"....And I love cartoons, but they can get so campy sometimes. I feel like they're scared to commit because they know a kid might end up watching. So they try to slip in these wholesome messages on top of the dirty jokes, and it's like a turd dipped in chocolate!"
The crowd erupted into applause. Gina cracked a smile, pausing to allow her audience a brief reprieve. "Hey! Don't cringe at me, lady in the back." she cried, feigning defensiveness. "I'm not the one who put Family Dude on public television during a primetime slot. You ought to take that Karen energy and direct it to your local Congressman!" she continued as the crowd broke into another fit of laughter.
Then she motioned like a pitcher winding up for a throw and said, "You ready for the fastball, though? As kids, we ate that shit up. Right? They fed us all kinds of toxic imagery, like the angry turkey fights and rapey neighbors. Then they sprinkled in shit like 'always put the needs of others before your own', or 'beauty is only skin deep'. Mothafuckers! That shit is confusing! No wonder I can't find a man without some kind of repressed kink!"
She stifled a laugh as the crowd responded with a combination of laughs and gasps. Then she adjusted her pencil skirt and sat on the stool next to her onstage. The backs of her heels were beginning to chafe from the hours of back-to-back performances she'd done in her 4-inch stilettos. She'd chosen a sleeveless, frilly white blouse and a pair of circular spectacles to further compliment the sexy teacher's assistant aesthetic she was sporting that evening. She had her jet black hair tied back in a tight bun, with a #2 pencil poked through.
"I mean it, guys! I'm 6'1”! In these heels, I'm practically a giraffe. The only guys that ever come my way look like him!" she raved, pointing to a diminutive man in the front row. The crowd roared as the man's face began to redden. He and Gina locked eyes, and a dark look crossed her face. She took a swig from a water bottle on the ground and rose to her feet again. "I'm sorry little guy. I didn't hurt you, did I?" she said condescendingly. As she did so, she knelt and made a hand gesture like a mother wiping a child's tears. The crowd continued to laugh at her antics. "Why don't you come on up here with me, shorty!?"
The man's eyes widened, and he began to blush more. He shook his head and tried to avoid eye contact with her. "Oh, no way! You're sitting front and center at a comedy club. C'mon, little guy. Do you want me to hold your hand?" said Gina as she reached out to him. Another wave of laughter rose from the audience. The man looked around and realized every eye in the room was on him. He was really starting to look nervous now. He appeared to be saying something back, but his voice wouldn't carry up to the stage. Gina coned her hand around her ear and gave an exaggerated lean in his direction. "She's not going to let me off the hook here, huh?" he thought. She stood tall and motioned him up with a patronizing wave.
Several more snickers came from around the man as he trembled in his seat. He took another glance around the room at the many faces that were expectant of his complicity. Then he rose to his feet. His thin form had been obscured while seated. Standing up, he heard more giggles as the other patrons scrutinized his minuscule features. Standing an even 5' tall, he certainly wasn't cutting an imposing figure. He wore a plain pair of blue jeans and a white turtleneck shirt. On his feet were a pair of faded, walking sneakers. He looked sensible, pragmatic even to some. This made it difficult to judge his age. His short, wavy hair was a deep brown and showed no signs of receding. He could've been anywhere between 25 to 38.
The flustered man slowly approached the stage, still avoiding eye contact with the domineering Gina. Her energy was so powerful that it felt like she had the entire room in the palm of her hand. The man quickly realized that she wasn't lying about her height either. With every step closer to her that he took, the considerable difference in their sizes became more apparent. She was right on the money with her assumption. He was the sort of man who would be into a woman like her—seeing her shine confidently on stage. She was the most attractive woman he'd ever seen. Unfortunately, he could tell she was poised to strike again. The crowd gave another small laugh as the two stood side by side.
"Yeah! I played volleyball in college." she croaked haughtily to the crowd as though they'd asked. "And I was a freaking beast! Look at these guns. Huh?" she continued, flexing her bicep. Sure enough, an impressive lump swelled up inside of her long, feminine arm. A few more gasps could be heard around the room. She quickly turned to him and said, "How about you, shrimpy? What kinda heat are you packing?". The mic was thrust into his face as she pinched his tiny arm. "What's your name, by the way, pencil dick?" she interrupted, pulling the mic back.
Sweat stains had begun to form under the man's arms as he managed to stutter an inaudible response. " Oh, I'm sorry, sweety," she said as she brought the mic back to his mouth. She ruffled his hair as he tried to speak, making his face flush a deeper red.
"T-tom," he choked out. "What do you do for a living, T-tom?" she countered. "S-softw-, I have my own business," he said a little more confidently. "You really shouldn't mess with me." he continued pulling the mic back. Gina was attempting to make another witty retort, but he had enough. He said, " I made more money when my company was in its start-up phase than you'll ever make in your life."
He snatched the microphone and walked to the front of the stage. "And all of you too!" he yelled to the crowd. "Careless oafs like you all, encouraging bullies like her to be awful is what's wrong with the world. Meanwhile, good and honest folk like myself have to endure criticism, even when we are good to the world! My company's products keep people safe. Her jokes only do damage."
Several jaws in the audience had dropped. Tom was feeling quite pleased with himself; until he saw Gina's hand reach over his shoulder and close on the mic. He held on tight as she tried to tug it away. Then he turned around, looked her straight in the eye, and said indignantly, "I'm not done yet." Surprisingly he was able to keep his grasp on the mic; despite how much bigger than him she was. "Yes, you are," she said calmly. She then simply began raising her arm. All of Tom's bravado evaporated as his feet left the ground. She only needed one arm to lift his entire body and didn't seem to struggle either.
Tom was horrified. She casually held the mic overhead in front of her, so they were face to face. Narrowing her eyes, she patiently stared at him. Conversely, he was struggling just to keep his grip. His legs dangled pathetically as he stared her back in the eyes with a look of terror. She gave the mic a nonchalant shake, and Tom fell to the floor in a heap. "I'm what's wrong with the world? "You sound like a serial killer in his teenage years," she said coldly.
"You wanna know why guys like you get treated like this? Because you walk around with this entitled chip on your shoulder. Whenever you don't get what you want, you want to take it out on the rest of us. In truth, you're just a loser that nobody wants. That's why with all of that money you made, you're still here alone without a date, staring all thirsty at me. What's wrong? You couldn't pay your secretary enough to appear in public with your scrawny ass?"
The room exploded into a deafening roar of laughter. Tom got to his feet and stared Gina in the eyes helplessly. Her expression was icy. He could hear jeers from the crowd saying all sorts of nasty things. Closing her eyes, he started to feel tears welling up. He turned away from her in shame, but this only resulted in more laughing from the audience when they saw him weeping. He squeezed his eyes tighter as a sudden wave of vertigo hit him. When he opened them, he swore he must've been disoriented because something wasn't right. The crowd had gone silent again, their faces shocked and confused.
He felt a hand rest on his shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" asked Gina with genuine concern. Tom whirled around with tears still in his eyes. He saw that her facial expressions had softened. Then he saw her hand on his shoulder and noticed it was twice the size he had remembered. He took a step back and realized she was leaning considerably. His chest started to tighten. He took one last cursory glance around the room to confirm his suspicions. He was at least a foot shorter now.
"Get away from me, you sadistic bruja!" he screamed as he began to panic. Immediately, Gina's expression became cold again. She grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him again, this time entirely overhead. His eyes bulged as he stared back down at her silently. She brought the mic to her mouth with the other hand. "You see what I mean about you? You're just a scared little man who can't handle how big the world is," she said. Her narrowed eyes and chilling tone could've frozen the sun.
Tom began to feel vertigo again as tears slipped from his eyes down onto her blouse. The crowd watched in awe as his body squeezed itself smaller and smaller, suspended in the air by just one of Gina's powerful arms. This humiliation was taking its toll on his psyche. His tears now came much heavier. Vertigo intensified, numbing his senses. He could still hear onlookers gasping as the spectacular sight continued to occur. He surmised that he was close to 3 feet tall by now.
Gina pondered what to do next. This grumpy little man was diminishing away right in her grasp. She could see the fear and frustration overflowing from within him. "Alright, now it's time to bring it home," she thought. She mercifully lowered her arm and allowed his feet to touch the floor. Still clenching his shirt, she pulled him in close. He had to crane his neck to meet her gaze as his eyes were level with her crotch. Tom noted that in such close vicinity, he could smell her enjoyment wafting from her nether regions. She looked down at him menacingly.
"You know Tommy; you don't look so good. I think you should come back to my place tonight and let me take care of you. I already got a special room picked out for you. I call it 'Gina's gyna'. " she said with a cruel laugh. The audience laughed as well. Tom nearly fainted. He struggled in her grasp, desperately trying to get away as he felt another wave of vertigo. He continued to squirm and shrink smaller until his shirt no longer bound him. He was now under 2 feet tall. He turned and made to sprint for an exit, but he stumbled on his discarded jeans and fell face first. He was getting to his feet again when he felt Gina's heeled shoe press on his back with just enough force to push him back to his knees.
"Oh yeah, you're definitely gonna be my new pet," she said triumphantly. "Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to close this act by showing the audience how I'm going to be training you later." she continued. She applied more pressure with her foot. Tom groaned in pain. He looked up at the content faces of the audience members. They wanted this. "Those inconsiderate neanderthals are worth less than dirt," he thought angrily. In one last act of defiance, he reached his hand out to the crowd and stuck up his middle. Then he felt something sharp cut his backside.
"No! Bad boy!" Gina scolded. She held the mic by its base and swung the chord down at him like a whip. "Don't. Be. Rude. To. Company." Each word came with another lash—this time, the crowd applauded. A few even went so far as to give standing ovations. Tom could feel vertigo overtaking him as he wept inconsolably. However, Gina did not stop. She continued to whip him as he dwindled smaller and smaller. When Tom was covered in welts, she finally stopped. He was now only 6 inches tall. She removed her shoe, which had fully eclipsed his back at that point, and knelt to pick him up.
Tom fit easily in grasp. She rose to her feet and put the mic back in its stand. Then she picked up her water bottle and drank the rest of its contents.
Tom looked up at her and said something inaudible. "I can't hear your Tommy. Are you trying to apologize?" asked Gina. She squeezed his bruised body, and he nodded in agreement. "That's so mature of you, little guy. Now I want you to tell them." She held him in front of the mic stand. "I-I'm s-s-sorry!" sulked Tom, bursting into tears again. She felt him shrinking again and slipped him into her cleavage. "You see, folks, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. Thank you so much for coming out tonight, everyone. You've been wonderful! I'm gonna head home and break this little fella in." she sneered, smiling broadly.
The audience members gave massive applause as she strutted off stage. She could still feel Tom squirming in her bra. "I've got something to show you," she said, pulling Tom from her clothes. She held a small bottle of bright yellow liquid in front of him. "Your height is in here. All you have to do is drink this, and you'll be back to normal." Tom's eyes widened. He flung his arms wildly at the bottle, which was about twice his size. "You want it, right?" she continued. He nodded vigorously. "Hmmm," she said innocently. "Nah, I think I could use the extra inches." With that, she popped the top off the bottle and downed its contents. An evil smile spread across her face as she felt a wave of pleasure shoot up her spine.