You look just like your grandmother when she was your age.

That was a common comment made about her appearance by some of Jisoo’s older family members who had known Daiyu personally. Now their perfect resemblance made sense, since that had been her in a past life. Admittedly Jisoo was not a particularly religious person so her knowledge of reincarnation was very limited, however given the evidence in support of the idea it was impossible to not accept what Suji had told her as fact.

Her younger sister likewise was a reincarnation of Baochai, hence the similarities between herself and the former matriarch of their dynasty before she passed away. It also explained why both of them were able to access the same echoes within memories they shared. 

Technically me and Suji have known one another for decades. This is just the first time we’ve met in this lifetime. Jisoo thought and tried to wrap her head around the ramifications of what this meant. “You and I are the ones responsible for all of this.” She murmured. “We enacted The Diminution. We created specks.”

“A terrible mistake I have to correct now.” Suji replied and took a sip of hot tea from an insulated bottle they passed back and forth. “We both owe it to the world.”

“…How is this even possible? Reincarnation? This shared memory?” Jisoo asked and shook her head in confusion. 

Suji shrugged her shoulders and passed her the bottle of tea. “Normally it takes immense concentration through meditation to access our past memories.” She explained. “I often explore the actions taken by my past self to learn what could have possibly motivated me to plunge the world into disarray.”

“We wanted to save the world. Both of us.”

“Perhaps you did before the Amrita Corporation turned you into a cold blooded killer.” Suji replied. “Daiyu genuinely thought The Diminution was humanity’s last hope. In my past life as Baochai, I saw it as an opportunity to dominate the entire world.” She muttered. 

Jisoo frowned and returned the bottle to her younger sister. By now it was only half-full and had lost much of its warmth. “What do you mean?” She asked in surprise. “Our plan was always to shrink half of humanity and then reduce the other half to pit them against one another, and crush rebellion before it could begin.” 

“Daiyu never wanted to do that. Operation Deliverance was entirely planned by Baochai.” Suji responded distantly. “She… Or I suppose my plan was to ensure my eternal reign as a god-queen would never be threatened by humanity, too busy with infighting to turn their attention to me.”

“That’s why our mother raised me but entrusted you to your adoptive father.” Her sister revealed. 

Mother knew about this?! Jisoo’s eyes widened in shock and her mouth hung agape for several seconds. “W-Why would she…?”

“Keqing discovered all of this at some point prior to our birth. She knew that her youngest daughter would be a reincarnation of Baochai, and the eldest would be Daiyu.” Suji continued. “So she decided to raise me herself to ensure I would never become as evil as Baochai was, since as her reincarnation I was predisposed to become just like her.”

“However, as you are the reincarnation of Daiyu, you were more likely to become good and righteous like you were in the past.” Suji explained.

And because of that I grew up to become a monster. Jisoo scoffed. “Well she was wrong.” She muttered. “I became the evil sister, I suppose.”

“She didn’t want to leave you, I can assure you of that.” Suji replied and set the now finished bottle of tea to the side in the snow by their feet. She tossed a few more bits of kindling into the flames of their fire as it had weakened while they spoke. “Our mother loves you. But she couldn’t risk that she would be caught and lose both her daughters, who were humanity’s last hope.”

“How did she know about my dad? My adoptive one, not our biological father.” 

“Park Byung-ho was a close friend of hers she first met during an assignment for the Amrita Corporation a long time before we were conceived.” Suji responded. “He was the only person Keqing trusted who could have kept you hidden. Which he did, until you were discovered eleven years ago.” She told her.

How much of this did Byung-ho know? The only thing he said was that mother had made him promise to raise me and keep me a secret. Was that all a lie? How on earth did he convince someone like Satsuki he was telling the truth? 

The relationship between her mother and her adoptive father must have been absolute. Byung-ho had thrown away his life in order to accept Jisoo into his household and raise her as if she was his own. His wife had left him, he faced social ostracism and ruined any chances of promotions within his career due to scandal. Surely he had known that when he accepted Keqing’s request.

Jisoo sighed despairingly and hung her head in newfound shame for her actions. Despite all of the sacrifices he had made for her, she had destroyed what was left of his life and become the monster that her mother had tried to prevent. 

“Earlier you mentioned that you tried to kill someone you loved.” Her sister eventually said to break the silence. “Who was it?”

“…My former fiancé.” Jisoo admitted softly. 

Suji raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I had no idea that you were going to be married.” She mentioned. “Daiyu in her past life wasn’t really the ‘settle down’ kind of person. You tried to kill them? Why?” 

Why indeed? Why did I do such a terrible thing? Jisoo thought and took a moment to think about it before she responded. “I lost control of myself. We got into our first argument and I just snapped.” She explained. “I nearly crushed him beneath my fist.”

“Hold on, you were going to marry a speck?!” Suji exclaimed in surprise. “I didn’t know you Amrita Corporation ladies saw specks as anything more than just food or sex toys.”

“Believe it or not the only ‘specks’ I’ve ever hurt are normal people transformed into them.” Jisoo shot back and rolled her eyes at her sister’s comment.

The taller woman crossed her arms. “Yeah. That makes it completely morally acceptable.” Suji said sarcastically. “Tell me, when you are cannibalizing a still breathing person do their death cries bother you in the slightest? Or does it turn you on?”

“How many people did you kill in Heilongjiang? Fifty? Sixty? ” Jisoo replied in an indignant tone. And one of those victims was Suyin. Suji literally bludgeoned her to death.

Now it was Suji’s turn to roll her eyes. “There is a significant difference between killing fanatical soldiers and scientists in the process of trying to enslave the entire world’s population, and ordinary people who piss you off.” 

“Oh? So I guess you can say you killed all those people for the greater good.” Jisoo reasoned in a sardonic tone.

Suji scoffed and glanced away. Despite her outward rejection of Jisoo’s words, it was clear she looked at least slightly ashamed of herself. “That sounds like something our mother would say.” She murmured. “Your argument is in bad faith, but if you actually can come to think like that maybe you aren’t such a lunatic after all.”

“Regardless… I’ve destroyed whatever love there was between me and him.” Jisoo continued. “He has given me the benefit of the doubt so many times and looked past my flaws ever since we met because I knew how to manipulate him.”

“Consider this a learning opportunity then~.”

“I’ve done this before.” Jisoo cut in a bit louder than she intended. After she regained her composure she went on. “I lost control of myself and pushed Byung-ho down a set of stairs. He’s lucky to be alive.” She muttered sadly. 

Suji thought about what she had said and clasped her hands together. “Contrition after the fact means little. Both of us should accept that we cannot change the past.” She suggested. “However, we can learn from our wrongdoings.”

“…You think I can change?”

“I’m honestly not sure.” Suji admitted and shrugged. “If this is the second time you’ve done something like this to someone you care about, and you’ve murdered countless people before without a second thought then maybe you are beyond redemption. Ultimately it’s not really up to me whether or not you deserve that opportunity.” She said. 

Her younger sister stood up and began to walk down the corridor where she had entered earlier before Jisoo interrupted her. “Our mother believes that anybody can be reformed given enough time.” Suji revealed. “Some of the people she has healed represent the worst of humanity. Monsters like yourself who frankly don’t deserve another chance.”

“You think she would help me?” Jisoo asked, doubtful anybody would give her the time of day. Especially someone who she had harbored so much resentment for.

Suji shrugged once again. “I don’t know if she could, but I think she would definitely be willing to try.” She reasoned. “She’s never met you but she loves you, and always will. You’re her first-born daughter after all.”

“You sound a bit hesitant.”

“I’m being cautious. You seem to be genuine but you could also be lying about all of this in an attempt to find where she is to kill her.” Suji said pointedly. “Don’t mistake this conversation for anything but me trying to live up to our mother’s wishes. She thinks everybody can be redeemed, I think there are some people who will never change. I don’t know which category you fall into.” 

Jisoo nodded in acceptance of that fact. “I don’t know either really.”

“But…you are also my sister. Which is why I’ll at least set you on the right course.” Suji proclaimed. “Whether or not you can redeem yourself will ultimately depend on your own actions.”

The kumiho is a creature that manipulates men and devours people. Therefore it is a monster, just like me. But if it can last one thousand days without harming anybody, then the nine-tailed fox may become human. 

Compared to the bitter cold of the highest mountain peaks, a wintry day in Beijing felt like a humid summer. The pagoda floor felt hot and uncomfortable, covered in a thin layer of freshly shattered glass and blood. Jisoo blinked a few times as she regained consciousness, or rather, she returned to her present lifetime. 

Her body still felt slow and lethargic from the alcohol. Fortunately the stupor had worn off from her mind and she could think clearly, her attention drawn to the familiar surroundings. The night sky, the running water in the garden ponds, the smell of the exterior courtyard and all the plants. 

How long did I go without taking a human life? A few months? And by the end of it I was so blood-starved I used the first excuse I could to hurt people… I must be truly lost if I cannot fathom one thousand days without killing someone.

According to Suji, time in their previous lives and time in the real world were two separate things. Her younger sister had once spent weeks as Baochai and woken up to discover that only a single night had passed. 

Jisoo noticed that what little was left of the whiskey in the bottle was still spreading across the wooden floor. Her blood had just started to coagulate. Not even minutes had passed in the real world, yet for Jisoo this had happened hours ago. She and Suji had spoken to one another for a long time. Or more accurately, Jisoo had spoken while Suji listened as she revealed her innermost feelings. 

Only seconds had passed since she lost consciousness. It took courage to do so, but Jisoo forced herself to look up where she knew Eren was. Had she fallen even a few inches to her left, her body would have slammed into him like a falling skyscraper and reduced him into pulp beneath her torso. Eren was still prone and in shock from what had just happened. It pained Jisoo to instantly recognize the emotions plainly written across his face.

Fear. Betrayal. Shock. Disappointment. And every ounce of his resentment was absolutely deserved. They exchanged a glance and some part of Eren seemed to register that she was now back to her senses, and he was not in danger of being squished beneath her fist anymore. Not that it really mattered, they both knew things could never be the same again.

I’m sorry I ever thought I deserved someone like you. Jisoo thought as she managed to prop herself up to her knees. She still loomed above him, but less ominously compared to before when she had tried to intimidate him into silence. Her gigantic arms rose to wipe the tears from her eyes and she let out a long sigh. 

Idly she began to pick up the shards of glass from the broken bottle. “Before I started to drink heavily in Norwich, I tried to hire a therapist.” Jisoo murmured absentmindedly. “I only saw her for one session. She compared my relationship with my sister to a broken bottle.”

“You can repair the bottle. It will take a very long time and a lot of effort. You’ll likely cut yourself many times in the process and make mistakes. But even if you make the bottle whole again, the cracks from when you broke it are still there. And they will never go away.” Jisoo recounted as she continued to gather up shards. 

Thankfully Eren had not run away like a sensible person would by now. Instead he remained on the floor, perhaps nailed in place by fear. Jisoo had not lost control of her actions, she had not made a mistake. This was what she had become, a person who hurt the people who loved and cared for her. 

It’s why I need help…. And why I cannot be near you anymore. Jisoo realized and placed all of the broken glass in her hand. She didn’t care about the pain it caused. Physical injuries could heal. What she had to do to repair the damage she had inflicted on her spirit and moral compass would take substantially longer. If such a thing were even possible, of course. Part of her still thought Suji should have found a way to leave her mind trapped in the past for eternity. 

Although she had spent hours thinking of the best way to discuss this with Eren, her voice still felt weak. “I-I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you. I’ve done so many terrible things I can’t even recount them all.” Jisoo managed. “You’ll never have to be afraid of me ever again, you’ll never need to think about me ever again. I hope one day you can forget my existence entirely and you can move on.”

“…But I want you to know that I’ll never forget you. I’ll cherish the memories we have together.” Jisoo said remorsefully and attempted to reach for Eren one last time. 

He flinched. Instantly she retracted her offending hand, the same one that moments ago she had intended to annihilate him with. Jisoo could see the flash of emotions in Eren’s eyes, and could practically read his thoughts. This was another one of her countless deceptions. She wanted to lure him into a false sense of security so she could kill him. Or once more she desired to lie and manipulate him into giving into her affections. 

There was no longing or mutual love in Eren’s expression. She wasn’t his girlfriend anymore, nor was she his guardian angel who would always keep him safe. Any chance of that was gone forevermore. He had seen her true nature in all of its ugly, despicable glory just as Tae-yeon had. Now she was a monster. A threat. 

Desperately Jisoo wanted to reach out and take him. She wanted to hold him close to her heart and cry her sorrows away with him, just one last time before they parted ways. He was mere inches away. Too small and too slow to escape her grasp if she so wished to seize him…

No. You’ve hurt him enough. 

The voice in Jisoo’s head urged her to pull away. As Suji described, it was not a part of her subconscious but rather a manifestation of her true self before her ascension that had emerged through the cracks in her mental conditioning to become a xian. Whatever sensibilities or goodness that was left in her, that voice was the embodiment of it. 

You know what you have to do. So do it. Now. Before you become a monster again and all of this was for nothing. Jisoo blinked away tears and forced herself to stand up. She gazed down at Eren and exhaled sharply as her heart shattered into a million pieces. It was over between them. 

“I’ll do everything I can to make sure you are cared for. Or you can leave this place altogether.” Jisoo said solemnly and she stepped around him and exited the pagoda with tears streaming down her face.

For a final time she turned back. Eren did not meet her gaze, and she didn’t know whether or not he had registered anything she had said. It didn’t matter anymore she realized, and the longer she waited the worse this was for both of them. She shuddered and managed to utter what she never had the chance to tell her adoptive sister.

“Goodbye.”

The car ride to the outermost limits of the city felt shorter than it actually was. Every so often, Jisoo noticed Kovit glance at her in the rear view mirror. Perhaps he was concerned. Normally she was more talkative on trips like this and asked for music to accompany the trip. He had been her personal chauffeur for the better half of a decade, Kovit could tell when something was wrong. 

Thankfully he decided not to ask her what it was, or why Eren was not with them. Once they were far enough away from the bustling metropolis and the lack of light pollution allowed the stars to be visible above, Jisoo removed her phone from her pocket and dialed her cousin’s number.

Please pick up. I don’t want to leave without a word like I did last time. Jisoo thought to herself and closed her eyes while the phone rang. Mercifully her cousin answered right before it went to voicemail. “Hey Jisoo… It’s kind of late.” Grace murmured sleepily. Clearly she had been asleep. “What’s up?” 

“I need your help.” Jisoo replied quietly. “You’re the only person who I trust and I wanted to give you an explanation.”

“…Jisoo is everything okay? What are you talking about?” Grace asked in concern. Jisoo sighed and cursed at herself for not speaking to Grace in person about this. One of her many regrets was that when she first went into exile, she had never informed Grace. 

Of all the people in her life, Grace had always been a steadfast friend. As Eren had once pointed out, she was like a sister to Jisoo, who had been a source of unconditional support and love since the moment they met.

That did nothing to make this conversation any easier. “I’m going to disappear again. You won’t see me for a few weeks. Maybe months.” Jisoo murmured. “While I’m gone I want you to~!”

“What?! Have you lost your fucking mind?!” Grace shouted loudly. Jisoo pulled the phone away from her ear as her cousin began a string of curses, when she had finally calmed down she pressed her ear against the speaker once again. “…You literally just returned from a year away and now you're leaving again?! Why?! Look wherever you are, just stop and let’s meet up somewhere to talk about this.”

“Grace please don’t make this any harder than it has to be. I promise that we’ll see each other again, I just wanted to say goodbye before I left.” Jisoo replied sadly and resisted the urge to burst into tears for the umpteenth time that day. 

Her words only further angered Grace. “Just a few days ago your sister turned you into a speck. Think about how dangerous it is for you to pull a stunt like this right now with her still at large! What if you end up just like Suyin?” She exclaimed. “And what about Eren? Are you just going to leave him and~?!”

“Me and Eren broke up!” Jisoo suddenly cut in and raised her voice to match the intensity of her cousin, which instantly silenced Grace. “I tried to fucking kill him! I lost my temper and… Look, please just stop arguing with me. I’ve made up my mind. While I’m gone I need you to look after him and keep him safe. Even if me and him aren’t together anymore, you two are still good friends and you are the only person in our family I trust with him.” She pleaded.

There was a long silence before Grace replied, much calmer than before. “…So that’s what this is.” She murmured. “This is just like Tae-yeon, isn’t it?”

“Please Grace. Just keep him safe. It was my fault that all of this happened and I’m sorry to force this on you but I really~!”

“It’s okay. I’ll take him in while you’re away until we can figure something else out.” Grace replied reassuringly. “You’re right. He’s my friend as well. Focus on yourself and do what you have to.” Her cousin pledged.

Jisoo sighed in relief. “Thank you. It’s only temporary, I’ll be sure to repay you somehow.” She said with a smile. “I love you Grace… You really are a sister to me.”

“I love you too. Which is why I will do anything to ensure your happiness.” Grace said softly before she hung up. 

With the assurance that Grace would ensure Eren’s safety while she was away, Jisoo was free to do what was necessary. After a few more minutes she asked Kovit to come to a stop on the side of the road. While she was on the phone with Grace she had pulled up the barrier screen between the driver’s seat and rear passenger seats within the limousine. 

Although he could assume what she intended to do, at least this way when he was asked where she went or if she had said anything to him it would not be a lie. She opened the car door and stepped outside into the snowy roadside in the middle of a more rural part of the province. At night the only other light besides the occasional street light were the headlights of the car which illuminated the forested terrain.

Kovit stuck his head out of the window and beckoned her closer. “Before you go, please take this with you.” He offered and passed Jisoo a small metallic object which fit neatly into her palm. “It may come in useful.”

“A compass?” Jisoo said with a frown as she inspected the device he had given her. A small thing made of bronze that looked more like an antique than a modern navigational tool. She blinked in surprise.

He knew that I was planning to run away but helped me anyways? Jisoo thought and held the gift tightly with a newfound appreciation. “I-I… I don’t~.”

“The route I took was more discrete, and I had a few friends of mine drive in the same model car when we went under tunnels. That should prevent satellites or spies from tracing you.” He explained. “As for your most recent phone call I suggest throwing it away. You won’t have it to help you go wherever you are headed.”

“Hence the compass. Thank you Kovit. You’ve been a true friend to me as well.” Jisoo said with a smile and shook his hand.

He waved farewell to her. “Goodbye ma’am. I hope to see you again someday.” Kovit replied before he pulled away and left Jisoo alone on the side of the road. 

She stood still for a few moments until the taillights disappeared altogether in the misty darkness. Jisoo glanced at the compass one more time before she tucked it away into her pocket, then looked at her phone. With an effortless motion she crushed the device within her fist and let it fall to asphalt next to her boots. 

You are doing the right thing. The voice inside her head reassured her as Jisoo stepped away from the roadside and wandered into the wilderness. Suji had gone over the route with her many times, although even with her superhuman speed and endurance it would still be an arduous journey. 

Although regardless of how difficult the path in front of her was, Jisoo resolved to see it through to the very end.