Several times during this entire ordeal, Richard had pondered how things could possibly get any worse. This was a dangerous question, of course, considering how the last two days had gone, and yet one couldn't help but wonder it. It had been posed while trapped in his wife's hot thong, inches from her genitals. It had been asked while sleeping in the smelly garbage can. And once more it had come up while crawling under the dirty treads of the tennis shoe. Now, as he and his family trudged their way through the literal jungle that was his backyard, potentially filled to the brim with...anything, the question once more reared its ugly head.
Richard didn't need someone to make the comparison for him; this was just like the second half of “Honey, I Shrunk The Kids”, where the kids had to traverse their own backyard while shrunken. In fact, they had gotten here almost the same way they had. The trash can had been emptied and taken out to the curb. Using a sharp piece of metal found among the smelly pile, they had managed, after hours of labor, cut through the tear resistant material and freed themselves. He had seen that movie, of course, several times in fact. Never in his life did he think it would happen to him outside some bizarre fever dream. In fact, his mind had begun to circle back to its original thoughts it had back when he first heard the Voice through the radio. This was all some terrible dream. It had to be. His continued survival despite everything that had happened almost seemed to confirm this. No way if any of this was real would he have lasted this long, not in a million years. He was no action star, someone who could leap through all kinds of dangerous situations and come out virtually unscathed. He was a man in his late forties, thinning hair and, while not scrawny by any means, was no athlete. However, the soreness of his body as he lumbered through this newfound jungle, stepping over roots of massive blades of grass, told him that this was all too real.
There were sounds all around them. Richard could identify none of them, all sounding deeper and far more intimidating than they would on any other night. Conflicting emotions were at play in his mind. Anxiety about what could come out from the darkness at any moment, and a strange apathy about the entire situation. If some giant ant came out and ripped him in half, well, at least he'd finally be out of this painful ordeal. But he couldn't let himself be overtaken by that feeling. Not while his family was walking behind him.
“Out for some fresh air, huh?” The Voice spoke up for the first time in awhile.
“Sure.” Richard replied, callously.
“I know you guys are probably pretty freaked out right now...” The Voice went on. “But try to see the beauty of it.”
“What are you talking about?” Henry asked, tiredly.
“Look around you,” The Voice said. “Everything around you has existed here for years. You've seen it before. How many times have you walked across your backyard here? Played on its grass, laid on it, eaten on it? It's been a huge part of your lives. Now, it is again, just in a far more literal sense.”
“And?”
“You don't get it, do you?” The Voice snapped. “Typical. Humanity has thought themselves the center of the universe for centuries. God's perfect creation. Think you're so big and powerful...nothing can ever touch you.”
“Unless you're about to reveal that you're some kind of alien, I don't see what you're trying to accomplish here.” Richard said. He paused. “You're not, are you?”
“What I am is someone who truly understands how small we are in the grand scheme of things,” The Voice replied. When you're as small as this, you have to fight to survive. Everything is a threat. Insects, smaller animals, the fucking weather. Be glad it's not raining, let me tell you now. You think a hurricane is bad, trying making it through a flood when you're the size of a fly. We walk over entire worlds every time we leave the house, almost never looking down as we trample over everything. But you'll change, won't you? If you manage to survive this, you'll never look at a little bug the same way again, I fucking guarantee that.”
“Is that why you're doing this?” Sammy asked. “To teach us some life lesson like some weird version of Jigsaw?”
“Sort of,” The voice admitted. “But if that's all I wanted to do, I could have just left you alone and set a timer to restore you back to your original heights. Probably would have shrunken HER too. But that would have been such a waste! She's such a beaut! A rolling landscape of curves and fat in all the right places!”
“Oh my god, stop...” Sammy moaned.
“I know you all haven't enjoyed getting to know her so...intimately,” The Voice replied, gleefully. “But let me tell you, I have. She's gone, by the way.”
“What?” Richard stopped. “What do you mean, 'she's gone'?”
“Went out.” The Voice said, simply. “Happened while you were stuck in the garbage. Don't know where she headed out to, but judging by how she was dressed, I'm gonna guess she was on the hunt to have the kind of fun she doesn't usually have as a married woman.”
“So...we're stuck out here!?” Jenny asked, shrilly.
“I highly doubt you would make it back inside before sunrise even if she was still here...” The Voice said dismissively. “It's late, though. She's been gone for awhile, so it's likely she'll be back soon unless she's just passed out somewhere.”
“She's not going to be passed out...” Richard replied.
“I wouldn't be too sure.” The Voice contested. “She didn't drive herself and....hey! Speak of the devil and she shall appear!”
Before anyone could even begin to ask what he meant, a large sound rumbled in the distance behind them, a horribly bright light splashing through the “trees”. Despite shielding his eyes with his arm, the light still seemed to burn them. There were more sounds, each of them as big as the first one, and had it not been for the light, as well as the Voice's words, he would not have been able to determine what they were. The first was a car door opening, then the sound of feet touching the rocky concrete. Then came the voices. Distant and echoing, like gods speaking down from the heavens, only the words were incomprehensible. Then the boom as the car door was slammed and then the rumbling started as the vehicle began to move. Richard couldn't see the car; it was too far, too dark, and the grass was too tall. But he could only scantly begin to imagine how big a vehicle would look to him at his current, puny size. It would be like a building simply rolling around on its own, a massive fortress like some he had seen in movies. Then, mercifully, the light went away and the great machine rolled away.
That was when he heard the footfalls.
When he tried to look up, his eyes were still burning from the headlights. It wasn't until the racket of her coming through the back swinging gate to the backyard roared in his ears that he was able to see in the bright light of the moon and stars. They were far enough away that a full view of her was possible. He recognized the outfit. A red, long sleeve V-neck cross wrap top, her one pair of leather pants, and knee high boots. Finally, he spotted the large red purse strapped over her shoulder. As they watched the towering figure move from the gate and begin to cross the yard, a few things became clear. One, there was no indication that she sensed anything was amiss in regards to her family. Two, they were directly in her path. And three...she was hopelessly drunk. The last one was immediately clear from her stumbling steps, her soft laughter echoing in their ears.
“She's coming this way!” James yelled. “She'll step on us!”
Richard meant to try and yell for them to run, but there was no point. Her approach was too fast and her footfalls too powerful, sweeping them off their own feet and bouncing them up in the air with each booming step. The sounds of grass being crushed under her boots sounded like a forest being trodded on. Bugs zoomed out over the “tree line” like a flock of birds, spooked the by the rampaging horror that strode towards them.
After all this, Richard thought, she's gonna trample us while drunk off her damn ass!
But that didn't happen. The feet tripped over themselves, sending the body sprawling forward. Rather than watching the soles of the boots fall upon, the sky was swallowed up by the much larger cleavage as it came barreling down to the ground. Had the fleshy mountains made contact with the ground, that would have been the end of the game right then and there. However, the body landed on its hands and knees, stopping the heaving bosom mere feet above them. One boob jostled out over the edge of the red top, the erect nipple reaching down almost far enough that Richard could reach out and touch it. He would not have gotten the chance for a mere moment after the booming collision, he found himself yet again being swept up in the air of movement, sending him and his family flying through the blades of grass.
When they finally stopped rolling, they turned towards the sky to see a mixture of white and red. The mouth opened wider and the lips stretched further. The laughter (even at this size Richard knew what it was) boomed in their ears, spraying them in a fine but continuous spray of saliva. Within seconds, each of them were thoroughly soaked. The smell of wine was magnified, heavy and overpowering. Richard had heard of contact high, but now he was beginning to feel the sensation of contact drunk, his mind beginning to swim already.
The laughs suddenly stopped, and the air began to flow hard the other way. Richard reached out and grabbed one of the roots of the grass blade he was near. As he did, he saw Jenny begin to fly past him. He managed to grab her foot and hold on as he watched her hover above him, the mouth gobbling up air greedily above her. Her screams were just audible above the din. He caught a glance of Sammy, James, and Henry. Henry was holding onto both a root and Sammy's hand, while James held his own root, wrapping his arms and legs around it. The flow suddenly stopped, leaving everyone suspending in mid air before suddenly flowing backward with a deafening roar that sound like a series of throaty explosions. A warm blast of humid air flowed against them, throwing them back down towards the ground and sending another misty shower atop them. The smell of wine was increased, as well as the rank smell of whatever else was rolling around deep within the belly. Now he was really beginning to feel lightheaded.
“Her hair!” Richard heard someone (James or Henry) yell. “Grab her hair!”
Groggily, he turned towards his head and saw the strands dangling within the grass. He got to his feet, took a step, nearly fell over, straightened himself, nearly fell again, and then stumbled his way towards the slowly raising hair, snagging it just as it began to lift off the ground. He looked down to see his family hanging just below him.
Almost immediately, he began to think they had made a terrible mistake. Once, in college, he had been in the car with a drunk driver on a Friday night of drinking. Even in the grip of heavy liquor, he still remembered sobering up enough from fear to be tense the entire ride, terrified that he would die in a crash. This was a similar feeling, but much worse. The body raised them up into the air again as it straightened, and suddenly Richard could see the world from the position of something rather than an ant. The tall blades of grass were now far away and just looked like a long green carpet. The miles they were from the house had been suddenly reduced to mere feet. Then they started moving, the hairs they held onto violently jerking as the body swayed as it walked. If it fell again, it might end poorly for them. The three wooden steps that lead onto the patio were quickly approaching. Richard tried to look down to watch the feet attempt to mount them, but all he saw was large, heaving mountains of cleavage. If he couldn't see past those, he doubted their owner could as well.
Fortunately, they made it up the stairs with relative ease, the old steps creaking loudly under the weight. At the top of the steps, the hair swung wildly as another stumble rocked the body. Richard bounced off the flesh, his mind disoriented and his vision blurring, his body simply gripping to the hair as hard as it could merely out of instinct.
“Watch out!” A voice (this time Sammy or Jenny) screamed.
Before he even saw it, the fingers had already knocked him free from the hair. He, and the rest of his family began falling, nearly bouncing off the hard bone of the shoulder, but instead sliding down the length of the right arm. They reached the end at the elbow and began to fall into the dark, open maw of the purse and the abyss that lay within it.
If a landfill had been filled with massive things, Richard assumed that was what it was like falling into the black hole of the purse. The darkness meant he could not really see what surrounded him, only feel it underneath him as he landed. First, his body felt something soft that cushioned his fall. Then, he rolled off of it onto something hard and smooth. For a brief instance he felt himself sliding again before finally being stopped by something protruding out of the surface of whatever he was on. Vaguely, he became aware that the thing stopping him was circular, being able to feel his body wrap around the curvature. He also became aware that his family had slid past him, falling deeper into the abyss.
“No!” He cried, trying to maneuver his body off of whatever stopped him, but his mind was still spinning and the receptors in his brain lagged.
Henry slid down with his siblings, painfully bouncing off many things before finally reaching the “floor” of the purse, their fall being halted by an old, long buried, not to mention used, tissue. There was hardly any time to notice that the separation from his father as their world suddenly jolted violently, causing everything around them to shift. A massive quarter nearly dropped right onto James's head, causing him to scream and crawl on his hands and knees in an attempt to find something resembling shelter. Something big began to rotate onto all of them, only stopped by something else lying at the bottom with them, propping it up before it could crush all of them. Smaller items of all kind pelted them as they moved with the jolt. A paper clip painfully flung into Jenny. An empty tic tac container landed directly on top of Henry, open side down. Instead of being crushed, Henry suddenly found himself inside the container and, as it began to rotate, he too went with it, becoming its prisoner. Sammy felt liquid leak on top of her, flowing from God knew where. It doused her already damp body, hitting her with such force it caused her to stumble onto the ground, her head bumping against the rough edge of a penny before collapsing into a heap of dirt and dust bunnies.
Up above, Richard continued to try and move himself, but was still not successful. But just as he was beginning to move his legs in a way that he actually wanted, he saw the long massive fleshy tentacles that were the fingers descend onto him, wrapping around whatever he sat upon. He was hoist out of the abyss of the purse and into the dim light of the lamp of the living room that had somehow been turned on without incident. He was now able to see that he was sitting atop his wife's pink smartphone, and the circular protrusion was the camera on the back of it. Terror blowing through his drunkeness, he stood on top of the camera as the phone was held straight and was just able to jump high enough that he was able to reach the top of the phone. When he climbed onto the top of it, he stopped.
Once again, he was able to see the face, lit up by the screen of the phone. He saw the woman. Her hair was slightly frizzled, but still more maintained than previously. The eyes were slightly bloodshot, but the light from the phone danced in the emerald green pupils. Her lips, a deep seductive red, were stretched in a smile. A loud thud echoed as she heavily plopped the purse down onto the end table that held the lamp. Richard noticed a small crack in the casing of the phone. It was the only thing that he would be able to hold onto. He quickly inched his way over to it and reached inside, grabbing hold of the edge. He then turned, meaning to do the only thing he could thing of doing, wave up to the face blindly and hoping that the eyes would lock onto him (completely forgetting the Voice's rule that they all had to be together). But he didn't see the face when he looked up, but instead only the lips. The large mounds of flesh began to pucker, a warm breeze flowing from the higher up nose. The impact was mostly felt by the phone, but the flesh still smacked into him, covering him in a thick coat of red lipstick.
Wiping the goop from his eyes, he saw that the lips had been replaced by the much larger breasts, one of which was still peeking out over the edge of the opening in the top. The upper body twisted, the mounds responded by easily flopping left and then right. The other breast now jumped free from the restraints of the top (apparently not held by anything else), revealing its wide, pink nipple as well. The free hand appeared, grabbing hold on the right breasts, the fingers cupping around it for a moment, before squeezing. The flesh indented easily under the press, but popped right back out as the grip slackened. The fingers then began circling the tip of the nipple, which grew more erect at the sensation. Richard watched all of this with drunken awe.
He felt the phone descend and felt a thud as it was propped against something. Richard turned and was greeted by a wall of red leather belonging to the purse. He turned back and was greeted by a bigger, wider, and rounder wall of black leather. The breasts were nothing to the vast expanse of the ass which, while more restrained in the tight pants, still wiggled just as easily as the hips moved. The table the phone sat on vibrated with the movement and Richard vaguely feared that the phone would fall. The hips began to grind, the immense rear circling and circling, growing closer with each pass. During one of its cycles one of the hand slapped down onto it, producing a massive sound that rang deafeningly in Richard's ears. The hand slid the length of the cheek and slight down the thigh before retracting out of sight for a moment only to come right back down onto the cheek again, another massive boom ringing out. Then, the big butt eagerly began another large cycle, and this time Richard saw it was going too far. In one massive swipe, the ass slammed into both the phone and the purse, sending them both plummeting off the wobbling table and towards the floor. Richard could practically hear the phone crack against the hardwood floor, but his fall was blessedly broken by the rug that sat before the couch.
“Dad! DAD!”
Wearily, he turned his head towards the sound. Not far from him, he saw the gaping maw of the fallen purse, some of its contents spilled out towards him. Among them was his family, waving at him, gesturing for him to get to them. Hearing the loud footfalls, feeling them too, he knew that the inside of the purse would be safer than out here in the open. And so, he groggily got to his feet, his brain still mush from the fumes belched out from the stomach, and stumbled his way towards his family, stepping on giant fibers in the rug along the way.
Just as he reached them, one of the boots came crashing down mere inches from them. It landed atop a glass vial that had spilled out from the purse. The vial shattered immediately, sending a wave of pink make up over them, splattering all over their damp clothes. The air of the step hurled them back inside the purse, where they quickly crawled inside as they listened to the footfalls grow distant and eventually disappear. And as they did, Richard vision blurred further until he finally passed out.