2962…

In Elroy’s elementary school, science class finished and all the others went outside for lunch. Elroy stayed and experimented with chemicals, until he finally achieved what he had wanted to do. He invented a formula which could be exploded to open rifts between this dimension and parallel earths. Now at last the boy’s insatient thirst for new scientific knowledge could be appeased by entering a parallel dimension. He might even meet another Elroy Jetson there.

The boy genius could not contain his excitement as he went off to afternoon classes, and he ended up telling several people about it on the way home from school. The news of his discovery spread rapidly around the school, and reached the ears of a number of concerned parents and teachers.

Legion of Super-Heroes headquarters….

Cosmic Boy, the current Legion leader called a meeting of the entire team.

“We’ve been contacted by the Science Police,” he said, “Officer Gigi Cusimano said that a boy inventor named Elroy Jetson has let it be known that he can mix up a formula which, when ignited by flame, can tear open rifts into other dimensions, parallel earths.”

“It’s just as well Superboy’s not with us right now,” said Bouncing Boy, “He’s not supposed to know about his other earth counterparts until the Justice League meets the Justice Society when he’s an adult Superman.”

“Well the Science Police want us to guard the Jetson family until we can work out what to do about the risks involved. If any criminal got hold of Elroy Jetson (or holds his family for ransom to manipulate the boy), they could go almost anywhere, into worlds where their abilities and methods of operation are not known. Super villains could go into worlds where there are no super heroes to stop them. That’s not to mention the unknown menaces that could come through from other parallel worlds onto our side.”

“It sounds serious,” said Timber Wolf.

“It is,” said Cosmic Boy, here are the assignments for today’s teams: Triplicate Girl, , Shrinking Violet, Light Lass, Phantom Girl and Dream Girl will guard the entrance to the Jetsons’ high rise apartment, as well as the windows in the main lounge area. Meanwhile, Invisible Kid, Element Lad and Sun Boy will guard Elroy himself. He’ll be staying home, where he will be home tutored by Brainiac Five until it’s safe to send him back to elementary school. Elsewhere, Chameleon Boy will hide the effectiveness of this strategy by attending Elroy’s classes. Cham will disguise himself as Elroy, to draw out any kidnappers. Princess Projectra will spread an illusion that enables her and Saturn Girl to blend in with the other students too. Matter Eater Lad, Lightning Lad and Timber Wolf will attend Judy Jetson’s high school, wearing civilian clothes, so that they look like ordinairy teenage students of the school. I’ve gotten the Science Police to give us clearance with the Principal, who’ll be the only one in on it. Mon-El and Bouncing Boy will openly guard George Jetson at Spacely Sprockets while he’s at work. Ultra Boy and Star Boy will pose as Legionnaire shoppers and follow Jane Jetson around for her own protection while she’s on a shopping spree.”

The teams headed off to guard the Jetsons, while Cosmic Boy himself stayed behind to liase with the Science Police about finding a long-term solution to the dangerous knowledge floating around in Elroy Jetson’s mind.

In the front room of the Jetsons apartment, the 5 designated Legion girls were keeping an eye on the doors and windows.

“I’ll bet that the Fatal Five would love to be flies on the wall in Elroy’s room right now,” said Light Lass, “They could really run amok in a more peaceful unsuspecting parallel universe if they got their hands on his formula.”

“If they try at all, it’ll be at the school,” said Phantom Girl, “With Cham passing himself off as Elroy, nobody would think to come here, while Brainy’s tutoring Elroy in his room.”

Unfortunately for the Legion and Elroy, there WAS a fly on the wall. It had followed the largest group of Legionnaires from Legion headquarters to the Jetsons’ apartment and flown in unnoticed. Now it flew out through an air vent, stopped in the corridor just in front of a girl in her late teens and turned into a Durlan boy. The fly was in fact Chameleon Chief.

“The boy’s not at the school,” he said, “That’s why most of the Legionnaires are here. They’re not just guarding the formula. They’re guarding the boy.”

“I’ll take it from here,” said the girl.

In Elroy’s bedroom, Brainy had just given Elroy some simple maths exercises to do, while Brainy went out into the hall to speak to the 3 Legion boys who were watching the closed door of Elroy’s room. In the 40 minutes her was alone, Elroy finished his maths exercises in a few minutes, and then, inspired by Shrinking Violet, proceeded to invent a shrinking formula. When it was time for lunch break, the guys came in to play board games with Elroy, and when one of them accidentally upset the board, it knocked the vial of shrinking formula out of Elroy’s shirt pocket, spraying the spillage over all of them. They all shrank to heights of 1 ½ inches, except for Elroy who was only one inch, being younger and smaller to begin with.

“I thought this problem went out with my namesake ancestor,” said Brainiac Five, “What will I tell Supergirl next time she comes to the 30th Century to see me? ‘Honey, he shrunk the Legion. Elroy, if this keeps up, you’re going to make my friend Rond Vidar redundant long before I can even suggest that he take you on as an apprentice.”

“I just heard the doorbell,” said Elroy, “Maybe Mom’s come home.”

“We’re too small to get there and find out. The girls are meant to send any visitors away today,” said Invisible Kid, “Now it’s just as well.”

Phantom Girl opened the door, while the other 4 girls made ready to use their powers if necessary. However, they opened the door to a girl who then hypnotically commanded them all to stand still and not use any of their powers. Chameleon Chief’s partner in crime was Saturn Queen.

She walked confidently down the hall and into Elroy’s bedroom, and was surprised to see that four tiny Legionnaires and an equally shrunken Elroy were now standing on a Metropolisopoly board, looking up in shock.

“Now I command all of you to not use your powers either,” said Saturn Queen, “I’ll soon dispose of you lot, by swallowing you whole, and once I command Elroy to tell me his formula, he’ll make a nice dessert. I’ll start with you, Invisible Kid.”

Saturn Queen picked up Lyle Norg and forced him into her opening mouth.

(Saturn Girl had mind reading powers and could simply have plucked the formula from Elroy’s mind. However, she didn’t have the abililty to command the minds of others the way Saturn Queen did).

“Will my hypnosis be as effective with you in my mouth?” she thought, “That will be the stomache acid test.”

She had just started to gulp Invisible Kid down, when a metallic hand clamped around Saturn Queen’s throat and forced her to cough the tiny teen super hero up and out of her mouth.

Saturn Queen then turned her head and saw that Rosie the Robot was there with Astro, the Jetsons’ dog.

“I command you to turn me loose,” she choked.

“I’m a robot. I’m immune to your power,” said Rosie, “And I doubt that it will work on Astro either. I just got through picking him up from his daily trip to Space Mutts headquarters, where he works with Space Ace and occasionally the Herculoids or members of Space Ghost’s team.” (See the 1981 HB series “Space Stars”).

Saturn Queen’s powers were completely ineffective at getting the super strong robotic arms of Rosie to release her.

“Now release the Legionnaires from your hypnotic control,” said Rosie, “Starting with these boys. Then you can restore them to normal size.”

“I can’t do that,” said Saturn Queen, “I didn’t shrink them. They were like that when I found them.”

“That’s true,” said Sun Boy, who at least had not been commanded not to speak, only to refrain from using his powers, “Elroy invented a shrinking formula, which got spilt.”

“They’ll have even more trouble getting anyone other than me as a babysitter if this gets out,” said Rosie.

“He’d still have all of us,” said Triplicate Girl, and they looked up to see that the Legion girls were in the doorway, “Technically she only commanded us not to use our powers. We still had the freedom to walk, once her direct influence had left the lounge room.”

Saturn Queen released them all from her earlier commands to not use their powers. Then Rosie took her out into the lounge room to hold her for the Science Police.

“It feels good to have the freedom of choice again,” said Sun Boy, “I’ll just give myself a test.”

Suddenly a beaker standing nearby burst into flame and showered everyone with chemicals. All of the Legionnaires and Elroy were sprayed.

“Sun Boy must have ignited my chemical disrupter,” said Elroy, “I invented that last night for something to do while Dad was too busy to play three dimensional Scrabble with me.”

“What does it do?” asked Element Lad.

“It was meant to disrupt super powers. I read of it in a scientific journal, about how Lex Luthor once used it in a case with the Justice League 1000 years ago. I thought it would help to make my own in case the Fatal Five came after me for my other formula.”

“Well aren’t you just the cutest and smartest little boy to think of it!” said Phantom Girl, picking up Elroy and giving him a huge kiss on the cheek.

“Now I suddenly think you’re very pretty,” said Elroy.

Of course, if the Jetsons are in the 30th Century, including Astro, then this means that, according to Space Stars (1981), The Herculoids and Space Ghost and Teen Force and Space Ace would have to be in the 30th Century too.

(Which makes this story totally different from my Future Quest yarn just recently finished).

Dream Girl picked up Brainiac Five and began necking with him as was best possible between a normal sized girl and a shrunken boy. Light Lass picked up Element Lad and began kissing him uncontrollably. Triplicate Girl snatched up Invisble Kid and laid some on him with her giant lips. All of these boys had had crushes on the girls in the past, but were now giving off a chemistry that the girls were unable to resist. Shrinking Violet began kissing the tiny Sun Boy, when she was not destined to fall for him properly until the late 2980s.

“Brainy, you’re so … so….” said Dream Girl.

“So affected by Elroy’s invention,” said Brainiac Five, “I don’t think it worked the way he designed it to. Instead of chemically disrupting super powers, the formula has created a massive dose of uninhibited romantic chemistry.”

“Well I did secretly have a crush on Phantom Girl,” said Elroy.

“She ‘s a hard catch to hold onto,” said Brainiac Five, “I wonder if it will wear off before the shrinking formula does.”

As if to answer his query, they all suddenly grew to normal size, and with the exception of Phantom Girl and Elroy kissing eachother’s cheeks, the others continued with regular necking for a long time, until the chemical disrupter wore off too.

“Please don’t anyone let Ultra Boy, Timber Wolf or Duplicate Boy know about this little interlude,” said Phantom Girl.

“Think how I feel,” said Invisible Kid, “In the space of a few minutes, I was eaten by Saturn Queen and smothered with Triplicate Girl’s kisses.”

When the Science Police arrived, Elroy was sent to his room, while they discussed with the Legionnaires what to do about Saturn Queen.

“You can do something with his friend too,” said Shrinking Violet at reduced size, as she suddenly snatched a fly that had been too small for the others to see, until it resumed the regular Durlan appearance of Chameleon Chief as Violet grew back to normal size.

“He must have used that ruse to overhear us and tip off Saturn Queen earlier. That’s how she knew Elroy was here,” said Element Lad.

“We’ve never had Saturn Queen in custody before,” said SP Officer Cusimano, “We don’t have the means to resist her powers until we can get her to Takron Galtos and into a specially fitted cell that can block her mind control. Rosie, is there any chance you could accompany us to Takron Galtos for a short round trip, while the Legionnaires look after Elroy?”

Rosie the Robot agreed, and left with Saturn Queen, Chameleon Chief and the Science Police.

The Legionnaires went to check on Elroy and saw a man sized dimensional tear in the air just above his bed. There was a note left on his bed. Light Lass levitated it into her hand and read it aloud:

Dear Legion of Super-Heroes,

I got bored being stuck at home. So

I’ve gone to another dimension to

have fun and adventures.

Tell Mom and Dad and Judy

I’ll be back for dinner.

Elroy.

Chameleon Boy (disguised as Elroy Jetson), Saturn Girl and Princess Projectra were still stationed at the school, when Ronn Karr slipped under the classroom door by flattening himself, and tried to abduct Chameleon Boy. The Legionnaire agreed to go, so as not to endanger “the other kids”. Once out in the school grounds, he changed into a gorilla and seized Ronn Karr, while Princess Projectra used her illusion power to camouflage the battle scene. Ronn Karr was delivered to the science police as well. Being less dangerous than Chameleon Chief and Saturn Queen, he was put in a simple prison on earth, except that the room had no cracks for him to squeeze through in his self flattened form.

Matter Eater Lad attended Judy Jetson’s high school with Lightning Lad and Timber Wolf, who were passing themselves of as Tenzil Kem, Garth Ranzz and Brin Londo, teenage high school students. During morning recess break, Judy began making romantic moves on Matter Eater Lad, until he absent mindedly ate her lunch box. At lunch time, Judy put on her headphones and portable disk player in her pocket, so that she could listen to the latest hit album ‘Rockin’ with Brady Batson’. Brady was a distant descendant resulting from the 20th Century marriage of earth-1’s Billy Batson and Beautia Sivana, who had no super powers or sinister fathers respectively, but had just met and fallen in love when Billy was a teenager, unlike the activities of their earth-S counterparts.

Suddenly a tiny man fell out of Judy Jetson’s ear and then grew to normal size.

“You nearly deafened me!” he said.

“Micro Lad!” said Garth, “So you came to abduct Judy Jetson in the hope of forcing Elroy to give up his formula.”

“I’ll take him to the Science Police headquarters,” said Brin, “With my super strength and flight ring, I can easily get him there without a vehicle, even at his full size.”

Bouncing Boy found himself having to try to rescue Mon-El, whose Daxamite super hearing (being very similar to a Kryptonian’s) was being tortured by exposure to something he’d never heard before:

“Jetson! If you haven’t made my coffee and finished those sprockets in five minutes, YOU’RE FIRED!”

While the strongest Legionnaire was bent over with his hands doing all they could to block his ears, a window was blasted open by Lightning Lord. Seeing that Mon-El already seemed to be in enough distress of his own, Mekt Ranzz aimed his lethal lightning bolts at Bouncing Boy. Chuck Taine inflated his body and bounced all over George Jetson’s office, repeatedly dodging the Lightning, determined to keep Mekt from reaching Mr Spacely’s office to attack George. Like a well placed racquet hit of a squash ball,  Bouncing Boy eventually flung himself straight at Lightning Lord, knocking him out.

Mr Spacely finally concluded his tirade of occupational verbal hazards long enough for Mon-El to recover and fly Lightning Lord off to Science Police headquarters. He got there around the same time as Timber Wolf, and was briefed on Judy Jetson’s similar danger at school from Ronn Karr.

“He’s probably the least powerful of our super foes,” said Mon-El, “Which one of you stopped him?”

“Judy did it herself, because Ronn made the mistake of hiding from us in Judy’s ear. She unwittingly took him down and out with high decibel rock music.”

“I know something of how Ronn Karr feels,” said Mon-El, “Most people never thought about what a liability super hearing can be with some noises, except Lex Luthor when he deliberately used it to his advantage on Superboy, twice in fact.” (See Adventures of Superboy episodes “Superboy’s Deadly Touch” in 1989 and “Threesome” Parts 1&2 in 1991.)

At the futuristic shopping mall, Jane Jetson took a dress into a changing room to try it on, and then walked out into the main shop room wearing it, to get the feel of it. Suddenly the material turned to wood, making it impossible for Jane to take another step. Cosmic King had struck. Ultra Boy and Star Boy whipped off their outer civilian clothes and went into action.

Star Boy turned his heavy gravity powers on Cosmic King, making him just as immobile as Jane Jetson, while Ultra Boy considered a way to free Jane.

“If I use my flash vision, I could set the wood on fire and injure Jane,” he said.

“And worse than that, you and all the other shoppers would see me in my underwear,” said Jane.

“On the other hand, my flash vision could give Cosmic King an ongoing highly painful hotfoot unless he turns that wooden dress back into its orignal fabric,” said Ultra Boy.

Cosmic King agreed.

“Thank goodness,” said Jo-Nah, “For a minute I was beginning to think that Cosmic Boy left Element Lad guarding the wrong Jetson family member.”

They turned Cosmic King over to the Science Police, and then released him from Star Boy’s weight inducing power.

Upon learning of what had happened, as his teams reported in the results of their missions, Cosmic Boy asked a number of them, including Saturn Girl, to meet him at Science Police headquarters, and also asked the Chief to delay transporting them to prison, until Saturn Girl had a chance to read their minds.

“We’ve stopped them already. What do you want her to learn from them?” asked Mon-El.

“They’re all affiliated with the Legion of Super-Villains,” said Cosmic Boy, “Which means that their attacks on the Jetsons were probably all coordinated for one united purpose. I want to know what the LSV intended on doing in another dimension, if they’d gotten the formula.”

Saturn Girl probed the minds of all of the captured villains and then gave the Legionnaires their answer.

“They weren’t after the formula for themselves,” she said, “They were hired to get it for one of the largest competitors of both Rene Brand and Spacely Sprockets, namely Managing Director Cogswell of Cogswell Cogs. He wanted to use Elroy’s rifts to raid the technology of other dimensions and then claim to have invented it as Cogswell Cogs products.”

Cogswell was soon after arrested by Officer Cusimano. However, an initial reading judge threw the case out of court, as telepathy is considered a poisonous fruit of legal evidence.  What Saturn Girl learned from reading the minds of the Legion Of Super-Villains, even what she might learn by reading the mind of Cogswell himself … well none of that could be used as legal evidence in court, only as useful information to the Legionnaires who were working the case. The LSV were still incarcerated, until their next escape.

“Ronn Karr’s one of their least powerful members,” said Mon-El, “Couldn’t we coax him to turn state’s evidence, if we told him we knew Cogswell was in on it?”

“He’d FLAT out deny it,” said Timber Wolf.

“Spare us, please,” groaned Cosmic Boy.

Cosmic Boy’s next task was to assign a team to go through the rift in Elroy’s bedroom, in order to find out where he had gone to in that dimension on the other side, and bring him back to his parents and sister. He sent Invisible Kid, Timber Wolf, Ultra Boy and Element Lad. They all flew through the rift, while Mon-El, Lightning Lad, Princess Projectra and Cosmic Boy remained at the Jetsons’ apartment to guard the rest of that family through the evening and night.

The others returned to Legion club house, where Brainiac Five and Saturn Girl worked on ways to solve the problem of Elroy’s rifts formula once and for all.

When they arrived on the other side of the rift, the four Legionnaires found themselves flying over an almost identical 30th Century cityscape. It wasn’t long before they came upon a scene. Ten men in orange and yellow butterfly costumes with motorized wings were standing off a man whose costume looked just like Batman’s (except for the addition of a rocket pack). One of the costumed men held Elroy Jetson, with a gun to his head.

“Only the Butterfly Bandits would be cowardly enough to take me on, ten to one and still need to hold a boy hostage,” said the modern Batman.

(The Butterfly Bandits were created by this author, only minutes ago).

“They haven’t seen us yet. We arrived above them,” said Element Lad, “Can you sneak down and make a grab for the gun he’s holding on Elroy, Lyle?”

“Consider it …. attempted,” said Invisble Kid, appreciating the silence of the flight ring’s operation for the first time since Brainiac Five had invented them to replace the flight belts.

He came up right beside the Butterfly Bandit, completely unseen, and snatched the gun away. The others then flew down rapidly, and Ultra Boy used his super speed to zoom in, punch the bandit, release the man’s grip on Elroy, fly away and put Elroy safely on the top of the building for a while and then ask him to stay there.

“It’s a good thing you came through with your flying capsule that your Dad usually uses to drop you off at school,” said Ultra Boy.
“I knew that I was entering this dimension from one where I was in a high rise building,” said Elroy, “The need to fly a little was elementary to deduce.”

Ultra Boy flew back at the man he’d punched, this time using his invulnerability to resist the next closest Butterfly Bandit’s gun and grab them both.

“The rest are for us, two a piece, including for Batman!” called Timber Wolf, and jumped onto the back of one gunman, vaulted over to the other and grabbed his weapon and flung it with great speed and strength at the hand of the first, causing both guns to be lost in freefall to land in the lake in the park far below.

Element Lad turned two more guns into ice, and then threatened to turn their owners’ wings into ice as well unless they surrendered. Both men complied.

Batman managed to use a modern batarang and batrope gun to snare two more Butterfly Bandits before they could aim an accurate shot at him. Remaining Invisible, Lyle Norg disarmed another two Bandits, and soon they were all captured and secured by Batman’s devices at the top of the same building where Elroy was being reprimanded by Element Lad for taking off and worrying both his family and the Legion, not to mention the Science Police.

“But how does a Batman come to operate in this century?” asked Ultra Boy, “Can events and people be duplicated 1000 years later in a parallel earth? We’re from an earth in another dimension, by the way.”

“On this world, the first Batman was Bruce Wayne in 1939,” said the modern Batman.

“I’ve heard of an earth where super heroes began operating around the time that World War II began,” said Invisible Kid, “This must be the one colloquially designated by the Justice League of America of our 20th Century as Earth-2.”

“I’ve heard it called that” said Batman, “I’m a descendant of Bruce Wayne’s named Brane Taylor, still carrying on his legacy.”

“And the Butterfly Bandits thought they’d Taylor their abilities to deal with you,” said Timber Wolf.

“Cosmic Boy had to send you, didn’t he?” groaned Element Lad, “He couldn’t have picked Mon-El or Lightning Lad or even come himself. It had to be you.”

The Legionaires laughed for a moment, enjoying the banter, and then turned their attentions to getting Elroy Jetson home.

They wished the 30th Century of Earth-2 Batman all the best in his war on crime, and flew back to the rift, to find that Brainiac Five and Saturn Girl had joined the guard detail Legion members at the Jetsons’ apartment.

“Good news,” said Cosmic Boy, “Brainy’s worked out how to close the rifts with an explosive formula of his own. We’re getting it announced on television now by the others who went back to Legion club house, so that nobody else will see any point to going after Elroy or his family again.”

“That still doesn’t put my mind at rest,” said Jane, “I wish Elroy had never invented that formula?”

“I don’t have the extent of Saturn Queen’s mind control ability,” said Saturn Girl, “But I could enter Elroy’s mind enough to make him forget not just the formula, but the train of thought that led him to invent it. He’ll turn his mind to other projects and goals from now on. We can announce that on television too. It’s perfectly safe. I use the same trick on Superboy, every time he’s about to return to his own time after a visit to us as an honorary Legionnaire.”

“Then please do that for us,” said George, “Spacely hit the roof when he saw all the lightning blasts damage in my office.”

“So did Bouncing Boy at the time it was happening,” said Mon-El, “He also hit the walls, the floor, the desk, and several other items of furniture in George’s office.

Astro didn’t seem very friendly towards the Legionnaires. Saturn Girl communicated telepathically with Astro to learn why. When asked why, he said that the Space Mutts all applied to join the Legion of Super-Pets and were rejected because they had no super powers. They claimed that most of them could speak English, rather than just barking. What other dogs could do that? But it still didn’t count as a super power. So they formed the Legion of Destitute Pets until Space Ace offered them work as his team. The Legion of Super-Pets had claimed that they’d gotten the idea of heavily screening membership applicants from the LSH, and Astro felt rejected on principle. Rosie said that Space Ace (whom she’d spoken to most days) must really appreciate the Space Mutts’ contributions to his missions, if he was prepared to put up with all their bad jokes.

“You should hear Timber Wolf’s,” said Element Lad.

Astro felt that this news boosted his self esteem, and he lost his animosity towards the Legion. Then they heard a strange screaming coming from outside the apartment, and went out to see Star Boy running on the treadmill, calling out, “Jetsons, get me off this crazy thing!”

“Should we remind him that he could always use his flight ring?” asked Brainiac.

“In a few minutes,” said Dream Girl.

Suddenly Rond Vidar burst into the room.

“Found you at last!” he panted, “I’ve been looking for you guys all day. One of your Legion reject applicants has come to believe that the Fatal Five are descendants of the 20th Century’s Inferior Five. He’s gone back to wipe out the villains’ ancestory, and hence the villains themselves, by killing the Inferior Five. Looks like you guys will have to get your time bubbles ready to go.”

“How could Validus be descended from any intelligent being? He’d more likely be the descendant of someone with mental lightning powers or some approximation. Maybe the Doom Patrol’s Mento got his helmet stuck on his head, like Validus’s is over his brain now,” said Star Boy.

“Would you believe one of them calls herself Dumb Bunny?” said Rond, “Hey, I never said that this ex Legion try-out nut was right, merely thinks he is. He still has to be stopped.”

“Oh no!” groaned Ultra Boy, “Here we go again.”