INTERIOR: EDIE
EXT. TRAILER – EVENING
Evening. Sounds of crickets. We open on a trailer on a Hollywood set, yellow light visible through the window blinds. A young man’s shadow moves behind them. Music plays from inside—a TV theme, something from an old sitcom.
INT. TRAILER – CONTINUOUS
The trailer is neat, almost compulsively so. What’s here is spare and cheap: a recliner, a small table, a smaller television, a cot. The young man from before collapses backward into the armchair, rocking it back, beer in hand. He clicks the remote—the TV gets louder.
SFX: A KNOCKING SOUND… on the roof.
The young man looks up, confused. SFX: KNOCKING again. He jumps, nearly spilling his beer.
ANGLE ON: A LARGE SHADOW crosses outside his window.
EXT. TRAILER – CONTINUOUS
The young man cracks the trailer door, peers outside – and upward. The shadow crosses over his body; it’s roughly human shaped, belonging to somebody well over a hundred feet tall. He looks up just as a huge voice rings out:
VOICE
Are you Lars?
LARS
Uh. That’s me.
ANGLE UP ON: THE GIANTESS. Looming, her face half-in-shadow. Her blonde curls dangle around a heart-shaped face with dark lips and eyeshadow. A choker circles her throat. This is:
EDIE
I’m Edie. I’m your costar.
LARS
(stunned)
Uh-huh.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD LOT – SOME TIME LATER
A hillside beside a gravel lot. Trailers strewn like Jenga blocks. The hill is green. EDIE reclines on it, with the setting sun behind her. LARS occupies a lawn chair below. The sky is brilliant.
EDIE
(gesturing with a packet of papers)
You’ve read the script, I guess.
LARS
If you can call it that. I’ve got one line.
EDIE:
Well, it’s a toothpaste commercial.
(a laugh on her voice)
I’m just glad they haven’t got me in a costume for this one.
LARS
Are they paying you scale?
EDIE glares down at him, mock-offended.
EDIE
Oh, ha-ha. Like I’ve never heard that one. The giantess actress, working for scale. Save it for your tight five at the Laugh Factory.
LARS:
I’m just trying to lighten the mood.
EDIE
Were things so grim before?
LARS looks down in his lap at his own copy of the script. The camera flies across the words, lingering on the phrase “…SWISHES, SWALLOWS.”
LARS
I figured you didn’t get me out of my trailer to run lines.
EDIE looks down at her own script, then lays it aside and looks off at the horizon.
EDIE’S POV: A jet airliner arcs across the sky.
BACK ON LARS. EDIE’s huge hand rests near him, fingers drumming nervously.
EDIE
(off-screen)
I guess I didn’t.
LARS
You’re worried about the third setup.
EDIE
(almost annoyed)
No shit, I’m worried about the third setup.
LARS
Have you done it before?
EDIE
Are you asking, have I had someone in my mouth before?
LARS
Yes.
ON EDIE. She doesn’t look at LARS.
EDIE
Then yes.
A beat. LARS stares forward, looks up at EDIE, then looks forward again.
LARS
What?
EDIE
I’m saying: I’ve had somebody in my mouth before.
The camera swings upward, putting LARS and EDIE in the same frame. She’s looking down at him, again framed by her dangling blonde hair. Expression inscrutable in the gloom.
LARS
(a little shaken)
…who?
EDIE
Does it matter?
(a beat)
Another actor, for another spot. An actress my size, there’s only so many kinds of parts they want me for. Sooner or later, we all put somebody in our mouths.
LARS
Uh-huh.
EDIE
Why, have you done it?
LARS
Done what?
EDIE smacks her forehead.
EDIE
Genius. What are we talking about? Been in someone’s mouth.
LARS
Yes.
EDIE
Seriously?
LARS nods, looking far away. Finally he feels EDIE’s eyes on him and looks up:
LARS’ POV: EDIE stares down at him eagerly.
EDIE
Well? What was it like? I’ve never done it.
LARS
Is it okay if we don’t talk
about it?
OFF EDIE’s look:
LARS
It wasn’t for work. It was an old girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. She wanted to try it. She’d read this story called “Fear and Delight” online and…
EDIE
(interrupting)
I read that.
LARS
You what?
EDIE
“Fear and Delight.” I read it. Back in high school.
LARS
(shaken again)
Then you know what she wanted.
OUR POV looks past LARS’ turned head to EDIE’s flat stomach. Idly, her giant fingers rise up and stroke her belly, under her shirt.
EDIE
(off-screen)
I guess I do. So…
LARS
So, what?
EDIE
Did she? You know…
LARS
What happened to not talking about it?
EDIE
Oh, come on. You’re going in my mouth tomorrow. With cameras and everything. I need to know you’re not going to be weird about it.
LARS
I’m not going to be weird about it.
EDIE
Good. You don’t seem like the type.
LARS drags his eyes away from her stomach, up to her face. OUR POV passes EDIE’s huge breasts, lingering there almost guiltily before finding her face.
LARS
Are you going to be weird about it?
EDIE
Maybe a little. It’s all kind of intimate, isn’t it?
LARS
That’s what Morgan tried to tell me.
EDIE
You don’t buy it, though.
LARS
I don’t have to buy it or not. I’ve done it. It wasn’t. It was wet and warm and that’s all it was. There wasn’t anything to like or dislike. It was just a thing that happened to me.
EDIE looks away, face hidden by the drape of her hair.
EDIE
(a little guiltily)
I thought it could be kind of hot.
LARS freezes, then slowly gets to his feet.
ANGLE ON: EDIE’s huge hand, tightened around a handful of earth she dug up with her long fingers. Scores in the earth from her nervous fingers crisscross the hill.
ON LARS again, slowly getting to his feet.
LARS
I think it’s officially weird.
EDIE
Lars, don’t go…
LARS
I want to go over the script a little more.
EDIE
You’ve only got one line.
LARS
I want to be alone.
EDIE
Lars…
LARS
The hell did you call me out here for?
EDIE
I met with the director this afternoon.
LARS turns, already halfway down the hill.
LARS
(after a pause)
You met with Benneck?
EDIE nods solemnly—and a little ashamed.
EDIE
He wanted to talk to me before the shoot tomorrow.
LARS
Well, what did he want?
EDIE
(breathlessly)
He wants to shoot the third setup in one take.
LARS
(deer in the headlights)
He wants to shoot it practically? But that’s the scene where your character…
EDIE
(finishing for him)
…swallows your character whole, yes.
LARS
No effects.
EDIE
Zero.
LARS
Meaning, you’d be swallowing me whole. On camera.
EDIE’s toe kicks the heel of her other bare foot.
EDIE
That’s about the size of it.
A BEAT. LARS turns on his heel and starts down the hill.
LARS
Well, good night, Edie.
EDIE
Good night? Where are you going?
LARS
If I book now, I can still catch a flight back to Ohio. Or an early bird tomorrow.
EDIE
Don’t you think you’re overreacting?
LARS WHEELS on her, red-faced.
LARS
When was he going to tell me?
EDIE
I’m telling you now.
LARS
Was he going to tell me at all?
EDIE looks at the ground.
LARS
Uh-huh. Like I said: Good night.
EDIE
Please don’t leave.
LARS
Are you going to stop me?
EDIE
I could. But no.
LARS
You thought about it.
EDIE
Lars…
LARS
Why the hell is this so important to you?
EDIE
I need the money.
LARS
Of course. It’s a pro gig.
EDIE wrings her hands in her lap.
EDIE
No, I mean… I need it, need it.
LARS pauses. Anger melts into something else. Intrigue, maybe?
LARS
What for?
EDIE
Is it okay if we don’t talk
about it?
(a beat, then she acquiesces)
I’m gonna lose my apartment.
LARS
You’re fucking with me.
EDIE
Nuh-uh. We don’t all live in the Towers. I’ve got my own place.
LARS
Not for long, though. That’s what you’re saying
SFX: DISTANT SIRENS wail, then fall silent.
EDIE
Not for long.
EDIE lays back on the hill, flat on her back. As vulnerable as she can make herself.
EDIE
(con’t.)
So I need my costar. I need this shoot to happen.
LARS
Talk to Benneck. Maybe we can do the scene another way.
EDIE turns to him. Her eyes are firm with purpose.
EDIE
He’s not gonna shoot it another way.
A LONG PAUSE. LARS considers this.
LARS
What did he say. Tell me exactly.
EDIE
Look at page three of the script.
LARS flips pages: EDIE does the same.
EDIE
(reading aloud)
“Interior, apartment bathroom. Customer squeezes Swish-and-Swallow Toothpaste from tube onto toothbrush, along with…”
LARS
(continuing, also reading aloud)
“…along with Minty, dressed all in mint green with a mint green stocking cap. He grins to the camera, then rides the toothbrush up to Customer’s mouth.”
EDIE
(continuing, still reading aloud)
“Closeup on Customer’s lips. The toothbrush, with Minty in tow, hangs just outside them, ready to enter. Customer’s mouth opens behind him, he speaks…
LARS
(reading aloud, as MINTY)
“Swish-and-Swallow Brand Toothpaste. As fresh as fresh can get…”
EDIE
(continuing, reading as the narrator)
“Camera tracks Minty as Customer thrusts toothbrush between her lips and into her mouth. Minty hops off, standing on her tongue…
Close on LARS, looking up at him past the pages of the script. His hands shake.
LARS
(reading as MINTY, but hesitantly)
“…and safely… swallowable.”
EDIE
(continuing reading)
“Begin montage. Customer shuts her mouth around the brush, cleans her teeth, leans over the sink to spit—then looks into the mirror, opening her mouth to reveal Minty. In the mirror, we move to another closeup on her mouth, speaking the words…”
EDIE sneaks a look down at LARS, whose face hides behind his script.
EDIE
(continued, as CUSTOMER)
“Down the hatch…!”
LARS
(reading as the narrator)
“Customer closes her mouth and swallows Minty. SFX: sound of gulping. Splash logo.”
LARS glares up at EDIE.
LARS
Right there, then?
EDIE
He said, just do it live. Benneck, I mean. He wanted it to look real.
LARS
It would’ve looked plenty real the other way. You shut your lips with me inside, the camera cuts, you spit me out. Cameras back on, you bob your head back like you’re swallowing. What’s Benneck’s damage?
EDIE
I don’t think it’s got anything to do with the ad.
(a beat)
I think he wants it to be real.
A LONG PAUSE. LARS studies his script.
LARS
And you’re going to lose your apartment.
EDIE
Unless I can…
LARS
Uh-huh.
(a beat)
Would you have done it?
EDIE
Not without checking with you. I’m checking with you now.
LARS
(flatly)
That’s awful nice of you.
EDIE
I’d never do it without your permission.
LARS
Is that what you came here to do? Get my permission?
EDIE
(nodding)
Or persuade you.
LARS
Persuade me? To let you swallow me.
EDIE only nods again. She sits up, this movement startling LARS back.
LARS
Have you done it before?
EDIE
(no hesitation)
Yes.
LARS
You… Why?
EDIE
(shrugging)
I was into it. She was into it. It was hot.
LARS
(curious, in spite of himself)
She…?
EDIE shoots him a look.
EDIE
Don’t make a thing out of it. The point is that it doesn’t have to be scary. It can be fun.
(a magical pause)
Or sensual. If you really give yourself to it. If you do it right.
LARS
I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it could be anything but…
Close on EDIE’s knowing face. She understands that it’s…
EDIE
…terrifying.
LARS
That so hard to believe?
EDIE
No. It’s not hard to believe.
ANGLE ON: EDIE’s hand, fingers tapping nervously. LARS is close—maybe the hand has moved closer. He looks up from this to her face, off-screen.
LARS
But you didn’t have to tell me.
EDIE
(off-screen)
Yes, I did.
A LONG PAUSE. Camera moves from behind LARS’ back to in front of him, coming closer for an intimate shot. He wrestles with the decision, contorting his features.
LARS
How would you persuade me?
Camera pulls back, showing LARS in full—and EDIE’s open hand coming toward him. The fingers wrap around his waist, starting to lift him up.
EDIE
(warmly)
Let me show you.
LARS
Please be careful…
EDIE
Of course.
LARS is lifted off-screen. CUT TO:
LARS sitting sprawled on EDIE’s huge palm. A beat, then:
SPLIT-SCREEN: LARS’ hesitant face/EDIE’s eager eyes.
EDIE
Are you scared?
LARS
(from the depths)
Yes.
EDIE
I understand. Thank you for trusting me.
CLOSE ON: EDIE’s enormous lips. She speaks, and it fogs the lens slightly.
EDIE
Let me show you how it feels when you do it right.
ANGLE ON: LARS on EDIE’s hand, again lifted out of frame. LARS toys with the buttons on his long-sleeve shirt. SFX: COMMERCIAL JINGLE starts to play.
LARS
Should I…?
EDIE
(off-screen)
Shh. Just let me…
VOICE OF ‘MINTY’
(cheery)
Swish-and-Swallow Brand Toothpaste. As fresh as fresh can get…
EDIE
Let me show you…
REAR LOW ANGLE ON: EDIE, tipping something off her hand into her mouth.
VOICE OF ‘MINTY’
…and safely swallowable!
FADE TO:
INT. FILM SET – THE NEXT DAY
Morning. We’re tight on a copy of the script, held in hairy-knuckled male hands. Pull back to reveal: RICK BENNECK, sitting in his director’s chair. 40s, gone to seed, hairy all over, ball cap covering receding hairline. He folds up the paper script.
BENNECK
(hollering)
Molly!
A harried blonde appears at BENNECK’s elbow. She puts a coffee cup in his hand.
MOLLY
Right here, Mr. Benneck.
BENNECK
Oh. Thanks.
(sip of coffee)
That’s pretty good. Where the hell’s our Minty?
MOLLY
(consulting a clipboard)
He should be with wardrobe now.
BENNECK
Well, I checked. He’s not.
MOLLY
I’ll look for him.
BENNECK
I need you with me. I’ve got guys looking for him.
MOLLY
At least our Customer’s here.
POV UP AT: A 100-foot tall ACTRESS standing near a scaffold, having makeup applied by a team of normal-sized MAKEUP ARTISTS. It’s not EDIE—it’s a redhead we haven’t seen. In the background we see an enormous bathroom set being constructed around her.
BENNECK
(off-screen)
Thank God.
On BENNECK:
BENNECK
(hollering)
Hey, Amanda! How are we feeling!
AMANDA, the giantess actress, flashes a thumbs-up by her waist, keeping her face still.
On BENNECK and MOLLY.
MOLLY
At least something’s going right today.
BENNECK
Look, tell that understudy kid we might need him today after all. I’m giving Lars another ten minutes, then I’m rolling without him. Kapish?
MOLLY
You’re the boss.
BENNECK
Damn straight.
Exit MOLLY. SFX: PHONE BUZZING. BENNECK snaps his flip-phone open like a switchblade, throwing it to his ear.
BENNECK
Go for Benneck.
(a pause—BENNECK’s demeanor softens)
Edie! How’s my favorite niece?
SMASH CUT TO CREDITS. COMMERCIAL JINGLE plays over them.