Gabriella floated gently through the luscious valley, waving happily to the many tiny mortal souls scurrying at her feet. She sighed contentedly as she flew through a misty cloud, savoring the cool humid feeling of the air through her white feathered wings. Many of the mortals below, enjoying their well-earned paradise, pointed and stared in awe at the glow of her halo through the light mist.

This part of Heaven was mostly new arrivals, and the sight of their angelic guardian inspired whispers and excitement as the giantess flew above the fog covered mountains. It wasn’t the only place they could enter of course, there were beaches, lush jungles, sprawling cities, a soul would pass through the pearly gates and begin their afterlife in a climate that they found the most comfortable.

In these calm rolling hills, blanketed by cloudy fog, she had one soul in particular she was here to greet. She giggled to herself as she saw him below, in an isolated clearing far from the others… lost? Even in Heaven it could happen, but she’d help him… with a thought she knew everything about him, and her eyes lit up with delight as she realized just how she was going to guide him back to the path of righteousness.

Manuel Ortega had been a simple man, spending time with his family and friends in life. He wasn’t sure where he was, the last thing he remembered he and his friends had been heading out to their favorite bar to watch the game when… they’d passed a burning building? Yeah, that was it, a fire, and they’d all run in to help. He remembered getting one of the people out, an old lady, then going back inside and… then he’d passed through a white gate and found himself here, in woods that seemed just like the ones he'd gone camping in with his dad all those years ago…

“You saved four people Manny,” a melodious voice called from above him. He looked up and his eyes went wide with shock as he saw an immense woman, a hundred feet tall at least, levitating down to him.

She was a rich golden blonde, her hair trailing behind her even as the descent caused it to flutter around her head. Her blue eyes sparkled as she smiled, revealing pearly white teeth that matched her flowing robe and outstretched wings. Most impressive though, was that shimmering halo that floated just above her head, radiating light as bright as the sun, but which caused him no pain to look upon.

“You and your friends saved nearly a dozen people from that burning building,” she said softly, floating down in front of him, her massive bare feet settling into the grass and bringing it home to him just how large this woman, this Angel, was.

“W-Where am I?” Manny asked nervously, looking up into those warm eyes.

“Oh Manuel!” She giggled, “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this… but this is Heaven.”

He gulped, “So I’m-“

“Yes, I’m afraid so.”

“What about my friends?”

Gabriella sighed and smiled, he was just so cute, “They’re here too, think of this part as a sort of… transition, you will all meet with each other in the clearing at the end.”

“S-So you’re an angel?” he stammered, “but you’re so…”

“Big?” she laughed, “yes, we have a prophet on earth, Raps I think? He’s supposed to be spreading the news to make it less surprising.”

“What do I do now?” he asked, still in shock.

“Continue through the hills,” she said with a smile, “take as long or as little as you’d like, there are many things even here to explore.”

“No,” he moaned, “No no no! I had so many things I wanted to do! This isn’t fair!”

Gabriella sighed, this wasn’t uncommon… she decided she’d help him skip over a few stages and get to acceptance. She knew everything there was to know about him, his most secret desires. She honed in on one earthly pleasure he’d always been afraid to indulge in, and decided with a grin that he’d start off his afterlife with it.

Her foot lifted off the ground, her soles showing a small amount of dirt as she held them over the tiny mortal for a moment. She smirked, seeing his reaction, and feeling his lust as he tried to hide his arousal.

“You know, there’s not a lot of point in hiding that you’re into feet now,” she teased, “do you want me to step on you Manuel?”

“Uhh,” he gulped, looking up at the giant angel’s foot. He DID want her to, more than he’d ever wanted anything, and in a day where he’d apparently died this right here was the moment that caused his brain to lock up.

Tossing that ocean of blonde hair over her shoulder, she grinned, knowing she had him. With a snap of her fingers his clothes disappeared, and she gently poked him with the tip of her toe, causing him to stumble and fall over. The shadow of her foot fell over him.

“W-Wait!” he protested.

“Manny,” Gabriella said in a pouty voice, “This is paradise! It won’t hurt unless you want it to…”

The giant foot pressed down on him, that soft skin giving off a vanilla scent as his head was wedged between her toes. She was right, it didn’t hurt, but he did feel a strong pressure as she slowly, gently, pressed down and pushed him into the soft and grassy soil.

“Poor Manny,” she teased, “my feet are getting you all dirty!”

That was turning him on, and she gave him a knowing smile as she felt his erection straining against the bottom of her foot. The feet of an angel were soft, luscious even, and the tiny mortal soul gasped in shock as she very gently moved her foot against him, scrunching her toes to hold his body in place. It was like pure silk against him, the most pleasurable thing he’d ever felt as the angel ground her foot back and forth, biting her lower lip as she reveled in the feeling of raw power, of the human’s submission!

Gabriella would have told you she was a nice angel, and to almost all people she was, but she had some very… unholy desires towards the humans she shepherded through this section of the afterlife. Luckily, she could usually find some who wanted to play her particular game, and none of the higher ups had caught on yet.

“Just getting ground down like all the rest of the dirt on my perfect soles,” she laughed, “maybe we could get that arranged Manny? You could spend the next thousand years as just a speck of dust on my perfect feet!”

“I-I could!?” his eyes bulged and his back arced as he ground in pleasure, the angel picking up the tempo.

“I don’t know,” she mused, “you were good enough to get in here, but have you seen these feet Manny? They’re quite literally divine! Do you really think you’re good enough to be stuck to them for all eternity?”

“Y-Yes!” he shouted as the pleasure heightened, “please!”

“Kiss them!” she snapped, a wicked grin coming across her face, “like you mean it!”

He leaned over, doing his best to kiss the side of her big toe as she gave an amused laugh overhead. She threw back her head and sighed, enjoying the feeling of her toy showing appreciation for her angelic beauty. With a final quick scrunch of her soft sole against him she closed her eyes, listening to the wails as he sprayed his seed across the bottom of her foot.

“Oh,” she said with faux concern, “it looks like my feet didn’t just get you dirty, you got them dirty too!” She lifted her foot off him, stepping back to regard her tiny victim. He was in a stunned state of post-orgasm bliss, covered in the dust and dirt from her foot as well as his own cum. His head lolled backwards, a goofy grin on his face as he slipped further down into the footprint she’d left behind.

“Feel a little better about dying?” she asked sympathetically.

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly.

 “Good,” she said with a warm smile.

Her halo buzzed, informing her that she was being called elsewhere. She gave one last look at Manuel, snapping her fingers and instantly cleaning him and replacing his clothes with a puffy white robe like her own.

“Just keep going, okay? You’ll get to the clearing pretty soon!” She said, waving goodbye to him as she lifted off the ground with a flutter of her wings.

“Will I see you again?” He called eagerly, standing up in the footprint she’d left around him.

“Eternity is a long time!” She shouted back with a grin, “it’s a mathematical certainty!”

 …

Gabriella landed upon a cloud which housed Heaven’s HR, or Holy Relations, department. Humming happily to herself she walked to the glass paned office of Laylah, a Cherubim of note who oversaw the Angels of Gabriella’s order.

“Hey boss,” she said as she sat down in the padded leather seat opposite her superior, “You called me?”

“Gabriella,” Laylah said in an uncharacteristically harsh tone, “you’ve committed a grave error.”

“What!?” the Angel exclaimed, “mortals love me! Why just now I was helping… guide, a lost soul!”

“You’re missing a soul!” Laylah snapped angrily, turning her computer monitor around and letting Gabriella see the details. “I was auditing everyone, and you’ve come up one short! Aaron Smith, you were his guardian Angel, and he didn’t make it here when he died!”

Her eyes went wide, “A-Aaron Smith was the evil clown guy, right? I personally logged him into the auto-reaping system as a rejection-“

“There are TWO Aaron Smiths in that jurisdiction that happen to have the same birthday and apparently the same death-day,” Laylah said, rubbing her temples, “St. Peter’s halo Gabriella, do you know how controversial that auto-reaping system was? This is exactly the kind of cluster-you-know-what everyone was worried about!”

“S-So I just pop over to whatever afterlife he ended up in and get him, no problem, right?” Gabriella asked nervously.

“Where do you think a person mistaken for an evil serial killing clown ends up?” Laylah hissed, “He’s in Hell! Has been for the past year! He’s already in their system and his soul has been given to a demon, even if we manage to convince them he’s really innocent, their bureaucracy will take centuries to release him to us, that’s centuries of torture Gabriella, you cutting corners is getting an innocent man tortured for CENTURIES!”

Gabriella had sudden visions of the poor human, being crushed under a laughing demon’s foot, fighting in panic as the red skinned temptress dropped him onto her tongue, pulling it in and swallowing him alive… She felt herself starting to get a little turned on, and she cleared her throat, hoping that Laylah would confuse her flushed face for embarrassment.

“I’ll get him back!” She declared, drawing a flaming sword from her belt, “I will smite those unholy bitches-“

“Language Gabriella,” Laylah said sternly.

“Those unholy meanies,” Gabriella shouted, waving the sword high, “Take care of my mortals for me Laylah, I’m storming the gates of Hell!”

With that the angel jumped up, fluttering her wings once as she dove through the cloudy floor, the atmosphere burning around her as she flew downward like a meteor falling to earth.

…

Aaron relaxed in Cydea’s massive breasts, her red cinnamon scented skin pressing into him as the movements of her arms caused him to sink lower. Every time the demon brought her fork down to the plate of waffles in front of her he sank a little more into the crack between her boobs, and from the exaggerated movements and small smirk on her face, she knew it.

“Comfy?” She asked.

“The breast way to start the day,” he said, causing her to giggle as reached for the butter.

A small platter of bacon and eggs appeared in front of him, and though it was slanted, he was just barely able to use Cydea’s breast as a table.

“More orange juice,” Cydea called, holding her glass up.

Amy sighed, turning away from the waffles cooking and going to the fridge to recover the carton. With a grimace she joined them at the table, refilling the demon’s orange juice to her smug delight.

“Thank you, Amy,” Cydea said, her tail swishing behind her, “I always love coming up here for breakfast!”

“How many more of these do I have to make you before you give me my soul back!?” Amy asked, crossing her arms angrily.

“Oh, come on,” Cydea said, cutting herself another piece of waffle, “you love having us up here!”

Amy’s mouth quirked a bit. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she DID love having Cydea and Aaron around. She didn’t have a lot of friends or family nearby, and the loneliness had been one of the things that had attracted her to Aaron in the first place. Now, if nothing else, she always had people to hang out with on Friday nights, even if it was a demon and her dead crush coming over to eat her food and play board games.

“For real though Cydea,” Aaron cut in, looking at the giant demon, “how long are you going to make her keep this up?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she mused, “Amy, how long do humans live? Like four hundred years?” Amy’s face went white and Cydea burst out laughing, “Relax! I’m just kidding! Seriously, I’ll give it back before you die.”

“Before I-“ Amy scowled angrily, “this is the last time I try to help a friend escape hell!”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said sheepishly, “really… I mean at least we got to spend more time together, like you wanted?”

She rolled her eyes, “Silver linings I guess…” the goth sat at the table finally, dressing her own waffle with butter and syrup as she eyed Aaron jealously. A year into this bizarre arrangement and she still wanted him, badly, maybe even more now that they’d gotten to know each other better.

“Hey Amy,” Cydea said with a mischievous grin, “these are some great waffles.”

“Uh, thanks,” Amy said warily.

“But you know there’s something missing,” Cydea said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. She snapped her fingers, “Oh, I know!”

She plucked Aaron out of her breasts, causing his legs to flail beneath him as she slowly planted him on the edge of her plate, his own tiny morsel disappeared into a puff of smoke before it could spill on her supple flesh. He looked up at her and raised an eyebrow, wondering where she was going with this, but she just winked back at him.

With a flourish a blue sphere appeared floating above her hand, “Oh look, it’s Amy’s soul! Just wanted I wanted on my waffle!”

Amy’s eyes went wide, “I-Is that really-“

Cydea just hummed happily, placing the ball on her waffle and spreading it with a knife like it was melted butter.

Amy shivered and rubbed her arms, “Oh god I can feel it! Hey! Cut that out!”

“And of course, some syrup with it,” Cydea said with a goofy grin, reaching for the bottle. With a dramatically slow squeeze the demoness poured the amber liquid down, mixing it with the glowing blue material of Amy’s essence.

“Oh shit,” Amy breathed, “I can taste it, it’s like that stuff is all over me…” she licked her lips, “Cydea, seriously, quit it! That’s MY soul and-“

Cydea was already lifting a piece of the waffle to her mouth, “MMMM…” she said with an exaggerated moan of pleasure as she stuck it in her mouth, slowly chewing it as Amy writhed in her chair.

“Y-You’re not hurting her are you?” Aaron asked hesitantly.

“Does it hurt Amy?” Cydea asked, cutting herself another bite.

“No!” the goth snapped, her knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the table, “it just feels really weird… like.” She shivered again as Cydea licked the waffle piece, drawing it off the fork and into her mouth with that long forked tongue. “Oh fuck,” Amy moaned, collapsing as Cydea gave a close-mouthed smirk and played with her food a moment more before swallowing.

“Oh, does someone like her soul being licked?” Cydea mocked, watching Amy writh in pleasure as she rolled onto the floor. She took another long, slow, bite of the waffle, drawing it off the fork with a flourish as Amy gasped, sweat forming on her face.

“Jeez,” Aaron muttered, looking over the edge of the table, “it looks pretty intense…”

“Like every nerve ending and sensory organ she has firing at once,” Cydea, said.

Amy suddenly went completely limp, and Aaron’s eyes went wide as the glowing blue matter on that last piece of Cydea’s breakfast seemed to congeal, solidifying and coloring itself until a tiny version of Amy herself sat mired in the maple syrup on that last bite.

Cydea’s massive yellow eyes focused down on her, smiling and licking her lips as the now tiny goth screamed in fear. She fought against the mountain of butter and syrup, but it was useless at that size, and the demon slowly closed her succulent black lips over the screaming goth and the last bit of the waffle she’d made just moments before.

With a loud gulp Cydea forced the last of her breakfast down her throat, sighing contentedly as she placed her fork down on the plate.

Amy suddenly sat back up, heaving, sweat pooled on her forehead, “Y-You ate me!” She looked at Cydea in horror, “you ate my-“

“Amy,” Cydea said, cutting her off. She held up her hand and opened it again, revealing that same shimmering blue ball. Amy breathed a sigh of relief, and Cydea closed her fist again, making it disappear again just as quickly.

“Call that a lesson,” Cydea said, picking up the plate and bringing it to the counter.

“A lesson in what?” Amy asked incredulously, forcing herself back to her feet.

Cydea sighed, twitching her finger slightly and causing a sponge to levitate up from the sink and begin scrubbing the soiled dishes, “Before I give you your soul back, I want you to understand what can happen if you lose it to the wrong person. I never want you to do something stupid like wager it in a game of Smash Bros ever again!”

“But you were the one who challenged me!” Amy protested.

She rolled her yellow eyes, “Yeah Amy, I’m a Demon! I tempt! And someone had me trapped, didn’t they?”

“Yeah,” Amy muttered, looking down.

Cydea snapped her fingers, and in a flurry of telekinetic movement Amy’s kitchen appliances, dishes, and silverware floated into the sink, washed themselves, and then disappeared into their appropriate drawers and cabinets.

“So,” The demon said, sauntering over to the tiny human on the table, “today’s the big day Aaron, one year in Hell!” She leaned down and smirked at him, “was it everything you thought it would be?”

 “No,” he laughed, “actually it’s been great, heavenly even.”

“Oh, don’t let Karen hear you say that,” Cydea laughed. “Me and the gals from Infernal Affairs are throwing you a little anniversary party later, so I’m supposed to find somewhere for you to wait until it’s ready.” She looked at Amy, now picking herself up, “Amy, can you keep an eye on this little guy for me?”

Amy’s eyes lit up excitedly, “R-Really? No jokes, ironic flips, or anything?”

“Give me a minute to think of a good ironic twist,” Cydea said, rubbing her chin. Amy looked on suspensefully for a moment before Cydea shrugged, “I’ve got nothing. Yeah, I just need to leave ghost-boy here topside for a few hours, no hidden shenanigans on this one.”

“YES!” Amy said ecstatically.

Before Aaron could say anything the goth’s black nail-polished fingers were wrapping around him, snuggling him to her cheek so tight he wheezed. Cydea tapped Amy’s forehead, and there was a quick glow that seemed to ripple over her.

“Okay you’re all set,” Cydea said casually, “Aaron, you’ve got no pain, and you’ll poof right back if the worst should happen. Try to get along without me!” With that her pitchfork appeared in her hand, and she tapped it once on the floor before disappearing into a sulfurous cloud of smoke.

Amy was quiet a moment, holding Aaron’s tiny form in her hands, then a wide grin spread across her face, “Aaron?” she asked in a husky voice, “do you want to have a little… fun?”

He smiled up at her, there was no way of getting around it, Amy was hot, and in life he never would have believed this girl was interested in him, let alone fanatically so. As she slowly sauntered to her bedroom, he wondered what she wanted to do with him. No doubt Cydea had exactly this in mind when she’d come all the way up to Earth for breakfast…

…

“Oh yeah,” Amy, said with a giggle as Aaron hefted the massive nail polish brush, “like that!”

He’d been plopped on the floor of her bedroom and presented with cotton balls, black nail polish, and a few skull decals that, at his size, were the size of frisbees. Amy had ordered him to give her a pedicure, stripping off her black boots and matching dark socks. The smell hit him almost immediately, whatever else Amy’s choice in footwear certainly didn’t breathe.

The sweaty musk rolled over him, vinegary, strong, sticking to him as he worked the brush and redid the coating on Amy’s toenails. His nose wrinkled as she watched overhead, clearly enjoying his shows of discomfort as he worked.

“Sorry,” she said, clearly not sorry at all, “they get a little sweaty. Don’t forget to put those cute little skull stickers on next.” She giggled as he struggled to peel the plastic backings away. “Here, you hold tight little guy.” He grunted as her entire foot lifted slightly and moved forward, pinning him beneath it and quickly soaking his clothes and skin with the strong odor of her feet. She leaned down and picked up the tiny sticker, easily separating it from the backing and holding it down to him. She let him up as he took it, setting her foot back in front of him and gesturing for him to continue.

“You know,” he said, placing the sticker on her black-painted big toenail, “this isn’t what I thought you meant when you said we could have some fun.”

“Oh?” She smirked, “well Aaron, I’ll admit, this whole losing my soul thing wasn’t the nightmare I worried it would be, but I’m still kind of pissed you helped her cheat to win. Call this long overdue payback.”

“Fair enough,” he said, ironing the sticker on with his entire forearm. The smell seemed to cling to him as he stumbled back, woozy from it.

“Do my feet smell worse than the demon’s?” Amy asked with a cackle.

“Hers smell like cinnamon and sugar,” he replied.

She frowned, “I’ve been by them, that’s BS!”

“You’re still alive though,” he said, “it’s different for me I think.”

Amy shrugged, “whatever.” Her foot darted forward again, and her toes pinned him down, scrunching around him and increasing the pressure until…

*crunch*

He popped back into reality next to her foot, his arms crossed, “Are we even now?”

“Not quite yet, but it did make me feel a little better,” she admitted, “now let’s get around to that “fun” you were talking about…”

She stood up, unbuckling an obsidian belt that held up a pair of equally black jeans with fashionable tears in them. As she began sidling them down he caught a glimpse of her milky white pale flesh, stretching up to her dark purple panties. She was taking her shirt off next, tossing it onto the bed and leaving her in just her deep violet underwear, looking down at him with a wicked grin accented by her black lipstick.

She leaned down and gave him a sultry grin as she laid her palm in front of him like a ramp, “climb on,” she ordered. Dazed, he did so. “Wanna see a neat trick?” She asked with a smile, “Cydea loaned you to me, like REALLY loaned you to me, so I can do this!” She snapped her fingers and his clothes vanished.

The pale hand brought him up to the elastic waistband of her panties, and he watched, awestruck as her thumb hooked around and pulled it open. Slowly, she brought him to the edge of that abyss, letting him look down at the pale, hairless, skin of her privates. Her soft palm began to tilt him, and as he tumbled into the waiting purple hammock of her underwear, he could smell the strong wild scent of her arousal. The panties were already slightly damp in the front where he landed, and he grunted with shock as she released the elastic, slamming him into the puffy lips of her womanhood.

“Get inside,” she moaned, cupping her crotch and pressing against the panties to force him where she wanted him to go.

His head met the slick flesh as he began to crawl inside, her juices coating him as he elbowed his way forward, feeling her quake and spasm with delight as he went deeper.

Amy flopped herself on the bed, biting her lip and stifling a laugh as she finally had the cute guy from across the hall EXACTLY where she wanted him. Keeping her eyes closed she fumbled for the nightstand drawer, pulling out a large vibrating wand.

“Hope you’re in deep enough!” she called, turning the wand to it’s highest setting and bringing it down on the outside of her panties.

The effect for both was immediate, Amy seized up, her muscles tensing and convulsing with pleasure as the buzzing head of the wand rocked her world. For Aaron it was like the world had tightened suddenly, all around him the soft wet walls were trying to crush him, to force him inward, to make him theirs, hers.

Amy kept circling the wand outside her panties, gritting her teeth and fighting the urge to rock her body off the side of the bed as her pussy pulverized Aaron, alternating between trying to squeeze the air out of him and drown him. Any time he tried to fight it just drove her closer to the edge, and when she screamed a moment later, he was almost certain that he’d feel his body collapse and appear at her side a moment later.

“Fuck yeah,” Amy muttered, turning the wand off and returning it to the drawer. She looked around a moment, also surprised that he’d apparently survived. With a giggle her fingers reached down into her panties, feeling around for a moment before hauling him out.

“Wow,” she said, breathless as she dangled him by one arm in front of her face. He was completely drenched, his hair sticking in every direction as her juices congealed on him.

“It was pretty wild for me too,” he managed.

“Have you ever died like that before?” she asked eagerly, “In a pussy I mean?”

“Cydea’s popped me before, yeah,” he admitted. His eyes went wide, “now just because she’s done it doesn’t mean you have to-“

“Relax,” she said, laying him between her breasts. “I’m not feeling that ambitious… today.”

…

Cydea reappeared in the apartment in a cloud of smoke, “Amy, Aaron, I’m back!”

“Hey,” Amy said, getting up from the couch and closing the book she’d been reading, “let me get him for you.”

She casually reached down and pulled at the hem of her sock, eventually slipping it all the way off before turning it upside down and letting the tiny man tumble out. He got up and swayed slightly, blinking in the renewed light of the living room.

“Did you guys have fun?”

“We had a hell of a time,” Amy said with a smirk.

Cydea raised an eyebrow. She regarded the two of them smiling, before snapping her fingers. In a puff of smoke Aaron teleported, fully cleaned and clothed, into his usual resting spot nestled in her cleavage.

“Do you want to come to Aaron’s anniversary party?” She asked Amy.

Amy thought it over, “Well I’m not doing anything else- Wait a minute… Am I tiny in Hell?”

“Oh yeah,” Cydea confirmed with a grin.

“Pass,” Amy said, looking back down to her book, “It’s more fun to be the big one.”

Cydea shrugged as the smoke billowed around her, “I’m going to change your mind on that one of these days!” she called just before she disappeared.

…

Cydea sauntered happily into a large theater style room that she and the other demons prepared. A large banner “Happy 1st Anniversary! Aaron” hung across the stage at the front, and the various demons called congratulations and greetings as they saw Cydea approach the front.

“Aaron!” Karen called happily, running up to them, “It’s so hard to believe it’s been a full year already! How do you feel?”

“It flew by!” he said with a grin, “I don’t think anyone’s ever thrown me a party like this before… thanks you guys!”

“Don’t mention it!” a dozen demonic voices called out at once.

Somehow, he was really touched. He hadn’t had a lot of friends in life, and the fact that his would-be tormenters had gone through all this effort made him feel… good, better than he ever had. A part of him wondered what heaven was like, but despite the ups and downs of the afterlife so far… If this was eternity? It suited him just fine.

A demon he recognized from Cydea’s office, Kathy, walked up on the stage. She was wearing a black business suit and high heels that clacked as she walked to a microphone set up in the center. He watched as she beckoned Cydea, and by extension him, up to the stage. She motioned for the two of them to sit in a large leather easy chair, talk show style. Around the theater the various demons hushed and began taking their seats.

“You know what they say,” Kathy began, “Hell is other people, and it’s people like you Aaron that make it worth working here every day!”

There were whistles and cheers from the crowd, and Cydea pulled him out of her cleavage to hold him up, causing the crowd to go wild before she gently lowered him down to the armrest.

“I mean, when they told us we accidentally had an innocent mortal here, I honestly didn’t know what to think! Like what were we supposed to do with him? Like what’s the opposite of torture?” She beamed and looked down at him, “nowadays, the real torture is thinking about whenever those halo-huffers upstairs are going to take him back!”

The crowd kept cheering, but it did make Aaron consider a question that had been on his mind, no matter how he tried to avoid it. He looked back at Cydea, who smiled warmly at him, those yellow eyes flashing even as she clapped for Kathy’s monolog. He spared a glance out at the other demons from the Infernal Affairs office, some of them he knew pretty well now, people- demons he could call friends. Truth be told his year in hell had probably been the best he’d ever had… did he even want to leave?

“Now Aaron,” Kathy said, catching his attention again as she spoke to him, “I’ve got a confession, we actually do the one year celebration for EVERYONE who comes to Hell, but usually the ceremony is a little different.”

“Oh?” he asked, matching her grin.

“Well it typically includes a roast,” she explained, “like, with a fire pit and a crank turny-thing, but Cydea and the girls talked it over, and we thought you might not like that.”

“I’d be fine,” he yelled, “Cydea always undercooks meat!”

“It’s called medium-rare,” Cydea muttered, crossing her arms.

Kathy roared with laughter, and the crowd of demons joined in, Kathy wiped away a tear, “This guy,” she muttered, “Well, we’re still going to roast you, but instead of putting an apple in your mouth and doing a luau, we’re going to share our thoughts about you! I’ll start.” She turned back to the crowd, “Aaron, it’s a good thing you died, because it was the only way to get you to take a day off work!” The demons whistled and cheered, and he nodded and laughed, “I mean seriously, the biggest party he ever had before this one, was his funeral!”

The crowd roared as the set continued, and Karen, the office manager walked up on stage and took the microphone to go next, “Aaron,” she said, “there are two things that scare me, hearing the Doom music, and seeing the kind of abominations you send requests for to Hell’s Kitchen!” She looked at him and shrugged, “I mean seriously, an oyster pizza? A pickle stuffed with chili? I almost called in the torture department and told them it was too much!”

The laughter continued, and a few other demons he knew had jokes about him as well. As the night went on, he felt more and more like the demons here knew him, and it made it easy to laugh along.

“Now to close this all out,” Kathy said, returning to the stage, “Karen and I reviewed Cydea’s logs, and you’ve died a total of one hundred and forty-four times since coming here!” There was a mix of laughter, and a few more drunken congratulations as the effects of the event’s unlimited Fireball Whiskey bar started to take effect. Kathy nodded and waved to someone in a projection booth, “We’ve prepared a little blooper reel to highlight some of our favorite ones!”

“Oh boy,” Aaron muttered, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead with a chuckle.

“Roll film!” Kathy shouted, and behind them the projector began playing the footage.

…

Cydea and Aaron were watching the Exorcist on her couch, he was seated at the top of a pile of popcorn in a titanic orange bowl that rested in the demon’s lap.

“You can do it Pazuzu!” Cydea called excitedly as the demon and the priest in the movie traded barbs, “kick his ass!”

“You’re rooting for the demon?” Aaron asked.

“Well duh,” she said, not taking her eyes off the screen, “everyone’s allowed to root for their hometown team Aaron.”

The two of them were sucked into the movie, both watching, entranced as the final showdown began. Cydea was absentmindedly pawing at the popcorn, finally grabbing up a handful and popping into her mouth, not realizing Aaron had gone with it.

…

“That one was my fault,” he admitted as the crowd laughed, “I try to stay out of dishes these days.”

…

Aaron was playing a handheld game system on top of the massive couch cushion in their living room. He didn’t look up as he heard his giant demonic roommate enter, he was nearing the final boss of an RPG he’d been grinding forever, and he wanted to savor the moment.

“Sweet, the new Key of Solomon is out!” Cydea said, opening the magazine, “let’s see if I made the 666 Demons under 666!” Without looking she plopped her enormous ass down on the couch. Aaron only had time to register the shadow falling over him.

*crunch*

…

“Sorry,” Cydea said, biting her lip as the crowd roared.

“Did you make the 666 under 666?” He asked.

“Nah,” She said, crossing her arms angrily, “I’m pretty sure it’s got to be all politics, who you know, that sort of thing.”

…

Cydea peered over her dungeon master screen at the tiny human, who hefted the massive dice in his hand and threw, crying out in triumph as he got a natural twenty. She cursed, looking down at her roll tables, he was winning this tabletop campaign way too easily.

“Uhh,” she said, “the ogre beats the tar out of you, ten damage.”

“What?!” He shouted, “come on I know you’re a demon, but that’s-“

“Fine,” she grumbled, “Here, I’ll roll out on the table where you can see.”

She grabbed her own dice and tossed it haphazardly across the table. Too late she realized she’d tossed it a bit too hard, and the dice the size of his torso bounced, colliding into Aaron and sending him off the edge of the gaming table with a scream.

He popped back into existence on the table a moment later, “It was a three,” he said triumphantly.

…

“And we agreed, that even if it killed me, the roll stood!” Aaron said, hands on his hips, “a three, a three Cydea!”

“Woah,” Kathy joked, “Looks like we’ve hit a sore spot! Roll the next clip!”

…

Gabriella the Angel crashed through the ceiling of the department of Infernal Affairs with a battle cry. Waving her flaming sword around her she hacked, slashed, and quoted scripture, letting the righteous fury of Heaven guide her.

She paused, looking around at the destroyed bulletin board and water cooler before turning around. There was a vast array of cubicles, but nobody was around? This WAS Hell, wasn’t it?

Holding the flaming sword in front of her, she cautiously stepped out into the hallway. Her eyes narrowed as she heard laughter and commotion coming from somewhere down the hall. Keeping her stance ready, she slowly advanced, ready for any demonic tricks.

She found the source of the noise easily enough, and gently pushed the door to the theater open. Her eyes bulged as she saw it was filled with demons, a banner overhead showed Aaron’s name, and her heart leapt with joy as she realized that she’d found what she was looking for. She saw him then, the perfect adorable little human, seated on an armrest next to that foul red skinned demon.

Her eyes drifted up to the projection being played for the crowd, and she gasped in horror as it showed the poor human being killed again and again! And worse yet, each time the demon was pretending it was an accident! She stepped on him, she sat on him, she even ate him!

Gabriella blinked, fighting down her own lustful urges, “Not the time Gabby,” she whispered under her breath… maybe once she rescued him, before they returned to paradise, she and the human could… unpack everything. Yes, that was it, she’d simply have him tell her about it, maybe reenact some of it, to help him process it…

She breathed out slowly, forcing her sword to burn brighter, going from orange to white hot as she kicked in the door.

…

“THE TIME OF YOUR PURIFICATION IS AT HAND!” A shining white outline screamed from the back of the theater.

Aaron, and every demon in the theater, cried out in surprise, shielding their eyes as the figure swooped through the air on white feathered wings. The ground trembled as she landed on the stage, brandishing her sword angrily at Kathy, who backed away nervously.

She turned to Cydea, who was still in shock, the flaming swordpoint hovering above her neck as they made eye contact, “I’m here for Aaron Smith!”

“Hey,” he shouted, “Let’s just calm-“

She grabbed him up in her supple and soft palm, her perfect skin caressing him even as she held her weapon, “Shh…” she whispered, “Salvation is at hand, your suffering is over!”

With a smug grin at the demon, she slipped the mortal inside her white robe, and Aaron felt the smoothest softest skin he could imagine slip around him as she pressed him deep within her breasts. Her robe seemed to tighten, pulled shut by her divine will and sealing him in the vanilla scented canyon.

Gabriella tossed her hair over her shoulder, “And now Demon, I bid these fields of perdition farew-“

Cydea’s pitchfork came up, catching the sword and forcing Gabriella’s arms upward as the demon headbutted her. Gabriella stumbled back, blinking as her halo flickered from the pain.

“You give me Aaron right now,” Cydea snapped, her pitchfork crackling with yellow energy, “Or I’m going to rip those things off your back and fry up the world’s largest plate of buffalo wings.”

“I will never surrender an innocent soul to your torment!” she said, “you better watch your gosh darn rear end!”

“YOU rejected him and sent him here!” Cydea snapped, jabbing her pitchfork forward, “you don’t get to just come back and grab him! Not now! Not after-“

“After what?” The Angel asked, hovering slightly, “after you’ve tortured him for a full year? I know how it works with you demons! You get in a bind, way behind, then you start looking to make deals!”

“WHAT DEALS!?” Cydea screamed, shooting lightning bolts at the Angel.

“You tricked someone! Bribed them!” Gabriella insisted, blocking the bolts of energy with her sword. “That must be it! That’s how you slipped him by me!”

For Aaron it was like being in a shifting sea, the jiggling of the angel’s succulent skin sliding against him and covering him in her floral vanilla scent. He tried to fight his way upward, but as the battle raged outside, he was constantly thrown around, undoing any progress he made.

Before Cydea and Gabriella could lunge at each other again Karen appeared between them, the Demon manager casually catching each of their weapons in her hands. Both combatants appeared shocked as the short demon with the bobcut smiled, slowly forcing them apart.

“Let’s all take a breather,” she said sweetly, “Darling?” she turned to the Angel, “That IS a soul claimed by Hell, you can’t just come down here and grab him.”

“My name is Gabriella,” she said, reaching into her robe with a scowl, “remember it, you’ll be smitten by me during Armageddon!”

“Yeah whatever,” Cydea said, tapping her foot angrily, “hand him over!”

“On the condition that you cease the torture immediately!” she said, holding a dazed Aaron hesitantly toward the demon.

“We’re not torturing him,” Cydea said irritably.

“Well, what in the here did I just see on that darned screen? You bunch of silver tongued tommyknockers are feeding me a whole cart of doodoo!”

“It’s the truth!” Aaron said as he was dropped back in Cydea’s waiting hands. “That was… I mean a lot of those were me just being careless and not looking where I was going.”

“They’ve gaslit you into thinking you’re here of your own free will,” Gabriella said sadly, “Come Aaron,” she gestured towards her chest, “a few years in my holy bosom will help you find rest and clear your head.”

“Ugh,” Cydea said, sniffing him idly, “no thanks, he already has enough of that Angel stink on him.”

“Gabriella,” he said, “what’s all this really about? I thought heaven rejected me? There was a mix-up right?”

She seemed to rock back and forth on her feet, then finally threw herself on her knees, “IT WAS ME!” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry Aaron! I was your guardian angel and I accidentally sent you here!”

“It’s fine!” he insisted, “nobody needs to be fighting over me! The demons have all been great, seriously.”

The angel stopped sobbing, “Well, that makes me feel a little better…” She looked around at the gathered demons, some of whom still clutched pitchforks. “I’m sorry,” she said finally, “I guess I should have… maybe talked to you all first.”

“Please do next time,” Karen said with a friendly smile.

Gabriella got back to her feet and sighed, “Aaron, are you ready to go now?”

“Go?” Cydea protested.

“Cydea,” Karen said quietly, “Aaron was always supposed to go to Heaven… this seems to be cutting a lot of the wait time off.”

“Do I get a say?” Aaron asked suddenly, looking up at Cydea’s shocked face.

Gabriella recoiled, as if struck, “A-Are you saying you don’t want to go to Heaven?”

“I’m sure it’s great, Heavenly even,” he insisted, “But… I’ve kind of settled in here, you know?” He looked up at Cydea and smiled, “made friends even.”

“Unacceptable!” Gabriella said, her sword popping to life again, “This isn’t your final reward, Aaron!”

“Well too bad, I want to stay here!” he said, forcefully this time.

“Oh dear,” Karen said, shooting Aaron a sad smile, “I worried this would happen… Cydea, do you wish to challenge this Angel for his soul?”

“HELL YEAH!” Cydea said. Her pitchfork reappeared, then morphed before their eyes into red electric guitar with horns and glowing eyes. “I challenge you to a ROCK OFF!”

“I accept!” Gabriella said, and with a wave of her hand a golden harp appeared in her hands. Her fingers danced across it rapidly, causing a series of quick electric notes that Aaron was pretty sure weren’t possible, when she was done some of the assembled demons clapped and whistled.

“I don’t think so,” Karen said with a chuckle, “we’re going to take it to court and let both sides plead their case.”

“Who judges something like that?” Aaron asked, looking up at the giants around him.

Karen sighed, “hold on, I’ll summon her…” The manager of Hell clapped her hands together, closed her eyes, and began the ancient ritual chant.

“All our times have come,” she began, “here, but now they’re gone. Seasons don’t fear the reaper…” As she continued the forbidden and esoteric lyrics the demons around her began pulling lighters, circling them around her, waving them as they summoned the one neutral party that Heaven and Hell could count on to adjudicate their disputes.

With a boom a portal appeared, and Aaron’s eyes went wide as a bone white motorcycle revved out, carrying a gaunt young woman with pale skin and greasy jet-black hair. She brought the bike to a stop on the theater’s stage, looking around with disinterest, the light of the theater reflecting in her dark sunglasses.

“And behold, a white horse,” The woman drawled. Stepping off the bike she regarded the crowd of demons and the angel, “Which one of you sang the song?” She asked as she hefted a massive scythe over her shoulder.

“That was me,” Karen said nervously, “Hi Morticia, I know it’s been awhile…”

“Let me guess,” The Grim Reaper said, looking over the crowd of demons and the lone angel, “that automated reaping system fucked up, and now you’re all about to fight over some mortal soul you misplaced?”

“Y-Yeah,” Karen said.

“Oh, we don’t need Morticia,” the reaper said in a mocking voice, “she’s an outdated metaphor! We’ll save so much money!” She spat angrily, “Well now you know why you have a grim reaper, don’t you?” She scowled, “Where is he?”

“Here,” Cydea said, holding Aaron up nervously.

“Hi,” he waved from her hand, “Aaron Smith.”

Morticia frowned, “You’re all fighting over the evil clown guy?”

“Different Aaron Smith,” he corrected, “by the way, did anyone ever deal with that whole zombie killer clown thing?”

Morticia shrugged, “No, he’s still on the loose, I think some teenagers are going to fight him with the power of friendship or something.”

She walked up to Cydea, plucking him from the Demon’s hand in one smooth motion, “I’ve got to admit, he’s a cutie,” Morticia said, looking Aaron over. As the group watched she bent over and began pulling off a leather cowboy boot visible underneath the long black robes she wore, revealing a bare foot.

“Hey, wait!” Aaron called, but before he could say anything else he was dropped into Morticia’s dark boot, and any further protest was muffled as her clammy, yet surprisingly warm, foot slipped in, silencing him as her pale toes curled around him and forced him into the very tip of the boot.

“Okay here’s the deal,” the reaper said, standing up. She scrunched the captive human with her toes, grinning at the discomforted expressions on both the Angel and the Demon, “I’ll hold a Divine Court tomorrow on Earth, I’m sending out the news through the entire afterlife that Aaron Smith’s soul is up for contest. Anyone who thinks they should get him can come explain why.” She tapped her boot, causing Cydea and Gabriella to flinch, “Until then, Aaron stays with me in Limbo.”

“That seems fair,” Karen said, “I’ll get in touch with Heaven and try to coordinate.”

“See that you do,” Morticia said, climbing back on her motorcycle, “the last thing you need is another War in Heaven.” The reaper paused, “For that matter, I don’t want either of them causing any trouble.” She pointed a bony finger at Cydea and Gabriella, “Both of them have to stay on earth tonight, mortal forms, no pitchforks, halos, or any of that.”

“What!?” Gabriella exclaimed, “B-But I can’t stay on Earth with no-“

“Seriously!” Cydea protested, “come on! She attacked us! Just make her go!”

“Nope, both of you,” The reaper said, and with a flick of her wrist both were gone in a puff of smoke. “I’m going round taking names, and everybody will be treated all the same!”

Aaron struggled as Death’s toes played with him, the cool sweat soaking into him as a smell like woodsmoke and earthy perspiration filled his nostrils. For her part the reaper just smirked, curling her toes around her toy. Maybe she’d spend the rest of the day figuring out exactly why everyone on both sides of the firmament wanted this guy…

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” She said, revving the pale motorcycle and heading towards the portal again, “I’m meeting someone for a game of chess.”

…

Cydea and Gabriella appeared in a flash of light in the middle of a park. Any bystanders wouldn’t see a demon and an angel, they’d see a barefooted blonde woman in a bathrobe, and brunette wearing a something that looked like a dominatrix outfit.

“Peas and Carrots!” Gabriella exclaimed, trying feebly to jump in the air and scowling when her wings didn’t appear. “What are we supposed to do now!?”

“You know you’re allowed to swear on Earth,” Cydea said.

“Robert Lowth said profane swearing never did any man any good. No man in the richer or wiser or happier for it,” the angel, or former angel, replied smugly.

“I disagree, it makes me very happy to call you a fucking dumbass,” Cydea said, crossing her arms, “do angels carry money?”

“Love of money is the root of all evil,” She replied nervously, “so… no.”

“Demons don’t really carry cash either, so unless you want to sleep here in the park follow me.” Cydea started off, and after a moment Gabriella nervously followed.

“Where are we going?” She asked uncertainly. Did she really want to be in league with this… hellion?

“I recognize the area,” Cydea said, “I know someone we can stay with.”

…

“ALL RIGHT I’M COMING!” Amy shouted angrily, walking to the door. With a huff she opened it and scowled at the sight of a woman in a bath robe and another in bondage gear. “I didn’t order any strippers,” she said, starting to close the door.

“Amy wait!” Cydea said, catching the edge of the door, “It’s me!”

Amy’s eyes went wide, “Cydea!?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “it’s a long story, this is Gabriella, we need a place to crash for the night.”

Amy had a smug grin come over her face, “You’re human, aren’t you?”

Cydea rolled her formerly yellow eyes, “Just for the next day Amy, now let me in!”

Amy chuckled, opening the door and letting the two enter. Gabriella looked around the apartment, whimpering at the unfamiliar surroundings. For her part Cydea flopped on the couch and sighed, letting her head fall back against a pillow.

“I have got to hear this story,” Amy laughed, “anyways, if you’re staying overnight I’ve only got the bed and the couch, so someone’s going to have to sleep on the-“

Amy disappeared in a puff of smoke. A moment later she gasped in horror as she looked around her now giant apartment. She dangled from her shirt, pinched between Cydea’s thumb and forefinger as the now human woman regarded her with a gigantic pair of brown eyes.

“I just figured out a way to free up some space,” She said with a chuckle. As Amy thrashed and complained Cydea gently stuffed her into her cleavage, pushing the goth’s head down with her middle finger until she couldn’t be seen anymore.

“How did you do that?” Gabriella demanded, bounding over to her, “did you figure out how to get our powers back!?”

“No, I just beat her in a video game once and she bet her soul,” Cydea sighed, “I guess I can still do stuff to her at least.” She grinned at the Angel’s shocked expression, “Hey, you might want to get some sleep, tomorrow’s going to be a hell of a day!”