I don't remember the last time I felt this angry. The closest thing would be when Sara and I had our argument, but even then, I didn't feel this way. My face feels hot and I feel like screaming. 

I was out shopping for groceries when my phone started going off. Text after text kept pouring in. At first, I figured Nick was just excited about something again, or maybe he had some last-minute request for me. As they continue to develop the city, they are always asking for more resources. Knowing better than to ignore him, I pulled out my phone to see what he was saying. I felt my blood run cold as I read his messages.

"Jeannine, did you invite a guest over?"

"Are you home?"

"There's someone in your house."

"They are coming into your bedroom."

"She doesn't see us. Yet."

"Magna Gratia is in danger." 

"Help!"

I dropped my basket and hurried out of the store. Once I was out, I broke into a full-on sprint all the way home. I was only five minutes away, but I didn't want to waste a single second.

Who could it be? Was there a break in? Could it be the landlord? No, Nick said it was a 'she'. Did I drop my keys somewhere? I check my purse, confirming they are still with me. I know for a fact that I never gave my spare key to anyone. I keep it outside my door, hidden inside of the potted plant by the welcome mat. It was Mom's idea when she helped me move in. I didn't tell anyone about it, not even Sara.

That only leaves one person that it could be. Someone who I know for a fact harbors a deep hatred of Lillis.

"Oh no. This couldn't be any worse!"

I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life. If I'd timed myself, it would have probably been a new personal best. By the time I made it to my building, rode the elevator up, and entered my apartment, it was already too late.

And now I am here, shutting the door to my bedroom. I am horrified, in utter disbelief, and extremely anxious. But most of all, I am furious. I glare at Mom from across the room. 

She's sitting on the couch now, facing away, waiting for me to join her. The way she casually brushed me off after doing what she did is unbelievable. I made it very clear that if she was going to visit, she should tell me first. Even if she had her mind set on surprising me, that is no excuse for going into my room and destroying something of mine. What she did was unacceptable!

"She's still your mother. Try not to explode all at once." I remind myself. "You know how defensive she gets."

I come around the couch and take my seat next to her. I force a smile and try to keep calm, despite how I'm feeling. Mom scoots over and wraps her arms around me, bringing me close for a hug. She sighs deeply, sound very content.

"I've missed you, baby. You hardly call anymore. I haven't seen you since Christmas!"

I love my mom, really I do, but I'm finding it difficult to hug her back. She doesn't deserve it. Yet, I find my arms instinctively embracing her anyway. I embrace her, only for her to return the squeeze twice as hard. The two of us then pull away and face each other. She's smiling from ear to ear, she's so happy. She must have missed me far more than I realized.

"I missed you too, Mom. It's been ages. Time flies."

"Maybe for you, miss university girl! Some of us work jobs. Very boring jobs that are no fun at all. But they pay your tuition, so they're worth it. You know, I never did get to attend university..."

"Yes, Mom, I know. You've told me this a million times."

"Oh, have I? Well, then you know how important it is to do well in your studies. You're very privileged."

I'm well aware of that, considering I deal with some of the most underprivileged, neglected, and abused people in the world. It would be ungrateful to complain about the little things when I know how people like Nick, Ori, and the rest have suffered. Compared to them, I am beyond blessed.

"I take nothing for granted, you know that." 

"Good. That's the girl I raised. And here I was worrying that university would change you! And with Sara's influence, oh my..." She laughs. "How is she, by the way?"

"She's good. Slacking as usual, but good."

"So, tell me." She says while taking my hands into hers. "I want to hear all about your second year! What you've learned and seen, who you've met and where you've been." She then gives me a suggestive look. "Are there any boys? You can tell me. I won't judge."

I wish we could have had this conversation under better circumstances. When I was younger, we used to love to gossip. We were much closer then, before I learned about her sick, twisted tendencies. As much as I love her, I cannot overlook how she treats those smaller than her. Whereas Sara did what she did out of apathy, Mom enjoys hurting them. I see it on her face, plain as day, when she crushed them between her fingers. I saw it again when I entered my room. She takes pleasure in it.

Suddenly, I don't want her hands touching mine. These hands were used to destroy my city. I can even see some dirt under one of her nails, likely debris that got caught under there when she was trying to clean up her mess. That dirt could just have easily been blood. We got lucky.

"Mom, we need to talk." I say, taking my hands back. "We can gossip all you want later. First, we need to address what you did."

To my surprise, her expression turns apologetic. Almost remorseful, if my eyes aren't playing tricks on me.

"You're right."

"I... I am?" I ask, confused by her instant agreement.

"I was hoping I could play it off like it didn't matter, but I should've known better." She sighs. "While I won't apologize for letting myself in, I am sorry for touching your things. Especially something that expensive. I hope you can fix it."

I stare at her in disbelief. This is so unlike her. My mother is the definition of stubborn. She never apologizes, either. What has come over her? I don't understand. 

"I'm not sure if it can be fixed. That's beside the point, though..."

"I don't see why it can't still help you with your research. I only broke a small part of it?"

Explaining why her actions are so much worse than she realizes will be impossible unless I expose my secret. She has no idea that my 'model' is home to an entire population of Lillis. I shudder at what she might've done if she'd discovered that, or worse, if I had taken longer to get home. My entire city would be gone! My friends, our effort, our meticulous planning, all gone with one stomp of her foot. But that didn't actually happen. The damage was minimal and no lives were lost.

So why am I so angry?

"I guess so." I finally say, unable to meet her gaze. "Just, please, never do that again. Don't go in my room and don't touch things that you know are fragile."

"Yes, dear. I swear I won't, okay?"

"Okay."

I take a deep breath to calm myself down. It does little to change how I'm feeling. Despite hearing her apologize, I am still upset, only now I'm not sure who to be upset at. If not her, then who? I suppose the only one who could be responsible is me. This happened before with Sara. The only difference was that she kept her hands to herself. I'd been meaning to put a different lock on the door, one that can be locked from either side, but never got around to it. Thanks to me putting it off, this happened. It could have been prevented if only I'd taken the time to protect them better.

It's all my fault.

"Jeannine, are you okay? If I knew it would bother you this much I never would have come near it. I said I was sorry, baby."

I feel a pain in my chest. The feeling of guilt is growing. I'm no longer angry at her, but the look on my face must say otherwise.

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Jeannine, you can ask me anything. I'm not a stranger." 

"Do you still hate tinies?"

She makes a guilty face, nodding. "This is because I spat on your model, isn't it?" 

"Why, Mom? What did they ever do to you?"

"I just don't like them, plain and simple. As long as they stay in their little corner of the world, I have no problem with them. They can build their little buildings and live their little lives, like real people."

"And what about the Remnants?"

"I say they're fair game. They know that this nation is no longer theirs, yet they stay out of some backwards principles. They lost the war, didn't they?"

"They did-"

"Then they should leave. Those who stay are stubborn, and it's our job to remind them who's in charge. They forget that what's left of their nation only exists because we let it. It was a gift. Remnants spit in our faces by remaining here, creeping around just under our noses. I felt like spitting back."

"That's terrible." I tell her, shaking my head. I'm not surprised by her answer, only disappointed. She hasn't changed at all. "I don't expect you to treat them as kindly as I do, but is it too much to ask for you to live and let live?"

"Nope. I stand by my principles. Though, you'll be happy to know that I don't do it like I used to! No more drowning in boiling water or spraying them with insecticide. Just one, quick, merciful stomp of the foot. No more unnecessary suffering."

I look at my mom, who seems to be very proud of herself. Does she expect me to praise her? The way I see it, she's gone from being a psychopath to just plain cruel. Now she's no different than the vast majority of our people. What an improvement...

"I don't know what to say."

"Oh, come on! Wouldn't you rather I tell you the truth? It's better than telling you what you want to hear."

"After hearing all that, maybe it would be better if you just lied to me."

"Hey." She says, raising a brow at me. "You were the one who asked."

Rather than answer her, I get up and head to the kitchen. I turn the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea. I could really use it right about now.

"Whatever. Can I get you something to drink?" 

"That's sweet of you, dear, but I'll have to pass." She gets up, putting her purse on her shoulder, and walking over to me. She gives me a peck on the cheek. "I wasn't sure when you'd be free, so I booked a room at the hotel two blocks down. I was on my way to visit a friend, but I figured I'd drop by here first."

"How long will you be in town?"

"Three days. It should be enough to do my shopping, see her, and most importantly, catch up with you. I'm expecting you to answer all of my questions when you're in a better mood."

"Sure, Mom. I should be free tomorrow."

"Lovely! I can't wait to hear all about it." She then pokes me in the side, causing me to flinch. "Especially the boys."

"Mom! There aren't any boys!" I exclaim, losing my patience with her.

"Still ticklish, I see." She giggles. "Alright, Jeannine. I'll see you later. I love you, baby."

"Love you too. Have a nice time."

Mom leaves, closing the apartment door behind her. As soon as I hear the click, I exhale loudly. This is how she usually is. She always tries extra hard to cheer me up when I'm down. She tried twice as hard because it was her that upset me in the first place. I appreciate it, on some level. I can't believe that someone with so much hate in her heart can have just as much love at the same time. It doesn't make sense to me.

Thoughts of Mom and our conversation replay through my head while I sip my drink. I drink it there in the kitchen while standing over the counter. I can't sit right now, not while my precious city and its people are suffering. 

"Queen Jeannine." I repeat my honorary title aloud. "What a joke."

Once I'm done, I wash my cup and promptly head back to my room. With each step I take toward the city, my anxiety seems to grow. I notice that the tissue is still there on the floor, no longer damp, but peppered with bits of dirt and concrete. I lower myself into a kneeling position, just outside its border. Now that I'm alone, I can assess the situation better. 

With a shaky hand, I reach for my earpiece on my desk, and put it in my ear. Almost immediately after, I hear a familiar voice.

"Hey." Nick says. "I'm guessing your mom left?"

"She did."

"That's a relief. Err, sorry. No offense."

"None taken. I completely understand." I tell him, while my eyes take in the sight of the damage. At least three blocks sustained damage, and the park is completely gone. That's all I can tell from up here, at least. "How bad is it?"

"Uhh... Are you asking about the damage or the state of panic?"

I feel another intense pang of guilt in my chest. My voice is quiet, my tone so soft that the mic almost doesn't pick it up. "Both, I guess."

"Well, we'll live. The injured are being moved to the hospital. I think seeing your face put people at ease." He tries to cheer me up. I'm afraid it's not working. Not at all. "And you removing the tissue was a big help. Lots of debris went with it, so that aids cleanup. We can always build back what was lost, right?"

"That's good to hear. I'm...relieved." I try to force a smile, but it doesn't last for even five seconds. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes, but not right now. We're still evacuating the area. Once it's clear, I'll let you know. Shouldn't be more than fifteen minutes. Twenty, at most."

"Mhm." I say, only half listening to what he's saying. I look at the city all the time, but I rarely look at the area around it. I notice dust, some dirt, and even some of my hairs on the floor. When was the last time I cleaned the floor? I suppose I was so worried about getting close that I neglected to do that. Add that to the growing list of things I've been too lazy to do. I've been slacking, and it shows. 

I notice that my broom is out of place, for some reason. That must've been Mom's doing. I reach for it, only to pull my hand away before grabbing it. On second thought, I'll use wet wipes. It will take longer, but it'll be less scary for the Lillis. 

I go to the kitchen and come back with them, getting down on my hands and knees to clean. I'm so distracted that I forget that Nick is still on the line with me.

"Jeannine, this isn't your fault. You know that right?"

"..."

I don't respond. Instead, I continue to clean around the border, making sure to collect every last speck of dust. I need the floor to be spotless. If my tinies can see even a microgram of filth, then I've failed. Again.

"People may be worried, but they know you never intended for this to happen. If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that everyone will forgive you."

"..."

Another silence. Though I feel bad for ignoring him, I just can't bring myself to speak. There's nothing I can say right now that will fix this. It's not about how I feel. I'm not the victim here. If anything, the real victims have every right to distrust me. It's only natural. When Sara discovered them, I asked for them to trust me. I assured them that nothing like that would ever happen again. And what did I do with that trust? I allowed someone who deeply resents Lillis to wreak havoc on their home. Whatever illusion of protection I used to provide has been shattered.

"Jeannine. I know you can hear me." He says, sounding more worried than frustrated.

Finally, I give in. I say the only thing that feels right in a situation like this.

"I'm sorry."