~

Her mind buzzing, Sarah pulled into the driveway of her home - a small, two story house in the middle of a quaint suburban neighborhood. She was practically vibrating in her seat as she unbuckled her seatbelt, as she positively couldn’t wait to tell her son the good news regarding the experiment. The experiment in which a fully grown man was shrunk down to three inches tall, subjected to a litany of tests, then successfully regrown to his full height. Being one of the senior members of the research team, Sarah had even been able to hold the subject in her hand for a moment, an experience that sent shivers throughout her body every time she recalled it.

Although Matt wasn’t aware that her ongoing research project specifically involved shrinking, due to certain confidentiality protocols that needed to be followed, he knew that it was related to the manipulation of matter. As such, he was well aware that her research had the potential to radically change the world, and Sarah knew that he would be thrilled to hear that their most important test had gone perfectly. Due to her having few friends outside of work, and a very small extended family that she was not especially close to, her son served as her only real outlet for sharing such accomplishments. Just as she finally gathered her things and prepared to exit her car, though, she noticed something odd.

The house was dark.

Matt, who always came home hours before his mother, usually tried to turn a few lights on as it started to get dark. This was both to make Sarah feel more welcome when she finally returned, and because he believed that it made them less likely to be robbed. However, Sarah wasn’t able to see any light from either of the two floors. Shrugging it off, she figured that Matt must have been in his room, which faced the backyard, and had simply forgotten to turn on the lights in the front-facing rooms. With that, she exited her car and began eagerly making her way towards the house.

“Home!” Sarah called out as she came bounding inside the house. She flipped a few switches on the wall to her right, which brought light to the living room. Looking around, she saw that the house looked undisturbed, showing no signs of life. Her declaration of arrival, which Matt usually replied to, was met with pure silence. Sarah’s home had never felt more empty, and her first instinct was to assume that her son wasn’t actually home yet. It was getting into the evening, though, which made that possibility seem less likely. Looking behind her out the window, she saw that his car - a used, sturdy-but-cheap thing - was indeed in the driveway, further dispelling that notion. Shrugging it off, she figured that Matt had headphones on or something, and simply hadn’t heard her arrival. She made a mental note to herself, wanting to tease him about it later on. For now, though, she decided to head into the kitchen.

Turning on the light, she saw that the kitchen looked similarly devoid of life. In fact, it looked exactly as it did when she had left for work. The same dishes were still drying on the rack, and the sink was completely empty. Seeing as how Matt was supposed to handle dinner, she found this quite odd. A twinge of anxiety began to creep up on her, and she opened the fridge to check for leftovers. She saw that the fridge was also exactly as it had been, and her confusion drastically increased. She tried shrugging it off.

He must have ordered… she started to think, but quickly realized that him ordering takeout wouldn’t explain the lack of food. She closed the fridge, now extremely confused. After a moment of contemplation, something clicked in her mind. She quickly whipped her phone out and checked her texts. 

Sorry sweetie, I have to work late again. Can you handle dinner tonight? Exciting news today!!!

Her text from earlier had indeed been sent, as well as read, but had not received a response. Sarah’s twinge of anxiety had now evolved into fully-fledged concern, and she quickly exited the kitchen and made her way towards the stairs. Something was definitely wrong, and her instincts were telling her that she needed to find her son.

“Matty?” she softly called out, while somewhat nervously climbing the stairs. Reaching the upstairs hallway, she was extremely unhappy to see that it was also dark. Directly to her left was Matt’s closed bedroom, which she instantly locked on to with worried eyes. Her heart began to speed up, and she brought her slightly trembling fist up to the door before giving it a few soft knocks.

“Baby?” she said, barely more than a whisper. To her soul-crushing dismay, no response came from behind the door. Looking at the floor, she could see from under the door that the room appeared to be dark. Again, she tried shrugging it off.

He must be sleeping… she thought, before reaching towards the doorknob to check. However, once she was about to open the door, something stopped her. She didn’t know what it was, but something deep within her mind didn’t want to open the door. It was convinced that something horrible was behind it. Her heart now racing, and with extreme trepidation, Sarah finally opened the door and looked inside the room. What she saw stopped her heart.

It was empty.

To her equal parts relief and concern, the room was completely empty. Turning the light on, she took a few steps inside and looked around. The bed was made, his jacket and backpack were hung up next to his closet, and his phone was on his desk. Matt had definitely been in his room recently, and everything appeared to be fine. However, this did little to soothe Sarah’s anxiety. In fact, it was only getting worse. Every question she had been asking now flashed through her mind all at once.

Why didn’t he reply to my text?

Why didn’t he turn on the lights?

Why didn’t he respond when I came inside?

Why weren’t there any dishes?

Why wasn’t there any food?

Why didn’t he respond when I called out for him?

Why isn’t he in his room?

Where is he?

Where is he?!

Suddenly, a burst of crushing fear completely overtook her consciousness. It was primal, something built into the genetic code of every parent. A unique kind of fear that could only accompany one specific thought:

My child is in danger.

“Matty!” she called out, now slightly louder. However, something was preventing her from completely shouting out. Her instincts were telling her to scream his name and sprint out of the room, but she found herself once again paralyzed by fear. She was afraid that even if she screamed at the top of her lungs, she still wouldn’t get a response. If that were to happen… 

Now completely trembling, she hesitantly exited his room. Her call was once again met with silence, and she began to panic as tears formed in her eyes. She looked to her right and down the stairs, at a thorough loss for ideas as to what she should do next. She then looked to her left, further down the hallway. At the very end, nestled right next to the wall, was her own bedroom. Turning towards the door, she noticed something that caused her eyes to widen.

Under the door, there was a faint shimmer. A light was on.

Wasting no time, she dashed towards the door and threw it open. She saw that her bedside lamp was on, which caused the room to be bathed in a soft, orange glow. She looked all around the room with wild eyes, before coming to a stop on her bed. What she saw caused an indescribable wave of relief to wash over her, and her expression softened. There, sitting on the bed and hugging a pillow to his chest, was Matt. His face was draped in shadow due to the positioning of the lamp, which made his expression hard to make out from Sarah’s position. However, he was clearly alive - a fact that dispelled the most horrifying of her fears.

Seeing the door fly open, Matt flinched and turned to look at his unexpected visitor. Now able to see his face a bit more clearly, Sarah could see that his eyes were wide. Just as she was about to speak, Matt reached up and took out his earbuds, placing them in his lap before fiddling with a device. He then began to speak in a small voice.

“I-I didn’t hear you come in,” he said quietly, lowering his eyes in seeming embarrassment. 

“Y-You didn’t… you didn’t hear me call for you?” she asked, still breathing a little heavily. Despite her overwhelming relief, she was still grappling with the effects of her previous anxiety. Her heart was pounding, and her whole body buzzed with adrenaline. Matt softly shook his head in response to her question.

“I didn’t, I was listening to something. I’m sorry,” he replied sheepishly. He looked back up at his mother, and finally noticed just how distressed she looked.

“Are… are you okay, Mom?” he asked, narrowing his eyes in concern. At the sound of his sympathetic voice, Sarah couldn’t take it anymore. Wordlessly, she made her way towards him on the bed, holding her arms out as she approached.

Just a little frantically, she wrapped her arms around his seated frame and hugged him tight. Resting her cheek on the top of his head, she took in the soft texture of his hair. She then closed her eyes and squeezed him even tighter, her mind unable to fully process just how scared she had been at the thought of something happening to her boy.

“Oh, thank God,” she whispered. “I love you so much, Matty.”

“I love you too, Mom,” Matt awkwardly replied, doing his best to reciprocate the hug. Although he was a little confused as to the nature of her surprise bear hug, he certainly wasn’t complaining. Unbeknownst to Sarah, it was actually something that he had been wanting all day.

“Is everything okay?” he repeated.

“When you didn’t respond to me, and I saw that your room was empty, I got a little worried. That’s all,” she replied, still holding him close. Although hugging her son was one of her all-time favorite activities, she had never been as reluctant to let him go as she was at that moment. So she didn’t, while Matt’s expression slightly darkened in guilt.

“Oh. I’m sorry to have worried you,” he replied quietly. He then felt a comforting sensation on his back as his mother began to rub it tenderly.

“It’s okay, sweetie, I’m just glad you’re okay,” she breathed. “Why are you in my room, though?”

“I… I just wanted a change of scenery,” he replied, after a small silence. Sarah found that response odd, but decided not to press him. She continued to embrace him for a long while, before eventually and reluctantly pulling away. She then sat down next to him on the bed, curiously eyeing the device that his earbuds were connected to. A second later, it clicked in her mind.

“Is that your old iPod?” she asked nostalgically. Matt looked down at the device, a small blush forming on his cheeks.

“Y-Yeah…” he answered. “I just felt like seeing what was on it, since I used to listen to it all the time…”

“I know you did,” Sarah replied smugly. “I could hardly tear you away from that thing. I remember how happy you were when I got it for you, it was just the cutest thing.”

Matt’s blush deepened as the memory flashed through his mind, now slightly embarrassing to his 18-year-old self. Luckily, his mother didn’t make him stew in it for too long.

“Well?” she asked. “Any good songs?” 

“A few,” he quietly replied, before looking down at the floor. Sarah looked back up at him, adopting a warm, relieved smile as she brought her hand up and lovingly brushed his hair away from his eyes.

“So, did you not eat-” she started, before abruptly stopping. Once she could clearly see his eyes, her smile vanished. Up until that moment, she hadn’t been able to get a good look at Matt’s face. Now that she was right next to him, though, she could make out the finer details of his expression, and what she saw instantly brought her anxiety back.

His eyes were ever-so-slightly red, and just a little raw. They appeared sunken and lifeless, as if they were carrying an ocean of darkness. It was as if all the energy and happiness had been drained from his handsome face, leaving behind a dejected husk of teenage melancholy. Sarah wasn’t sure if she had ever seen her son look so sad, and her motherly instincts began to scream in concern. Especially once she realized that Matt was doing his best to hide it from her.

Wordlessly, she brought her hand around to the other side of his face and gently pulled it towards her. He was soon facing her, but still trying to avoid eye contact.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she softly asked, her face painted with pure and overwhelming concern. Matt knew that he would break if he saw her face, so he kept up his attempts to look anywhere else. Futilely, he tried to deny it.

“Nothing,” he replied, trying and failing to keep his tone steady. Sarah wasn’t fooled for even a microsecond, and kept trying to get him to look at her. She scooted closer to him on the bed, until her thighs were pressing up against his. She then brought her other hand up, until she was cupping his face with both hands as he weakly tried to pull away.

“Did something happen?” she asked, slightly afraid of the answer. Matt shook his head in her grip, in one last act of denial.

“Matty, look at me,” she instructed, tightening her grip on his face and firmly pulling him towards her one last time. Matt finally relented, and looked his mother in the eye. Just as he expected, the concerned look on her face instantly obliterated his mental defenses, and he quickly teared up. His mother’s next words finished him off.

“What happened?” she whispered. At the sound of her sympathetic voice, Matt couldn’t take it anymore and began to quietly cry. His head turned limp in Sarah’s hands, and all the energy in his body evaporated as the sadness within him began to pour out. Sarah quickly removed her hands from his face and wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to bury his face in her shoulder as he continued to cry. Her heart was being positively destroyed, as she genuinely couldn’t remember the last time that her son had cried. She had no idea as to what was happening, but she knew that the only thing she needed to do was comfort him as he let it all out. With that being said, it was taking everything she had not to tear up herself.

~

Some time had passed. Sarah spent what felt like an eternity cooing and shushing her son’s quiet cries away, but he eventually got himself under control. She was now facing towards him on the bed, holding his hands in her own as she gazed at him concernedly. Matt, on the other hand, was once again refusing to make eye contact out of embarrassment. 

“What happened, Matty?” Sarah gently asked, while rubbing his hands with her thumbs. Matt didn’t respond, he just continued to look down at the floor.

“Sweetheart, please talk to me. Tell me what happened,” she repeated, doing her best to keep her tone soft and comforting. Eventually, her son spoke up.

“It’s… it’s s-stupid,” he whispered, interrupted by the occasional sniffle.

“Obviously not, if it’s upsetting you this much,” she replied firmly. “I need to know, baby. Please tell me.”

Having lost the mental fortitude to keep fighting, Matt finally relented and decided to be honest.

“I-It’s just… my test…” he started, lightly gritting his teeth in frustration. Sarah furrowed her brow in response, trying to push past her memories of the experiment to recall what he was talking about.

“Your test, honey?” she repeated, obviously a bit confused. After a moment, Matt let out a small, ever-so-slightly angry sigh.

“My calculus test,” he said quietly, clearly a little unhappy that she didn’t remember. Sarah recalled their conversation from the prior evening, and mentally punched herself for forgetting again.

“Right, of course,” she replied, closing her eyes in shame. “Well, what about your calculus test? Do you think you did badly?”

“I know I did badly,” Matt replied, his tone darkening even more. Sarah was confused.

“What, you got your score back? Already?” she asked. Once again, Matt was disappointed that his mother had forgotten a detail of his life.

“I always do with that class,” he answered. “It’s first period, and I have that teacher again at the end of the day. He’s a fast grader, so he always gives me my score when I see him then. I’ve told you this.”

Similarly, Sarah once again felt a pang of guilt at her forgetfulness. She hung her head and let out a small sigh.

“I’m so sorry, Matty,” she muttered, before looking back up at him. “Is that what you’re upset about, though? A bad test score?”

“You don’t understand,” Matt replied, pulling his hands away from hers in anger. “School is the one thing I’m supposed to be good at. I don’t have anything else, and now I can’t even…”

He trailed off, trying not to get emotional again, while Sarah frowned in concern.

“You’re good at a lot of things, honey, school isn’t-”

“You don’t understand!” Matt interrupted, as he started to breathe a little heavier.

“School is the one thing! I study, I work hard, I do well, and that’s all I can do! I need to do it, Mom. I need to do well so I can get a scholarship and go to college, and a bad score could screw everything up. We don’t have a lot of money, so I need to do it. I can’t get… I can’t get a… I need to…”

He trailed off again, burying his head in his hands. Sarah’s mind was being pulled in too many directions at once, and all she could do was stare at him for a moment in complete bewilderment. She had no idea that he was putting so much pressure on himself.

“Sweetheart, one bad score isn’t going to prevent you from getting scholarships,” she said reassuringly, moving one arm around to his back. “And even if it did, nothing is going to stop you from going to college. I’ll find the money, and we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

“I don’t want you to take on debt because of me…” came his slightly muffled response. “I need to get as much money as I can, and I can’t do that if I get bad scores! I was so stupid…”

“Baby…” Sarah sadly replied, her heart breaking at how much he was beating himself up. Even though she knew that one bad score wouldn’t change anything, she did have to admit that a bad score was extremely unusual for him. Sensing that there were deeper issues at play, she decided to try and find out what they were.

“Well, what went wrong with this test?” she gently asked, continuing her attempts to physically soothe him. “You were studying for it last night, so why do you think you got a bad grade?”

His head still buried in his hands, Matt turned quiet for a moment. Having already cried, and having already shown how upset he was over the score, he suddenly found it impossible to stop being honest. It was as if the dam of his repressed stress had finally broken, and all he wanted to do was get everything off his chest. So, he continued.

“I’ve… I’ve had a really bad week…” he whispered. Sarah leaned a bit closer to him, not wanting to miss even a single syllable.

“It feels like I’ve had nonstop projects and tests lately, and it’s getting harder and harder to k… to keep going…” he continued, fighting back more tears. However, he quickly let out a small huff and got it under control. With that being said, he still couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with his unbelievably worried mother.

“Yesterday was really hard… all day, I was so tired, I just couldn't… it felt like I was walking through mud, I just couldn’t focus… I just wanted to go back to sleep. And, when I got h-home, I… I just…”

He grit his teeth and lowered his head even more, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“What, baby?” Sarah whispered.
“It’s so stupid…” Matt breathed. “I tried to make dinner, but I burnt it. I wasn’t paying attention, and I burnt it, like an idiot. So I had to start completely over and make something different, which wasted so much time, and by the time I was finally able to study… I just didn’t want to. I just kept staring at my textbook, trying to tell myself that I needed to study, but I didn’t. So I wasted at least an hour just sitting there like an idiot, and then eventually went to bed like an idiot, and then I did badly on my test like an idiot. And it’s so stupid, and it’s all my fault, and… and it’s just so stupid…”

Despite himself, small tears were once again racing down his face. Sarah, on the other hand, was staring at him with shocked eyes. What he was saying didn’t make any sense to her, and she didn’t know how to process it.

He’s been… he’s been having such a hard time? she thought. How did I not know?! Even yesterday… he seemed fine! But…

Slowly, the blood drained from her face as she came to a crushing realization.

I only saw him for twenty minutes… I never asked him about his day… All I did was talk about my work…

As if to cement her realization, Matt spoke up again.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered. Sarah narrowed her eyes in confusion.

“What? What for?” she asked incredulously. 

“I shouldn’t be telling you this… it isn’t your problem…” he continued. Sarah almost recoiled in shock, not understanding in the slightest how he could possibly think that.

“O-Of course it’s my problem!” she exclaimed, before quickly lowering her tone. “How could it not be my problem? You’re my son!”

“You have enough problems, Mom,” Matt weakly replied. “You’re a scientist, and you’re doing work that will change the world. My stupid issues don’t matter…”

“H-How… what…” Sarah stammered, trying to reign in the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that had overtaken her as a result of those words. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I am your mom before anything else,” she said, calmly and slowly. “My job doesn’t matter, I will always be your mom first and foremost. You’re my baby, Matty! If you are going through something, then I have to know about it. I simply have to! Why haven’t you said anything?! I had no idea…”

Matt did not respond. He was still hunched over, his face covered by his hands. Although she couldn’t see it, Sarah could tell by his trembling movements that he was crying again. Slightly overcome with emotion, she leaned in to give him another hug. She snaked one arm under his stomach and the other over his back, and leaned her head on his shoulder as she squeezed him with all her might.

“I’m just so tired…” Matt choked out. “I’m just so tired all the time… I study, and work, and cook, and clean, and sleep, and that’s all that ever happens… even when I don’t have anything to do, I’m too tired to do anything fun… I’m just so tired… I want everything to stop… I j-just want everything to s-stop…”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Sarah squeaked, holding him as tight as humanly possible. “I had no idea… I had no idea…”

Sarah had never felt more like a failure at that moment. The fact that her son was in so much pain, and that she’d been completely unaware, was shredding her heart.

“But… don’t worry,” she continued, returning to a more stable tone. “I know now, and I’m going to make it better. I’m going to help you get through this, I promise.”

Then, something unusual happened. Matt, in his fragile mental state, instinctively spoke up in anger.

“How?!” he snapped, causing his mother to flinch. “How are you going to make it better?! You’re never home!”

Sarah recoiled from her embrace, and stared at him in shock. It had been years since her son had snapped at her, and his words pierced her down to her soul. Small tears formed in her eyes as she realized that he was right. Not only had she been unaware of his pain, she had been unknowingly making it worse. Matt, quickly realizing what he had just said, immediately started to cry harder out of guilt.

“I-I’m sorry,” he whimpered, before pushing his mother’s arms off of him and rising from the bed. Before Sarah could protest, he ran out of the room. A moment later, she heard the closing of his bedroom door, along with the faint clicking of the lock. Just like that, she was alone. All she had for company was the newfound knowledge that her family was nowhere near as healthy as she thought it was, and that she had absolutely no idea how to go about fixing it. She collapsed onto her side on the bed, before drawing her knees up to her chest. Then, finally, she began to cry.