are you enjoying the lesson so far, young man?”

“I can see why you reduced my size,” he said, “The view of you licking that spoon and your finger is even more fantastic from this perspective.”

“Thank you for saying so,” said Cuisinella, “Do you have any questions at this stage?”

“Is it going to be a vegetarian dish?” asked Button Bright.

“No, I don’t think so,” said Cuisinella, drinking from a glass of water she’d poured earlier, to wash the sauce down, “Why?”

“I was just waiting for you to add the meat, so I could find out what’s going into it,” he said.

“I’ll do that now,” said Cuisinella, smiling.

Button Bright looked around to see what type of meat she was going to reach, but couldn’t lay his eyes on anything on the bench. Then he saw her hand reaching down across the bench for him. She lifted him off the bench, put out her freshly cleaned tongue and licked the tiny Button Bright, before lowering him gently into the warm creamy mushroom sauce.

“It’s going to be me!” he said.

One day, while the Pied Pipe Eddy and the White Robert were out on a walk in the Valley of the Giantesses, Serena and Alice were having a girls day at Alice’s house. Alice took Serena with her, when she went to perform her regular duty of checking the dolls house room, and looked down at the mirror that linked Brobdingnag with Looking-Glass Land. Alice saw that a 20 year old man with a slim turnip-shaped body had stepped through the mirror and was now standing on the chess board. He stared in glee, when he saw Alice.

“A giantess! How wonderful,” he said, “I’m called the Mock Turnip, because I truly desire to be eaten by a beautiful giantess, which has made the subject of much mockery in Wonderland.”

Alice lifted him out of the dolls house and onto the carpet of the giant room. He was even more pleased to meet Serena as well.

Alice hadn’t met the Mock Turnip, when she’d been in Wonderland. So she asked the Mock Turnip what had brought him there.

“The Queen of Hearts.

She made some tarts,
Which she began to eat.

I wished that I

Were tart or pie,

Because her mouth looked neat,” sang the Mock Turnip.

Alice told him how she was in Wonderland for a while and almost ate the White Robert.

“I think you’re a wonderful girl,” said the Mock Turnip, “Being eaten by a giantess as myself would be much more enjoyable than being eaten by a regular sized queen as a tart.”

“Would you like me to eat you myself?” asked Alice, “I’m not hungry, but I’d be happy to do it as a personal favour to you.”

“It’s very kind of you to offer,” said the Mock Turnip, “But I’m now 20, just a little older than you. It would be nicer to be younger than a beautiful woman who ends up eating me.”

“I know what you mean,” said Alice, “I wouldn’t have enjoyed you as much as the Wonderland Court Official I ate after the trial or the Lost Boy I ate at Mrs Grimble’s banquet.”

“Who’s Mrs Grimble?” asked the Mock Turnip.

“She’s my mother,” said Serena, “And I’m sure that she would like very much to eat you! She’s eaten lots of little boys who were hoping to avoid the idea. She almost ate my little friend Jack, but he escaped, and now she’s in love with him instead. She might even marry him when he grows up. I’m sure you’d like her.”

“Why don’t we ask her over for a tea party in the garden?” said Alice, “And the Mock Turnip can hide among the flowers and observe your mother eating strawberries and cream. If he thinks she’s the one he’d like to eat him, he can come out and introduce himself? If not, I can have similar tea parties for Olda and other giantesses I met at the party. Miss Yoop was disappointed that she didn’t come to Brobdingnag until after the banquet.”