1976…

In 1976, the Beanstalk Method of reaching Brobdingnag from earth was gone, as both beanstalks had been blown up. The Law of Conservation of Lass and Miniature states that each method lost must be replaced by another, and this is how the next method was discovered:

Early in 1976, while the Queen’s forces were taking on Ann and company, a red haired American teenage boy named Robin Speed went on a boating trip and discovered an L shaped island in the Bermuda area. He named it the Bermuda Right Angle, and took advantage of the huge financial inheritance he had received when he became an orphan.

He built a home and headquarters on the island, having staked his claim to the land. Then he designed a red costume with yellow gloves and boots, and a cap and eye mask, to disguise his identity. The mask also had infra-red lenses, to enable him to see at night. He had a submarine built and a docking port on the island for it, and called it the Archer Sub in honour of his new persona of Boy Archer, a name he derived from his years of perfecting the skills he had in his favourite hobby of archery, even as a small child. He had a vertical take-off and landing plane built as well, and called it the Archer Plane.

With all of this new equipment, and a private island to hide out on Boy Archer fought against various menaces in the United States of America. A few months on into 1976, he had a dry spell, when his services weren’t needed, and decided that it was time to test the, as yet, unused Archer Sub. Using its special feature: the Flat Helm Drive, he took the sub deeper into the Bermuda area than any other ocean going craft had gone before.

Then he came to a spot where the water colour seemed to change. That deep, it usually looked a darkened form of green, as the sun’s rays were refracted somewhat through so much water depth. Yet in one particular large spot, the water seemed to be glowing bright blue.

Boy Archer continued on through the brighter part, and then decided to surface and take his bearings. When the Archer Sub reached the surface, he saw that he seemed to be at the shores of an unfamiliar continent, with an enormous jetty ahead of him. He was surprised to find that he could then go down and bring the sub right up to the jetty. The water depth did not make the exercise prohibitive in any way. He took off his cap and mask, feeling somewhat uncomfortable with them on such a particularly warm day.

As soon as he removed the mask, he found he could no longer see the jetty.

“It must be an invisible jetty,” he thought, “one which I could only see through the infra-red lenses of my mask. What an extraordinary phenomenon.”

CENTURIES EARLIER …

When Hans Christian Andersen had first heard Mrs Grimble declaring her desire to eat him, had the Queen’s laws not prevented it, he returned home somewhat surprised. It was amazing to think that a woman would find happiness and amusement in doing something which would cost a boy so much Yet Hans had been dreaming of writing children’s stories all his life, and nothing seemed like more captivating subject matter than being eaten by a beautiful giantess.

Hans returned to Mrs Grimble’s house and told her of his writing aspirations, and asked if he could use her as his muse.

“I’d be honoured,” she said, and spent his next few visits slowly narrating the details of her past gobbling conquests, as well as those of other giantesses with whom she’d made friends in the Valley.

Hans would return to her, having written adaptations of them, and read them to her. Mrs Grimble was very impressed with his writing ability and the sense of mischief that he worked into the characters based on her. She encouraged him to take them to a publisher.

1976 …

Robin Speed put the Boy Archer mask back on and managed to bring the sub to a halt, and fired its docking arrow, which hooked onto a small natural rock structure and kept the sub from drifting. He was about to work out how to get up onto the beach, when a gigantic teenaged girl came into view and stepped into the water, slipped on something beneath her foot and accidentally fell towards the sub.

Robin dived out of the way, as her unfortunate mishap crushed the Archer Sub completely. She sat up in the water, and saw him struggling to the surface.

“Hello!” she said, “I’m so sorry. You’re the first little visitor we’ve had near the palace in a long time.”

“I’m Robin,” he said.

“Pleased to meet you. I’m Donna. How did you get here? Our history says that the legendary Swift Mist is no longer at sea surface level.”

“I came through an amazing zone of bright blue water, unlike the green water that surrounded it deep beneath the surface,” said Robin, “Perhaps we should call it the Amazing Zone.”

“It sounds apt to me,” said Donna, “I’m one of the palace maidens. The palace has been extended exponentially over the last few centuries. In effect, there are several buildings now, each with their own gardens. Would you like me to take you up to see it?”

“Sure,” said Robin, trying to hide his concern about the loss of transport home, for the sake of being polite.

It turned out that he had come upon a different Brobdingnag beach to the one found centuries earlier by Gary Gulliver. This was not far from the first, but the Invisible Jetty and the Amazing Zone were Robin’s discoveries alone.

Donna picked Robin up gently, stood up and carried him up to her home, with the heat of the day drying her body off as she went. She wore a red and blue bathing suit and had long dark hair, but as she showed him her courtyard swimming pool and sat down beside it, Robin’s thoughts were focussed on his lost Archer Sub …

… Until Donna’s older sister came out to join her. The woman was taller, around 5 foot nine inches on a giant scale, he surmised instinctively, whereas Robin was 5 foot. The fact that she was a giantess, who would have been taller than him, even if she’d been one of his own people, seemed to excite Robin immensely.

Her hair was dark like Donna’s but slightly longer. She was slim, and had a long white neck, which Robin thought looked very pretty. She was wearing shoes, and a long dressing gown, with squares on it, each about a giant inch wide. However, this robe was undone, revealing her two piece swimming costume, separated vertically by her soft white tummy. Robin suddenly felt overwhelmed by the desire to cuddle up to it, and to climb up to her lovely neck and kiss it.

“Hi Donna,” she said, “I thought you were going swimming down on the beach … Oh. Who’s your little friend?”

“This is Robin, and this is my big sister Diana. I’m 14, but 11 years never kept us apart. As well as being sisters, we’re great friends.”

“I’m 14 too,” said Robin, gazing at Diana in a state of awe and wonder, as the stunning giant woman walked closer, “… I hope we’ll be great friends too, Diana.”

“I’m sure we will,” said Diana, with a warm friendly smile that made Robin keener than ever to touch her lovely cheeks, “So how did you come to be in Brobdingnag, Robin.”

The teenagers explained it to her.

“I was about to take a swim, but your problem seems more important,” said Diana, “I’ll take you to Queen Hyper-Lighter, to see what can be done.”

Diana and Donna took Robin to meet the latest Queen of Brobdingnag.

“So you call your profession that of a ‘Crime Fighter’?” asked the Queen, “What does that entail, exactly?”

“Well I’ve used my archery skills and vehicles and equipment to defeat robbers and vandals and the occasional wife basher,” said Robin.

“What’s that?” asked the Queen.

“What?” asked Robin.

“A wife basher,” said the Queen, “I’ve never heard the term before.”

“Oh, I’d best explain then,” said Robin, “The Bible tells wives to submit to the leadership and authority of their husbands as ordained by God. But it also commands men to be self-sacrificing servant leaders, like Christ himself. Some men have taken evil advantage of their physical prowess, to be tyrannical leaders of the marriages instead, and have hit or ‘bashed’ their wives, some even to death, before they were arrested and punished.”

“Are they all punished?” asked the Queen.

“Unfortunately, no. Many of the wives love their husbands in spite of it, and don’t report it. The men have often found legal loopholes to avoid charges or convictions too. When the system lets these women down, I feel it’s up to me to do something.”

“It’s the most evil thing I’ve ever heard of as a woman,” said Hyper-lighter, “What possible account could they give of such behaviour?”

“I think some or most of them are demon possessed at the time they’re doing it, but I can’t be sure,” said Robin, “Some are under the influence of alcohol. Some are responding in the wrong way to stressful situations.”

“And the law has actually failed to deal with such men in numerous instances?” asked the Queen.

“I regret to say so,” said Robin, “It almost makes me ashamed to be part of the male half of the population. Except that I’ve never even thought of hitting a lady.”

“I couldn’t imagine you would,” said Diana.

“I would like to send an emissary into your land, through this Amazing Zone you told me about. Her first mission would be to return you to your own land. Once there she can fight against this abuse of women. My scientists have recently perfected a pill which would give one of our maidens the power to reduce to your size and enlarge again at will. It was perfected after decades of analysis of an old sample of food with strange properties, which was brought from a place called Wonderland through another called Looking-Glass Land. I will also make available to the chosen maiden our new Purple Hypno Ray, which can hypnotize a subject for short periods of time. The gun can be clipped to a golden belt. The maiden will be able to use the prowess of her giant size to deal with any man from your land who ‘bashes’ his wife and bring the offender here, where I will work out what to do with him.”

 “I can help too,” said Robin, “Once back on my island, I’ll construct a small oxygen regulating watertight carry container, which can also be clipped to the golden belt, in order to enable the maiden to bring the man here through the Amazing Zone.”

“But how will she get you back to your island?” asked Diana, “Our relatively giant sized bodies could hold our breath long enough and swim at that depth, which is nothing to us, but you wouldn’t cope.”

Whenever Diana had been talking, both in her own courtyard and at the Queen’s throne room, Robin had been looking at her face, and catching occasional glimpses of her tongue, when her mouth pronounced certain words. When Diana had just said the syllable ‘ant’ in the word giant, he had seen a much more extensive view of her whole tongue. He was still keen to cuddle against her tummy, her neck and her cheeks, but nothing would be more thrilling than to lie on her tongue. How he hoped Diana would volunteer to be the maiden emissary to the United States.

“Maybe she could gulp in enough air for both of us and put me into her mouth, just before she dives,” said Robin.

“I think that would work!” said Diana.

“Your suggestions have been most practical,” said the Queen, “Now I must select the maiden. Whoever takes on the task will need to be the maiden best skilled in hunting down and capturing men the size of Robin, so that she can bring the wife bashers back here to be dealt with. I propose to run a tournament in the palace gardens. Robin, would you be prepared to hide yourself somewhere in the gardens, before the tournament starts, so that my palace maidens may participate in a contest to be the first one to find and catch you?”

“I guess so,” said Robin.

It sounded like fun, to have several giant women playing hide and seek for him, but he wished that he could have just chosen Diana as his new giant partner in crime fighting.

“Thank you,” said the Queen.

“In the meantime, you are welcome to stay with us, and whenever you visit our kingdom again,” said Diana.

“Thank you,” said Robin, and then had a brainstorm, “Your majesty, whoever takes me back will also need to be able to put me into her mouth comfortably. Perhaps we could ask the contestants to pretend that they’re hunting me, so that the winner can eat me all up. When the winner catches me, she can put me in her mouth and pretend to eat me, just to make sure that she has the coordination to keep me in her mouth without swallowing me.”

“Well it’s another helpful suggestion, but what happens if she doesn’t have the coordination?” asked the Queen.

“If she accidentally swallows me, she can cough me back up quickly, and I should be alright,” said Robin.

“Alright. I’ll explain the rules to all the contestants, when I call a meeting of the maidens and announce the contest,” said Hyper-lighter, “Diana and Donna will take care of you until the day.”

CENTURIES EARLIER …

Hans returned to Mrs Grimble and sat in the garden near the top of the beanstalk, where they had their regular meetings. Jack would remain in the castle, as she preferred to keep her friendship with Hans separate from her romance with Jack.

Hans read out all of his rejection letters, which ranged from saying that his giantess vore stories were too repetitive to too frightening for children.

“Well don’t let that discourage you,” she said, “I think they’re superb pieces of writing. You’re a very talented young man.”

He knew that he would have to change his subject matter to get anything published, but he couldn’t help thinking about giantess vore anyway.

“I think it was your inspiration that did it,” said Hans, “The way you described your chases and conquests and gobblings in such personal detail was very enjoyable for me.”

“But you write about my mouth with a passion all of your own,” said Mrs Grimble, “I didn’t impute that quality into the stories. I merely told you of the pleasure I’ve had in as a widow eating little boys.”

“I think that the passion developed shortly after you first mentioned your desire to eat me,” said Hans, “In a way, I would have loved to have lived the adventures of your targets, especially Jack’s, except for the final outcome of ending up lost in your tummy. However, the fact that you want that outcome is still thrilling to me.”

“And for me. I think about licking you and swallowing and gulping you down so often.”

“You’ve stirred up something within me, that I shall never get over.”

“I feel the same way,” said Mrs Grimble, “If only the Queen hadn’t passed that law.”

She’s only banned the gulping and swallowing part,” said Hans, “I wonder if … No. That’s silly.”

“What?” she asked.

“You’d think it was childish.”

“I like eating children. Let me be the judge of whatever’s on your mind?”

“Well, Mrs Grimble, would you like to act out a story, where you hunt me in your garden, chase me and catch me and cook me and eat me? We could stop it just before the gulping and swallowing part of the story.”

“I think I’d like that,” said Mrs Grimble, “Jack will be back in your world next week. Why don’t you come up on the first day and hide in the garden? I’ll come out later and try to find and catch you.”

1976…

Donna carried Robin back to her home with Diana, and the three sat down to talk.

“That was a brilliant idea,” said Diana, “about adding the hunting and eating aspect to the contest to simulate diving with you in the maiden’s mouth. Are you looking forward to the tournament?”

“I … wish it could just be you, instead of the tournament,” said Robin.

“I was thinking the same thing,” said Diana, “I was ready to volunteer, and then she announced the tournament.”

“I really like you, Diana, and I made that suggestion, because I’ve been looking into your mouth, and I would love to travel on your tongue, while you’re diving.”

Diana blushed. It was adorable.

“It would be a delicious experience for me too, if you taste as good as you look. I think you’re much sweeter than any of the men in the kingdom.”

“Maybe we could … would you like me to climb in there sometime today?” he asked.

“I’d love that!” said Diana, “I’ll take you up to my bedroom, and you can get comfortable on the pillow until I come back to join you in a few minutes.”

She left him there and went to talk to Donna.

“You are so lucky,” said Donna, “As soon as I saw him down at the Invisible Jetty, I thought he was so cute.”

 “Are you OK with this? He might have chosen you, if not for the accident with the submarine?”

“No he obviously loves you. Go for it, sis,” said Donna.

Diana walked up to the bedroom, lay down on the bed and added an extra pillow, so that her head was at an angle.

“That should stop my tongue from being vertical from your perspective,” she said, and helped him up onto her chin, “Lower yourself in, whenever you’re ready. I’ll sit up a little more as you go, so that you don’t slide off the back.”

“It would be quite an event if I did,” said Robin.

“Are you nervous?” asked Diana.

“I’m too much in love to be nervous,” said Robin, “Say ‘ah’.”

Diana did so, and Robin looked in at a perfect inviting mouth. He slowly eased himself onto the symmetrical beauty of the sparkling moist wonder and felt its slight dip in the centre supporting his weight with ease. He spent some time in there, and then climbed out and down to her neck, which he lay on and kissed, before making his way down to her tummy, while she removed the extra pillow, and later back up to snuggle against her cheeks.

“Am I the first boyfriend you’ve had?” asked Robin.

“Well I hope it doesn’t matter to you, but I was married to Sleeve Tremor, but he died in a military accident, when Brobdingnag had to fight off the Selfish Invaders Detachment led by Kobik the Kooky. The S.I.D. took greater losses than us, but several good men died in that war. Sleeve was one of them.”

“It not only doesn’t matter to me. I like the fact that you’ve been married. It’s one of the things that makes you more exciting. I like the fact that you’re a fully grown woman, if you don’t mind my being just a teenage boy.”

“Of course not. I look at you and think ‘yum!’”

“That’s even better, and I love the fact that you’d be taller than me, unlike Donna, even after you’d shrunken down to the scale of my people.”

“If I win the tournament,” said Diana.

“Well we already know you handle me very well in your mouth. Are there any women taller than you entering?”

“No. I’m the tallest.”

“Then your longer legs should make you able to catch me faster than the others.”

“It won’t determine the outcome though,” said Diana, “I can only win, if I find you first.”

“You have to win,” said Robin, “I don’t want to take anyone else back to my island with me, only you, Diana. I’m going to ask Queen Hyper-lighter to cancel the contest. I will tell her I’m in love with you.”

“No. You mustn’t. She would forbid us from going, unless I win the contest.”

Robin thought for a while.

“I’m going to make sure that you win,” he said.

“How?”

“By letting you find me easily, and not the others.”

“That’s easier said than done though. What if another locates you before I do? She’ll be on top of you in no time. I can’t bear to think of you in another maiden’s mouth.”

“You won’t have to. If you take me to the edge of the tournament gardens early tomorrow morning, I’ll scout around unseen at my size, pick a distant spot that will be unlikely to be searched first, tell you in advance where it is, and then wait for the tournament day. You can just stride straight for that spot and come and catch me.”

“But how will I explain it?”

“I’ll carry my shiny bow until you catch me and put me into your mouth. It will help you to see it glinting in the sunlight from garden that conceals me, and you can truthfully say you saw it.”

“Alright, my crafty little boy. We’ll do it,” said Diana.

CENTURIES EARLIER ….

So it was, that in two periods in history, a boy and a giantess were preparing to play a role of hiding and chasing and eating.

Hans reached Mrs Grimble’s garden on the day in question and concealed himself until he saw the grand powerful giantess come out and call to him.

“Here I come to catch you and eat you, little trespasser,” she said.

He waited until she stood towering over his flower bed, looking in at him. She spoke a rhyme in taunting tones:

“Fee fie foe fad.

I see the face of a tiny lad.

Be you lunch or be you sup,

I shall gobble you all up!”

1976…

The day of the tournament came, and Robin was awestruck by the sight of so many giant women running across the lawns, searching for him. Most of all, he was moonstruck by the sight of tall, pretty Diana striding towards him. When she was right in front of him, she was about to bend down.

“Not yet,” he called up to her quietly, “The others are nowhere near here. Make a show of searching for me first, reaching between flowers with your fingers, and looking carefully. Then pick me up and put me into your mouth and return to the Queen.”

“Will do,” said Diana.

Robin watched her elegant fingers going through the gestures, and then closing around him eventually.

“I’ve caught you, and now I can gobble you up!” said Diana, for everyone else to hear.

This time, as he approached her adorable mouth, he felt her fingers and palm around him, placing him into her mouth as though he had no choice.

“If she’d really wanted to eat me, there would have been no getting out of it,” he thought, and this seemed to excite him some more as he reached her tongue and lay on it, while Diana took him back to present to the Queen.

“You have done well,” said Queen Hyper-lighter, “The Purple Hypno Ray Gun and Wonderland pill are yours. Now you need only choose a name for yourself to use in Robin’s land.”

“You could derive it from the pill,” said Donna.

“I think I should derive it from my mission,” said Diana, “I am to defeat and capture the creatures known as wife bashers. I shall call myself Winner Woman.”

“Since I’m the teenager, I should get sidekick billing,” said Robin Speed, “From now on, it’s Winner Woman and Boy Archer’s War on Wife Bashers.”

Diana took Robin to the beach, with the Queen and all the palace maidens there to give them a grand send-off. Diana took one quick dive in the direction that Robin indicated the Amazing Zone would be, confirmed its location, and then came up and stood in the water with Robin.

“Goodbye everyone,” she said.

“Time to ride the Diana Tongue marine express,” said Robin.

Diana took a deep breath, slipped Robin gently onto her tongue, and dived deep into the water, swam through the Amazing Zone and up to the surface. In the distance, she could see Robin’s island the Bermuda Right Angle. She opened her mouth, gasped, and then reached for Robin with finger and thumb.

“I thought I might be able to stand in the water of your land, but it’s too deep even for me,” said Diana, “I’d better put you on top of my head. Wrap yourself tight, by rolling some of my hair around you, and I’ll swim until I’m close enough to walk to your island.”

Mounted on her head, he looked at the movements of her magnificent arms and shoulders, as she swam towards the Bermuda Right Angle. Then he looked down at her rising out of the water when she was able to stand, and onto his island, where she freed him from her hair, put him down and then reduced to his size.

He looked up into her tall face and smiled.

They were both thinking the same thing: Hug.

They threw their arms around each other and embraced, not concerned about being wet. He took her to his home, gave her a bedroom of her own, and showed her all of the facilities, including the Archer Plane. Soon he flew her to the mainland, and had her set up as travelling relief school teacher Miss Dakarta. She would act as substitute teacher in one school after another, making children aware of the need to report any suspicions of wife bashing by their fathers, especially as some wife bashers would batter their children too.

CENTURIES EARLIER …

The Queen of Brobdingnag presided over another trial. The charges were read out, that the accused Mrs Grimble had been witnessed and reported (by a would-be visitor to her castle) chasing a little boy and capturing him and taking him into her house, clearly announcing her intentions to eat him.

“So that’s what this is about,” said Hans, climbing out from between Mrs Grimble’s hair and her neck, “Am I the boy you saw?”

“I believe you are!” said the witness, “What happened?”

“We were just play acting,” said Hans, “It was my idea.”

The Queen dismissed the charges and watched Mrs Grimble leave with Hans. She took Hans back to her castle and licked and licked him over and over again, and slid him around in her mouth.

“Thank you for getting me out of trouble,” she said, once he had climbed out of her mouth.

“Any time,” said Hans, “Thank you so much for doing all this in the first place. I realise that you’re only having part of the experience you wanted, whereas you’ve given me everything I could have hoped for out of being almost eaten.”

“That is true,” said Mrs Grimble, “If that law is ever repealed, you should know that I may well have the chance to collect on the missing parts of my experience.”

“I know, and I feel all the better for that, illogical as it sounds,” said Hans.

“Logic is thrown out the window, when it comes to matters of eating someone,” said Mrs Grimble.

Hans returned to his own land and was eventually highly successful as a children’s writer. His unpublished giantess vore manuscripts remained his own personal triumph, and Mrs Grimble’s compliments warmed his heart far more than any commercial recognition of his published works.

1976…

It was not long before Winner Woman and Boy Archer learned of a candidate for their attention. This one was a greater threat than any of the wife bashers that Boy Archer had handled on his own. He was a high ranking plain clothes police officer, who had circumvented any legal action against his evil terrorization of his wife.

Boy Archer gave Diana one more item: A mask, which the Wonderland pill would enlarge and reduce along with the wearer. Now they both had eye masks to match.

Boy Archer and Winner Woman staked out his apartment block from the outside at normal size. The offender’s son had promised to leave a red cup on the ledge just outside the lounge room window, so that they could identify it. Boy Archer fired a rope arrow first, and was able to loop it around some part of the building. It was after dark. As the son had promised, it didn’t take long for the dialog to be audible.

“What’s it going to take for you to be the kind of wife I expect to come home to?” yelled Lieutenant Beefecrane.

“Jed, no!” screamed his wife.

Boy Archer heard a horrible thud and signalled Winner Woman to go into action, by firing a special arrow at the window, which shattered the glass completely, without sending it towards the Beefecranes. Winner Woman grew to full size, which for her was gigantic, and looked in through the window.

“So this is the evil I have come to battle,” she said.

“What the oversized blazes!” said Beefecrane.

Winner Woman’s giant hand reached into the room and snatched hold of Beefecrane.

 “Stop it. You’re almost breaking me!” he called.

“From what we heard, it sounded like you were doing that to your wife,” said Winner Woman, “You are an evil demon possessed monster of a man, who doesn’t deserve to be married. When I think that my late husband is gone, while you live on to terrorize your own family, I could just keep squeezing until I was sure your wife would never have to worry again. But I have another way of making sure. You’re coming with me.”

Then Boy Archer saw what the giantess’s eyes had been too large to notice. Lt Beefecrane had pressed a speed dial sequence on his house telephone, just before the giantess had pulled him out of reach. The telephone had lit up. He had most likely alerted his police station.

“He’ll never hurt you again,” said Robin, “And you’re free to remarry. If this is not infidelity, I don’t know what is. We’re going to take him far from here. He’ll never even be able to act as a policeman again, while being in reality one of the more dangerous criminals of the domestic set.”

Winner Woman placed Boy Archer gently on her shoulder, and walked off clutching Lt Beefecrane, resisting the urge to squeeze the life out of the miserable creature. They had only gone a few blocks, dispersing traffic as she strode, when several police cars approached. One stopped, and a uniformed police captain got out and called up through a megaphone.

“Release that officer, or we will open fire,” said the Captain.

“Your bullets won’t even be large enough to embed themselves in my skin, but I’ll thank you not to tickle me while I’m walking,” said Winner Woman, reaching down and lifting the police car, constable and all in her free hand, “Lt Beefecrane has been battering his wife for months. How you managed to keep someone like him out of prison, let alone working for law enforcement is the worst mystery in this city.”

“You can’t take the law into your own hands,” yelled the constable, who had been driving the car, after winding down his window.

“I only need one hand, and you’ll notice that the law is already in it,” said Winner Woman, “Now unless you want me to lift all your cars and park them on the roof of the nearest skyscraper, you’ll back off and watch me leave with this Devil’s blight on the institution of marriage. What’s it going to be?”

The Captain relented and ordered his men to stand down.

Winner Woman strode out of the city to where Boy Archer had parked the Archer Plane. She put both Beefecrane and Boy Archer on the ground.

“Cover him while I shrink down,” she said.

Boy Archer aimed his arrow at Beefecrane.

“One move and I let this one go,” said Boy Archer.

Winner Woman reduced herself to five foot nine inches tall, unclipped the Purple Hypno Ray Gun from her belt, and fired it at Beefecrane.

“You will now board the Archer Plane, allow us to tie you to the prisoner seat with its straps, and give us no trouble,” she said.

Beefecrane obeyed, while Boy Archer flew the plane to his island. The container had already been prepared. They locked Beefecrane up for the night, and then prepared to make way in the morning. Winner Woman grew to giant size, put Beefecrane in the container and closed it. He could not even see out now. Then she carried the container and Boy Archer out to sea, and then gulped in some air, put Boy Archer in her mouth, and dived down, through the Amazing Zone, and up into the shores of Brobdingnag. They took their captive to Queen Hyper-lighter, who locked him in a dark drawer for a while.

Two days later, several citizens of Brobdingnag went to visit the Brobdingnag museum, and were given a tour by the guide.

“… And here is our newest exhibit: the first ‘wife basher’ in captivity. This is a rare and diseased breed of little folk, whose mating habits include violent assault of the loved one. This was one custom of the little land that our Queen could not allow to continue. So she sent Diana to their world to hunt down, capture and bring back the first of what will be a growing exhibit of wife bashers. Feel free to reach down into the cages and knock them a little with your fingers as part of their sensitivity retraining process. It lets them know a sample of what they’ve been inflicting on their wives. When we have enough to fill the exhibit, we will farm some of them out to be hunted down and tamed for sport, but not released back into their own society until a way can be found to remove their demons once and for all.”

(The citizens of Brobdingnag were unaware that the only way to do this was to call on the name of Jesus Christ.)

CENTURIES EARLIER

Theo F Court was 16. He walked out of his family’s manor one school holiday, and made his way towards the town. A horse and cart pulled up beside him.

“Would you like to travel with me?” asked the driver.

It was Mrs Louise Grande, formerly Miss Louise Marion-Kynde, who had married during her years as a teacher at his first school, when he’d been aged eight to eleven. The only other highlight of those years had been the unexplained disappearance of a boy named Pixi Smith.

“Yes, please,” said Theo, and climbed up to sit beside her.

Mrs Grande gave the reigns a tug, and the horses resumed.

“Do you mind if we take a detour?” she asked, after a while, “There’s an interesting place I’d like to show you.”

“It sounds like fun,” said Theo.

Mrs Grande pulled up, and tied the horses loosely to a tree, and then walked into the woods with Theo, until she came to the Robert Hole. She took Theo down the Robert Hole, through Wonderland, into Looking-Glass Land, and into Alice’s house, where she suddenly grew to gigantic size and carried Theo off to a girls school just outside the Valley of the Giantesses.

She took Theo straight into the headmistress’s mansion behind the school grounds, and explained that she had found Wonderland with her husband, and that they had both enjoyed the size altering food and drink of Wonderland, gaining the powers of giant size (for Mrs Grande) and tiny size (for Mr Grande).

Her husband enjoyed climbing into her mouth, when she was gigantic, and he was normal sized, during one of their many holiday picnics in Brobdingnag. One day, he had shrunken unexpectedly to tiny size, while he had been lying on her tongue at an angle. Before Mrs Grande had known what had happened, Mr Grande had begun a lengthy slide along her tongue, down in her throat, now nothing more than the size of an ant in comparison to her, and had been digested in her tummy.

That had been over a year ago. Seeking a fresh start, she had begun teaching at the giant school. As her own land’s teaching methods were more advanced than those of Brobdingnag, Mrs Grande had quickly been promoted to fill the newly arising vacancy of headmistress. She was the youngest headmistress the school had ever had, commencing the job in her thirties.

“The school’s on holidays now,” she said, “Do you remember the day I caught you stealing my money in school? I let you off, on the agreement that you would make it up to me at some time of my choosing.”

“I do remember, and thank you again.”

“Well I’d like to have you join me in the empty school gardens for a picnic lunch tomorrow,” said Mrs Grande.

“I’d love to have a picnic date with you, now that you’re a widow. I was too young to see how beautiful you are, when you were my teacher.”

“Why thank you!” said Mrs Grande, “I’m looking forward to it. I’ll just go and make a salad to go with you.”

She walked out of the room towards the kitchen, leaving him on the mantelpiece in her lounge room.

Theo thought about the last thing she had said. There was something slightly confusing about it. Surely, when one invited someone on a picnic date, and prepared the food, one would have said, “make a salad for you.” Yet Mrs Louise had said “make a salad to go with you.”

He thought about it some more, and a sudden realisation came upon him about the way in which Mrs Louise expected him to make up for his theft of years earlier.

She was intending to eat both the salad and himself.

1978 …

The collection had continued to grow over the next two years, and then, one day, Queen Hyper-lighter, Diana and Robin were visited in the palace by none other than Dalia, the time traveller.

“I’ve been observing your work,” she said, “I am normally forbidden to interfere in an established timeline, but there is one man in human history who perpetrated an even greater evil on not one but several wives. I believe, that with the help of you two and your Purple Hypno Ray, we could prevent his atrocities, and yet leave the illusion of time remaining untampered with. Would you be willing to help me?”

“I never sanctioned time travel missions for Diana in the past,” said the Queen, “But only because it was not possible. Who is the evil man of whom you speak?”

“A 30th Century History publication known as Adventure Comments lists Nero, Hitler and Al Capone as the three most evil men in history, according to the writer of the magazine at any rate. I believe that a fourth should have been included. Not only was he six times an adulterer &/or murderer, but he did so by abusing the position of royalty that he held. His name was King Henry the Eighth,” said Dalia, and filled the others in on the facts.

Some of it was even news to Robin.

“It sounds as though he had more demons than anyone we’ve dealt with so far,” said the Queen, “I give permission for my palace maiden emissary Diana to accompany you and Boy Archer to the time and place of King Henry VIII and HEAD OFF his crimes before they’re committed in the way that Berna has outlined.”

Using her STM, Dalia took a reduced Winner Woman and her sidekick Boy Archer back to the very day that Henry VIII was about to remove his first wife. Boy Archer blasted everyone there with the Purple Hypno Ray and commanded them to believe that the woman had been executed. Winner Woman grew to giant size and carried the first wife away. Dalia took them to New York 1979, where the first wife became the first beneficiary of the Robin Speed Secret Foundation for Ex Wives of Henry VIII Who Would Have Been Executed Without a Little Time Tampering. She was given money to set herself up, and help to accustom herself to the 20th Century.

They began to repeat the exercise with the second wife.

“Can’t we just make off with Henry now and spare those women the thought of being married to this murderer?” asked Boy Archer, as soon as the Hypno Ray had been fired.

“Nothing would please me more, but that would corrupt the timeline quite noticeably,” said Dalia, “We have to wait until after we’ve secretly saved the sixth wife.”

When that had been achieved, Winner Woman walked out of Henry’s palace, while the others were still hypnotized.

“You are the most evil of all husbands,” said Winner Woman, “If it were not forbidden by Dalia’s people, I would remove you from this time and your authority as king. However, you are commanded by the power of the Purple Hypno Ray, never to marry again. The horror any of your last five wives must have felt, being chosen by you to replace their dead predecessor, having little or no say in the matter, and then watching their time come to an end, and losing lives that should have gone on longer, just to appease your depraved edicts. You will never ever marry again. The effects of this hypnotic command are for the rest of your life.”

And for that reason, Henry VIII never took a seventh wife.

Dalia thanked them for their help.

“Thank you!” said Diana, “It was a privilege to avert such horrors.”

“And I will see that the six ex-wives are all looked after,” said Roy, “In time they will forget some of the terror and move on and marry gentlemen.”

CENTURIES EARLIER …

Mrs Louise Grande soon returned with a glass bowl full of lettuce, onion, capsicum, cucumber and celery, picked Theo up, and placed him gently into the bowl, before carrying it to her bedroom.

“I’m going to turn in early this evening. It’s been a long day of travelling at my old size. If you sleep in the salad, you should find it as comfortable as the best mattress, and some of the flavour will be absorbed onto your skin.”

She placed the bowl on her bedside table and turned it around, until his side looked out onto her bed. She went and changed into her night gown and then climbed into bed and pulled the sheet and blanket over herself.

“Mrs Louise, this isn’t quite what I had in mind for making it up to you,” he said.

“I realise that,” said Mrs Grande, “I got the idea from an old girl of the school named Olda. She told me she once caught someone named Nils, who was helping himself to giant berries from her favourite patch in the woods. She ate him after three rounds of hiding and finding and chasing. It got me thinking. That’s why I came back to look for you yesterday. Do you remember a boy named Pixi Smith?”

“Yes,” said Theo, “I wonder what happened to him.”

“He found Wonderland shortly before he disappeared. The food made him shrink, and he came to me for help. I ate him instead. It was shortly before I got married.”

“But he hadn’t even done anything wrong.”

“I know, but sometimes it’s nice to eat a tasty little boy, just for the enjoyment of it. Obviously the one who does the eating is the one who does the enjoying.”

“Even in my case it seems far too strict a penance,” said Theo.

“Well I can hardly let a boy choose his own penance,” said Mrs Grande.

“Do I have to go through with your choice?” asked Theo.

Even as he voiced the words, he knew it was a pointless question. Her merciless use of Pixi proved that.

“Yes Theo, you do.”

“I guess I have to,” said Theo.

Then he saw her mouth open wide in a deep yawn. He looked in at her tongue. The implications for him at that point were evident.

“Goodnight, Theo,” she said, “I’m looking forward to our picnic date.”

Mrs Grande and Theo slept all evening and well into the night. The lamp on the table on the other side of the bed had lit the room dimly. Hours before sunrise, Theo awoke to see Mrs Grande tossing and turning a lot in the bed. The sight of her huge body’s movements made him wish he was lying beside her as her husband, rather than awaiting his fate in her mouth.

She opened her eyes at last and looked towards the bowl to see that he was awake.

“I can’t seem to sleep anymore,” she said, “I guess I’ve caught up on sleep by going to bed early. Do you need any further rest, or would you like to lie here and talk?”

“I’d love to talk with you,” he said, and they spent the next few hours telling each other all that had happened since they’d last known each other.

They finally dropped off to sleep again, just after sunrise, and slept in for a large part of the morning, before Mrs Grande woke and awoke Theo as well, and took the bowl of salad out into the school gardens with a picnic rug. She ate the salad, and became soporific.

“I think I need to lie down for a while before I’m ready to eat you,” she said, “You can be the second course, albeit the course of most importance. Just lie on my lips.”

Occasionally, she let the tip of her tongue move between her lips and press against his back or stomach and face, depending on which way he was lying at the time. It felt surprisingly enjoyable, but he knew what lay ahead.

After a while, she turned her head in her sleep, and he fell down onto the rug. He looked at her chest, to see that she was breathing heavily, in a deep sleep. She had unwittingly freed him, he thought, and began to run across the lawn. It was a long way to the nearest flower bed, but he reached it before she awoke, and concealed himself well, and watched her awaken.

“Theo, where have you gone to?” she said, sitting up.

He didn’t say a word.

She got up and walked around, looking for him.

“Stop this nonsense, and come out, now, Theo, so I can eat you. You know why I’m going to do it.”

She continued searching, and eventually stopped not far from his flower bed and faced in that direction.

She had a stern look in her eyes, which he found strangely arousing.

“I’m very disappointed in you, Theo. We had an understanding after you tried to steal my money. You’ve broken our agreement and run away. But you’ve no way of getting all the way back to Alice’s house from here, if you could even find it. If you had any courage, you’d come out and let me get on with it.”

She stood and stared roughly in his direction for a while, and then turned and walked back to her rug, folded it, and carried it back to her house with the salad bowl.

1979…

One day in early 1979, after Diana, as Miss Dakarta had come to the last week of an unusually long stint in the same high school, she was approached on her way to the subway by an exceptionally bright 15 year old student named Flip Graid.

“Miss Dakarta, I know you’ll be leaving at the end of the week, but I wanted to tell you something. I followed you a lot, after school, only because I have feelings for you. One day I saw you change to Winner Woman. I think what you’re doing about wife bashers is wonderful. It makes me like you all the more. I promise I’ll keep your secret, and I was wondering if you might like to go out with me, now that you won’t be my teacher after this week.”

Diana thought for a moment.

“How would you like to come to my own land and see my giant home?” she asked.

“I’d love to!” said Flip.

“Then it’s a date. I’ll meet you just here on Saturday.”

Robin was away tracking down parts for what had been a long drawn out plan to build Archer Sub II. By then, Diana had learned to fly the Archer Plane. She took Flip to the island on the Saturday, put him into the same container she’d used to transport the wife bashers, swam out and dived through the Amazing Zone, surfaced on the shores of Brobdingnag, removed Flip from the container, walked onto the Invisible Jetty and took him to her house on the palace grounds. Donna had moved away, leaving Diana there alone, except when she brought Robin.

Soon Diana put a makeshift tiny bed on the carpet of a large room, and fixed up some other small comforts for Flip.

“I’ll just go and change into some dryer clothes, and then come back and talk to you,” said Diana.

“Thanks, Miss Dakarta.”

Soon Flip saw her walk into the room and sit down beside him. She was now wearing a light blue cuddly looking turtle neck sweater and dark blue jeans.

“Are you comfortable?” she asked.

“Very!” said Flip, “Miss Dakarta, I would love to stay here forever and be your boyfriend, if you’d have me.”

“I’m flattered, Flip, but I already have a boyfriend. We’ve dated and worked together for three years.”

“Do you mean Boy Archer?”

“Yes,” said Diana, “I love him very much.”

“He’s very fortunate,” said Flip.

“Thank you. While I’m grateful for your compliments, I’m concerned that you know my secret identity. It could slip out one day, couldn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” said Flip, hoping she would keep him with her as a friend, to safeguard her secret. She had been a wonderful teacher, and he would miss her anyway, regardless of the disappointment he had just absorbed.

“That’s why I think it would save me from having to worry about it, if I kept you with me, secretly, so that you couldn’t tell anyone, and nobody knew you were here.”

“Would it have to be in that container that you used to bring me here?” he asked.

“No,” said Diana, “I’d gain no pleasure or comfort from that, and we need it for transporting the wife bashers. We’ve started to distribute the latest arrivals as pets.”

“I’d never be a wife basher,” said Flip.

“I know you wouldn’t,” said Diana, “Now here’s what I have in mind. Boy Archer likes my tongue, my stomach and my neck. Do they look OK to you?”

“They look very nice. If it’s not inappropriate to still say so, they’re part of what I love about you.”

“I’m glad you can tell me that. I think the best solution to our problem would be for me to rest you gently on my tongue for a little while, then gulp you into my throat, and swallow you down to my tummy. It’s softer and has a little more room than the container, and you’ll soon dissolve into part of it. Nobody else will even know you’re there.”

“Do you mean that you’re proposing to EAT me?” asked Flip.

“I suppose I do,” said Diana.

“But why would you want to do something so awful?” asked Flip.

“It wouldn’t be awful,” said Diana, “When I first saw Boy Archer, part of me wanted to gobble him all up. He later told me that he almost wanted me to do it too. But we both found ourselves rapidly and deeply in love, and that took priority. From time to time, in our more carefree moods, we almost went ahead with it.”

“What stopped you?” asked Flip.

“Mainly our romance, but also a little, the need to go on teaming up as Winner Woman and Boy Archer to bring wife bashers to justice,” said Diana, “But you’re not a crime fighter, and we’re not in love.”

“I am in love with YOU,” said Flip.

“Yes, but since I’m not in a position to reciprocate, and you’re as young as Boy Archer used to be, and just as tasty looking, it would be nice to eat you all up to solve the conundrum of you knowing my secret identity.”

“Well now that you’ve explained it, I can understand why the idea appeals to you,” said Flip.

“I thought you would,” said Diana.

“I can’t say that it doesn’t appeal to me at all. It just doesn’t appeal as much, because there’s not a lot I can continue to do as part of your tummy.”

“But does it appeal to you enough to go along with me on it?” asked Diana.

“I love you very much, but I just couldn’t say yes,” said Flip, “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright. I allowed for that possibility,” said Diana, “That’s why I didn’t bring it up until we got here. I’ll make it as pleasant and enjoyable for you as I can.”

“Do you mean that you’re going to eat me up without my agreement?” asked Flip.

“From your perspective, I’m afraid so. As the relevant gobbler, I have no such reservations. I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful Sunday dinner.”

“Sunday! You’re only giving me one more day!”

“We’ll have to decide how to spend it.”

“Yes … Could I cuddle up with you tonight?”

“That wouldn’t be fair to Boy Archer,” said Diana.

“Do you think you’re being fair to ME?” asked Flip.

“Within reason. I’m not in love with you. Boy Archer and I have been together for two years, and we’ll be together for many more. You’ll be with me in a way too, but it’s not the same.”

“You’re telling me,” said Flip despondently.

“Heyyy,” she said, “It’s not lost on me that you wouldn’t be here, if you didn’t feel the way you do. That means something to me, and it certainly will tomorrow night.”

“Thank you,” said Flip.

It was late in the day. They talked their way through dinner and then she put him to bed. He lay down and watched her walk out of the room. The next day they made the most of each other’s company until the middle of the afternoon. Then Flip said he was feeling tired, from all the times he had run to keep up with her giant strides.

“Would you like to lie down for a while?” she said, “In a few hours, it’ll be time to go into the kitchen.”

“Yes please. I guess there’s many a Flip ‘twixt the gulp and the lip,” said Flip.

“Well soon there will be,” said Diana.

She was wearing a feminine dress. This time the sight of her walking out of the room and closing the door was far more captivating to Flip. As he settled on the tiny bed, he considered the fact that her next walk through that doorway would be to collect him and make him ready, so that she could have him for her dinner. The imminence of the event became even more prevalent in his mind.

CENTURIES EARLIER …

Concealing himself from girls and teachers alike, living on foods which grew in the gardens, Theo waited until school term began, and then chose a weekend day to sneak into the school’s chemistry class room. He had been a successful science student back in his own land, and began experimenting with chemical combinations until he succeeded in enlarging himself to Mrs Grande’s size as the sun was going down. He walked out into the school grounds, now a giant, and noticed that several girls and boys were making their way into the school hall. He walked in himself, and saw that a beginning of term dance was being held.

On the stage, about to make an opening announcement, was Mrs Grande, wearing a most beautiful dress. He saw a reaction to his presence in her eyes, which she quickly suppressed. When she finished her speech and walked down off the stage, he approached her as though he had come as her date, so that everyone would assume that. There was much talk among the teachers in those moments, about Mrs Grande’s much younger boyfriend. It seemed that the widow had begun to date again.

“How did you pull this off?” asked Mrs Grande, somewhat coldly, but also intrigued.

He explained.

“You seem to be good at getting away with things,” she said, “And to cap it off, you have everyone thinking that you’re my date.”

“Well then, would you like to help authenticate things, by dancing with me?” he asked.

“I suppose so. I didn’t invite a partner to the dance,” said Mrs Grande.

He took her in his arms and danced with her for hours. As the lights were turned down later in the evening, and the softer music started, he took a chance on kissing Mrs Grande on the cheek. When she didn’t pull away, he glanced around and noticed that two couples were actually kissing on the lips on the dance floor.

Theo turned his head a little and brought his lips towards Mrs Grande’s. Again she made no effort to resist him, and he found her lips were soon warmly pressed against his own.

It was the kiss of a lifetime for Theo, who had never kissed anyone before that night.

“I’ll be the talk of the school,” said Mrs Grande at last.

“I’m not complaining,” said Theo.

“Don’t think that this means I’m going to fall in love with you,” said Mrs Grande, “You should have been in my stomach weeks ago.”

“I know, but it is enjoyable to be with you all the same,” said Theo.

“You haven’t even thought where you’re going to stay, have you?” she said, “I did bring you here. So you’re my responsibility. I’ll hire you as a gardener for the mansion, and let you use the guest quarters in the mansion.”

“Thank you,” said Theo, “I do intend to still make up for the attempted theft of your money. I’m ashamed of it, and I wish I’d never done it now. You mean a lot to me.”

“You’re a handsome boy, Theo, but you’ve let me down.”

1979…

Sleep was not an option. Flip Graid had to hide. He jumped out of the bed and ran across the room and slid under a very low cupboard, which would still give him a good view of the door. In time, he saw the elegantly dressed Miss Dakarta open the door and walk into the room. It was not that wide or tall, but he was far smaller, and had ample space to conceal himself.

“It would seem that you’ve decided to try to delay this,” she said and began to look for him, while narrating the story of her initial discovery of Boy Archer and the details of the tournament which had paired her with him indefinitely.

Flip Graid listened, admiring the pretty giant woman, as he pictured the scene of her winning the tournament in the way she described and placing the Boy Archer into her mouth. Unlike Flip, the Boy Archer’s future had not been at stake during the chase in the tournament gardens of the palace.

Soon Diana came over and lay down and peeked in at him.

“Would you like to be a good boy and come out?” she asked, “I’ve been your teacher all week.”

“No,” said Flip, “I’ll stay here.”

“Suit yourself,” said Diana, and stood up again.

As he suddenly saw the cupboard lifted and carried away, he wished he’d chosen a larger one, and one that she had not been able to lift.

Flip tried to duck sideways, as he saw her put down the cupboard on the far side of the room and walk back towards him. However, he didn’t stand a chance now. The took a relaxed stroll across the room, stopped in front of him, reached down and closed her hand around him, lifting him high into the air.

“Thanks for the game. I enjoyed it,” she said, and carried him into the kitchen.

Soon he found himself held by Diana, as she sat at a grand dining table, raised into the air, and held in front of her laughing mouth.

“Oh Miss Dakarta, it looks magnificent in there. I just wish this wasn’t the only look I’m going to get.”

“It’s the only look you’ll get of anything. I don’t have any bio-luminescent food to send down ahead of you. Have a nice gulping,” she said, and opened her mouth wide again.

It was hard to take in the fact that a super heroine was doing this to him.

He watched, helplessly, as she slowly delivered him onto her tongue and soon sent him sliding part of the way down her throat, before being gulped the rest of the way down.

CENTURIES EARLIER …

One afternoon, Mrs Grande was still in the headmistress’s office after school, while Theo was gardening where the lawn met with a flower bed.

Suddenly the chemical combination that Theo had used to enlarge himself wore off, and he shrank back to his regular size. Mrs Grande could be back any minute. He darted into the garden and hid behind a flower and looked out.

Mrs Grande was walking across the lawn!

Had she seen him shrink? Had she seen him run into the flower bed? He waited and watched, until the point where she would either head on to the house or stop. She came to a halt and looked into the garden.

“I know you’ve lost your giant size. I saw you disappearing into this garden,” she said, “You might as well come out. I have a much clearer bearing on your location this time, and I won’t stop until I’ve caught you. You can either cooperate or be found and caught. In either event, you’re going to be served on my table tonight.”

The dress that she had worn to school that day accentuated her beauty, and she looked lovelier than ever towering in front of him, speaking those words. Theo began to back away into the bushes, but Mrs Grande wasted no time in stooping down and reaching into the garden. She soon spotted him, and picked him up and stepped back onto the lawn.

“This time you’ll make good on your undertaking,” said Mrs Grande, “I’m going to take you inside and gobble you all up for my dinner.”

She looked more exciting than ever, and more than ever out of his league, as she carried him into the house and took him to her oven and began warming it up.

When she had him served on the table, he persuaded her to kiss him first, and then she placed him into her satisfied mouth and swallowed him not long afterwards.