Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry “Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!”
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

*Psshht*

"On the last episode of The Silver Zephyr, the daring Count Cannoli was left ensnared in --"

*Psshht*

"-Mona Pizza! Makers of all tasty --"

*Psshht*

"Historians believe the Golden Pyramid was once the capital of --”

*Psshht*

*Huff...*

Wario's stubby legs pedaled on an exercise bike, a cloud of grogginess over his head. In one gloved hand, he wielded a remote control. He aimed the other at a plate of snacks, which he gorged on periodically for fuel.

Dullness glossed over his beautiful blue eyes, pointed at the buzzing TV set without really paying attention. He was focusing his vast banks of mental energy towards the next get-rich-quick scheme.

*Psshht*

"- citizens are demanding an end to absolute monarchy in the Beanbean Kingdom -"

*Psshht*

"The new Mini-Mario Toy! Hurry, buy-"

He snarled. "And they call me greedy!... *Huff*... Why haven't my Mini-Warios sold anything?!"

*Psshht*

"Gettin' fit and funky, is that your desire? Get down and -"

*Pshht*

"We're at the fifth round. Luigi has cleared the previous matches without making a single move, but can he..."

As he reached for the next snack, the yellow-hatted adventurer found his food plate had vanished! He tapped the spot again and again – just a void!

"What the - HEY! YOU!"

Using his stunning investigative powers, Wario spotted a rat scurrying below. Running away with HIS hard-earned snacks!

Wario jumped from the bike to grab the rodent - only for his pointed shoe to catch in a pedal. The spinning wheels slapped him against the rough floor thrice, before he rolled himself out in a yellow blur. He instantly broke into a sprint, charging in a beeline for his plate. Despite the rat's tiny legs, it managed to outmaneuver its pursuer. It ran around the boxes and old clothing littering the floor, and made razor-sharp turns at walls.

"Get back here!" The rogue spewed as he screamed, holding out his shoulder to slam obstacles aside. The pest dove into a mouse hole, carrying the treats with it. Wario couldn't stop his run fast enough, and slammed into it face-first.

*THUMP*

His strong, manly body splattered flatly against the wall. Everything spun in circles. Pain jolted from his rufescent nose to his green-clad toes. He crashed to the ground, and lay sprawled out, swinging his fists.

"Stupid pest! Pick on someone your own size! How am I supposed to catch something that small and sneaky?" He shook a fist of frustration. "If I could shrink down, I'd - "

He meditated on this for a moment. A light bulb flashed. He put his gold cap on from the floor. The frown upon his face morphed into a grin.

"Yeah, that's right...Heh-heh-heh..." He murmured, hand upon his chin. "If I could shrink down to rat-size, nobody could catch me..."

Wario stood to his feet, wiping his backside clean of dust. "They'd never see me coming! And I'd dash away with their cash too fast for them to follow! Heh-heh... Hahaha..."

The thought made his blue eyes turn to green dollar signs. "I'm gonna be rich! WAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

WWW----Weeks later----WWW

Sweat coated Wario's brow. It was hard work building a shrinking device.

To start, he had to spend days referencing research papers from Prof. E. Gadd, Dr. Crygor, Mad Sciencestein, and Dr. Arewostein. Dr. Arewostein was the most exhausting to reference from. It took hours of chasing before he gave up the papers, begging for mercy, and screaming "I'm an archeologist, not an inventor!"

It was also pretty hard watching Waluigi assemble the parts together. At first, seeing the beanpole struggle to operate duct tape and rope was hilarious. But after hours of repeatedly teaching his sidekick how to tie a sailor's knot, Wario's patience drained, and his vocal cords were raw. The cherry on top was having to untie his partner's purple-clad arms from themselves, and carry him to a chiropractor.

But after putting his garlic-filled heart into it...

"It's... Beautiful."

...The scoundrel was now standing before a thing of majesty.

On the outside, it'd appear like a normal exercise bike – just with tennis rackets, golf clubs, and a go-kart engine tied to it. But in reality, this was a great invention, capable of shrinking anyone to miniature heights, and restore them to normal size! A device truly deserving of its name...

"The... Er... Shrink-a-Dink?..." No, that was wrong. He searched his head for a fitting name. "The Shrink-and-You-Miss-It? The Eenie-Meenie-Minimizer? The Lilliputnik? It's gotta be something macho and manly. The Little Package?"

"...Whatever!" Wario tossed the question aside. Now, to find a test subject. Someone to make sure it was safe.

But wait. What if they reported him to the police? Or worse - stole his idea? Wario couldn't risk that. This was his heist!

So he tugged himself up on the padded seat, settling his shapely rear end in. He hunched over and pedaled.

[Suggested music - Mario Party 10 - Amiibo Theme for Wario: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0aIw3fK6ko ]

Lights around the shrinking machine came on. A weight pancaked him from above. Two compactors squeezed the rider on the sides, making him look ready for a Paper Mario sequel. Finally, with a surge of lightning gathered from Rainbow Road, and a series of squeezes, everything stopped.

And from off the seat scurried - in a smaller and denser format - Wario, showing only the most minute traces of fractures and injuries!

"Wahahaha! I did it! I did it! I'm-a number one!"

He jumped from the seat, landing fist-first on the ground. It took him a moment to get used to the new scale, but within seconds, his eyes were already pointing to his first target.

Quickly charging through his now-giant room, Wario rushed past mountains of trash to a wall. The same wall he'd left an indent in weeks ago. And the same rat-hole below.

It just took a moment, and he'd sent the rat packing its bags. The snacks were his once more! Sure, sitting there for weeks had spoiled them. Whatever. What mattered was his pride, not the food itself.

Wario climbed up the device, and pounded each pedal until they started moving in reverse. Robotic hands pulled, twisted, shook, and kneaded him until it restored him to full scale; miraculously, only with minor stretch marks and negligible blood loss!

With his yellow hat still firmly in place, he gazed out at the open sky outside. A world full of people, innumerable as stars. Each with their own lives, secrets, wishes, and coin bags. Each coin bag his for the taking. Every piece of riches, finally within grasp of his W-marked white gloves.

He clenched it into a fist. "I'm coming for you!"

Now, for the criminal's second target...

[Suggested music - Mario Party - Battle Canyon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7TzORSy_Ao ]

The house was looking worse for wear outside. It was once a sprawling castle, able to outmatch even Peach's towers, with "W" flags waving proudly off the roofs. But a series of repeated debts, poor investments, and scuffles with other robbers forced him to downsize. And beyond that, destructive parties and bathroom incidents meant some walls being torn down completely. His house now barely qualified as a tool shed.

Still, there was one thing Wario kept from his days in greater riches: a mighty cannon. He'd received it as a gift from the Bob-Ombs of Battle Canyon, for helping to end their conflict. At least, he assumed it was a gift; he hadn't exactly asked them if he could take it, but they hadn't come back for it. With this cannon, the man could launch himself practically anywhere, with no flight costs! Besides broken bones, but that came with the job description.

He raked his mind for someone to rob from; a thousand smiling faces were in his crosshairs. Some of the wealthiest members of royalty around; or people who just owed him. Wario, laughing, couldn't tell what dangers awaited him.

But first, he had to choose a direction for his hunt. One of those well-off princess' distant lands, where he could get vengeance for so many defeats in tennis and kart races? Somewhere he'd adventured before, in lawless wilds or undiscovered temples? The urban sprawl around Diamond City, land of opportunity?

[Suggested music - Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix - Starring Wario: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkIScb5BWyA ]

Wario looked over his options. He had to go big for this: steal from the richest parts of the world. A little traveling wouldn't hurt if it got him closer.

First on the menu: Peach's Castle. With all the coin-grabbing Mario and Luigi did, they had to have loads of treasure stashed away for no one to use; and of course, they'd let ol' Princess Toadstool have it. Peach and her minions would be too naïve to suspect anything. That sweet princess in pink didn't get angry very often. You could kidnap them twenty times, and they'd still invite you to parties! In fact, Wario suspected, there was a good chance the princess would already be in another castle by the time he got there! Or busy baking a cake for that red-and-blue idiot. His mouth watered thinking about the unattended money. He could maybe even pluck the glimmering gems right off her crown, without her noticing!

But for all their idiocy, the castle's staff ran a clean ship. No holes or cracks in the walls to sneak in through. No messes on the floor to hide behind. It was a pretty huge place; where DID they hide the treasure room? And since they kept inviting people for sports and parties, what if they had guests already? That could put him in the way of pounding feet, or unwanted attention...

He scratched under his cap, thinking about a spot nobody ever went: the Sarasaland Capital. The home of Princess Daisy. Why was that? Was it full of cracks and messes that a tiny rat could sneak through easily? Did she have a secret practice room or training routine to keep her body in shape for tennis and golf? Or were there treasures there she didn't want anyone to see - like the go-kart trophies Wario and Waluigi SHOULD have won, if the tournaments were any fair? The tomboyish princess could have riches a-plenty.

But Princess Daisy was another deal. The redhead could get pretty scary sometimes, even if she was upbeat. Was she still angry about that business where Wario hired an alien to take the kingdom over as a distraction? Ancient history, sure, but she had enough energy in that slim, orange-dressed body to chase him for a while. Also, Sarasaland's GDP was going down; the castle probably wouldn't have AS much cash as Peach's.

That was a dealbreaker. The man had to get from the biggest source possible. So back to his first selection...

[Suggested music - Super Mario 64 - Inside the Castle Walls - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpOP0L3A7_Q ]

The jewels in Peach's castle - a perfect target!

Wario took another stinging cycle through his shrink machine. He leaped into the cannon, and set its sights for a magnificent old building of white bricks and red roofs. Carefully, he aimed for an open window on the second floor, and fired.

"Waaaaahahaha!" The breeze blew past his facial hair; he clung to his cap as winds pelted his body. What great riches were hidden in there? He could practically feel it flowing through his mitts, the money he could make from this. Across great valleys he flew, watching as the titanic castle approached.

A rebellious gust from his side made him growl. "Hey, stop that, wind!" The turbulence sent the launch partly off-course. Nothing too far off; but instead of the window, Wario's minuscule frame slammed into the pale bricks, cracking an indent into it.

"Gah... Stupid... BAH!" Smashing through the wall, he spat out stone, and rubbed rubble off his flattened torso. A successful entry - even if he ached, nobody saw him. Clear coast.

...At least, he thought so, until a rhythmic pounding swept him off his feet. A pair of ruby dress shoes clacked around, entering the room. They came closer and closer - the heels taller than the miniature thief himself. A beautiful pink dress, with careful embroidery, slipped through the door. For as long as he'd known this woman, Wario had to look up to see her face; but presently, her height was just ridiculous, a riveting climb towards her blonde locks. Her lashes batted far away in the distance.

Princess Peach - at a scale as if she'd eaten a mega mushroom - entered in, happily humming. Her gloved fingers swept a table as she turned in room

The scoundrel kept his lips zipped. You haven't botched this yet. She hasn't spotted you!

Wario scanned the titanic room's details, determining where he'd landed...

[Suggested Music - Mario Party - Birthday Cake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4GJ0FRVfUk ]

The room's walls were yellow, with white clouds printed across it. The far left had an old-fashioned stove built into it, while the far right had a shelf full of cookbooks; cabinets and tables lines up in order between them. At the center of the room was a table dusty with white powder.

The castle's kitchen! Wario drooled at the delightful scents wafting into his prominent nose. He had to focus, though: treasure awaited.

The massive royal leaned to said table, stirring away at cake batter. She snuck her glove into the mixture, letting it slide into her awaiting tongue. "I think it needs something more." With a giggle, she spooned sugar into it, and spun it into the bowl.

Her blonde hair was in a net, to prevent anything from falling in; she'd put her crown up top in the counters. Wario instantly zeroed in on the glimmering gems embedded inside it. He needed it, and now!

Silently, and with superhuman grace, Wario crawled up to the lumbering footwear. He clung to the heel, beginning to climb up. His head raised to the meters and meters legs he'd have to ascend, touching the delicate skin without getting noticed. Even now, he was sliding off the spotless surface. "Oh, boy. My work's cut out for me." He spat on his palms, and tried crawling up.

Peach bent her bosom over the ingredients, taking another taste of her cake-to-be. "Delicious!" This nibble was so sweet that it made her heel pop! The bandit clinging to the smooth shoe flung into the air, launched by her maneuver.

It flung him high in the air, right towards the cabinets; and the crown that rested atop it. He flailed hopelessly as he passed her hair, ready to take the offensive. Yet, with how she ducked and turned, taking care of her dessert, she didn't even spot the little creature flying by. As soon as he reached the crown, he ducked behind a single point.

"Now, for some strawberries!" The Mushroom Kingdom's princess stepped out, her delicate soles shaking the world.

With her gone, Wario snapped up. He peeked to the left, then right. No sign of any toads, or Mushroom Kingdom toadies. He dove for a sapphire on her crown, and began unscrewing it. "Come on, come on..." It took him longer than he expected; he had to put his whole little back into it. With one deft twist, the man had it in his hands. One of the Mushroom Crown jewels, finally his!

He was ready to escape, when the sound of the monarch's return pierced his pointed ears.

[Suggested Music - Paper Mario - Hang In There, Peach!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9Piwe2Q3qs ]

Peach, returning with her fruits, had a spring in her step. A fateful, minuscule spring that translated to a little creak in the floorboards as she trotted along them. A creak that became a wiggle across the castle wall. A wiggle that became a wobble in the cabinet. A wobble that became a jolt in the tiny thief's spine.

In surprise, the jewel slipped from his iron grasp. "H-hey!" His gloved paws juggled it for a solid ten seconds before it dropped. He watched from the tabletop, shaking his cranium rapidly, as his treasure fell to the counter below - right into the cake icing.

Instantly, he leaped to its rescue - but overshot the jump. Falling past kitchen cabinets, he landed in a measuring cup. He shoulder-checked the clear glass barrier. It shook a little... But not from him. From enormous red heels re-entering the room.

The towering chef entered, bearing a bowl strawberries each larger than Wario. The scoundrel pushed harder, his glare glued to her smile. It was innocent, calm, and dangerous. Her apron made small swooshing noises, responding to her hips as they swayed towards the table. The princess loomed carelessly above the bowl, sliding a tongue over her painted lips...

"Wah, what to do..." Wario scratched his head. Reveal his location and risk royal punishment? Or watch helplessly as she baked his well-earned dough? He decided to wait; that lumbering giantess was so clueless, she'd likely leave for another ingredient.

Unfortunately, his theory was never proven. Peach had already stripped her arm of its comfortable glove, the material sliding down her flawless skin with a sickening swipe. Her dainty, slender fingers each dangled near the mix greedily. The intruder hid his eyes in both palms, cringing - but couldn't help but keep watching, as he heard a soft PLOP.

She was ready to taste-test it, and dipped her index in the mix. A heaping portion (to Wario) came out, attached to her hand - bearing the jewel's glimmer. He pushed his hands to the glass' measuring marks in despair, pushing and pushing, but it was useless.

The treasure became a lump in her throat. As the bandit stood with his jaw agape, she smacked her lips. "More sugar?"

"Gah! GAH!" In a single puff of air, Wario dashed right out of the glass, breaking it apart. "You swallowed my treasure, you idiot!"

The Mushroom monarch hummed inquisitively, blinking - and the expanse of her body flung back, dress making sonic booms as it wooshed below. She beheld this small thing that generated such a loud noise. Minuscule, but with a yellow that stood out from her other tabletop items - and signs of glass shards poking from out of him.

"Wario?" A titanic, dainty hand reached out, carefully navigating past the counter's sweets and seasonings, and casting a slender shadow from the lamp's warm light. Her head leaned in closer, mouth open in curiosity. "Who did this to you? Poor thing..." The voice, even at its loud pitch, was a gentle breeze of creamy sweetness that floated refreshingly into his whiskers. Her finger crossed his hat in sympathy, trying to ease this little thing's obvious pain.

In there, in the charming face that betrayed a cruelly-churning emerald sea, his gemstone lay. It lay, and wailed for him. If he waited too long, it may already be forever lost, flushed down the princess' "throne".... He called to his love: "Wait up, I'm-a comin' to save you!"

With wild abandon, Wario flung himself into the pink lips. Peach's thin neck recoiled backwards, her pupils widening to perfect saucers as she felt the uninvited visitor enter her maw.

His wide hips caught between both plump masses. "Urgh, come on..." Both legs wobbled violently, tiny-but-still-manly shoulders inching backwards and forwards. With a clumsy grip, his tiny hands grasped the blonde's titanic taste buds, and snapped himself forward deftly. The tongue shot him forward like a slingshot, free from the wet masses squeezing him, forward into her uvula. He bounced in a zigzagging pattern through the muscular tunnel of her throat, finally landing solidly into a creamy glob of batter.

Wario dusted himself off, gobbling a healthy bite of the creamy goodness himself. There was no way he could forgive this mega-sized ditz!... Even if she WAS a good chef. Licking his lips and dodging his mustache, he wadded through in the swampy inner land, hunting for the stone buried within. Wetness clawed at his green-shoed ankles...

Peach stood blankly for a moment. Following that, she sat blankly. Having sufficiently experimented with both of those problem-solving methods, she lay down blankly. Her face cast up to the ceiling, looking at the shelves. She tapped her stomach as if it was going to explode, finger shaking. "Toadsworth?..."

With the stealth of a ninja, and the grace of an elephant, her trusted servant slid in the kitchen. "At your service, my lady?"

She placed a hand on her forehead. "I've either eaten something I shouldn't have..." It moved to her abdomen. "Or someone I shouldn't have?"

WWW

Wario, within the bubbling gut, had just unearthed the jewel from its glob prison. He cheered for victory, holding it in the air - just as the emerald seas surrounding him roared with volcanic fury. As the massive monarch went horizontal, torrential acids washed across the tiny scoundrel. It poured into his chiseled features and firm abs with such unyielding force that he cringed. The acidic wave sent him crashing into a pink wall, jamming his posterior end into the tender tissue.

"WAH! Watch where you're going!" He grumbled, wringing out his yellow cap, then doing the same with his mustache. As he wiped the remains of a mushroom off his overalls, he noticed something missing. What? His clothes had a hole, sure... The stinging enzymes were starting to melt his feet, that was a given... But the treasure! The raging ocean of Peach's tummy had cruelly pulled the gem from his mitts!

A blue glimmer caught his ready eye. The gem bobbed in the liquids, tormented by the waves. "HEY! Give that back!" His arms went instantly into overdrive, doggy-paddling against the current. Great waves of green soaked him further, pushing back - only hardening Wario's resolve. He rowed faster and faster after the treasure, shoveling back waves of sticky half-melted sweets with each splash.

Thundering quakes below. The woman was stomping off somewhere - and rubbing her immense belly. The simple action churned the mushy waters, and sent the soaking thief up and down with each fall of her red heel.

*SPLASH*

In midair, Wario still paddled for the jewel, ignoring the stinging in his limbs. He dove into the sea, then -

*SPLASH*

Taking a sniff of the sickly-sweet air, the shrunken bandit eyed his prize, grabbed his cap for support, and dove forward. He plunged underwater again, before -

*SPLASH*

"Hah... Hah... Hold still!"

What was Peach doing, anyway?

[Suggested music - Dr. Mario 64 - Chill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXtiEagREVw ]

The clack of heels continued. Each rumble of her digestive movements, combined with her forward momentum, made the acids slosh with increased violence. They carried Wario across them, even as he swam against the waves for the jewel she swallowed. Something damp in the air stung his bloodshot eyes, and nipped under his overalls; nevertheless, he persisted, braving the storm like the captain of a ship in a bottle.

After a brief pause, a single great POUND sent all of her prior meals flying in the sky. He saw his chance. He held his half-digested arms out, grabbing for the gemstone...

...As a pill hit him squarely in the head.

WWW

On the other side of the organic barrier, a cold stethoscope rested on Peach's stomach. A flurry of blows hit it, the outline of tiny fists and feet popping from the flesh. It barely tickled the princess. Dr. Mario, listening in, shook his head, shrugging. "That's-a Wario, all right."

The monarch's arm hung limp over the mattress. "Is he... gone... forever?"

"Not-a forever." The fully-licensed, completely legitimate doctor lifted a finger up. "Humans take about-a 53 hours to process its food."

Her rosy cheeks turned green. She gazed at her pink-clad dress, rubbing it - dragging her strained fingers across the surface. "Please... Do something! Get him out at once!"

The very-well-qualified doctor proceeded with the treatment. The only one he knew how to perform, really: toss multicolored vitamins into his patient's open mouth, hoping to combine four yellow segments in a row or column before she suffered from an overdose.

WWW

*Ka-THUD*

Just as Wario had finished swearing and kicking the last pill - his foot giving way to its tough surface - another pill slammed into his head. He tugged at it, but it remained lodged in firmly, pushing harshly on his shoulders.

Muscling his way past the cutting pain, he waded ahead, pursuing his treasure. More medicine fell from the mouth high above. He elbowed a piece of medicine away, sending it crashing into the omnipresent, pulsating walls closing him in. The capsule simply ricocheted off the elastic surface of folds, shooting directly into his tiny belly.

"OOF!" He had trouble snapping his open jaw back in place. Both pills stuck inside him, weighing him down like the chains on the ghost of Jacob Marley.

Scrooge said Jacob Marley's apparition was the product of digestive problems; Wario was now the cause of digestive problems.

"Almost... Almost..."

Within the sloshing waves, the mustached snack continued in circles, chasing his treasure. Enzymes gnawed at his chiseled chin, but he could shake off anything - the prize was so close. The pulse surrounding him rang louder, the waves harsher against his face; but he couldn't shut his eyelids. In a single lunge, his fingers wrapped around the gem, and his cheeks lit up.

"YEAH! Excellent!"

...Instantly, his hand melted clean off his arm, into the acids below. He gazed blankly as both his arms surrendered to the mighty stomach's hungry movement, dissolving into the digestive goop. A third vitamin hit him directly in the cranium.

"Oh, fish sticks!"

The tiny man (though in this state he didn't much resemble a man, or a person, or a vertebrate; merely a blob with a W-marked cap and vitamins lodged inside it) crawl-slithered after the gem. He bobbed in a manic rush, barely dodging pills that descended from the heavenly gullet of a sky, and curving around those that had already landed. He had no mouth, and had seven words to scream - most of them would make Waluigi faint in shock.

WWW

"It's too late-a now." Dr. Mario looked to his watch, face painted with the solemness of someone looking over spilled ravioli.

The monarch, dropping the empty pill bottle, reached for her tissues. "I don't want this... I don't want to hurt you!" She blew into it, gently stroking her belly. It was hard for her to grasp that this simple body part was torturing an innocent, kindhearted human being as they spoke. The fear he must be feeling, lost in those depths! "I still remember the first time I saw you... You kept on tossing buckets onto people's heads, and making them navigate mazes..."

A harsh impact to her gut interrupted her tears. The absolutely-not-faking-it doctor squinted right at the spot. "He's-a persistent." He tossed the emptied container over his shoulder, and took out a new vitamin - slightly larger than the monarch's mouth. The medication entered through her lips, with the help of amazing willpower and a plunger.

She shivered, taking a healthy gulp. "Will this save him?" Her blue eyes sparkled with dim hope.

The very effective and real Dr. Mario, froze. "Wait. We were-a saving him?"

Surprise crossing her visage, the patient clasped her hands together. "Of course! He was probably shrunken by a terrible spell, and wanted to look for help! And then, ended up in there by accident when I gasped too strongly... What were you trying to do with those pills?"

The absolutely legitimate, licensed Dr. Mario covered his face in absolutely legitimate, licensed regret. "Mamma mia..."

WWW

Within those bowels, Wario could still hear Peach's voice in the distance. His ears had melted too much to really understand it. And really, he just didn't care what she was saying. He didn't care about much anymore - the stomach's moans were lulling, its acid a soft tickle. All that rested in his mind was the jewel... The jewel...

He fell on to it, absorbing it in his mass. Everything grew dimmer. Murky, sickeningly-sugary air raided what was left of his once-glorious nostrils. Why was he chasing this again? Well, whatever. He'd proven himself. And now, everything was at once heavy and light; his mind floating away as his body sunk down.

The goop that was once a man could only murkily contemplate where his greed had taken him.

Suddenly, a fierce rumble. Thin light shone above - only for an immense pill to blot it out. The digested thief's senses snapped to reality all at once as his nonexistent limbs flailed, making the slightest things resembling noise. Peach's strong throat squeezed it for a second, then sent it hurdling into her belly.

Wario registered an immense quake as the vitamin splashed into the waters. It lodged itself into his semi-solid form, making him wail internally. The sheer weight shot through every scattered inch of him!

But slowly, he could hear himself shouting clearer. He felt his sense of smell return - taking in the stagnant, swampy odor. When he reached his arms out, he saw them both reforming in front of him. "Wha? What's happening?"

His head turned side to side for the gigantic capsule, until he realized: he'd absorbed loads of those pills in goop form. Thanks to the medicine's greater scale, and the robber's fast-acting metabolism, the vitamins cured him; returning him to normal.

He stuck his hands up in glee, bobbing slowly in the juices. "Wahaha! Who says crime doesn't pay? Now, gotta nab my reward..."

He waded forth, looking for where the jewel may have ended up. His body pretty much surrounded it before it reformed...

It took him greater effort to stay above the green lake - as if he'd suddenly gained weight. When a massive groan shook him once more, he felt something hard jab his gut. From inside. One bushy eyebrow raised.

Experimentally, Wario jumped again and again - and recognized the sound from within him. Rattling. The pill had reformed his body while it was still surrounding the gemstone.

Peach's gem was now in a matryoshka; the princess' belly held Wario, and Wario's tummy held the jewel.

His clean teeth clenched. He punched his own chest three times, but it didn't come up. "Bah! I'll get a jewlectomy later. After I've bust outta this place!"

His narrow eyes lifted up to the steep, infinite canyon of a gullet above, bringing a shiver across every millimeter of his beefy arms.

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Shake It! - Boogie Mansion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oqA5XTeECQ ]

Wario looked at the great task before him. Stretching up dizzying lengths above, the opening to Peach's throat - and his daring escape - was like a dream within a dream away, looking down and mocking him.

This yellow-clad swindler was NOT a man who took well to being mocked.

Those pink walls looked filled with lumps - easy to climb up. He spat on his gloved hands, noticing the holes that Peach's boiling acids had carved in them. She'd have to repay him later. Poised, arms and legs stretched out, he eyed a bulging barricade of pink muscle, as if to intimidate it. (Of course, he disregarded the fact that belly tissue does not have eyes, or know fear.) He took a running start and leaped into the royal stomach wall, sinking his claws into the meaty mass like it was finger food.

He slid off instantly, the juiced coating his chiseled abs.

Making another jump for it, Wario held on for a solid 7 nanoseconds before slipping down the steep muscular curve. "Wargh! Have I gained THAT much weight?"

He felt the gemstone shake in his gut, poking, and groaned. "Urgh, yeah, you don't hafta tell me twice."

The man in yellow paced around the humid microcosm, kicking at bits of mush and vitamin capsules that he'd just been briefly buried under. He scratched under his magnificent cap. "Think! How did my hero, The Great Wario-Man, gain height that time he was fighting those Smash Brothers?"

He charged his Down-B move, until a sliver of dignity and decency arose in his heart. There were too many chemicals nearby; too little space for any gas to air out; too much distance to travel; too little food in his system; and too much to cringe at in the story already. "Come on, there's another way!"

A roar from Peach's digestive movement knocked him off his feet, rumbling the foodstuffs. He shouted at it: "Shut up, I'm thinking! I gotta think like - like a guy who knows about stomachs!"

It shook again, causing the walls to drip with wetness. "Argh! The last time I dealt with a gut this loud was... Grrr...That time I stole those vitamins. It was cold season, and that clown Rudy was tryin' to nab them himself..."

He pounded the soggy floor, shouting in agony. "Bah, now I'm even madder! I kept trying to match vitamins in those bottles, but they kept stackin' up higher and higher!"

His eyes popped open. Rusty gears in the depths of his cranium began turning. His paws hovered over the hordes of pills scattered among the rolling hills of rubbery tissue, soaking in green and yellow. "They stacked up real high, yeah..."

WWW

Princess Toadstool sobbed gently. The professional, completely-not-a-quack Dr. Mario patted her back. He offered a complimentary lollipop. "Here. To make it stop-a hurting."

She hid her face from it, as if the candy's presence caused physical pain. "No... How can I eat again... When eating made me kill a poor little man..."

Pain seized her chest, heart thumping louder. Ugly tears streamed over her cheeks. Deep inside, it hurt. As if something tore away from within her. As if someone was punching her from inside. As if the minuscule man were still there.

Another blow hit her. "Wario?" She looked to the doctor's office. "He made it?"

Her fully-qualified caretaker jumped, nearly breaking the ceiling. He looked at the small wobbling around her midriff, and held his breath. "Stand-a still."

WWW

Wario hefted another vitamin up. He had a whole tower of the medication, which wobbled precariously. He hurriedly squeezed tighter into the foundation.

"Hah... Almost there, handsome... Gotta keep looking up, thinking outside the stomach..."

With a deep breath, he plunged into the acids anew, and paddled forward. He wrestled out one pill from the muscular floor, grabbed it in his teeth, and returned in a doggy-paddle. He took a bite out of it to keep himself together, before tossing it to the top of the tower.

"Come on, hurry up!" Using bite marks as footholds and legholds, he scaled to the highest reaches of his leaning tower, putting him in reach of the muscular valve.

The thief jumped for it. The tower wobbled beneath him. He reached up. It trembled further under his weight. Crouching, then springing up with every ounce of his might, he leaped into the aperture, just as his makeshift tower collapsed underneath him.

With a bit of squirming, brushing his girth against the squishy surface, he passed the barricade. A ray of hopeful light welcomed him above, from Peach's mouth, making the organic cavern glisten. He'd reached her throat! "Excellent! Wahahaha!"

Using all four limbs, stretched out to each side of him, he pushed himself upwards. He had to push his muscles to the fullest, to support the gem in his gut. A few missteps meant he slipped against the wet walls, costing him progress. But he kept pointing his pinkish nose up, determined to reach the exit.

A booming voice shook the walls around him, making him grip harshly. It rang through his bones: "Is Wario there?"

WWW

Dr. Mario observed the X-ray very legally and legitimately, searching for signs of extra tiny bones. Nothing. "He's-a not coming up. All I see are-a vitamins"

Peach was motionless as a statue. "Are you sure? I felt him..." She started fanning herself. "I can't imagine, he was moving so long. It must have been so slow, and excruciating."

Her whole body began trembling, cheeks turning red. Coughs exited her system. Dr. Mario, who was not only responsible and certified, rushed to her bedside. Seeing the agony across her, he grabbed the consolation lollipop and offered it - she gladly accepted.

WWW

Within, Wario hung from the uvula. He could cross her tongue, but then that gigantic ditz might swallow him again by accident.

Another stream of light shot into him, making his ruffled eyebrows descend. Something round and sticky entered Peach's immense mouth, a brilliant red. He took the chance, and leaped on it.

Her tongue lathered him this way and that, pressing him against the candy. It pushed and prodded him; but he weathered the storm of saliva that drenched his yellow-and-purple clothing.

"Wargh! Come on, take it out, get it over with!"

He felt the surface area of the treat shrinking away as Peach's mighty tongue licked continuously. It rubbed him against the rough buds. He felt his arms slipping...

[Suggested music - Super Mario 64 - Peach is Saved: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sky7OIKq_J4 ]

With a steady hold and a steadier stomach, Wario bore the full pressure of Peach's tongue licking him. He stuck hard to the lollipop; first, relying on its sticky surface to keep him in place; but as the candy shrunk, bathed in royal saliva, he ended up wrapping his stubby legs around the stick.

The unstoppable pink mass rolled around him. He heard the echo of sobs in the rear of his minuscule head, only making her lick harder. A harsh suction pulled his mustache against his cheeks. He felt his cap flying off.

"HEY!" Gripping for it, he felt his hold on the lollipop loosening, the sugar detaching from his body.

WWW

With a final sob, the patient tugged the lollipop from her lips. "I'll have to arrange a funeral."

Dr. Mario nodded, sighing. "His-a records list his next of kin as-a his pet hen. He said it's-a the only person who's-a never betrayed him."

How did this happen? Why did it have to end like this?

As Peach bowed her head in respect, she heard the faintest trace of a whispered "Waaah." Was that just her imagination? She looked towards her candy, and...

"Wario!" The joy in her voice nearly rocked him off his perch. She held his form in her gloves, tears welling up in her eyes above. Yes, it really was him, completely safe!

Feeling cool hospital air brush his body one more time, the shrunken thief laid in her soft, fluffy hold. The gem rattled in his gut, veiled from anyone's view. Both his hands were up in a celebratory "W" sign. "Waah... Yahoo! Wario's number one!"

He heard clapping in a pointed ear. Beside the two, the good doctor was smiling; he swelled with pride at how his professional conduct and non-falsified medical licence had carried them to safety. "Nice-a job! It's-a so great to see you."

Wario snarled, shaking a fist at him. "Can't say the same for you, lasagna-trousers! What were you thinking, knocking me around with those pills?"

Covering her giggles - though they still shook the tiny bandit - the princess' shoulders loosened. "He's as healthy as ever. Thank you, Dr. Mario!" She turned to the handheld man, smiling. "How can I make this up to you?"

He smiled earnestly in response at the gigantic face for just a moment. For a second, sheer joy from being alive and having such good company filled his worn, meaty heart. For a breath, the world wasn't dog-eat-dog. All lust, all pride - all greed, even - took a coffee break.

At at the moment his avarice returned, it gnarled his visage into a snarl. They had to know he stole Peach's jewelry. This was a trick to snatch him!

"Wah, you're not foolin' me! That treasure's mine, you can't have it!"

He leaped from the palm platform, blowing a raspberry, and raced at full throttle for home.

Peach blinked, an elegant finger on her lip showing her confusion. Dr. Mario turned to her with a definitive, certified shrug.

WWW Hours Later WWW

"OW! Watch it, beanpole!"

"Weh, stand still!"

"It's in me somewhere, keep at it!"

Bandages coated Wario's nose and cheeks - half from the boiling enzymes, half from his machine stretching him to his full, glorious size. Waluigi held a fishing rod, with the wire deep in Wario's bowels.

The rogue in purple grinned, and swung the pole out. He'd hooked Peach's tiny gem, which glimmered. Both bandits gazed at it with jaws open and eyes bright... As it dissolved in midair, thanks to torment from two sets of stomach acids. The dust blew over their noses, drifting in the wind.

Waluigi chased after it, climbing out the window. "Weh, you get back here, dust!"

"No! No..." Wario reached an arm out desperately to the window, before it drooped limply. His mouth was frozen in a grin, unable to move. "My precious..." Looking at Waluigi's wild stretching, he laughed in a low pitch, slowly. The laughter built to a booming, futile guffaw, as tears gushed from him.

A ring at the doorbell. He lifted his arms on instinct, and shouted between cries: "Nobody's home! *sob* And anyone who is home is innocent! *whimper* Don't believe what the media's reported about me! They lied about my criminal past and exaggerated my BMI! *sob* Objection, I summon Exhibit B to my chambers!"

The Parakoopa at the door cleared her throat. "Package for Mr. Wario?"

A blur of yellow opened it, and snatched the parcel from his hands.

Inside, Wario's eager hands tore the box apart. The sight within made his face turn greener than Luigi's shirt, and reel backwards in agony.

A cake. A beautiful two-layer vanilla cake.

One made with the same batter that his gem had first fallen in.

One that had the same sweet scent he'd been bathed in during his trip inside the scenic stomach of a princess.

As he stared in terror, looking at it like a Bob-Omb about to go off, a piece of paper that he'd tossed up in his tearing floated onto his nose. It had a message in beautifully-kerned handwriting:

"Dear Wario:

I've baked this cake especially for you. You'll continue receiving them until I've paid you back for everything I've done.

Please enjoy.

Yours truly--
Princess Toadstool
Peach"

Feeling his gut turn, Wario sprinted out the window after Waluigi. "Wah! No, no more cake! Waluigi, we're moving!"

(END)

[Suggested music - Wario Land 2 - The Journey Home: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAf3gM9JwRM ]

[Suggested music - WarioWare, Inc: Mega Party Games! - Menu Medley: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZN1dOPNDcc ]

Diamond City. A shining gem in the rough. Land of big wigs and small attention spans. Sure, Wario could take flight to glistening castles or exotic ruins for a chance at money. He could sail the seas and face pirates to earn his fortune. But something about the humble high-rises, the gourmet delivery pizza, and the intricate trash piles made the man's heart pound. When fortune called from afar, something special kept him here, connected to the people.

They owed him.

WarioWare Incorporated built this metropolis from the ground up! He was lead architect and planner of its famous Microgame industry! And his pen-pushing employees were the only ones making any profit from it! Everyone came to him with stupid junk they invented to cheat him out of his coins. Stuff like "workers' unions", or "minimum wage", or "paid leave", or "you are attempting tax evasion through front companies on Yoshi's Island". It left the businessman penniless!

No more. If trying to make an honest living meant every citizen and tax collector cheating him out of his earnings... Wario was ready to pay them back. Or for them to pay him back. Whatever. He'd be a cad again!

First, scouting. He traded his cap for a W-emblazoned helmet, and got his backside comfortable on his motorbike seat. The engine revved, spewing pollution out. The Wario Bike raced off on the city streets, a cat on the hunt - only several decibels louder, and worse at sharp turns.

At an amber light, Wario's beady eyes kept peeled for a sucker to rob later. Variety Tower... 1 Chance Mansion... the Building of Thrills... Hotel Future...

*Toot! Toooot!*

He nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the honking sound. A motorized scooter ran up beside him. Its bright crimson paint coat glimmered far too brightly in the sun. And a far-too-bright face was above the handlebar, grinning at him.

Mona, the pizza delivery girl. And gelateria worker. And was she still a cheerleader? That safari show she hosted was seriously rotten. Pretty good vocalist, though. Also a fashion magazine photographer.

"Hey!" Her voice chirped like a sweet bird's song at 3 AM on a Monday. "Wario! What's cooking?"

He snickered a little. "Gonna get some cash..."

She was a real doll, that Mona. Complete with an expansive wardrobe, thousands of odd jobs, a tendency to hang around lonely kids, and a habit of leaving a hole in people's wallets. She couldn't keep any of her jobs straight, with all the rushing around she did; so rescuing his money from her vaults would be a snap. And she was always nice enough to him, even if her tastes in microgames were... Off.

She put a hand on a stack of pizzas ready to fall from her scooter, hunching in. "Hey! Call me up after my shift at Sora Sora if you haven't pulled it off by then! I'd love helping the master of cool himself! ...For a cut of the profits."

He grumbled, picking his nose. She picked her nose back, in a bizarre salute, before stepping on the gas. Police cars chased her into the distance.

A few more blocks, and he reached the city's famous haunted mansion. Ashley's home, even to a normal-sized human, stood tall and ominous, at a scale that'd rival some of the Koopa Clan's fortresses. Wario hadn't been in, himself – but he'd heard stories of what rested inside. Portals to other worlds inside her library. A rare, enchanted mask collection that rivaled that of the legendary Happy Mask Salesman. And a whole bunch of rare art and treasure she wasn't using, anyway. With no minions but that clumsy Red, he'd have no problem sneaking in at small sizes... But what mysteries did it hide?

At the very top, in the open air, the witch herself stirred a green brew. Ashley was clad in a crimson dress with an orange neckerchief, and a tiara reflecting higher status. She looked down upon the traffic buzzing forward and backward below, a flat expression crossing her ruby pupils. They narrowed upon Wario.

"What? WHAT?" He called up.

"…" The ellipses sounded out silently from her mouth.

Red, who had transmuted into her stirring spoon, spoke up: "All your instant gratification and easy living has blinded you to the universe's truths! The great Ashley looks down on you blind insects in pity!" He hissed as ferociously as a terrified kitten. "A pox upon you, Diamond City!"

The mustached bandit laughed. "Yeah, curse this whole rotten dump!"

Ashley's eyes tilted away from her spoon, the large pigtails bobbing. "...Seriously?"

With liquid flowing through his mouth, Red stammered. "O-or possibly, she wants to say 'hi', but she's too shy. O-one or the other. The great Ashley has been in one of those moods lately..."

With greater vitriol, the witch bobbed and stirred the bowl, resulting in garbled yells from her demonic familiar. Wario revved his motorcycle's engine again, driving off just as the mad stirring above sent the girl, devil, and bowl tumbling down. Grass around the mansion soaked up the foul fluid, growing into constricting vines.

"Oh no, not again..."

[Suggested music - WarioWare: Smooth Moves - Ashley Bumper: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcmEnGp2EQw ]

After his day out in the city, Wario wheeled back home. That haunted mansion was awfully alluring - and compared to Mona's workplaces, didn't have as many people wandering around. And really, what harm could Ashley do?

He waited for night to fall, stretching his muscles in preparation, before putting himself through the yet-to-be-named shrinking device. He jumped into the cannon, pointed towards the starry sky. With a small blast, the bandit landed right at the jungle of grass outside her house. It gave him cover as he crept in through a hole by the front door, entering the great house.

"Excellent! Wahaha - URP." Realizing that he should keep his voice down, Wario covered his mouth - but continued muffled laughter.

Dim candle lights reflected off the little biker helmet, waddling across the mansion's labyrinthine passages. Its wearer trod with the stealth of a cat hunting a mouse - or hunting lasagna, at least. The fibers on the carpeting below were tall grass reaching his ankles. Itchy, damp grass that tinted in fake blood.

Despite the diminished stature of his shoes, each step seemed to birth a new echo of tortured, shrieking creaks from the aging floor. Hearing the ghastly noises, this burglar gained a strong desire to tear his own feet off. That'd teach 'em for messing up such a delicate stealth operation.

Through the holes and folds, he entered a hall wider than three football fields. The faint light grew brighter. Beheaded dolls sat on both sides, in carefully arranged seats sorted by height, resembling jurors. "Yeah, that's not ominous at all..." Within one's stuffing, he spotted something glimmering. A spider scurried away in a rush, knocking the man from his legs.

"WARGH! Watch where you're going, eight-eyes!"

He was about to take chase; until a tremble seizing the floorboards knocked him on his rear. A pale hand, large enough to scoop his house up, emerged from the shadows. With no hesitation, the bug scaled the slender middle finger, resting in the palm's curves as if it was a pillow. It lifted the spider, high above Wario, as another careful hand emerged to gently stroke its furry abdomen.

Jumping into a mutilated toy rabbit for cover, a cool sensation rushed down the thief's spine. When he gazed up, he shivered uncontrollably. She'd come. Flowing raven pigtails, merging with the shadows themselves; an orange tiara that spread out with the grace of a flower's petals; loafers with straps, great hills in the crimson fields, immovable monoliths; and her smooth hands curling and uncurling around the spider, each twitch of the digits deliberate and measures. An enormous, heavy dress covered her body, topped with a little neckerchief adorned with a tiny skull decoration. Her undergarments were partly visible behind the frightening lengths of uniform pantyhose; black silk, with frills around her perky buttocks. A full moon shrouded in mists looked less distant and smaller than her expressionless face. She lovingly petted the little creature... And tossed it over her shoulder into a bubbling cauldron.

The apprentice conjurer didn't even look in as she stirred the potion, vast waves erupting from her slender arms. Jars of assorted jellybeans, mandrakes, Fronks, and vegan eyeballs rested precariously in dusty shelves above. "Spider: check. Next ingredient."

Wario reeled away, backing into something hard inside the stuffing. This little girl he knew so well, the grumpy little baby bat, had become someone - something terrifying. A majestic, fear-inducing behemoth, whose name was only be mentioned in hushed whispers behind locked doors lest they invoke a deadly hex...

"Ashley!" Red flew in circles above her head, sweating bullets. "I can't find it! It's gone!"

Ashley didn't move, but Wario swore the girl grew even more towering as she heard the report. "What."

"Eh... Urhn..." The imp fidgeted. On instinct, Wario turned his head to the side; and noticed the glimmering thing poking his side. Brilliant, pale yellow, shaped like a banana - it made the fear in his little body evaporate. He found new courage.

The witch stirred harder, her delicate fingers clenched around the spoon, making small explosions emerge from her pot. Her hair magically flashed white. "WHAT did you lose, Red?"

Her assistant bowed. "The Crescent Moon Shard! The priceless, rare mineral that falls from the heavens once in a millennium, in the center of Crescent Moon Village! Your mixture's final crucial ingredient!"

With a blink, the dark-haired sorceress leaned to her knees. Her breath cleared fields of dust from the floor. "You gave it to my bunny for proper cushioning, remember?" She reached inside the toy, removing its stuffing....

...Not noticing that a shrunken intruder was already making a run with it, blazing down the hall. Wario didn't even bother looking backwards once he heard that this shiny, pokey thing was THAT valuable. Her position revealed more of her undergarments beneath the dress, as her great backside bulged out, stretching the coal-colored fabric in perfect hills.

The headless toy bunny fell to the floor, unstuffed and shriveled. "...It's gone." The young woman took a step forward. Thunder cracked from her great, flat sole as it drove into the ground. If Wario's little feet had made the boards groan, her steps turned them into wailing, shuddering messes that bounced in terror, trying to escape her wrath. Again, magic bleached her hair into silvery tones.

Red rubbed his head, forcing a smile. "Haha... Ahahah... *ulp* I'll f-find another for you!" He jumped on the windowsill, transforming into a broomstick. "What's one thousand years to a master witch who's going on five hundred? Haha, it'll be a snap!" He rushed out into the starry sky, sobbing.

Watching until her demonic companion became a little red spot, Ashley sighed. Within her palm's folds, she felt a tickle when she clenched her hand. Something rough against her smooth skin. She held it up to her crimson eyes, which blinked in surprise - before narrowing. "I'm not alone..."

It was a tiny black hair, hardened and jagged with mustache wax.

WWW

Chilling drafts brushed through Wario's facial hair, as he made a sharp turn at another hallway. Every tremble set him off-guard, anxious a massive witch-in-training might emerge from the next turn; but as he approached the hole he'd entered from, his fears shrunk away.

"Wah! Wahaha! Easiest getaway ever!" He set his sights for the hole in the wall.

With a dark glow, the exit began... sinking. It descended into the ground as if the floor was sucking it in. A magic hex to ensnare him!

The intruder snarled in shock. "What?! That's not fair! Exits aren't supposed to close themselves!" He dove for the cursed mouse-hole, watching the wall descend. He'd be able to make it out by crawling below the lowering barricade, but the Crescent Moon Shard wouldn't be able to fit.

To stay trapped in a manor of titanic terror, with a horrifyingly gigantic girl who cast the meanest and least-controllable spells in Diamond City... or leave without treasure? Wario pondered this deeply for a long, hard split second, then turned his broad back to the cavern. He had to find another way; one where he escaped full-handed.

Ashley's mansion twisted outwards in dizzying patterns before him. Dozens of spiraling pathways spread out before his tiny eyes. Every shaded corner had something moving - something HUGE moving. It felt as if each of the house's rooms trembled unsteadily in a slow, measured pattern of BOOMs, ready to fall apart at the whim of its owner. This was her world, and he was merely another toy in it, a slave to her magic. Regardless, Wario faced forward bravely, took a deep breath, and walked in.

There was money at stake.

Two paths stuck out. One to his left littered with old, yellowed pages, probably leading to some study; the other, at the right, with crumbs sprinkled around, pointing to a kitchen.

[Suggested music - Wario Land 4 - Hotel Horror: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v8BXwrJPHU ]

Another exit lay somewhere - one wide enough for his Crescent Moon Shard. Using his amazing deductive senses, Wario chose to turn left. Ashley might be in the kitchen, preparing food; but who ever went into a library? Not him.

Not until now. He carried his haul across the halls, darting between discarded pages for cover. That little pink nose practically smelled the magic and hexes floating off each page.

From time to time, though, his body froze entirely. Everything stopped. Not out of fear, or to hide from the odd humming that echoed from each corner of the mighty adobe. His legs would just refuse to move in the middle of a sprint; and he'd feel a finger stroking his broad shoulder or muscular arm. It'd only break once a page or dust bunny fluttered by him, making him swat it hysterically.

He shouted to one: "Shoo! You're ruining my silent getaway!"

Finally, Wario squeezed his waist under the door at the hall's end.

Within, the sight he saw caused him to freeze. He jumped into a mouse-hole for cover.

Right in the center of the room lay a worm-eaten wood table. Dragging his eyes up the chewed pillars revealed dark thighs, a ruby torso, and a yellow skull brooch. Ashley! Had she teleported there? Or was her stride simply that vast, with those black-socked legs? She stared intently at a book on the desk. More volumes piled up, teetering skyscrapers around her: "Hexes from the Awazon", Books 1-4; "Enchanted Masks Catalog", the 1876 edition; The Books of "Sweets", "Chocolate", "Ice Cream", and "The Void That Awaits Each of Us In The End"; and "Basic Algebra".

His blue irises shrunk. A faint murmur of moving dust passed him. From the biker helmet, his brain screamed to move; but his limbs felt an inhibiting pressure on every side, as if immense fingers were molding and kneading them.

He did naught but stare, jaw agape, at each complex twitch and flicker of the witch's flowing dress and hair, the silent wispy noises stroking his soul. It seemed as if she was holding a sort of toy, stretching it.

Among more desperate thoughts, such as "HURRY UP, GET OUT!" and "RUN, DUMMY!", a question rushed into his miniaturized cranium: "Since when has she played with dolls?... Or combed her hair?"

Gazing blankly at the handheld item, Ashley lifted its left arm. The thief sensed a sharp squeeze on his own arm, which lifted instantly - dropping the Crescent Moon Shard from his clutches with a soft *ting*. She pulled the doll up to observe it - and Wario lifted into the air in perfect sync. As she dropped it on her chair, he fell flat on his gut, nearly ejecting his rotten soul and garlicky supper.

In that brief glance, he noticed the toy had a necklace made of thin hair from his mustache. "Urrrg... No way, she has one of those who-do dolls?" That was the best word he could manage for this construct that controlled his every movement and sensation.

Ashley rose to her legs, hovering above her creation. She looked to the distance, and spoke: "You can hear me. Come out with the shard." Her voice was perfectly flat, not even that loud, but made the mouse-hole-entrapped Wario shiver nonetheless. She turned back, lifting her dress in a curtsey. The monolithic rear eclipsed the effigy, resting flat. It faced up lifelessly to the vast expanse of midnight black leg wear snug around Ashley's taut cheeks.

No answer. The witch trainee clicked her tongue. "Don't say I didn't warn you." In a great transformation of sinews and muscles, her legs bent. The smooth, soft buttocks descended like a guillotine bearing judgement, with Wario struggling to decide whether to leap in and save it - and more importantly, himself.

[Suggested music - Wario Land 4 - Crescent Moon Village: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9DSdcvOS_8 ]

No surrender, not this far in! Wario clutched to his treasure. "Don't worry, you're safe with me!"

With a final breath, the sorceress in crimson took her seat, compressing the enchanted doll firmly underneath her ass. "Not coming out? Your funeral." She took a new book from the shelf, reading through it calmly - still keeping an eye out for anyone entering the library. That shard, and its thief, would crawl into her clutches soon; but there was no need to break her back over it.

Not when she was breaking someone else's back.

He felt it instantly. His "WAAARGH!" drowned mutely into greatest weight he'd ever been put under, outside of an eating contest. From a distance, Ashley's left cheek dove right into his rosy nose, crushing it into his flattened face. As for her right cheek - his legs twisted painfully as they tried to accommodate its disorienting scale. "W-w-whaaarghk..." His fingers twitched, clutching to the dusty floor as if it would give him some degree of control beneath the distant ass.

Paralyzed, the thief twisted and rolled to look at the chair. The mysterious doll was ready to pop from the sheer pressure. Even if he was facing sideways, the mass of flesh and muscle clad in silk was pushing on his chest, compressing him beneath the girl in the sky. Was she hiding anvils in that dress?

Her pigtails swayed as she raised up, silently observing the effigy. He began to crawl away... Right as her meteoric ass descended anew, now squeezing his chest. And again, squeezing the life out of it. He struggled to breathe, taking in shallow gasps; each breath of air had a faint taste of salt and sulfur in it, as if he were actually breathing in air from her rump. It choked him, infiltrating his compressed lungs. When his visage pointed downwards, he noticed - to his terror - that his chest was actually pressed in with a perfect trace of the witch's cute, gigantic backside.

She tapped her loafer-clad foot, sending a rumble up Wario's spine. Her eyes rolled as she turned a page. "I can do this as long as I need to. Come out." Slowly, deliberately, she dragged her butt across the aging wood, pulling the enchanted effigy with her.

The thief made a grab for the Crescent Moon Shard, ensuring it'd never leave his sight; but sensed his body mashed and forced across the floorboards, further from it. "Wargh, get over here, you!" With a painful breath, he charged up every muscle in his arms, and swung a shoulder-check at the invisible butt - it simply absorbed the blow in its fleshy mass, and push against him with greater force. The unyielding backside dragged the figurine - and him - to the right now, sending him off-balance. In desperation, and taking a great breath, Wario bit into the air above him. It felt like soft fabric and flesh behind it entered his jaws, and thin beads of sweat trickled down his crushed throat. In disgust, he tried forcing his mouth aside - but couldn't release it. It was practically engulfing his jaw, holding it hostage. The residue of her effort studying and spell-casting wafted into his nose.

And once again, the enchantress scooted, sending the shrunken body in yet another direction. She rolled her ass in loose circles, evenly kneading his body. Her head bowed in focus on the book. Each fiber of her dark, silky pantyhose, and skin beneath it, got at least two squishy rounds on her still-hidden victim, evenly flattening him. He gasped for thin, salt-coated air every time he felt the squeezing force leave his snout; only for another frighteningly harsh pressure to force every breath out of his lungs. "G-gimme a break, ghost butt!" He barely forced out the words, stricken by spiritual and intestinal anguish.

One hope barely kept him from revealing himself: whenever the overwhelming "ghost butt" forced his neck backwards, pressing around his helmet, he spotted a dim glow of his treasure. But no matter how much he squirmed; regardless of how far he crawled; the ever-present backside loomed above him inescapably, ready to keep pulling him into what he'd describe as a "Total Drag".

If Ashley felt any of his struggles through the who-do doll, she didn't show it. Her great eyes remained unblinking, mouth flat. Perhaps that was the scariest part; only a small twitch of her hips drove harsh pain into the body below, from such a long distance. Did she know it was him in there, and was just testing him, toying with his pure love for riches? Or was she unaware - able to dish out a tortuous, crushing nightmare without even seeing his face?

The mansion's owner slouched, the intense heaviness rolling from Wario's legs up to his waist and stomach. "Still hiding? I sense you're still alive..." She crossed her legs, and buried herself in the volume. That idle action sent all the doll's stuffing to its head and limbs, bulging out. Rocking backwards and forwards on the little thing as she read, she left only enough space between each compression to allow the Shard's thief to show themselves. Ashley lay in wait, tapping her fingers on the table between page-turns. "...But it's no difference to me if you're alive when I find you."

Every second, Wario's round face became redder, displaying a variety of expressions from "enraged", "terrified", "in pain", and "in all-consuming, mind-numbing pain". Every pause only gave him a brief sense of stability and freedom, for yet another cataclysmic impact of her butt to shake it aside.

What to do? Punches and shoulder-checks couldn't reach her. And he'd already decided that, no matter what, he'd escape with the riches. But it felt as if a planet was crashing on him, sparing no expense to keep him away from the Crescent Moon Shard...

[Suggested music - Game & Wario - Ashley's Revolution: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n0cv5D0qVU ]

"That's it! There's gotta be some hocus-pocus in that shiny thing! Wahah!" In the pauses, he was still able to grasp the Crescent Moon Shard. His arm nearly broke off as he reached out; but gritting his perfect teeth together, he bore the pain. feeling the great surface dig into his palm, slightly piercing, he called out:

"Treasure, use your magic and get me outta here!"

Nothing - except the brunt of Ashley's silky, moist pantyhose flowing across his face. The heat stung his eyeballs, and the twisting had begun to make his neck stiffen - along with the general pain in each of his bones. When she lifted her backside, the cloth figure stuck a little to the fabric; it lifted the shrunken man into the air, and sent him crashing to the floor, winded.

She rested her head on her shoulder. "I wonder if I'll finish my book before you come out."

He rubbed the shard like a genie's lamp. "Come on, quit snoozin'!" His bloodshot eyes homed on it tightly, expecting a burst of enchantment to come out. Maybe grant him a hidden escape path; turn Ashley into a spoon; or give him a little pat on the back and tell him things will be okay.

Still nothing.

Swooosh. The sound of the butt was a silent whisper, but raised dust particles around his mouse-hole hideout. He wobbled more against the unyielding pressure, feeling blood rush to every extremity and boil. His vision was blurring, either from pain or rage. Wario was again glued to the intangible backside, stuck by sweat and pressure for an agonizing second - before dropping down.

He screamed in the loudest voice possible while still avoiding detection: "Work with me! You got some kinda magic, right? Show me! Show me!" He twisted the treasure, pretending it was a GBA with a gyro sensor cartridge.

With another quiet breeze, Wario lay pinned beneath the phantasmal projection of Ashley's firm butt. Both soft cheeks lodged him between them, tightly wedged into the crack. Thrashing uselessly, his limbs flung against the unfeeling muscle, lost in the petite derriere's folds. Ashley's slow, thumping pulse echoed through his quivering bones. She twisted her seat for better lighting on her book, grinding the effigy - and her victim - deeper into the smooth, black-clad plane. It only lasted seconds; but to him, it was the length of a dentist visit, with no needle to numb the piercing agony.

The mountainous girl lifted to her rubbery soles again, prying the doll off herself with a little groan. "Gross. Hope YOU'RE enjoying yourself, at least." With thundering stomps in circles, she checked to see if anyone had entered and surrendered to her hexes. Glaring scarlet eyes barely passed Wario's hole, missing him gasping for breath, as her arms crossed. Each leg, with magnified fabric fibers, landed in front of the well-used seat - and the figure, worn face facing up to the slightly-crouched rear with wordless screams. "In ten seconds, you'll come out." Her voice was no louder than usual, but left a trailing echo off the library walls. "And if you say no, you're toast."

It took those room-shaking words to snap Wario's broken body from the ground. "Fat chance... Hurry up!" He held the Crescent Moon Shard up and chanted every magical incantation he knew: from "Open Sesame"; to "Henshin a Go-Go"; to Zelda's Lullaby. "ARGH, WORK! Piece of junk! I bet you're just a fake shard, you don't even have any powers!" He shook it with all his might, like an adventurer loosening money from the Endless Coin Bag of the Shake Dimension, like a Ultra-Intergalactic-Cybot-G holding an unruly Clancer, like a man clutching to the last threads of his sanity and hope before it fell to the threads of a phantasmic pantyhose.

With a brief curtsey... THUD.

It happened in a single deft movement:

Ashley's knees bent, shifting the candle-lit shadows of her pigtails across the dizzying library shelves.

The cheeks hit the doll, driving him into the chair under the crushing weight above.

Wario, on an upward shake, felt a complete mountain of soft, perky bricks fall on his head, molding with such strength that his helmet caved in.

In agony, he released the Crescent Moon Shard.

The treasure gleamed gently as it rushed out of the mouse-hole, leaving the bandit to look in terror.

It weaved over the chair's seat, and under its backrest, piercing a small hole the who-doo doll's bulging cranium.

With a sigh impatience - and a vengeful, punishing push - Ashley's cheeks impacted the effigy - this time, with increased force.

Stuffing bunched up at the aperture, and spilled from it in a single spurt.

Her powerful ass muscles had squeezed so hard that the tiny incision from the shard ripped into a wide opening, spilling all its innards out like confetti.

Wario, luckily, was wearing a helmet, and felt nothing on his noggin but the same ungodly crushing force. (Always remember: safety first!)

With the doll unstuffed, the mustache hair - connecting it to the thief - slid off.

In a snap, the pressure lifted from him. A few gusts of damp air welcomed his lungs' restoration to their original fullness. Blowing on his thumb, he inflated his head to its proper, swollen scale. Had that sadistic witch apprentice had gotten up for another blow? After his eyes creaked open, getting used to to the lack of pain, he clearly saw her still there sitting, reading. She spoke up: "Come out... now!"

And returned to her book, not noticing the figure she'd crushed the magic out of.

Victory! Using superior intelligence, and not just sheer luck, Wario conquered a girl's tush! She never even knew he was there! He patted himself on the back, flashing victory signs. It was thanks to that Crescent Moon Shard! All he had to do was sneak out with it!

...Then he realized: he was free because he threw it out the hole. The treasure presently rested by Ashley's swaying soles, in a pile of fluff.

He grumbled, readjusting his dented helmet, torn collar, and mighty mustache. "So ein mist..."

[Suggested music - WarioWare: Smooth Moves - Ashley Intro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmhwFMQqAIg ]

The book engrossed this red-and-black tower. If she put it down, or shifted the wrong way and felt the doll flat underneath her, she'd notice the stuffing on the ground. Then she'd retrieve the precious stone and leave Wario empty-handed!

That wouldn't stand! Taking a breath, and making two false starts, Wario charged forward with catlike stealth and a stumble.

He didn't really grasp the scale of the mansion's occupant and her belongings until he was up-close. It seemed the effigy was actually a good amount larger than him. That crushing burden was only a fraction, at best, of the agony Ashley's titanic rear end would cause sitting on his real body.

Speaking of which, he had to crane his neck to even spot the immense, silky instrument of his torture. As he approached, the plane of perkiness spread out, the slight sway in it making her ruby dress flutter. "I'm gonna vomit..." He couldn't see her face from her spot; just the rear of her pigtails, unbrushed waterfalls flowing atop the wood.

He quickly dug the Crescent Moon Shard from what was formerly a doll's innards. For good measure, he collected his loose hair, too. No use endangering himself with that.

As he prepared to take flight, a sudden jolt rocked Wario, knocking him on his helmet, as she got to her feet. Standing straight, her features were still more awe-inspiring. Any of Diamond City's famous skyscrapers - Variety Tower, 1 Chance Mansion, the Building of Thrills, even Hotel Future - would be in her shadow, unable to reach her skull-ornamented neckerchief. Even her ankles, peeking out from the red shoes, outmatched him in height! They folded suddenly, and Wario felt his peepers twist trying to take in the sheer extent of movement in the muscles and sinews packed within her legs, snug in the pantyhose. That backside that he'd learned to hate stretched out, fabric bending obediently around it.

He ran for it. There was a staircase nearby - if he got through, maybe he'd find a second exit...

She leaped up, to heights that would make Jumpman blush - her full dress swaying slightly with the wind - and slammed her backside into the chair. It practically shrieked under her strength. The impact rushed across the floor, lifting up the cotton, dust, and miniaturized thief. He held tight to his treasure, bracing himself as the ground approached.

Ashley looked up from her book, a quizzical expression crossing her pale features. "...the chair's hard." Like the princess with the pea, something abnormal pressed to her sensitive skin. She stood again, beginning an investigation that ended in five seconds.

Doll: no longer stuffed.

Stuffing: on floor.

Shimmer on floor: Crescent Moon Shard.

Thief that she was squashing by proxy... Wario.

She dropped her book, which fell open on the ground - alerting the bandit that he'd gained her attention.

Wario dashed up the staircase, the library's exit seemingly miles away. Even when he took great bounds up every step, it got no closer. He felt exhaustion build up in his body. Ashley walked towards him - a new surge of energy powered him to flee. She simply stared, rubbing her temples. No step he took furthered him from the raven-haired witch's looming judgement.

As he collapsed, panting, she crossed her arms. "Endless staircase. Comes in handy sometimes." She snapped her fingers, and the gigantic steps became a ramp, depositing him at her rubber shoes.

"Hah... Wah... You cheated..." He clutched to the Crescent Moon Shard, paralyzed by Ashley's blood-red glare. "You almost killed me, you jerk!" It swirled into his soul, with the oddest mix of curiosity at this minuscule man's state; and absolute disgust at his pathetic escape attempt.

Her voice, though not loud, echoed across the great, cold halls, rattling his shrunken, worn bones: "And you stole from me. Pot, kettle." Every little swish of her bright dress swished and crackled above - the same sound as a thousand flies dying on an electrified screen. When she stomped ahead, the old floorboards moaned in agony underneath the towering witch's weight. "Here I thought I had a demon infestation... But it's only you. Wario." On his name, shadows blocked her visage.

Wario snarled. "Sorry to disappoint you, Ashley! I'll just be taking my treasure now! Consider it payment for the money I lost when you slacked off at WarioWare!" He leaped up. "Thanks for your service, so long!"

She rolled her eyes. The conjurer's hand stretched on top of his helpless form, careful fingers descending as if they were the bars of a cage. Leaning down only magnified every terror-inducing detail, trapping her target in a terrified trance as his gaze traced the intricate folds in her pale palm...

He saw thin but distinct lines of saliva between the roof of her mouth and massive tongue, stalactites and stalagmites in a deep, haunted cave. "I'll let Red know I found that last ingredient myself."

[Suggested Music - Game & Wario - Ashley Boss Battle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLxbadLRx0M ]

Channeling every inch of his manly physique, Wario swung a punch. It careened out towards the oncoming hand. He felt his knuckles sink into her bare palm's wrinkles, absorbing the full force.

"Ow!" She drew it backwards. Ashley groaned, her hair glimmering white. As her target dashed for the exit, he saw another shadow ascend from the sky. Within two footsteps, making the floors screech again, he was within her reach.

He pumped his arms, eyes bulging. "C'mon, COME ON..."

-WHOOSH-

Instantaneously, Ashley's iron grip closed around him. Skin, frosty to the touch, pressed his torso from front and behind. His chins barely stuck out above her index finger. The breath above ruffled his mustache, sending chills down his spine. She squeezed, turning his face the shade of a tomato.

"The Crescent Moon Shard." Her vocal chords' vibrations crept up her skin and onto his, eliciting goosebumps.

He grimaced, choking. "Wrk... Ack... No!" The pressure only made his hold on the gem tighter.

She sighed, and began chanting, voice with the tone of a chilled wind through a forest. "Enor ebmu n Sio ira wn I ed am... Nawa buna nu Zio ira un Io di em!"

And in a flash of light, he was free of the grip. Free of any floor, either. Wario was falling - right into the bubbling orange cauldron.

*SPLASH*

The mustached thief quickly swam up to the top of the mixture, holding his breath - and his hard-earned treasure. It was hard to grasp, from this new perspective, but this was the same room. That crimson carpet that he started at rested below; he couldn't believe how tiny the fibers looked from here, and how the decapitated dolls took up so little space. The same odd ingredients were in shelves a dizzying height above, the glow from dim lights reflecting off their jars and onto him.

Bubbles tickled his legs. Soon, they began burning, making his legs move faster than a motorboat's engine. He navigated to the edge, trying to find a rest point...

Only to end up right in Ashley's round nose. She crossed her ruby eyes to pierce him. "I don't think one extra ingredient will change much." She took out a stirring spoon, and began to mix the new brew.

Leaning on top of the bubbling pot, the magician's wide-stretching arm moved in circles, the massive elbow flying in and out. It dragged Wario in every which way, rendering a great waves of bubbling liquid. He felt it soak his 'stache, wash under his shirt, carry him in dizzying circles. The candles' illuminating glow above nearly hypnotized him, flying in strange shapes - little specks of illumination in the shadowy lair that held them both.

He doggy-paddled desperately against Ashley's quiet, steady stirring. The shard rested tightly between his teeth; he struggled to keep his neck above the currents, lest he lose the treasure in its gurgling depths. When he neared the edge of the pot, the witch's all-encompassing hand simply moved to block him. Only one little blow could send him off-course; one rock of the bowl could nearly drown him; one stir could carry him to the other side of the cauldron altogether. Soon, he didn't even remember where the exit was; Ashley's face loomed everywhere he looked, always ready to catch him...

"Wah! Gotta get out, swim for it..." He vocalized his thoughts from behind clenched teeth, the words coming out distorted. The mixture was starting to sear his pink pants, eating through them hungrily. He couldn't help but wonder: "What's this brew supposed to do, anyway?"

Ashley peered towards him, her spoon sending a new wave his way. "You want to know...? Drop the shard in."

This wasn't working! Sways of the mixture, threatening to swallow him, blocked off each edge of the bowl. And if he even got close to the narrow, metal shore, her reach knocked away his progress with no effort. Even if he did get out - it would be just a snap of her fingers to plop him in again. And if he dropped the shard, it might end up dissolving to her mighty stirs.

His eyebrows narrowed, as he continued to paddle. What options were left?

[Suggested music - Game & Wario - Ashley Boss Battle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLxbadLRx0M ]

A bubble from the potion formed near Wario, tilting him from an edge. With a pop, it splashed searing drops of the noxious mixture on his nose. The bandit still guarded the Crescent Moon Shard, while swimming as best as possible against the whirlpools and shifting currents.

Ashley, her face still flat, sighed. "If you let go, it'll be much less painful for both of us."

He huffed, half-horrified, half-enraged. What a brat! She didn't understand this treasure's value! All it meant to her was another ingredient in her mysterious brew. It chilled him to think about it, but that's all he was, too - one more component for a potion, whose nature she wouldn't even reveal.

He grinned.

Gears in Wario's tiny head turned, while another stir sent him floating away. Tons of components hung right on top of the cauldron.

Perfect. If Ashley could brew potions, who said he couldn't? It might ruin it for her. Sweet vengeance!

The girl noticed him floating still in the bowl's center. She leaned in, face blocking the candle's glimmer. "You're not moving. Did it just take some waves to break you?" She whispered her next word, with the vaguest hint of a disgusted curl in her cheeks. "...Weak."

With the titaness not stirring, and the candles no longer in his eyes, the bandit was able to aim his neck. He spat out the Crescent Moon Shard in the air. It flew into the jar of eyeballs, cracking it open. Along with the treasure, the spheres rolled out similarly to pachinko balls, hurdling towards him. They fell one after another into the goop below. A single impact of an orb against the fluid created reverberations that sent Wario into the air - where he could catch the shard. "Wahaha, direct hit!"

"No... Not part of the potion." The feminine shadow overtook the pot. Ashley hastily scooped the eyeballs in her spoon, tossing them out of the liquid. Her neckerchief hung atop the miniature man, chest nearly touching him. Though the gigantic, pale face remained still, he grinned when he saw the faintest hint of sweat crossing it.

With a kiss for luck, he threw the Crescent Moon Shard again. "Take this!" This time, he aimed for the jellybean mix. The jar shook from the impact, then collapsed, releasing its payload.

The torso above him retracted in a sudden gasp. The stirring utensil dropped to the distant carpet. The titanic witch was able to grab this jar, only a few beans spilling in - missing the shard as it fell, again, into those teensy, yellow-gloved hands. When she put the jar aside, her hair glowed a blinding white, floating up as if gravity went out to lunch.

Wario took aim again, grinning... But felt himself pulled from behind. A metal surface rose under his tiny, round tush. It lifted him into the sky, right towards his hostess' looming glare - boiling hotter than pools of fresh magma from Lavalava Island. Cool blood rushed through her face, which was partly-shaded from the shrunken man's angle, bringing out her soft lips. They opened, freezing him as she brought the spoon closer to her mouth, sipping in. The waves pushed him rearwards, rushing into the girl's throat. Stronger than her stirring, he couldn't swim against this current when one arm clutched the shard. His miniaturized mind rushed in eight direction at once: the tugging behind him; the old shelf he aimed at; the paralyzing breath from Ashley's nostrils above; the sloshing sounds in each direction; the burning in his taste buds; the bubbling at his legs; the ache in his rear; the glimmer off the treasure in his arm...

He braced himself, and as the gigantic lips touched him, tossed the Crescent Moon Shard. "Hah!"

It went off-course.

The crescent lodged itself into a crack in the old wood. Ashley slumped in relief, her sigh nearly blowing Wario's hat off.

But soon, creaking replaced the sloshing sound around him. The crack grew larger and larger. Beneath the tiny thief, he felt the gigantic hand tremble in anticipation. She whispered: "No, no, no..."

CREAAAK.

Ashley's gigantic legs sprung forward in terror, dropping her captive into the brew.

"Stop it...!"

At once, the shelf broke apart. Bottles, jars, vials, and splinters descended on the two. Fronks and mandrakes screamed in panic. Unable to hold everything, Ashley splashed into the brew, her torso plunging Wario to the base of the cauldron. Geysers and crashing waves of the mixture spilled from it, and didn't stop, as debris from the impact rained down.

Pushing aside the wet red fabrics, the mustached man swam up. A mandrake hit his helmet, plopping him into the waters anew. But he recovered quickly. Somewhere, among the floating debris, the Crescent Moon Shard was there...

Ashley seethed, creating more waves as she swept at the mixture. Waterfalls of the orange goo spilled from her hands. "No... It's here, it must be here..." She found the spider from before, happily backstroking - and tossed him out.

Neither could find where the glimmering treasure had landed.

But as they splashed the potion everywhere, allowing it to soak their vestments, something washed over them...

[Suggested music - Wario Land 4 - Hurry Up!!!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7ONBYne4qw ]

It took a second for them to notice, but the numerous new additions to the potion had begun to take effect, shooting through their veins and across the fabrics of their outfits. Both Wario's diminished form and Ashley's petite body absorbed the liquid, while they searched the pot for the treasure.

A pot that, to both microgame-makers, felt smaller each second. They blinked to each other in knowing shock, before realizing: they were growing, at a proportional rate!

"If you hadn't tossed my stuff in..." The girl growled, splashing out another wave of the ruined potion. Its force dented the mansion wall. She blinked at the strength in her arm, before returning to her search.

"If you hadn't grabbed me..." He'd grown enough to resist the waves, and exit the bowl; but why would he leave if he didn't have the jewel he came for?

The immense, smooth legs could no longer fit in that bowl; she stepped out, footprints etched permanently in the ground. Knocking out the remaining shelves with her shoulders and hips, the conjurer spotted a faint glimmer in the shadow of her own pigtails. It was right between the cauldron and the wall! She reached for it, pushing the pot aside... Only for the thief to rush in the finger gaps and snatch it up.

Before rushing out, the still-tiny Wario stuck his tongue up to the towering girl. "Nyeh, mine now! See you, loser!"

The ceiling snapped against her whitened pigtails. Her ascent showed no sign of ending.

Ashley, throughout the night, hadn't raised her voice very high. She saw no reason to share many of her thoughts. And when she did, she knew that the house's occupant heard her normal, flat tone just fine. But as she looked at the flash of blue and yellow exiting the door mismatched gewgaws dissolving into HER creation along with the carefully-selected ingredients, her efforts wasted, her hands stretching out...

"Aurgh! You... YOU RUINED IT! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!"

Her voice made the mansion nearly collapse in its blistering rage. It extinguished the candles, and broke the wall into a series of cracks. Her rising body heat spread out; her mere pulse rocked floorboards apart. Now, she had her neck stuck a floor above, still tearing it away as she grew and grew. the push of her still-expanding legs chased Wario out past halls and doorways, giving out to flashes of black leggings, crimson dress, or powerful clenched fists.

He paced forward, feeling flakes from the ceiling descend. Even if the walls were closer to normal-height, they wobbled like jello around him. "Come on, there's gotta be an exit!" He clenched at a locked window, shoulder-checking it. Seeing Ashley's sole flying towards him, he dodged, watching it break the wall apart.

She winced, sputtering, as each of her gigantic limbs grew through a different room.

The small - but growing - thief heard the voice everywhere. It echoed, shaking the crumbling halls and into the sky. "Loneliness? That's why she's making all this fuss - OOF!" He slammed nose-first into the library door. Immediately, it broke open. Any space that wasn't occupied by fluttering sheets and toppled bookshelves filled with Ashley's growing hand, as it burst out towards him.

She said: "Stealing money, that's one thing..." Her nails easily sliced the foundation as Wario rushed out, weaving in and out of couches and tables that the hand behind him simply crushed.

"Stealing treasure," she continued, "that's something..." Though he outpaced the hand, another form crashed after him, tearing apart the kitchen. Darn, he forgot she had TWO hands. On either end, one wall of flesh endeavored to close the thief in. And both still grew taller...

"But stealing... ruining potions?" The witch's growth continued to bring the house's rattling wood and floors tumbling to the ground. "How do you profit from that?"

Her limbs enclosed the only escape routes. Both of Ashley's hands pushed into him, squeezing his whole body between the palms. She kneaded him rougher than dough at a bakery. The immense index fingers curled around his neck, strangling him.

He groaned "Sick... getting airless... Just wanna... Go home..."

Intense panting sounded in his ears. The skin pushed further and further out still, its grip firmer...

...Until the ceiling above caved into her screams, cracking apart. The roof erupted over the fully-grown sorceress' head - leaving her to release the thief. He caught his breath, before sprinting to an exit made by her leg.

Looking behind, the girl had outgrown her mansion; hands, feet, and raven hair peeking out. "Y-you... You won't!" She leaned
in for the Crescent Moon Shard, but the remains of her home weighed her down. "Please...."

The girl reached out, visage slowly fading and tilting to the grass.

"Almost there! Almost there!" Wario, restored to his original height, dashed into the darkness, satisfied with his earnings...

...Until something was in in way.

[Suggested music - WarioWare: Smooth Moves - Tomorrow Hill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTjltCVOMXA ]

"Ashley, I found more!... What?"

The witch's assistant, who came in laughing and beaming, stared at the scene before him. His mistress many times her normal size, struggling to break from the bits of the mansion that still covered her. She averted her gaze, as old bits of wood crumbled around her elbows. His old boss from WarioWare, dashing ahead in a frenzy. He scratched his head. "Uh, sh-should I come back later?"

*BUMP*

In the darkness - and staring behind him at the girl's growth reaching its climax - Wario didn't notice Red, fluttering close to the ground. He crashed into the imp, releasing the Crescent Moon Shard.

"Wah!" He got to his muscular legs. "Go away, I'm making a daring getaway!" The thief reached to the ground to grab his dropped treasure...

Only to find multiple Crescent Moon Shards. A whole pile of them! They each glistened in the moonlight, all just as brilliant as the stolen one. His jaw dropped. His eggshell eyes scanned the pile top to bottom... And pointed to Red, who smiled sheepishly. "Buh... Wah..."

Ashley rose up, and trod towards her returned servant. Her simple boost tore the gigantic mansion from the ground, and brought it with her, hanging around her waist as if it were part of her dress. The fall of her legs made floorboards fall to the ground. "More crescents? Where... did you find these?" Her face lit up, only slightly moistened from her panic before.

Attempting to keep his dignity, Wario added a "Yeah, tell us!" as he dusted himself off.

Under both their stares, Red laughed, sweat dripping down his forehead. "Uh, first, mind tellin' me why Wario's here, and why Ashley's so... big-boned?"

He grumbled: "Because that shard's worth big money!"

She whispered: "That shard holds mysterious magic..."

He blinked, before shaking his head. "That shard is fool's gold!"

Both WarioWare employees froze. They looked at one another, desperate for some sense of sanity.

The imp pointed to the pile of glimmering crescents, prodding it with his pitchfork. "The villagers just import bananas from Kongo Bongo and paint them sparkly. The potion recipes using them were scams to drive their price up!" He seemed a little TOO happy with himself saying this.

"What." Ashley's eyes flashed crimson. Without moving a muscle, the entire manor crumbled into a million pieces from the sheer force of her rage and surprise. "So my potion... Was never... Going to work?" In the middle of every sentence fragment, she inhaled deeply, pulling clouds out of the sky.

"Ashley..." He flew up, way up past her fluttering dress, to pat her head. "I'm really, really sorry about that."

Wario chuckled, scooping as many of the glimmering shards. "Well, plenty o' dumb witches to sell these to! Where'd you pick them up?"

Red lit up. "A nice reporter gave them to me. Or was that a photographer... Pop star... Mona! All three of those. She used them in an investigative report on the scam." He shrugged. "That's how I learned about them. Now the news is out, they're a dime a dozen."

"WHAAAA?" The knees buckled behind pink trousers. Slowly, he bowed to the grassy ground. The man curled into a ball, cradling himself. He'd faced paralyzing fear, crushing pressure, near-death situations... But this struck him right in his heart, the very basest of his fears. He couldn't make money off these! made him feel weak and small and insignificant.

And when he was much taller than Red, no less!

The night was old, nearing its end. In the far East, sun began to rise, brightening the cheeks of large and small alike. The group squinted at the newly-birthed light. An unfamiliar warmth lit them up, drying their tears.

"Hah..."

A muted hint of what might be halfway towards a chuckle. It trembled through the air and ground, shaking both guys. Even the gigantic witch looked surprised. When Wario raised his head to look up, something was fundamentally twisted and wrong about the girl. What happened to her clammy, cold skin? Where had the dust across her neckerchief floated off to? Where was she hiding that distant, scornful gaze?

Only the hint of a smile remained there. "You still look pathetic."

He dusted himself off, gritting his teeth. "Makes two of us. What was the potion for, anyway?"

She looked to the clouds, lips pressed shut. "I don't... remember."

Her demonic helper chirped up in her place: "It was to cure your loneliness, wasn't it?" He yelped as Ashley stared him down.

Wario shrugged. "Bah, why don'tcha join a tennis or golf club? Bet I could squeeze you into a roster when Mario isn't looking!"

Her eyes glowed in the sun for a moment, before they turned away. "Whatever. If I find any ingredients there, I keep them."

His grimace slowly showed the hint of a grin. "Wahah, I've looked everywhere for treasure at the courses already. Steal whatever you want."

Red joined the smiles, looking out. "Gosh, that's pretty..."

With care - holding him between fingers, putting the right amount of support on his back - Ashley picked her former boss up. She placed him carefully by her shoulder, as he tucked himself into her neckerchief's folds. For just a moment, from common pain, the world wasn't as dark.

Waves in the west crashed gently, painted in purple. The raised position gave a glorious view of Diamond City, lights from the homes just turning on. Everything they knew was in this small, precious diorama of life before them.

Ashley stepped towards the sun, slow and deliberate. The smile still hadn't faded from her lips.

"...So, Red. This way to Crescent Moon Village?"

Red nodded. "Huh? You want to go there?"

Wario grinned knowingly. "Yeah, you're heading the right way. You gonna crush all those losers who cheated us?"

Ashley shook her head, nearly tossing Red off. "Not all. You can kill some of them yourself if you want." She tapped her dark hair, stroking the demon into it. "Red, what are some potions I can make with Crescent Moon Villagers?"

Red broke out in a cold sweat. "C-come on, a whole village just for some swindlers?"

Wario jumped up and down. "Hey! That's Hotel Future! I stayed there when I was renovating my mansion into my house!" He gazed happily. "They charged me a fortune. Stomp it down."

The imp froze. "Wh-what?"

*BOOOM*

Ashley smiled. "I'm sure a spell can fix that later."

Wario guffawed. "Wahahah, it's so good being on the other end of it! Hey, do 1 Chance Mansion next!"

Red screeched futilely, as they stomped into the distance, laughing together. "Wario... Ashley... Oh, maaan, you guys are horrible..."

[Suggested music - Super Smash Bros. for Wii U - Ashley's Theme Ver. 2 (JP): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGB53AaJ7e8 ]

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Shake It! - Main Menu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hV5gO5gb... ]

Not only would this invention let Wario steal from anyone; it would let him steal from some very specific people. People who didn't just have treasures; people who had HIS treasures. Treasures they swindled from him. Treasures that'd be lying in his house now if the world were any fair. He had to correct thest injustices, or his noble, garlicky heart could never rest easy.

First on his hit list: Captain Syrup. He scowled, gritting his teeth together. Rotten pirate girl! Scumbag! Dirt-wad! He had her to blame for his current living standards. Back-and-forth raids with the Black Sugar Gang left his treasured gold coin bags, rare gems, and collectable figurines in her filthy grasp. Those beautiful dollars were SUFFERING in her hands! He didn't want to even think of what that filthy lout was using them for. Keeping gold scattered carelessly in her quarters? Holding the dough in her grubby hands? Using it to -he shivered- purchase goods and services? And she always acted so smug about it, tossing her stupid booty around when she robbed people blind!

The man shook a W-marked fist to the sea, jaw still clenched and shaking. Somewhere in that ocean, Syrup was sailing in the S.S. Teacup, or the Sweet Stuff. Hordes of pirate minions patrolled it. After Wario's last "Rescue Mission" to retrieve his moolah, the Captain of Cavities improved her high-tech defense mechanisms. But she couldn't plan for a shrunken thief to scurry aboard. Soon, Wario swore, he'd have his day. Her greed would destroy her! If not her bad manners, temper, arrogance, and lack of hygiene!

He'd ground his teeth so much that a fine white dust coated his feet. With a step out, and a scratch of his backside, the yellow-hatted man noticed a soup-stained article on his coffee table that offered another option: The Golden Pyramids. A relic of a lost empire, built under Princess Shokora's reign. Explorers had just dug out more of the buried temples, untouched by civilization for centuries. But with immense stone doors blocking it, only a mouse could get in or out.

A mouse... Or a yellow rat. Wario had blown through all the cash he "re-appropriated" from the last Golden Pyramid they dug up. Even if Shokora's ghost popped up, she seemed pretty relaxed about letting him take her old stuff. Nothing a phantom can do with cash, anyway. And she probably had the hots for him; natural, with his beefy biceps and strong jawline.

But time was short; too long, and rival thieves or explorers might squeeze their way in. Probably some ancient deathtraps here and there to stop them - thing was, Wario would have to dodge them, too. The place looked so old, it could crumble like a sandcastle at any second. And if the Golden Diva's spirit came back, she might get pretty possessive over the cash within. As if they were hers or something. Wario frowned. Taking from others like she did was plain wrong.

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 - Water Stages: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4x_7ce3W7M ]

It was a no-brainer. When the man's very own riches were out there, lost and scared, it was his duty to retrieve them. Wario pedaled furiously on his shrink machine until it mashed him to bite-size, using his righteous fury to power it. He hopped in the cannon - which pointed for the high seas.

When he fired, the woman's face flashed inside his head. Captain Syrup, nefarious leader of the Black Sugar Gang. Terrors of the ocean, renowned looters with a sweet tooth for gold. The pirates didn't discriminate who or where they stole from, but they had a favorite target. Ever since the kerfuffle on Kitchen Island, that redheaded rogue had it in for Wario - and he had it in for her.

The last time they clashed swords, his rival claimed victory. And she'd held it far too long. Now, he was ready to tip the scales again. Wario would teach her a thing or two about stealing other people's things! Mostly, by doing it better than she did!

He cut into misty clouds, leaving tiny holes in the shape of his beautiful body, and splashed into the sea. Right on time, his target came into view. He swam towards it.

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Shake It! - Aboard the Sweet Stuff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd8n74XDQUY ]

Smooth seas crashed against the hull, designed in the shape of a giant treasure chest bursting with a cornucopia of boons. The skull-and-crossbones flag rose to the salty winds: a dare and warning to everyone who spotted it among the heavy mists. The Sweet Stuff was a majestic ship, stolen from the fabled Shake Dimension's greatest pirate.

Stolen by Wario's target herself.

He swam to on one of the ropes off the side, and began scaling the wall of splinters and barnacles. The stir of the waves rocked the vessel slowly, making its shrunken invader swing against the hull; his gloves clung hard to the material, even as the perspective dizzied him. Far above, he spotted something red, a blazing fire in wild curls against the grey-and-indigo skies.

His magnificent brows furrowed, looking up. "Urgh, don't tell me that's her -- WAH, get your mitts off!"

An immense manicured hand rested on the edge of the deck, playing idly with the rope. The wind blew through Wario's hair - including his chest hair - as the fidgeting woman swung him violently. At the swing's apex, he spotted hints of a soft, exposed shoulder behind two loose magenta straps. But really, the man didn't need any other identifying features; he knew that long, curly red hair, which flopped over her wide shoulders when she ran with treasure. He knew that elegant hand, having seen it pluck away his gold more often than he plucked chips from a bowl. He knew this scoundrel far better than he'd have wanted to.

"SYRUP." The rogue didn't so much speak the captain's name, as grind his shiny teeth in frustration until they produced a roughly equivalent sound. Mid-swing, she tugged the rope in, sending Wario flying in the air - with a perfect overhead view of the deck.

Curse her. Curse that light-purple bandana. Curse that smug, hungry look in her deep eyes and full, red lips. Curse the way she put her hands on her rounded hips with the baggy pants that accented her developed rear. Curse the crew of Black Sugar Gang that waddled around as she barked orders. Curse the floor that Wario landed headfirst into, splattering him. Curse the saltwater he choked up and the stars fluttering above his head. Curse gravity, keeping people down like that. Curse everything on the Sweet Stuff!

...Except his treasure. If Captain Syrup was here, she had to have some gold aboard. Her rival would take what was rightfully his! Even if it wasn't his to begin with!

Something shook as he plotted his daring heist. The captain turned away from the seas, stretching her great arms - the purple banks dangling behind her neck, and the tooth necklace across her bust swaying gently with the crashing waves. Folds stretched along her loose pants, from the red belt with the skull buckle - taking a step, her boot jolting forward...

SCRUNCH. Before Wario could unglue himself from the floorboards, the curvy woman had done the work for him. The light mauvre surface squeezed him flat. Hard rubber above him silence his screams, pushing his internal organs into a messy, thin lump. His sturdy limbs, hefty abs, and beautiful face were completely stuck against the enormous plane of footwear, wearing down on him. It felt as if Mt. Teapot was on his shoulders!

"Gah... I'll get you for this!" His screams were unheard, just making the sour taste of mixed dirt launch an attack on his taste buds.

She trod along the deck, counting the crew members on watch. Either unaccustomed to basic manners, or trying to assert her authority, she crossed the Sweet Stuff in quake-birthing stomps. Her lack of etiquette appalled the man - while he suffered the brunt of this heavy-footed walk! He'd have to teach her some manners, he thought, scratching his crushed backside.

"Avast." The Black Sugar Gang's boss looked up to the crow's nest. "Are we still clear for Jewelry Land?"

So, that's where this ship was cruising? The man wondered, between agonizing squeezes that surrounded and engulfed him.

Her voice was low, husky, coming from deep inside her gut. It rattled across Wario's ears, much to his agony. He'd had enough of that sugar-coated sweet-talking when they were last working together... Another thundering footstep knocked his thoughts to reality again.

From above, a beak squawked in response: "We're sailin' steady, but visibility is bad! Might be weeks before we reach land!" The dark-feathered foul looked down. "Do you think we can make it there before Kaptain K. Rool?"

The gang's leader tapped her foot, thinking.

Thwoom. THWOOM. THWOOM.

"Wah! WAH! WAAAAHCK!"

Again and again, the scallywag clinging on hit the unstable ground. The rollercoaster of falls twisted and bent his mustache, sticking out from his flattened face. Each push down made his blood boil more. Oooh, when he saw that pirate's smug smile turn into shock, when she noticed everything she'd stolen swiped from under her nose... Wahahah!

The redhead, balancing on her heel, called up: "If we hurry. Keep watch, I'll be in my quarters." When she got up, the rascal inhaled deeply, trying to refill himself - an effort ruined once the next step re-pushed the oxygen out of his system, like a whoopee cushion.

This pirate kept peering through his spyglass, trying to decipher a shape in the mists. "And Wario? What if he's after the treasure?"

She twisted behind her, smearing the invader across the rubber surface. He tried to bear it as the ankle twisted, crushing him down deeper. "Wario?" One single eyebrow raised inquisitively. Her bare arms crossed under her heaving chest. "Don't get me excited. The only expedition he's gone on recently are nose-digging sessions." She gave a sigh permission to escape her stomach. "Man lost his sea legs a long time ago. Now microgames and fart jokes are his fate. Forget him."

And with an easy menace, and drooping shoulders, the buccaneer turned again, firmly grinding the man in question in a semi-circle. It stuck him closer to the gigantic boot. His sense of direction failed him as he flied in the air, grabbing a peek of the pirate's firm booty, before falling to the ground anew. SLAM!

Okay, now that was too far! He still had his sea legs - even if they ached with pain from the steady motion of Syrup's far larger, more shapely sea legs. He was totally in shape for adventure! Wario couldn't believe how crass and insulting she was, the absolute dried seaweed brain! And so greedy, too! Greed never paid.

Her weight shifted on him as the other foot plowed forward, a step in the distance sending a shake through the overall-clad backside. It signaled another timber-shivering ascent of her leg, stretching a great distance out. Diminished arms reached out to block the oncoming, light-brown deck. He concentrated his amazing might into the push, trying to force against the crippling weight...

...And failed. His arms gave out.

SLAM.

With each step, he got a moment where the pedal pressure pushed deep into his chest. He'd get an excruciating moment to prepare for the incoming foot. A second of freedom, a single breath of salty sea air, and his nerves set into motion, trying to prepare. And inevitably, with another SLAM, Syrup covered him, the man becoming a pancake.

Finally, the door to the captain's quarters swung open. His tiny, eggshell eyes couldn't glimpse anything but dirty shoe; still, he felt it, sensed it nearby.

Cash.

Emperor Vespasian of Rome once said, "Money has no smell". If you asked our avaricious hero, Emperor Vespasian of Rome was full of garbage. Money, to his careful snout, had the delightful odor of a spring day in a monsoon; the lovely stink of home-cooked curry with garlic bread; the head-lightening stench of a new car, filled with a full set of newly-unpacked Amiibos.

This room reeked of money. Each time her foot raised, he felt its warm gleam touch him, the light reinvigorate him.

THUMP.

Captain Syrup rested in her room, locking the door. Gravity slowly re-oriented itself to the swaying of the boat. Forwards, backwards. Her leg muscles shifted slightly with each pull and push. It was so subtle a change, one that detectable only by a specific man - one sensing each subconscious twitch from near her body, reflected as crushing weight on him.

"We have time..." She hummed. "I deserve a nice bath."

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Shake It! - The Pirate Shop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wFL8QeQu2Y ]

A nice bath...

With both hands to her hips, Captain Syrup turned on her shapely heel (squeezing Wario into its expanse once again) and walked to her bathtub, in the shape of an oversized teacup. This rotation gave her a panoramic view of the gold coins and treasures littering the room, piled so high that they nearly made the ceilings burst open. The Bottomless Coin Bag; diamonds and pearls; rare collectable figurines of Count Cannoli; no riches escaped the hold of the Black Sugar Gang.

And she was going to enjoy them. The woman undid the twisting laces covering her bandana and wrists. She pulled at her footwear, stepping out of the left shoe, then the right.

The coast was clear. With a few false starts, and muffled swears, the bandit beneath them clawed his way into the light. He stretched his flattened limbs, flexing until they returned to normal. A few deep breaths of the stale air, laced with an odd sugary smell. He wrung his cap free of the sole's filth, cringing as it crumbled to the ground.

Riches from anywhere between 4-10 corners of the Earth filled the captain's quarters. Even the towering tables and seats, with soft purple cushions, were priceless antiques from the Shokora Period - and from his angle, had disturbingly distinct imprints from pirate booty.

And oddly, a round bathtub with a cup's handle on it, before which the captain was stripping down.

Just as he'd finished sorting himself out, ready to start grabbing treasures, a filthy purple top fell on his head. The silky fabrics suffocated him, blocking out the view. He wrestled with the cloth, finally tearing a hole in the damp fibers.

"Stupid... Bah... A bath? What kinda pirate ship has internal plumbing?"

When he looked up, what Wario saw made his eyes open wider than his gut. His jaw dropped to his knees, drool hanging from it. He could do nothing but sputter.

Captain Syrup was in the tub, wearing her birthday suit.

And - far, FAR more importantly - she was pouring coins from the pile to fill it, as if they were water! All the room's treasures poured on her in a steady stream! Pieces of eight flowed down her immense neck bone; emerald waterfalls crashed across the overwhelming, fleshy breasts; a black jewel caught helplessly in the folds of her cleavage, clinging between each other as her greedy hands rubbed them together; pearl necklaces pooling down her well-trained abs and her bare navel; bills from every nation trekking down her Mound of Venus, which was even closer to a mountain now; national treasures thought long-lost sliding near her cavernous vagina; loose pocket change in avalanches over her skyscraper-scale legs; multiple forms of currency crashing down with a satisfying CLING at puddle by her ankles.

The pirate lass smiled to herself, lying into the bath of gold. The million-dollar landscape shifted at her command, accommodating her broad, busty frame. She splashed the funds up and down, scattering coins off the edge of the ceramic tub. A golden leviathan rose when she lifted her long, shapely leg, and rubbed a stack of bills across the perspiration-coated flesh.

"Ahh..." Syrup's sensual sigh, echoing inside the wooden room, broke her adversary from his disgusted trance. Her ruby eyes shut in contentment, lids painted with striking sapphire shadow. "It's good being captain." In a majestic goblet, she scooped up a healthy pile of loot, and poured it across her arms.

The man in yellow cringed. Did she do this often? Lathering herself in a sea of treasures, on a ship without internal plumbing? In a rare occurrence, Wario had to consider whether he REALLY wanted to touch his money now. It could risk infecting him with cooties.

Seeing it shift with her slow, steady breaths, he decided: he HAD to do it. This was a RESCUE mission, to save those suffering funds from this humiliating fate! He'd have to get anything he stole thoroughly cleaned, though. Maybe visit one of those money laundromats or money launderers or something.

Soon, the relaxed breathing above segued into a cute yawn, and gentle snores. Rocked by calm waves, the mighty Captain Syrup drifted into slumber.

This was his chance! The tiny thief scaled the tub, backside wobbling, aiming to collect the loot blanketing her.

Atop the ceramic mountain of a teacup, Wario got a perfect view of the golf-and-green hills forming atop his rival's generous curves. Her eyes shut gently, the world quaking from her slow breaths.

"Wario time." With a pump of his fist, the bandit dove forward

Now, this man was brave. He was also many times smaller than this redhead, and had just been trampled by her unknowingly. To top things off, the rest of the Black Sugar Gang was at her command. If she woke up suddenly, he would rather be far from her line of sight.

So, as he jumped into the sea of loot, he swam towards somewhere she wouldn't look.

[Suggested Music - Wario Ware D.I.Y. - Wario Land Record: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-VHm_wKTS0 ]

His treacherous (yet profitable) journey for the Black Sugar Gang's riches began by their leader's bare soles.

Her left foot was partly bathed in the coin pile, boulder-like toes sticking out - with some gold pieces lodged between the digits. Wario, with a stretch to prepare, leaped up and grabbed hold of one toejam nugget. To his horror, it stuck in pretty tightly! He pushed with his overall-clad legs against her middle and index toe, green shoes sinking into Syrup's own feet. With a grit of his teeth and a solid tug, he dislodged it - falling into the bath with it. The buccaneer's gargantuan proportions made it relatively easy for her to wade through chunks of solid gold, let it wash over her; to someone at her adversary's current grandeur, the landing was rock-solid.

"Gah..." He groaned, getting up. He attempted to scoop up the coin he landed on - while the gold fell from his arms. Each of those arms flew up in frustration. "GAH! How can I hold this much treasure? It keeps slipping between my fingers like sticky syrup..." A vein boiled by his sideburns, while he took a long, calming breath into of his pink nostrils. "...AND I HATE SYRUP!"

In rage, he dashed towards the largest toe, shoulder-checking it. The flesh surrounded him for a moment as he kept running... then, as if he hit a bumper on Waluigi's pinball course, it tossed him back.

Above, his rival stirred gently. Wario gulped. He dove under a bill marked with Peach's face, peeking out. The pirate's eyes blinked open. A little sigh left her pouted lips. Something moved under him, reshaping the sprawling landmasses of green. Syrup splashed her money weakly, before falling to sleep again, resting her fluffy red hair on her arm.

In that wave - besides making a garlic-filled little heart beat faster than a drum - the landscape lass splashed something towards him. A clear, round crystal ball, just small enough for Wario to hold. One of his bushy eyebrows lifted; he sniffed it inquisitively, and knocked on it, generating a tiny reverberation. "Eh, good as any treasure!"

With this orb in hand, he tried scooping the gold piece up again; only for it to levitate, and vanish in a flash of white. "Hey, no fair! Where did you go?" His sturdy neck twisted side to side, before realizing: the clear sphere in his hands had tiny (even to his scale) yellowish chunks inside. When he picked up a coin, it glowed the same way, before disappearing; and another fleck appeared in the orb, the same shape as it.

"Ah, I get it!" The man tapped his cap, laughing. "This is just like the ol' Music Box that I got lost in at the forest! Or that globe with the Shake Dimension! It's a trans-hypo-dimensional-pocket-holder-thingy! Or, uh, something that magically holds treasure."

Looking proud of himself, he collected chunks of gold that fell from Syrup's left foot when he pounded into it - watching happily as they entered his ball. "Wahaha! Now that's more like it! I'm gonna loot this whole tub dry!" He cut a clean stream across the teacup tub, grabbing this piece of loot and that. Each one's glow reflected in his wide, blue eyes, sparkling with beauty.

Meanwhile, Syrup's right ankle (resting on a bed of emeralds) twitched slightly, stirring the gems in a whirlpool. It grabbed our anti-hero's attention, and he began moving in a beeline towards the veritable monolith. A pearl necklace hung across the profound canyon of her long, multimeter-wide sole, flowing from the curvy ball to the perfectly-round heel: the same one that had flattened Wario several times on the way to her quarters. And far at the top, lodged within her full big and second toe, was a glistening dollar coin!

Rubbing both hands together, and shoving the orb in his butt pocket, Wario grabbed on the beads, and pushed his feet against Syrup's own foot. He began scaling it; the mountain climber heaving forward with his arms, putting one foot after the other in a regimented march. It traced up the intricate weave of lines making her wrinkles; when she scrunched her sole in irritation, with a soft hum, he could use them as footholds.

One great sway of the boat rocked Wario to the side. Everything trembled beneath him. Her heel began to lift from the tub. He clutched to the makeshift rope, as it swayed. The whole leg had lifted slightly, gently, but it was nearly catastrophic for him! Undeterred, the man pushed his hefty-but-healthy weight into a great swing; and landed right by the coin, in the segment between Syrup's immense digits!

"Waahaha!" In triumph, he laughed, and grabbed for the coin: only to find it stuck, held tightly behind the minuscule folds in the pirate's flesh and a clump of her toejam. Another firm yank, but it didn't so much as budge! "Baugh! Come on..." He kicked it.

A fierce tremble shook the soft platform of skin in response; like goosebumps, or the rise of a great sea beast. The cabin's shadows shifted over him. A plethora of wrinkles formed under the bandit's soles. And with naught but a twitch, the immense redhead squeezed both of her toes together, pressing the trespasser tight between a digit and his treasure.

"Hey!" When he shouted at the pressure, he just got a nose full of the salty skin plane. Syrup had been on the boat for days, and he could feel it; bits of dirt rubbed across his face, stinking his eyes. "Urgh! That's rank!"

The shrunken man reached for his sphere, to grab the coin in it. But no matter where his beefy arms swung, they just landed in far beefier, filthier foot flesh. He squirmed everywhere, his body wiggling in an attempt to free himself from the pressure on either side. The sweat coating it did give his plump form a good amount of lubrication, allowing him to move; but the coin remained in place. He could escape this torture, this horrific scent, if he let go of that dollar...

Fat chance. He gritted his teeth to bear it, screaming at his biceps in hopes of getting the coin to even budge. In anger, he bit into the toe - instantly sputtering out the foul skin that entered his mouth. It tasted familiar. Tasted of the times he'd seem her with her gang of thieves running away with his castle's loot, back when he could afford a castle... or the time she fled with the Bottomless Coin Bag from the Shake Dimension, leaving him in the dust... Or when he'd saved her from the clutches of a mad ghost, while she rested in his arms - only for him to realize it was just a dream, leaving him puzzled. The same pungent, soul-retching taste!

To summarize: far from the most pleasant thing to hit Wario's refined palate.

In the faraway distances, Syrup's nose twitched. She sensed the pressure, rushing up the intricate map of her nerves. Now, the toes began wiggling vigorously with the same fury as the clashing waves of a storm. He felt each solitary crevice in the prints squeeze past his face, gnarling his jaw into all sorts of fabulous, bizarre shapes. "Oof! Urgh! Stop it, you - PWARGH - putrid pirate!" It ground him between the great spheres with unbelievable force, jerking his gut this way and his backside the other way at the same time, before alternating.

With a wet twist, reading the timing of flexes from the gigantic phalange, the man in yellow and purple positioned himself so that he had his shapely rear to the overwhelmingly large toe, and feet to the dollar coin. He used all his leg muscles to push against the hard surface. All his might went into that, trying to force it away... And the toe just squeezed in harder. He pushed again, trying to dislodge himself with the money - for another twist to greet him. By now, the bandit was panting, collapsed against the expanse of skin. Just a small rest, to regain his spirit...

WWW

It seemed hours passed while he soaked there among his greatest pain-in-the-butt's foot filth, caught as a bit of toejam - periodically stirred from his state by the odd prod or wriggle. In reality, it was probably just a few minutes. A few excruciating, torturing minutes of getting cozy with Captain Syrup's stench; and watching a world of riches unattainably far away.

"Gah... This reeks." He felt his mustache flop flat, as his great little mind plotted his next movement.

Suddenly, the green and gold below swayed at a higher speed. Her bare knee rose from the teacup tub; Wario held tight to the coin as it approached her. Her eyes were still shut, and the same snores rose up in her abdomen and out of her red lips - and they became closer. A shapely, wide-stretching arm rose to her sole, dainty finger reaching out to scratch a little itch. Wario covered his eyes with his cap, bracing himself for the worst...

For just two seconds, her index finger rubbed him and the coin. And with no effort whatsoever, it freed them both from the vice grip!

In midair, the capped man took out his magic ball, using it to store the dollar coin, and the pearl necklace. He landed right at her ankles. The cache was looking far fuller now, in his hands!

Wario lifted the ball up in triumph - and immediately started gathering loose treasure at his feet. "Haha! Take that! I'm free! The coin's mine! Wahahaha!"

Above, the titaness rolled slightly, feeling the rest of the coins rub against her bare flesh. "Mhhmhhm... Zzz..."

Once satisfied, he marched for his next destination.

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Shake It! - Stonecarving City: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuPqsCdhVic ]

Why stop now? This tub had further riches stretched across it! Wario wasn't going to stop until this entire teacup's cache was in his gloved hands!

The next path was across Captain Syrup's immense legs. It was many feet to her torso; still safe from her line of vision, and far less bumpy than his last trip. The bandit waddled on, freeing the Sweet Stuff from all the cash weighing it down. As he grabbed up more and more money from below - shoving it indiscriminately into the orb - more and more of his rival's legs peeked from her golden bath "water". The muscular form was kept in shape by raid after raid, yet smooth to the touch and free of blemishes. Each knees formed small hillocks, becoming thinner - before reaching her thick, lovely thighs. Thick yet firm, they still engulfed a good amount of gemstones in the cleavage between them.

The yellow-capped rat - after having collected every piece of money surrounding them - went for the immense canyon of muscle and skin formed by her thighs mashed together. A purple cap peeked out of it: her legs had a rare collectable figurine of Count Cannoli lodged between them! Wario hated that guy's whole corny show, but some nerd might pay a hefty sum for it, if he put it up on Awazon or W-Bay.

So he trekked in, bearing the pressure from Syrup's limbs on either end, and the dorky figurine's smug stare. The humidity was fairly heavy here, reducing some of the friction - even if it grossed Wario out, being coated in sticky female sweat. But hindering his journey was how well the woman kept her body in shape; it made her muscles firm, unyielding to his tiny touch. Pushing forward against their movements - even in slumber - took every muscle in his buff, well-trained body.

Finally, he grabbed the figurine; and smiled in contentment as the count's mocking face disappeared from his sight, ending up in his carrying sphere. He shook it up and down, laughing as the model bounced at his command. "Wahahah, serves you right!"

Underneath him, Captain Syrup's yawning registered as a ferocious roar. Sensing pressure on her, the towering pirate crossed her legs, before her eyes shut in peace again.

From between her towering limbs, resting on an ever-shrinking pile of treasure, a little twitch of motion. A small, flat yellow thing forced its way out. Wario made accordion-like noises with every step he took. "Wah... Grrr..." It was painful seeing the setting sun's light from the quarters' windows, after the darkness from being engulfed in the captain's flesh.

The lovely thighs slid up into a perfect, full set of hips. Unwilling spinal injuries, severe blood loss, or other minor barriers impede him, the tiny thief took a deep breath - re-filling his winded lungs - and inflated himself back to normal.

His greedy hands shoveled treasure into the orb. Soon, as he collected the coins covering it, Wario unveiled Captain Syrup's womanhood. The surface was moist as a marsh - with the same humid, stagnant air floating about. Her labia was a brilliant pink, smoother than the finest pearls in the sea. Many scoundrels, crossing the seas (swashbuckler and privateer alike, man and woman alike) would give their riches to see this sight; and their lives to touch it.

Wario, however, was no ordinary scoundrel. He had priorities: when he set out to pilfer, dangnabbit, he was going to pilfer. His shoes squeaked as he trekked the winding hills and valleys formed by the vaginal walls. One meaty hand plugged his nose.

The sensation crawled up her sensitive organ. It traversed the expanse of her body with each step. Her arm shifted to the side. Coins at the tip of the distant, curving hills began to fall off, almost as if something was stiffening beneath them. Her mouth spread out in a delighted smile, as pleasant thoughts stirred her mind - thoughts of raiding, men, and above everything, the cold lure of hard cash.

[Suggested music - Mario Kart 8 - Mount Wario: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgD9iKb4yaU ]

Wario held still when he felt another shake - hiding his growing treasure stash behind his wide back. His mustache twitched. He had no place to hide...

Fortunately for the tub-robber, the only thing it amounted to from Captain Syrup was a particularly loud, satisfied snore. "Zzzz..."

He wiped sweat off his bushy little brow, moving onward - scooping up money from the rapidly-shrinking piles below. That was too close. He couldn't get cocky for this last stretch. The line of sight towards the slumbering swashbuckler's blue-painted eyelids was this direct; any false move could land him in--

THWUMP

"WARCK--!"

Like a Burmese tiger trap, a floor made from a dollar bill caved under Wario's weight, making him fall into his rival's belly button. The flesh beneath tickled him, furthering the humiliation. With a profanity, he pressed his palms to the pirate's stomach, up. No use; the crevice's barrier of skin caught his backside in it.

With each tug, a new sigh emerged from the shut mouth above, landscape jumping and descending. He snarled back. "Pfft, grin away all you want! I'm still robbin' you blind!" At that, the shaking across the landscape hit new power levels, as if Captain Syrup were laughing at something in her dreams.

With a wiggle, he was able to loosen himself - and step out of the naval voyager's navel. On solid ground once more - solid, that was, besides the continued waves against the Sweet Stuff, and snoring from its captain - he continued to collect the funds littered across this woman's torso. It stretched many feet, but he was far from tired. Her chest muscles provided a fairly easy jaunt, discounting their intimidating size; it was firmer than most parts of her, so he had nothing to sink into or get crushed by. Rather, the bandit found himself slipping from the flesh now and again, once the coins and topaz covering it went into his coffers.

In the home stretch, now. He slid off her torso, towards the armpits. The great crevice held a piece of emerald, caressed at her side and slightly wet by her fluids. He tore it away quickly - it entered the magic ball not nearly quickly enough for him, leaving his gloves slick with grease. Grumbling, he rubbed it off across his purple overalls.

Next, a round circling her head. She'd kept her head above the "water", so her face had very little to collect. It took some pure magic skill to snap away the pile of sapphire acting as her pillow, bit by bit - a dangerous game of Jenga. From below, he saw the large eyes faintly flutter, and knew he had to hurry things up. The sound of her hums was even louder here. He tugged the last bit of Black Sugar treasure supporting her neck out - a gigantic diamond. Slowly, the head fell - her skull made a rather sizable THUD against the side of the teacup tub. This time, he dodged in time, leaping up atop the redheaded scalp!

Out of Captain Syrup's tufts of hair, Wario untangled stray rubies. He twisted and gnawed the strings surrounding them; this allowed some of it to enter his mouth. The desperate situation demanded sacrifices. Others, still, rested in the hair under her shoulders, meaning he crawled beneath them for some extra bits of cash. The orb in his hands pulsed with the items filling it, ready to burst. There wasn't room for a lot else in there; not that it mattered, considering how little the man in yellow left, as he crawled out from his rival.

Only one treasure remained unclaimed. Hanging from her neck, that shark-tooth necklace lay across her chest. The same one that she wore everywhere on their last adventure. He scratched under his head. Did it mean something to the woman? It wasn't very fashionable, and couldn't be worth anything on the market.

He ruminated. Should he be happy with what he had? Leave her be with that last little possession, as an act of mercy?

[Suggested music - Course Results - Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFRVO6SdVYU ]

Wahaha, yeah right. Wario used his expert climbing skills to scale his rival's gigantic body.

As if he'd leave this last bit out! Thar was the pièce de résistance! Everyone could see that she was missing her necklace. It'd be the very symbol of his absolute triumph over the Black Sugar Gang! He grinned as he clawed into the flesh, taking sturdy, brave steps. So what if he couldn't sell it? He'd just hang it over his bed. He dreamed: he'd wake up every morning to see it, and think about Captain Syrup. The drool from his grin as it came into view pooled with the woman's sweat.

His dreams went further. Syrup would wake up at 3:28 AM, expecting to find this fang on her chest; she'd find a big fat nothing in its place. And no matter how much she plundered, she'd always be left with that little void, a quiet reminder that "WARIO WAS HERE", and spit in the face of her accomplishments reminding her of her absolute failure as a bandit; as a human; as a vertebrae.

Finally, he pulled himself over the top. The white necklace lay in wait, between her cleavage. With his raging eggshell eyes pointed to it, hat bowed, arms clutching the holding sphere, and froth erupting from his mouth; he took charge with the excitement, ferocity, and foresight of a rabid bull on Viagra.

His soles blazed ahead, rubbing across the captain's torso. The hefty orbs budged as he traversed them. Shadows of the mountains rose on either end of him, but everything was bright as a summer day in Palm Tree Paradise to him. He reached out, his eyebrows furrowed, aim true... And snatched up the terminal treasure, snapping the cord from Captain Syrup's slender neck!

"Wahaha! WAAHAHAHA! I win! It's all mine! - Aaah, NO!"

Something horrifying crossed his eyes. He kept running and running, unable to stop as he saw everything changing...

"Ahoy there, handsome." Captain Syrup's voice started deep beneath him, within her mighty vocal chords - and rose up, the sickeningly-sweet breath washing through the skies. "Fancy seeing you here."

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Shake It! - Launchpad Labyrinth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgTt8Rn9ReE ]

Wario, within the pirate's cleavage, didn't even notice how closely he was staring at her eyes until they snapped open at once. Their ruby hue shined many feet away, directly on him. Right at the same time, her hands darted to the side of her chest, and squeezed them in. The command was so instantaneous, he had absolutely no time to react before the pressure on both sides of him brought the man to a screeching halt.

"Wonder what you could've been doing this close?" Her voice shook through every layer of skin and cloth, deep into Wario's spine.

"MMMMMPHRHPWRHRW." Salty skin muffled the man's furious response. He punched and kicked in each direction, blows flying into her mammoth mammaries. The breasts welcomed his wailing, receding softly against his limbs - each heavy tit practically engulfed his muscles within their spongy tissue. His cheeks burned a bright crimson; fire alarms blazed in his forehead at each word. He devoted every inch of his being to fleeing the scene (not that there were many inches of him to speak of). But every push and prod merely made the seafarer's disgustingly smug smile extend - and made her return the pressure ninefold, squeezing the intruder in a pillow hell.

Come on! There was some way out, he knew it! He tried sliding, squirming - nothing!

His once-mighty paws ran down her huge skin in a panicked, flailing attack... which, to Captain Syrup, felt closer to a massage. Indulging in the motions of the miniature thief rubbing between her tits, the pirate cooed contentedly at her cornered rat. "Is that my treasure horde in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

With both arms and legs stretching out, he barely resisted the massive mounds, veins pulsing. He screamed up, from between the shadows of her face and developed chest: "This was a trap! You weren't asleep!" Left and right, he looked for some hole, some loose bit of treasure that could save him... no, there was nothing!

She let her right hand rest on her cheek - using her left to poke the fuming little guy into her cleavage. With his arms occupied keeping the breasts back, he was powerless to resist her tickling prod. "Hhmhhm. Nothing gets by you, does it, big boy?" Captain Syrup answered his snarl with a coy grin. "Of course I'm awake. How could I sleep when you can't keep your hands off me? And all that 'wa-ha-ha'-ing, too. You should learn to use your indoor voice." She took his cap off, spinning it around her pinky finger. "Even before that, I couldn't help but notice a fat lump under my shoe."

She was awake. She saw everything! The events of minutes past replayed past Wario's eyes, with this in mind. That wave from her arm that brought the ball in his hands - she gave it to him on purpose. The squeezing torture he received between her toes - she was enjoying the tiny thing's suffering, clenching her digits consciously, and only itched him free out of boredom. The way she crossed her legs, pancaking him between her thighs' great expanse - that was completely intentional. Those rumbles through her gut while her bellybutton trapped him - an attempt at stifling laughter. The descent of her head - carefully controlled. Had she, maybe, spilled and splashed the glimmering treasure pile over herself in such a way that he'd fall into those predicaments?

Another immense squeeze pushed him into reality. With his cap removed from him, he felt naked. His jaw hung open, mind still churning. She had to have some weakness... He'd slipped from her before! He thought, and asked: "Well... Urgh... If you're so clever, why didn't you stop me 'till now?"

Captain Syrup compressed him within the cleavage canyon - this time, with greater strength. "I wanted to see if you'd gone soft. Check if your sea legs stopped working. You're stronger than I thought..." A pause, a shrug, and a pounding pressure about him. He felt the pirate's pulse strengthen beneath him. "But still needed help to get out from my toes. A little sloppy, handsome."

"Come on!" He shook a fist at her towering face. "I was just warmin' up! Wario's still the best cad in the world!" Fighting against the voices of reason in his cranium, he bragged: "Toss whatever you want at me, I'm invincible!"

A little smirk of inquisition crept on her - she was challenging him. The force on either side receded slightly as one of her hands left her bosom. It blocked his vision; but he could still feel the mighty mountains closing on either side of him, masticating his limbs. The pounds became more furious - faster, leaving him less time to react. He could only cringe and shake his head away, trying not to get a face full of the suffocating skin

"Wah--"

Smoosh. She ground it, pushing into her hardening nipples.

"Waaah --"

SMOOSH. He was in the eye of a raging storm. A hot, marshmallowy storm.

"WAAAAAGH --"

SMOOSH. The tits pinned him between them. He sought a way out - anything to pull himself from the nefarious, squishy trap.

The world spun in circles of gold and tanned flesh. She paused, taking a nice look at his indignant, but pathetic, face. "That frown never gets old on you, handsome! You had billions in your hands, only to have it taken away from you..."

Her voice lowered to a whisper, as she stroked his back. "Hurts, doesn't it?"

With a deep inhale, he clutched to the treasure-stuffed orb. "I'll get you... I'll get you..."

In her rubbing, Syrup grabbed it between her fingers. She tugged teasingly, able to overcome her rival's pulls and shouts with absolutely no effort. Was he getting tired? Rolling the hyperspace holder over each digit, Syrup tapped it - releasing her necklace and earrings. A satisfied nod crossed her face. As for the treasure in the ball, an idea crossed her mind.

[Suggested music - Wario Land 2 - Final Boss: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWMFY3rOpJc ]

The pirate pulled Wario up by the rear of his purple overalls, watching lines of perspiration snap off him from her skin. In her other hand, the sphere holding the Black Sugar Gang's treasure.

He swung forwards and backwards, using the last of his quickly-draining energy on incredibly effective and useful punches at thin air. "Give it back! I stole it, fair and square!" Trying to slide from out of his pants, the man stared right at Captain Syrup's looming, lovely face. "I'm gonna be with my treasure, and you can't stop me!"

With a tap of her lip, Syrup rolled her ruby eyes. "If you're that eager..."

She lifted him higher, towards the clear orb that could hold anything. And tapped him against the glass. Instantly, the magic ball responded to her desire.

This was a new treasure she wanted to store.

Wario floated upwards, his yellow garments glowing white. Everything felt... floaty. The kinda floaty when a bee stung his face, combined with diving backwards into a pool.

"Wah... That's not what I meant!" That face he was snarling at spread out, beyond his line of vision. Wood tiles of the cabin flew further away, and bent, as if a curved spyglass refracted them. He felt something hard gather below him...

Money. The same emeralds, rubies, sapphires, topaz, coins, and bills he'd been scooping up were now surrounding him, at the same size as when he grabbed them. They welled up, forming still new hills that shook up and down with the Sweet Stuff's sway.

A huge shake rolled the bandit forward; and as suddenly as it started, he stopped, smashed against a glass wall. And past the wall... Past the orb holding him... The largest eye he ever saw, able to swallow a whole ocean in the depths of its gleaming pupil. Whole landscapes of flesh - an index and thumb - pushed on the ceiling and floor, tilting the sphere into new waves with every twitch. The fingerprints' patterns formed a mountain chain, one that'd take weeks to trek across.

"...Oh boy." He gulped, stumbling backwards into the treasure horde.

Wario was inside the orb... the orb that Syrup now held.

"I see you there, handsome." Her husky voice rang out with the force of a raging typhoon, rattling his bones. The encasing ball provided some shielding from the mighty winds emerging from her impossibly huge mouth; and yet, he still trembled at the impact, reeling away. The vastness of the captain's face washed over him - from the rolling folds and canyons making up the landscape of her lips, continuing over her titanic cheeks and chin, which glistened with an alpenglow as if they were looming mountains in the distance. Every lock of reddish hair would be able to annihilate him on impact, without so much as a thought. She tilted it to the side as an experiment - and like a snow globe, bills and coins fluttered down, along with the trapped man - who fell flat on his stomach. He pounded on the glass, throwing punch after punch at the unyielding surface. Not even a crack! A heavy hail of gold above pounded on him.

"Gah, come on, come on!" He wailed, whacking aside torrents of gold. "Stupid ball thing! I've gotten outta a parallel world before, I'll do it again!"

The low, feminine voice boomed again. "Getting out? I'd love to see you try, handsome. In fact..." She licked her lips, the monstrous tongue leaving a trail of wet residue behind. "...Let's make things interesting." Both immense lips puckered, stagnant rivers of saliva forming between the indents. She slowly brought the treasures closer. This spot gave Wario a personal, detailed view of every little imperfection and perfection - including a sneak peek of her cavernous throat. He felt the temperature rise within his bubble, the treasure stirred less by the Sweet Stuff's wavering, more by its owner's breath and heartbeat.

He shook his head, making "X" signs with his arms. "Let's not do that!"

"Begging?" The planetoid of a pirate twisted the orb playfully between her titanic fingers, knocking him off his feet. "Fun."

Without warning, she swung her neck up and tossed the clear sphere into her mouth. Its flight sent Wario's micro-sized body flying to the "roof" of his prison, with a splat. Before his bulging eyes, a galaxy of dark pink and pearly white, dripping with fluids, swallowed his world.

Syrup slouched in her teacup tub. Her tongue poked and prodded its contents, sucking on it the way she would with a gobstopper.

Within, the thief tumbled off his feet, thrown this way and that by the oral assault. His holder rolled around and around the pink muscle, brushing each terrifying taste bud. Wet trails of salivation dribbled over the edges, gathering up in greater portions with every lick. He kept running as the sphere rotated below his feet, treading over cash like a hamster in a little ball. The floor beneath him pulsed in perfect rhythm with her sucking. With the precision of a pinball flipper, the pirate's tongue tossed him against every corner of the mouth: the walls of her cheeks; the iron-hard teeth; and in the puddle underneath the organ.

He rubbed his head after a solid hit, wobbling. "Buuh... Gotta get out!... Which way is out?" Shoveling away some of the cash piled over him, he looked over the dark-red landscape to gain his bearings. Instantly, he regretted it. He teetered dangerously close to her dangling uvula. The drop to her throat was clear, blocked only by throat muscles that could grind him to bits; below, the bubbling pit of Captain Syrup's stomach...

"Ahhh! AAAH!" A firm shoulder-check from Wario's micro-sized arm tilted the orb, letting it roll away from its treacherous fall too her bowels. Back into the platform of her tongue, the sphere landed. His relief was short-lived; with no time to catch his breath, the tongue began rolling him here and there again...

Captain Syrup sucked harder. Every time she thought he'd gone comatose with fear, a little wobble or push reminded her that he was still there, experiencing every bit of the shrunken humiliation...

Wario pushed harder on the sphere. If he could get enough speed, then maybe he could roll it right through her teeth, smashing them!... Maybe.

A rising ocean, pouring from the glands below, foiled his plans. Heavy waters beat against his vessel, rocking it. He found himself unable to move, with the glass ball caught in Captain Syrup's saliva...

*PIT-TOO*

With a wave harsher than anything that hit the Sweet Stuff that day, the Black Sugar Gang's leader spat Wario out into her palm. The dripping drool off it obscured his view of the titanic woman - but he knew she was lifting him somewhere. He kept rolling blindly, struggling to escape the fingers' grip - but no matter what direction he dashed, he kept rolling back into the center of her hand.

The mega-scale Syrup kept her omniscient eyes over the man, watching him roll about for a while. "Still going? I'm impressed, handsome... But not that much." She flicked the treasure-filled crystal ball into her other hand, juggling it gently. "Why don't we go to the next level? You can handle that, can't you, handsome?"

He whirred through the air, slammed against the orb, plummeting straight towards...

WHELP.

[Suggested music - Wario: Master of Disguise - Allergian Gardens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpr8cdNSk3s ]

The ball raced toward Captain Syrup's nether region. With the sticky spit covering it, it stayed glued to her index and middle fingers. She felt the cold, wet surface touch her lips, which slid back easily. Her knees lifted up to her chest. With a deep breath, and a tingle through her vulva, the pirate teased her passenger by rubbing the treasure horde over her labia.

Even her ecstatic moans echoed across everything. "I'm happy you didn't take advantage of this when I was 'asleep'... SUCH a gentleman." The words dripped with sarcasm. "But you can't expect to just leave me hanging with that, can you?"

To Wario, within, it was a roller coaster into rolling hills of rose. Every direction seemed engulfed by the pinkish hills, stretching out forever. As they spread the liquid across the ball, he got a clearer, unclouded view of every minuscule detail - and nearly threw up in the green, from combined terror, disorientation, and sheer disgust. "HRRRK! I came here for cash, not a trip to Captain Syrup's Miracle Zone!"

And yet, that's right where he was. Nectar dripped from the outstretched petals; the damp, grungy swamp that he'd passed was now - partly thanks to his soft touch on the woman's flesh - a veritable pool of flowing juices. His even-further-diminished scale turned that into a whole ecosystem, spread out lewdly before his eyes. Flowing rivers of feminine juices scattered among mountain chains, arranged in a surreal circle that he couldn't handle at once.

Captain Syrup rubbed herself a little. Thoughts of her earlier defeats at this numbskull's hands entered her brain. The botched Peach statue ransom on Kitchen Island, the explosive duel at the Mysterious Factory, the fall of Castle Syrup... Humiliating defeats that only increased her satisfaction when she thought of his helpless situation. All fuel for further stroking. She brushed it around her clitoris, trembling at each push and pull from the other side of the holder. Wario's studly body, Wario's elegant mustache, Wario's charmingly unique brain: hers for the taking, like another item in her treasure stash... The millions in her hand, more than people might see their whole lives...

One breath, and she jabbed it all forward, feeling the ball penetrate her.

For the shrunken man inside, darkness further enshrouded him. Deeper, and deeper, light sunk away into a thin slit. The sound of wet sloshing filled his pointed ears. Her wide hips began thrusting in a slow, steady rhythm, rocking the yellow-clad microbe into the horde of dough again. It slid slick lubricant over the exterior, splashing in waves that engulfed his vessel.

His head spun faster than the time he had a trip inside Crygor's Gravitator. "Waaaaaah! This isn't happening! I'm busting outta here!" Stiffening his buckling green shoes, he charged ahead - and slipped face-first into the cash. The sounds of Syrup's heartbeat and hefty breaths were practically a deafening roar, able to shake the landscape of cash on their own.

He wasn't going to give up. Getting to his legs, Wario swung his arm, cracked his knuckles, tried to ignore the world of pink and moisture that he was barely protected from, and rushed forward. Aiming for the pirate's mammoth digits, he set to shoulder-check the orb's walls. A sudden twist from her finger, exploring deeper parts of the organ, set his run askew; he slammed his weight into another side of the sphere. It pounded the clear surface against part of the all-encompassing labia. A squelch sounded out as the meaty barrier folded against that tiny force, its rolling hills flexing outside it.

"Oh... Oh!" Captain Syrup's spine tingled. She'd expected to do the bulk of the work herself, treating the ball like nothing but a sex toy. Feeling any motion from it, independent of her own insertion? What a pleasant surprise. It wasn't that rough of a thrust within her; but knowing who was behind it, and the excruciating effort his microscopic muscles went to, just to struggle against her masturbation? That made her clutch her knees, hair sprawling behind into the teacup tub as she sighed to the wooden ceiling.

The effects of the speck-sized scoundrel's push took a while to fully transfer to him. While he was thinking of a way out, it a shuddering rocked him back. Then, her lusty breaths sent tremors through his toes. His beefy heart sunk, sweat pooling on his prominent brow. "Uh, did I do that?"

*SPOOOSH*

In a gushing burst, the his adversary's juices swelled around the glass, sweeping it away. "WAH!" Intense pelvic thrusts sent it spiraling. Gravity suspended him in midair, flailing his beefy little arms, while the treasures flew before him.

With a THUD, it landed on the base. Cash coated his frame - even after scooping it up for so long, it still hurt to have it rain atop him in a heavy downpour. Wario - with aching limbs - dug his way out, spitting out pieces of gold. Her fingers set to work again, pushing the ball further in.

An echo crashed into the enclosing caverns: Syrup's husky voice. "Handsome, I could keep you as part of my treasure collection..." She hummed in contentment. "Wouldn't be so bad, would it? Traveling the seas beside me... or inside me..."

"Think, bonehead! You gotta get outta this!" He punched his head, as the thousand-feet muscles readily accepted him into its depths. "When you were in that music box, how did you get out? There was that clown... How did you beat Rudy when he was out to squash you?'" His eyes darted away from the pulsating world of rose hues outside, down to the figure of Count Cannoli. His gloved palms rubbed together. "Yeah, that's right! You tossed stuff!"

With his foolproof plan hatched, he heaved the collectable up, and hurled it towards the glass prison's barricade.

CLINK!

It ricocheted back; the surface would've hit Wario if he didn't jump up. The impact nudged the sphere out a little - but the push of Captain Syrup's lewd fingers and hungry lips reeled him back in immediately.

In fury, he lifted the heaving diamond that once supported her head, swinging it in circles a few times for better leverage. With a solid toss, he threw his whole body into it. The orb holding the treasures flew harder - but in the wrong direction, tunneling deeper into the cavern of debauchery that seemed to swallow the sun. He growled, and threw piece after piece of treasure at the glass - which shook from the crushing pressure encircling it...

As for Captain Syrup, she'd never felt had this much fun in a teacup since visiting MouserLand! The continual pounds against her pussy were a devilishly teasing sensation. Brief pauses spaces apart each thrust from his efforts. Every tantalizing squeeze oozed with a different amount of pressure behind it. The individual, interspersed stirs - pressing against her labia walls, rolling along them - were each a delicate surprise. Each movement left her wanting more, wondering about the sights he was seeing, the emotions he felt in that great gut. Was he just as enthralled with every twitch and shiver, like she was? She ran her hands over her chest, giving her trapped toy the chance to act on his own. The Sweet Stuff rocking below her synced with the slow, deliberate rhythm of her hips...

"Wah... Wah..."

Wario tried to force his arm muscles from the ground. His lungs were ready to break. With shakes and shivers, he lifted a single coin to his chest - and lobbed it forward with the strength and energy of a flattened Goomba. It crashed into the pile of gold, followed by the bandit himself, mustache drooping into the cache. Another tilt of Syrup's hips rolled the ball within her gigantic organ. It brushed with great squelches on every sensitive, welcoming inch of her organ. The muscles, alone, were sucking and spewing the ball, giving the entrapped man no space to catch his breath.

He shouted with the last of his breath: "This... This isn't working!" At this rate, this could be it - he would be caught as a masturbatory aid for his greatest rival for a very, VERY long time. Curse that pirate. Curse the way her hair fell loosely in curls that burned in wild blazes. Curse every inch of her long legs and generous bosom that he had to march across, only to end up in her pussy. Curse the way the ship rocked, spilling loose change over him. Curse those breaths that dominated the air. Curse this darkness, broken by naught but glimpses of a Lovecraftian plane made of intricately-curving muscle. Curse the thrusts that caught him in their trance, so wild and earth-shattering that it made the barrier bulge in protest, the sides squeaking.

As he lay there, Wario tried to think what was pushing that lass on so much. She wasn't even using her hands anymore! And yet, every pulse became wilder... With the last of his energy, the nan swung at the glass in slow, steady punches - knocking it forward, and sending continual jolts of pleasure towards her.

"AH!" The woman cried out. Juices washed against the glass again, drowning out the dark walls.

His head lifted up. Partly startled and partly encouraged by her cry, he tried to find out what made these blows, in particular, strike her so much. It just drove him a little further into her all-consuming nether region. Maybe it was something about the rhythm?

As an experiment, he read the shaking in the gigantic hips. Its strong - but measured - pulses rolled under his feet. Getting a feel for the movement, he body-slammed the orb at the apex of her thrust. And again, putting his back into it. And one more time, keeping a steady pattern...

[Suggested music - Wario Land: Shake It! - Aboard the Sweet Stuff Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2llrrEeekxw ]

"Aaaahn!" Captain Syrup, still rubbing over her nipples, took deep breaths. After all of that teasing movement within her vagina, it felt like he was finally getting serious. He'd synced right to the natural rhythm of her contracting and restricting pelvic muscles, forcing his way in it with mighty thrusts. Everything bloomed within her. Blood rushed through her thighs, which spread and closed in pattern - further squeezing the orb with Wario within. Her chest thumped from beneath the bulging tits, nipples hardening to steel under her groping touch. She wanted to dive right in and help him before, pushing him to the most sensitive regions; but now, the sheer sensation of his unguided struggles brought her to the heavens.

The walls closed in on him harder and harder. This quaking would stay with him for days, even if the bandit managed to get away. He gasped between slams, the response on every end of him getting stronger and stronger. Her moans, too grew in intensity. Everything was boiling inside of his yellow cap and biceps. Just a little more, and --

Between shakes that he couldn't hope to stand still in; surrounded by muscles that made his own biceps pathetically puny; with no idea where it would land; Wario flexed his right bicep up, and slammed his fist into the ground in a mighty, shockwave-generating Earthshake Punch.

"AAAAAHH!"

An earth-shaking echo that sung to the heavens from within the pirate's frothing bowels. Her head swung up, legs pulsed out, and tense muscles went slack. In a single spurt, the slimy walls that imprisoned Wario reached a climax, squeezing his orb tightly. He leaped away in horror. A wave flushed everything out towards the thin rays of light through the winding fields of labia, which were soon irrigated with her majestic juices.

"WAAAAAH!" A projectile ejaculation, with the force of a cannon, launched the sphere . The powerful thighs shot it right outside of the teacup tub, dripping with Captain Syrup's very own sweet syrup.

A wet splatter rushed into his ears, followed by a solid BUMP. It slammed him against the ceiling, sure; but the man was happy to sense the impact of his prison against sweet, solid ground. Not exactly terra firma, considering it was on a boat - but it counted! The new light made him shut his eyes, and the scale of Syrup's cabin at his new height made his head twirl. Thankfully, neither of those sensations lasted long: the ejaculate soon covered the orb from top to bottom, entirely blocking the outside world.

BOOM.

Well, not entirely - thundering noises erupted from the woman above.

Syrup moaned, resting in the tub as she carefully traced circles on her tits. "{i}Mmmmhm.{/i} Good job, handsome..." She felt around the basin below, trying to reach for him... And noticing he was gone. Her head twisted down, and her shadowed eyes narrowed before they widened. He was spinning away, clumsily bumping into this piece of furniture or that - with overflowing amounts of treasure still in the sphere!

She reached over for him, grabbing at the orb - and found both her fingers and the orb too slippery with her juices to even hold. Instantly, he took the hint of where she was, and navigated away, taking the horde with him. With both arms, she flung herself out of the tub - the crash of her soles on the ground making the container fly in the air.

"No, no, no!" Wario braced his legs for the impact, landing on the deck. His stubby legs spun as rapidly as possible, rolling forth. "Hurry up, will ya, ball? Do you really wanna spend another second in Pirate Pit? I'd smash you apart if I could!" He had very little bearing of his environs, thanks to the dripping white juice clouding his vision; but the thundering of Captain Syrup's gigantic footsteps gave him a very good idea of the direction he DIDN'T want to go in.

She chased him out, exposing her bare body to the elements - and her startled Black Sugar Gang. "Quit staring, get him!" She called out to a distracted Wanderin' Goom - only for the ball to knock the creature off his feet. Her steps nearly tore the Sweet Stuff's floorboards out, desperate to grab her man - and more importantly, her cash! To her horror, it was gaining speed, and hurdling right for a wall...

Something bumped in the thief's desperate roll. Nothing he cared about. His head pulsed with heat. He focused on keeping his pace in the treasure; avoiding the steps behind him; getting away with the treasure; ignoring the screams behind him, like "Are you serious, handsome?", "You can't run.", and "Stop, you're going to walk the plank!"

A single snap sounded out. Something sprung upwards. He felt gravity give out below him, crashing down. A massive SPLASH; but Wario's orb just kept sinking down, and down, deeper...

He grumbled. "Hah... What've I gotten into this time?..."

The water around cleared the dripping syrup off the orb, revealing an ocean. And this time, it wasn't a flowery metaphor or purple prose; he'd actually fallen into the ocean.

Wario had dashed right off the Sweet Stuff's plank and plunged into the sea.

Captain Syrup's face disappeared above, distorted by the waves as she tried desperately to grab in.

She called to the crow's nest, not even bothering to cover herself: "Round turn! Get the fishing supplies!"

"We can't!" The pirate squawked, trying to avert his gaze. "That weird pearl's too heavy! If he's in it, then he's already sunken halfway to the seafloor by now!"

She clutched her chest, shaking a fist. "Wario..." The soft mist from the ocean sprayed over her flesh, sending tingling throughout. Her smile slowly grew back, before stretching out tenfold. She crossed her arms, gazing at the sun crashing over the water. "I let my pride get the better of me... You win this round, handsome."

He laughed up, one hand on his hips, the other flashing three fingers up in victory "Bye bye! Hah... Take that, losers!" The ship went further and further from view, disappearing in the waves...

WWW Weeks later WWW

Waves crashed outside the orb, which was starting to gather algae. Despite this, Wario kept rolling. The shore had to come soon. Somewhere. Syrup mentioned Jewelry Land somewhere around here.

Then he'd get someone to break him free. He'd have something to do to stave off his hunger besides sucking on diamonds. He'd be able to groom his mustache properly again. It was out there somewhere, if he just kept going, rolling across the ocean floor.

The bright coins lost their glimmer here in the dark. Their thief could see his own reflection in the glass: his hat was in tatters, the "W" symbol faded. The stubble across his manly chin had evolved into a tussle. Bags under his eyes drooped to his cheeks.

All this treasure... He was finally with the money he wanted. But was it worth it?

With a deep breath, he lay back, laughing. For the fifth time that day, he made "snow angels" in the bills and coins, letting them flow over his body.

"Wahaha... I'm rich! I'm filthy, dirty, gut-churningly rich! I'm... rich..."

Worth it. Totally worth it.

[Suggested Music - Wario Land: Shake It! - Title Screen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vby_2Ciq2nw ]

[Suggested music - Mario Party 2 - Bowser's Theme - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aW1ocqSHEk ]

Far off in the distance lay the big leagues - the REAL big leagues, making shrimps of the princesses. Guys who build whole empires littered with coins on the streets, waiting for Wario to snatch them up. Big shots seated way-too-comfortably in thrones, doing nothing but kidnapping people.

The King of Koopas, Bowser, probably hid some hefty sums in that new fortress of his. No doubt, it was loaded with many sorts of things to maim, burn, and squash pesky plumbers coming in; but the thief couldn't remember the last time he did plumbing.

For a moment, the yellow-capped man rested a sausage-esque finger on his chin. Was it really okay for him to steal from the big turtle? He was a major jerk, a big brute, and had a pea-sized brain within a kingdom-sized swollen head; but Bowser was even worse. They both hated red guys foiling their plans. And the ruler was actually a real help with Wario and Waluigi's tennis swings. Heck, they hadn't had a real fight together since the whole thing with the Power Stars...

...Power Stars. If he had Power Stars, that changed everything! Those things could go for millions in Rogueport markets - or pay a princess' ransom for Mario to buy back! As the anti-hero imagined the look on Mario's face when he entered the star's holding area, only to find someone beat him to the punch... pools of drool rose at his feet.

Of course, if he wanted to avoid some temper tantrums, he might have an easier time at one of King Boo's mansions. If he found some paranormal hotspot, the old haunt would be packed with riches for him to suck up. Packed with cobwebs, too, granted. But what's the problem with a little bit of a rustic, homey atmosphere? Heck, the old house Wario just left wasn't up to standards. Maybe, if he was ambitious, the adventurer in yellow could kick all the ghosts out, and keep a snazzy new mansion for himself and Waluigi!

...Scratch that: keep a snazzy new mansion for himself!

Now, intruders could end up getting spooked; but at the very least, King Boo wasn't on guard protecting a kidnapped princess. The large-boned swindler chortled as he turned shrunk himself with the machine. Kidnapping princesses - why bother? Such a pain to keep them from escaping. Wario only tried that once, and he outsourced the job. There were far greater things in life to attain than gals. Give him a twinkling star treasure or a few bundles of ghostly bills, and he'd be happy never seeing a princess for years.

Unbeknownst to him, something had gone seriously wrong in the happy-go-lucky world of Nintendo. The discovery of a new, mysterious powerup, the Super Crown, stumbled scientists: anyone who wore it became a fair young women, not unlike Princess Peach. Eager to wield its awe-inspiring meme magic, the most feared tyrants of the fair kingdom's environs found themselves with the crown in their hands; and not seconds later, gaining human forms, large curves, and costumes matching their old appearance. Strange creatures - "Bowsette", "Booette" - lurked in wait, trying to make sense of their states.

Wario was about to run into more princesses than he bargained for, as he loaded the cannon with himself...

[Suggested music - Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story - The Giant - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5A9xBIE5-w ]

Past a sea of bubbling lava, above fleets of airships getting in gear, and through a stained-glass window with Bowser's grinning mug, Wario flew into his target. The fabled Another Castle, the holding place of some poor princess in distress - and most importantly, a stolen Power Star. Its intruder slid across the crimson carpet, seeming to welcome him into this realm of impossibly-distant ceilings, and walls covered in spikes larger than his body.

A Goomba marching by towering jade door pulled his attention. Something good in there - something that the castle's owner didn't want intruders to take. The mushroomy guard took notice of this miniature thief, and charged forward - only for Wario to leap on its head, squashing the thing underneath a harsh ground-pound. He slid underneath the crack.

A blast of raw, humid air hit his nose, making his mustache nearly wilt. Those flaming deathtraps must have been on particularly hard in this room. The perfect atmosphere for a final confrontation between two rivals... Which Wario was totally going to crash. Navigating the hazy area, the heat distorted his view far away. Something green and black shifted in a rough pattern, getting closer, then further from him. A thin line of cracks lay in the stone where this creature's towering legs had been pacing.

"Gah! This 'Bowsette' joke's gone far enough! I'm gettin' sick of it!"

That super-collider voice, echoing off the old concrete, stopped Wario in his tracks. His shoulders slunk up against a wall, tense shoulders raised to his chins.

Between thumps in the distance and pounding pulses, the swindler registered some bass growls. That voice was the same as one of those broads he went golfing with... No, it was too throaty and deep for that. Or was that simply how sound worked at this size?

Thud. THUD. SCRUNCH - a stone tile crumbled underfoot with less resistance than an eggshell. "Get off my head, dumb thingamabob! Do you know who I am?"

The ground shook stronger than if a POW block hit it - knocking the intruder gut-first onto the cracked stone. He wobbled softly, trying to re-orient himself towards the correct path. At the very moment when the world had stopped spinning, a sputter of flames behind the woman cast an angular, all-devouring shadow. From great leaps and bounds away, the resonating THUMP of a mighty backside slamming into a seat rang into his pointed ears. The throne's material screeched against the force of her bulbous, gargantuan rear, its hefty weight shifting and twitching restlessly. In a throne of bone and leather, slouched the ruler of the castle...

"Peach? Whah?" Dashing forward with his hand at his eyebrow, the yellow pseudo-plumber's squinted pupils navigated the titanic woman. Black heels - the cause of the earlier tremors - each flew into the air, and on a shell-shaped footrest, shifting and grinding for comfort. The princess' midnight dress bunched up at her lap, generating a series of winding hillocks, curving around a pair of mountains greater than Mt. Lavalava - and more furious, the flesh and muscle quaking with every deep breath.

At this sight, Wario licked his lips, cheeks lifted in a wide smile - his heart racing by the display of beauty before him. The power star gleamed between her breasts, illuminating the leathery tit flesh - along with the key attached to it. Dollar signs rolled in his eyes, powering his stubby legs to push closer. But at the footstool. He'd be rich; but he'd have to scale this Peachy tower of folding fabrics. It was a huge drop from up high... Was it really worth the risk climbing up Princess Peach?

...No, that was wrong. This wasn't Peach, the shrunken adventurer realized. Old Princess Toadstool in a cage to the corner, face in her hands. Crud – did this mean Mario was coming? He had to grab his prize fast, and get out. But as he approached, he wondered: who the heck was this woman he stood below, storm clouds spewing from her toothy snarl?

"I'll tell you who I am - Bowser, King of Awesome! Grown Toads tremble at my name! So get off me, Stupor Crown!" The gigantic Bowsette slammed her heel off the footrest - pinning Wario beneath its incapacitating weight without noticing. He struggled against the slick black pillar from the sky, feeling intense pressure on his stomach and the breakfasts contained within. His brain spun - were his brains knocked out by that blow, or did this dame just call herself "Bowser"? What happened to him?

From behind a giant pair of locked, green doors, Kamek knocked. "Lord Bowser! Er, Lady Bowsette? Your nastiness, the Hyper Final Boss Weapon is ready for your testing!"

The monolithic monarch's bushy brows framed a pair of blue reptilian eyes, larger than the greatest food plates Wario had ever gobbled garlic from. The shrunk pupils darted everywhere - as if trying to escape their sockets. Her legs stood stiff and motionless - their tension pulverizing their unintentional victim - her tail twitched rapidly, producing great thundering claps. "Test it yourself! The kingdom can't see its king until she's taken this crown off!" After another unsuccessful attempt at removing it, she stomped the ground again - squeezing Wario like a squeaky toy, pushing the air out of him completely.

The Magikoopa paused before answering. "The soldiers are begging for their leader. What should I tell them?"

"Why? So they can stare at me without scales? So they can chortle at how soft I look? So they can double-cross me now that I can't scare 'em into submission?" The spike-collared mountain ran her hands over her unfamiliar, smooth legs, twisting them in disgust. From the corner, Peach blushed. The simple tug dragged the thief brusquely with the shoe, smearing him. "Tell 'em I'm busy training, that I'm meaner than ever, and that any Goomba that barges in entitled to a Bowser Beatdown!"

For emphasis, she thumped her sole a few times - each pound, Wario found bones he didn't even know he had cracking apart under pressure. The echoing THWOOM made it impossible for him to get his balance again. Kamek gave few words before departing: "Bowsette... You'll have to come out of your shell sometime."

"Yank me out, I dare you!" Flames erupted from her shout, splattering across the door. Each skyscrape arm, topped with a spiked cuff, alternated between itching her monstrously well-defined torso, picking bits of drumsticks from her guillotines of teeth, and clawing desperately at her headpiece: a glowing crown with a pink mushroom at the center. The rapid twists and angry grunts all transferred to her underfoot intruder, grinding his gut flat - and sending dirt raining onto his rosy nose. Sweat covered Wario's brow as he tried to force it off - but even this transformed Koopa Queen's heel outmatched his whole body. So it was that crown's magic that transformed him...

"This dumb powerup was supposed to make Mario run screaming! The bells and cherries did that fine! But this junk's just sucked the rugged charm from my bod, to the last drop!" The tyrannical tower tossed her fists out in a tantrum. With a fire-laden groan, her soles stamped louder than a heavy metal drummer.

"What does it want me to do – beat Mario with tea parties?" The rapid THUDTHUDTHUD against the harsh flooring drove their mustached victim dizzy, every impact hitting him in a new pressure point. His calls of "WAH" were each choked silent by a new twisting step on his lungs. The dark plain of pain practically pancaked him, lifting him with the last few horrifying THUDs.

"Erm..." Peach, from her cage, raised a dainty hand with the volume and audacity of a Mouser. "If the tea were warm enough, and the party had Bowser Spaces, it might hurt."

Bowsette's mania paused. "Hhrm, diabolical... and tasty..." Picturing a scorching teacup, she rubbed her slender chin, and folded a long leg up to the shell footrest.

With a whizz in his ears, a breath of tepid-but-satisfying air in his jaws, and a flashing blur of lava and grey walls, Wario was sent up with the sole. Once his head realigned, he realized: he'd scaled higher! Excellent! The Power Star's glow reinvigorated him. Focusing that newfound energy into a hard push, stumbled off the pillar skewering him, and jumped onto the furniture.

It was lucky he bumbled out - one breath later, the same heel stomped where he had stood. "ARGH!" Bass snarls emerged from her lips, cinders flaring from the caverns of her nostrils. "Caffeine isn't the point! I'm telling you, this body's too puny!"

The invader stood before the "puny" body, its heavy girth dominating the chamber. From this perspective, the gender-twisted tyrant's features grew in visibility. A messy ponytail flopped this way and that each time she tried to tear the Super Crown off. Loose bits of it fell off, and strung on her slick skin, drenched from the blaring heat. Each blazing, irritated breath caused her bust to wobble, the five-pointed treasure rocking dangerously with it - along with the whole great hall. Peach rested in that cage, looking out for a hero.

Wario adjusted his cap. So, this was "Bowsette"... She was a big challenge, but someone had to rescue that helpless victim of her villainy. And maybe save the princess afterwards. Maybe.

He trod towards his destination, feeling its glow upon his buff frame.

[Suggested music - Paper Mario - Angry Bowser - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6jARBDGvf0 ]

Even after the Super Crown warped the Koopa monarch to this svelter form - every ounce of it pulsing with her tense heartbeat - it was clear that Bowsette didn't skip leg days. Its plush muscles formed great curves for Wario to traverse - their firm, hairless surface making him nearly slide off twice from lack of holds for his hands. Either time, he saw tatters of the dark dress strewn far below, as if torn apart by sharp claws in anguished throes. It left both legs completely bare, providing zero cover for the loud yellow shirt and purple overalls. Their owner could do naught but scurry on, silent but deadly, staring at the Power Star within the cleavage above - until he'd reached the titanic seat where the omnipresent silhouette rested...

With a grumble, Bowsette patted the treasure between her chest - the mighty orbs blocking them out save for a golden alpenglow, drawing out details in the pores. She flexed an arm up, staring at her palm. "So, Peach. You know why you're here? I wanna know your body"

Peach turned over her shoulder, on the other side of the thick bars. "I... I told you, I won't marry you!"

The dark queen stepped closer, staring directly at her. Warning sirens flashed in Wario's head as the soles made contact with the floor. Everything spun around him, turning his visage green. The mighty, lumbering stomps shook the new passenger, who barely hung on. His arms trembled, buckling from the strange shaking – it seemed as if she was having trouble balancing her new weight. He felt a great heat flare up inside her torso, then die with a sad whimper. "No! I want to know how you deal with this body. I can't work with it!" She gestured from the top of her distant Super Crown to the high heels below. "Like this hair! How do you keep it in place? The second I take it out of a ponytail, it gets all stringy and wild! You can't run an army in that mess!"

What could Peach say? "Uhm... What kind of hairbrush do... you use?" She scanned the room for an exit. A kidnapping for beauty tips... This went past the usual levels of terrifying.

"Hairbrush?" The great pillar Wario hung on wavered a little as she put a hand to her hip. As Bowsette leaned closer to stare skeptically at his prisoner in pink, the bandit felt gravity shift, and grasped tightly to the hard skin. "What's a hairbrush?"

From below, the shrunken invader put a palm to his face. "Come on – even I groom sometimes! What kind of living standards did they have in the Koopa Kingdom?" As he shout-whispered, he found his spot shifting downwards, plump cheek grinding against the sweat-soaked surface of the leg. Without the support, he instantly began sliding faster, undoing his progress. His gloves clutched for the spotless flesh, unable to slow his descent...

Until he bit into the flesh. Finally, he stopped, legs dangling slightly above the knee hillock.

Fiddling in her pockets, Peach took out her own rosy-tinted hairbrush, and handed it through her cage towards the bulkier woman. "Here... But, Bowsette, I... think the ponytail suits you." She turned away. "You can use this, but your hair doesn't have to match mine..."

One of Bowsette's legs ascended for a solitary, rage-filled stomp - lifting Wario with it, higher and higher. His grip slipped exactly at that moment. Wind tickling his mustache, he flew off the muscular plane, flapping helplessly in midair. The titaness in black snatched the brush brusquely. Seeing his chance, he clenched his teeth and grabbed for the bristles. His steady arms clutched onto a set of said bristles, touched with a trace of blonde hair - before tugging him up at light speed. The Power Star passed him in a blur, barely out of reach.

"No! Waaah!"

The thief's call for help was naught but a whistle, soon smothered by the split ends and knots among Bowsette's scalp. She sneered at Peach smugly, as if she'd achieved some victory - tiny cinders sparking out from the upturned side of her grin. "Gwahaha! You think you can hog this style for yourself? Fat chance! You're mine, and now your hair is good as mine, too!"

This heralded a new obstacle for Wario: that massive hand began combing her locks with the grace and elegance of a speed metal band's guitarist. With feverish tugs, it forced him to travel fields of waving hairs, curling around him. He swung back, tearing hairs out; only for more, still, to engulf him with the next stroke. The surface receded easier than the legs he'd recently climbed - but that only meant it drove deeper into his mug, itching his nose madly. When he glimpsed anything beyond that shaggy landscape, it was a bit of that pink tiara's top, the root of this trouble. Helpless, thrashing, he was utterly trapped in the newly-crowned princess' first grooming. It reminded him of being stuck in Dr. Crygor's Gravitator - only far less clean.

Peach smiled a troubled smile - that of a patient older sister trying her best to play along with a game of make-believe. Seeing this, Bowsette suddenly stopped. "Wait! Is this some kinda trap?" She tore it out of her scalp, the sound of painful ripping echoing out loudly. There was nothing on it but messy clumps within the bristles; but still, this was humiliating. She returned it in the cage. "ARGH! Who needs brushing, anyway!"

Peach squinted at her belonging. "Careful, please..." Was something moving in there?

Stuck on the brush, wrapped in a cocoon of hairs that tied him against the pink plastic, Wario twisted and tilted in a panic. He tried biting the rope open at his wrists; all that did was send grease into his gullet. Darn it - couldn't this Koopa girl make up her mind? The object of his desires was getting further away by the second...

Curling his legs up, and launching them forward, the criminal sent himself flying in the stringy ball. He leaned towards a spike protruding from the great cuff before him, surrounding her upper arm. It pierced the ball, cutting the constricting hair off him; save for two strands he hung by, climbing up the great cliff of her shoulder. Excellent! He laughed to himself for a moment, arms at his hips. He aced that!

"Forget this ponytail crud - this bod's too hot!" The tyrant's vibrating shout rattled the mustached insect off her shoulder, and below to her breasts. The tight black garments revealed only the very top of her chest, tying it together with a blue jewel.

The Mushroom monarch clapped. "That's the spirit! You have to feel good about your looks, whatever they are!"

"No! Seriously, I'm boiling up!" Bowsette wiped her brow, flinging perspiration off it - which rained on the yellow cap within her tits.

Inside the immense canyon of her bosom, Wario twisted and turned - mauled and kneaded by the slick, dripping surfaces around him. The heat here was bone-shakingly intense; and each powerful word made the microcosm beneath her skin flare up warmer. It was as if sweltering furnaces lay within her lungs! The Power Star was juuust above him - when he grabbed for it, the smothering flesh on his side pushed into his right armpit. He charged a punch into the left breast, his fist sinking inside - only for the force to slingshot towards him in response, squeezing his rump into the other breast. The remaining friction bounced between them for a second, tossed pinballed into this juicy tit or that. As with brushes, this woman had yet to discover the wonder of undergarments - no bra restrained her chest as it flew against the yellow bug. His head felt weighty from the heat, and from being tossed into the silk from her dress so much.

Luckily, the great extent of wobbling loosened up his treasure. It fell splat on his skull. She didn't even have to move, and was already pummeling this thief! With a grumble, the fruit of his labors in his hands, and a lump holding his cap up, Wario squirmed for the exit. First, he emerged upwards; but realized the bounces distorted his sense of direction. His thick hips wobbled down again, underneath the black material.

"I'm sweating so much, it's like bugs are crawlin' over my bod! Do humans have warmer blood than reptiles or something?"

Peach blinked and noticed a glimmer of yellow at Bowsette's chest. It started descending, carrying the golden treasure - the key to her cage - with it. She saw it sliding below the dress. She hid her smile and nodded profusely. A mustached hero in a cap! Smaller than the one she expected, and with a different cap hue, but a savior nonetheless! "Y-yes! Warm blood. My, I feel a bug crawling on me now. And I won't even check." She let loose a measured, half-real laugh, making a few winks. "Maybe you should, um, set the heat lower."

Bowsette folded both arms and legs - each thigh muscle engulfing Wario's shrunken form. The entrapped princess cringed. Her legs fidgeted together in discomfort, while their owner peeked behind her shelled spine. "Gwahah! Nice try, Peach! If I turned off those lava waterfalls, some pest'll just waltz in over my deathtraps!"

Wario, who'd successfully waltzed over the fortress' lava deathtraps, was barely visible between the toned, fleshy walls confining him. When his cap emerged, an imperceptible blip in an endless canyon, the Super Crowned princess' salty juices soaked it. The few seconds she stood there, keeping him in the moist surface, gave him time to think about many great secrets. Such as: what kind of world was he living in if Bowser was a princess? Did this Koopa even shower? How could her thighs be pillowy enough to engulf his firsts, but tough enough to hurt every time he kicked at them?

"Whatever!" Once she started moving again, he stumbled off - landing flat on the stone floor. He quickly re-inflated himself. So far, so good - he had the great Power Star in hand. Peach gestured to him to come closer with it, for her to use as a key to escape...

[Suggested music - Super Smash Bros. Melee - Giga Bowser Battle - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o9u93-vt2Q ]

Yeah, nope – running around and saving princesses was a red-cap guy's job. No time to stall - a towering, snarling Queen of Koopas was nearby. Bowsette hadn't noticed her treasure was missing; probably not used to any sensation on her chest, or merely unwilling to look down after Peach's comment. With the stealth of a tiny elephant, Wario tiptoed away – not turning behind to see the silent waves and hand signals the caged princess made behind him, trying to get him to notice her. He picked up his pace at the sound of threatening stomps behind him.

The booming tone of the fortress' mistress in black echoed behind him, accompanied by an earth-shaking pound of her heel. "Hey! What's with the signs, Peach? Are you making fun of me?"

The Mushroom Kingdom's princess shook her head, both hands up. "No!" She kept one eye to the gold aura from the star-shaped key, navigating to the door. The shrunken thief dropped it as soon as Bowsette's hefty shoe slammed nearby – but retrieved it rapidly. Maybe he was bringing it to Mario?

When she neared the woman in pink, the warmth of her words caused the prisoner to reel away. As the turtle-turned-woman leaned ahead, trying to see the base of her stomping heel wedged into a small crevice between floor blocks. It tripped her forward. "W-woah!" Her black-cuffed arms waved in wild circles, trying to maintain balance with her curvy form by leaning backwards; but, overestimating her weight, she leaned too far in, and came falling butt-first.

THWOOM.

"WAH!"

Instantly, Wario was pinned beneath the immense, rosy rump. It pinned front of his body against a hard brick, pushing his nose flat; while covering his overalls in rolling fields of feminine flesh, the salty surface surrounding him. He tried thrashing out, but the hefty curves' hold on him were tighter than his high school uniform. Its weight cracked the tile beneath him, driving an uneven imprint into the stone. The bandit didn't know if those snaps were the sound of the tiles collapsing beneath Bowsette, or his spine. The only thing that kept him from raising a white flag and revealing himself was the faintest trace of the gleaming riches nearby. The gold beckoned him to brave raging fire and drenching floods.

The shelled behemoth lifted herself, both mighty manicured hands thrusting from the floor and a blush across her cheeks. Wario lifted with her: a tiny yellow stain smudged on the panty-less posterior. He elbowed and struggled this way and that, trying to free himself and grab the Power Star on the floor. "Come on, come on, my precious..."

With her spiky teeth clenched, Bowsette pounded her sole at the crack – the motion shaking Wario repeatedly as her backside jiggled. "Urgh! How do you walk with these feet? It feels like I'm tiptoeing everywhere!"

Peach gazed down, looking for Wario – and something to stall for time until he was out. But at the same time, she did empathize with this lookalike in black. "I had trouble when I first tried heels, too... Ah, memories." She pulled herself into reality, knowing this woman needed help. "If they're uncomfortable, you can take them off. Not every princess has to wear heels."

"Wait a minute..." With her bushy, immense eyebrows raised, Bowsette stared at her dark shoes. "These things are... removable?" She grabbed one foot in hand – the shifting in her buttocks giving Wario a panoramic view of the castle – and hopped repeatedly with it in hand, her curves wobbling. "Gah – come – off – THERE!" She finally took off the heel, and gazed in her bare foot in surprise. Each toe stretched out individually before her blue eyes, as if the former Koopa didn't know that humans had these appendages. They were, similar to her fingers, narrow and delicate, but wide ay the tips.

With more hops that he was comfortable with, Wario used the bouncing force to unglue himself. He fell to the floor, and raced for his well-deserved reward – followed close after by the CRASH of Bowsette's dropping heel, and wet pounds from both soles. She took a few steps as a test, her laughter echoing everywhere – along with flames from her boiling gut. "This is so much better! Bwahaha! I love it! The Queen of Awesome has conquered another obstacle!"

The thief quickly snatched up the glowing, gold treasure. But random, lumbering steps sounded around him. He held the Power Star behind him as a shield, headed for the exit – turning left as he faced a set of five outstretched, freely-wriggling toes. Each little movement sent dust particles flying up, blinding Wario in a grey smog – not helped by the remaining distortion from the heat that made the distant door seem to fly away. "No! NO! Get to the end – remember that microgame with the Fronk and the foot..."

Soon, the spiky shadow overtook him. The meaty ball rocketed down with the force of a Galaxy Reactor, a deafening THWOOM marking its painful landing.

He felt the crushing weight against the makeshift defense.

Bowsette hit pause.

She kneaded her chest, both tits pushed flat together.

"Wait. Dude. Where's my star?"

Wario's heart stopped.

Bowsette looked down.

His mustache drooped.

"WHAT?" As if he'd seen her naked, the Koopa Queen instantly covered her chest, her cheeks turning a crimson deeper than a plumber's cap. Her shoulders quivered, hiding her face – looking to Peach for instruction. "Someone saw me!?"

With a few tugs, Wario tore himself from the concrete – little bits of rubble falling from his flab. "Eh, urhm... This is normal for humans. Yeah, buff guys come from under my feet  everyday." He itched his flattened head, his eyebrows wiggling – even that hurt. "Right, Peach?"

The princess grinned, whispering from the side of her mouth. "The star. Give it to me, and we might live."

Bowsette's fingernails dug deep into her fists. "Peach and Kamek, I trust them – but – this scraggly-'stached squirt!?" She slammed her foot against the bricks again.

He bolted for it – but not before snatching the treasure again. "Hey-hey! I know when I'm not welcome! I'll let you ladies have your privacy! So long-a Bowser!...ette..." He transitioned to indecipherable mumbles and throaty gulps.

"Get back here!" With a snap, the door stretched away further and further. Floor tiles crumbled before Wario's shoes, breaking into a pit of boiling magma. And behind him – the castle's mistress, looking more intense, furious, and jaw-dropping than before. It would be impossible to see above her mountainous chest where it not for the fact that she was leaning, the sputtering flames casting a shadowy blanket that did little to hide her piercing glare.

Wario's gloves gripped tightly on the star's edges, as if caressing a security blanket. With a screeching "Waaaah!", he jumped for it – landing on some of the blocks falling  to the floor. They crumbled beneath his girth, forcing him to jump to a new set. The heat meant it was hard for him to stay in place for over a second without his feet burning. He had to cross an obstacle course to escape her! But he still saw the door within reach...

A claw swipe obliterated the sturdy brick behind him. Bowsette followed, other blocks shattering on impact with her generous curves – wrecking balls of curves that loomed over the mustached adventure. "I can't believe this! First, this crown makes me a laughingstock – then this!"

She kicked away a block Wario was going to jump on. He landed on her ankle, his own legs sinking in – before springing away to another block.

"You think I'm gonna sit back and let you steal my Power Star – just because I'm a girl?" Bowsette stomped into the lava pool, creating immense waves. As the shrunken bandit was making headway, one of these tsunamis swept the platform from underneath him, forcing him closer to the looming black dress.

In the distance, Peach lifted a hand. "Uhm. That's my star, and you..." It sunk to her lap in defeat. There was something special in the Koopa's eyes that made her own light up.

Wario, noticing the platforms getting scarce, looked behind with a sheepish smile. "Hey, I didn't know you had a dress until I came in! Honest!" He dodged a falling block nearby, jogging in place. "You're a princess now? Fine by me!"

At this, Bowsette hunched lower, blushing. "What? No, I'm not a princess! GAH!" She tore away at her Super Crown again, failing to take it off. "I'M BETTER THAN THAT!"

Scorching flames shot out from her shout, setting the surrounding green banners alight. An ember landed precisely on Wario's pants. He felt himself burning, and ran forward – jumping on whatever blocks he could, as long as it brought him to the door. "Wah! Hot-hot-hot!"

When he landed by the door, barely a pile of ashes, he still had the treasure... Until a pair of manicured fingers snatched them up again. "Wah! Are you serious?"

The magma-soaked monarch grinned, baring her full set of teeth. "Bowsette? 'Bowsette' – and anyone who's seen her – won't leave these walls!" She pointed to Wario, drops of lava pouring over her body as she emerged from the lava. "And neither will that Power Star!" Looking at the treasure, and smiling at Wario's waving hands, the Koopa dropped it into her dress - it still glowed behind the black fabrics, as if crying for help.

"No! No! You... monster..." His entire stomach felt heavy. The world, for a moment, froze in place. His chance at a getaway, gone...

She cracked her knuckles; the echo of each pop killing Wario anew. If he didn't do something fast, he was in for a world of pain.

From the cage, Peach covered her eyes. "I can't watch!...Then again, this is the first time she's been this pumped..." With some shallow breaths, she peeked between her fingers.

[Suggested music - Super Smash Bros. Melee - Giga Bowser Battle - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o9u93-vt2Q ]

Sure, Wario could slide under the door and take his chances with the castle halls. But then he'd leave empty-handed; gaining nothing from this misadventure, except the mental image of the feared Koopa ruler with a large bust. What kind of hero's reward was that?

Not the kind with much value on the black market. So he remained, green soles planted on the stone flooring, staring up towards the curvy colossus. Clenching his fist, he charged shoulder-first towards the towering bare sole ahead. "Enough running! It's Wario time!"

With a swish of her tail, Bowsette sidestepped the charge, her ankle visibly transforming to leap aside. A flash of surprise passed within her cheeks, as if to ask: "He's not screaming? Am I losing it?" She made a three-point landing behind the yellow pest, her heated breath ruffling up his spine.

He skid to a halt. How did something that huge move so quickly? Wasn't she stumbling and clawing at her hair seconds ago?

The minuscule intruder turned. He found a full roof and floor of awaiting fangs snapping for him. Each stood at the correct size to pierce a tank and chomp it up. Rivers of saliva traversed the tongue behind them - and flames overpowering the blast of a furnace. With a "Wah!" and a spinning jump, twisting his arms in circles, he flew past the blazing cave. Finally, this leap ended with him sitting atop the monarch's plush hill of a nose.

Her sky-coloured eyes crossed to pin him on either side. "Get off, punk!" After a few annoyed wiggles, sending rumbles across the makeshift platform, Bowsette flung her thick, cuffed neck upwards. Wario went flying up, the castle's hard walls swooping past him.

His clean teeth broke out into a perfect grin. He saw an opportunity as his foe returned to her bare feet. Head-first, the bandit aimed for that chest holding the Power Star. He felt its glimmer on him already... Or was that heat from Bowsette's physical excursion? In any case, the black fabric sea was close beneath him, nearing his grasp, when -

SNAP

A swift swipe of the mighty claws - a flick of the black-clad wrist - and Wario was within her claws. "Geez! How dumb can you get, diving right in my hands?" Bowsette squeezed him deep in the fist, molding his firm muscles into unique shapes within the fleshy folds. "Do you WANT me to pulverize you?" The pressure compressing his chest made him ready to barf up his innards. From dim glimpses between constricting digits, he peeked at the Koopa's reddening cheeks.

"WRGH... The star..."

The vice grip gained the power of seven Banzai Bills. "Quit playing! If you really wanted stars, you'd be racing Koopa the Quick or freeing Chain Chomps!" A thin trace of a shiver infiltrated her bones, as her fist raised higher. Each word melded with her heavy pulse, attacking Wario's ears as he pushed in defence. "You're trying to blab about this 'Bowsette' stuff to my army! You wanna tear my kingdom apart with rumors about their king going soft!" Outside the palm prison, the turtle tried to de-crown herself again - pain tormenting her scalp.

"But - racing turtles - OW! - that's hard work! - JEEZ!" Shrinking in lung capacity, and growing in desperation, Wario bit into the skin before him. It tasted like... Korean rice.

For a moment, nothing.

Then - his cap fell backwards into her hand.

"That. That does it. SHOWTIME."

The tower of muscles within her arms set in motion, slamming him into the unbound chest mountains.

Bowsette pulled off a Flying Slam, flipping thrice in midair. The centrifugal force pushed her target in closer, until he was practically pinned to the glistening mounds. Their shaking sent his eggshell eyes darting for some way out. The sweat-soaked cloth seemed to slowly invaded his pores, merging with them, before -

THUD!

- the entire weight of the titaness descended upon him in a trembling body-slam, pinning him underneath a bouncy mass. The force from her impact sent deep cracks shooting out in the stone. Wario's limbs lay sprawled out below, squeezed flat. Before he had a moment to recover, or push out, his fortress-scale opponent thrust forwards and in reverse. The breasts rolled across the floor in sync with her heaving breaths, torturing the yellow scoundrel in a  marshmallow prison beneath.

"So, you think these are funny?" She squeezed her chest together, middle fingers fluttering near the nipples, reshaping the insect between them. "Go ahead! Laugh at Bowsette's boobs! I DARE YOU!" With that, she kneaded them and twisted them every which way, making sure to squeeze as much as possible out of the mustached menace. Her hands cupped around her curves, she pulled them apart and slammed them together - half disgusted and half intrigued by the wet splashes at each smash. Every knead and thrust sent rubble flying below, sometimes taking out entire chunks of the stone.

"Wah - wah - WAH!" He called every time the castle walls appeared before him; and with each glimpse, the dark world of curves covering him cruelly blotted it out. The breaks between squeezes prevented the pain from numbing Wario; ensuring that he took the full force of each salty compression with nothing to dull the aches tormenting his buff, shrunken frame. Dust lifting from the ground made it hard for him to breathe - and if the sweltering heat and flooding sweat were any worse, it'd be drowning him. Warmth pulsed through his brown hair. He tried butting his head against the oncoming force - instantaneously, it squeezed snugly into the cleavage, lost further in the rhythmic scrunching. The combined muscles in his body, forcing at once, couldn't hope to match the squishy boobs of the former king.

Suddenly, in a gasp, Bowsette stopped - holding a hand to her forehead. She stumbled up a little, looming above Wario. "Quit squirming! It feels really nasty!" Her fingers moved to her chest, dusting rubble from the assault off, before pulling away.

Wario, between quick wheezes, searched his body for a single joint that DIDN'T hurt upon motion. "Mamma mia..." He twisted his neck. "J-just gimme the star, and - ow - and I'll keep my trap shut..."

"Who do you think I am?" The giantess pounced to full height, her soles driving prints into the hard stone - knocking her opponent into the air along with some of the terra firma he stood on. She crossed her arms, spiked cuffs clanging together, firm brows pointed in a perfect "V" formation. "That kinda dirty trick might fool Princess Shroob or the Shadow Queen... But guess what? I'm light-years ahead of them! Even in this dumb crown and girly duds, I'm still Bowser, the king of awesome!" Bowsette threw her hands out, the flaming environs providing a spotlight on her torn, fluttering dress that reached to the blazing heavens. "Want proof? Let's see one of those two-bit baddies deliver THIS beatdown!"

With powerful sinews folding and unfolding, she leaped into the air. Even when her body blended in among the ceiling's shadows, far from Wario's shrinking pupils, he heard the sky-conquering whistle grow louder as she approached, and felt his spine chill. Right as he got up and began running for it, the sky became a plush, thick curtain of koopa ass.

BOOM.

Instantly pancaked by the Bowser Bomb, the man's buff body bare qualified as a solid anymore. A bare cheek engulfed him entirely, a whole mountain chain determined to squeeze him like a lemon. The stone beneath him wasn't in any better condition; it caved in to the woman's weight, chunks flying out. She jiggled him vertically, vitriolically, granting no window for Wario to breath; even with breathing room, those nostrils would only intake musk wafting off the fields of flesh. Her tail flapped between seats, sending waves through the ocean of her glutes. A few more harsh pounds bounced him to the other cheek - equally oppressive, and equally foul.

The mustached man, despite having no regrets, couldn't help but taste a bit of irony in his anal assault.

Bowsette smiled smugly, eyes narrowed, patting herself on the backside. It was alarmingly soft. Something this squishy caused that much damage? "Man, what a lame way to go! Fits a dirty thief perfectly!"

But beneath her, she felt the tiniest sign of movement - and her lip instantly curled to a frown. The jolts against her sensitive rear made her yelp, her cheeks going bright. "Stop! Stop kicking already!" The monarch jumped up, aiming her rear at the cracking stone. "DISAPPEAR!"

Wario was ready to get the heck out of there, star or not - but he stumbled onto one of the cracks. As his head hit the ground, an idea welcomed itself in his brilliant mind; he'd be able to beat Bowsette, AND get out with his treasure! But to do that, he'd have to survive... without moving.

[Suggested music - Bowser's Lava Lair - Super Mario Galaxy 2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D82FSn0CPuQ ]

The floor had a firm print of Bowsette's rear in it, almost smouldering with residual heat. This was the key to Wario's escape plan. He laid flat, and brought drew his arms towards himself. "Bring it, turtle breath!" He looked away, bracing himself ass the butt crashed onto his diminutive form once again...

THUD

The giant woman ensured she put all her strength into the seat, to squeeze any remaining resistance out of the pest trying to invade her privacy.

Wario laughed despite the pain. "Come on, is that it, you big meathead?"

She shouted in frustration, taking to the air again. Flames, distant but blazing, lit a spot on Wario, providing a perfect target for her landing. And again, with a vengeance, twisting his sturdy limbs...

THUD

His laughs rang out, only barely muffled by flesh covering his ears. "Wahaha! I've seen Diamond Elementary kids hit harder than you!" He felt seven fractures in his chin alone. "Wait'll they hear this!"

A tiny, sad moan escaped from Bowsette's lungs. "Elementary... no!" Immediately, a fireball shot out. "All right, since you asked nicely, I'll make you extra-flat!"

Splitting stone floors echoed as the squishy, moist torture continued. Excellent! His plan was working - though it might kill him first. Vibrations from her generous rear shook him, but he persevered...

SCRUNCH

"Wahahaha!" His molars gritted together in pain. "Guess you really are softening up, Bowsette!"

Frenzied, reptilian snarls echoed above in a mix with breathy, booming-yet-feminine screeches. He could only imagine the mix of emotions on that soft face, twisted into an inhuman rage...

SMACK

By now, rubble from the smashed floor littered the looming cheeks and twisting tail... Almost there...

THRASH

Wario taunted: "Hey, try hitting my shoulder next, I got a kink in there!"

Bowsette glared down, volcanoes erupting from her lips and ears. "Shut up! I'm gonna crush you, you yellow stinkbug!"

Boom.

BOOM.

Rrrrrrumble...

After another ground-pound, embedding the bandit deep in her ass cheek, Bowsette felt something shake. The floor cracks formed by her repeated Bowser Bombs spread out, crisscrossing with shrill creaks. Her face sunk once she realized what was happening, her cuffed muscles tensing and freezing one by one.

It didn't matter. At once, the thick, worn stone blocks broke under her.

She screamed in shock as the abyss opened below. A doom carved by her own curves! The titanic turtle was barely able to survive falling in the pit by clutching to the side of an unbroken block.

Still surrounded by the cage's steel, Peach looked up from her Nintendo Switch. "Oh. I always wondered about that last boss Mario described in 1988." Unveiling a turnip from her blouse, she lobbed it expertly between the bars, across the lava sea, striking Bowsette's fingers.

The Koopa Queen entered free fall. Wario's plan worked! While she descended with the grace of an anvil, the thief was flat enough from her tantrum that he floated gently to the lower level, like a piece of loose leaf paper. He'd need to spend some of those profits repairing his fractured -everything-. Still, he overcame the infamous Koopa King... or Queen. That was worth flashing a victory sign for!

At last, after a long fall with nothing to grab, the giantess landed in the room below with a loud crash, flat on her shell. She rocked everywhere on it, unable to get up. "Ow! Not fair! Not fair! That totally doesn't count! - Ow! - I shoulda won that!" Tiny puffs of smoke escaped with her exhausted breaths.

Man, that was loud. Wario floated gently upon her chest, partly sinking into the dark fabric. In a long, heavy breath of musty air, he refilled his gut to its normal circumference. The bandit crawled into the cleavage and pushed the mountainous breasts aside, greedy hands sinking into the trembling skin. Bowsette tried to swat him off, delicate palms falling on her body; but his feet were too quick, and she was too sore to hit herself any more. With some wiggling, his backside sticking out, he crawled between the dank folds and -

"Wahaha! It's mine!"

He finally snatched the Power Star away. It was in his grip once again!

By now, Bowsette's shouts had shrunk to tiny growls, barely shaking her lungs. "A turnip... Peach'll never... never really like me." She curled as deep as possible into her shell, trying to hide her face. "I can change myself in her image. I can steal the stars in the night sky for her. I can remake the universe with her at the center. And she'll never love me."

Sentimental, gooey stuff - a perfect time to escape. Wario prepared a getaway, looking around at the room they'd landed in...

[Suggested music - Deep Castle - Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66y6456xAWg ]

A hall full of Bowser's minions - staring and chattering.

"Aw, come on!" He tucked himself in the shell to hide. But obviously, the tiny intruder wasn't the cause of the commotion. The Koopa Troop had just seen a woman in a shredded dress, green shell, and spike-studded cuffs fall from the sky, directly in the center of the room. She was cowering, quaking, pulling at a pink crown that dressed her head.

"Is this Peach?" One Koopa queried. Bowsette painfully leaned backwards, uncomfortable with how tall his loyal subject looked.

A few Shy Guys whispered.

"An escape?"

"What does she think she's doing?"

"Wait... a Super Crown? That can't be..."

Their queen wanted to say something, but it choked up in smoke. The confusion painting the faces around froze her, chilling Wario along with it.

Some Boos giggled madly. "Awfully buff for a princess!"

Bowsette kept silent as the crowd grew larger, the chatter into an indiscernible, droning cacophony. She was only trying to find a way to finally beat that red-mustached bully, and have Peach for good; and now, her mere existence let down the clan that followed her into battle. If she could press a reset button on all this, recede into her throne, and chuck the Super Crown into a black hole...

Until a low voice rang out, patting at her delicate hand.

"Lord Bowser! Are you hurt, your nastiness?"

Her horns peeked out from their cover. A Goomba with a prominent bandage and an aura of stupidity tapped on her, looking for wounds. The monarch's eyebrow raised in confusion, sweat dropping from her forehead. "...Huh?"

The Goomba jumped, its normal frown curling up in cheer. "Good! You can still speak! Oh, it's so good to see your ferociously inspiring face again, Lord Bowser!"

"Bowser?" Bowsette coughed. "Did you... call me... Bowser?"

At first, nobody noticed this odd, big-browed mushroom who'd come to meet the spiked damsel from the ceiling. But now, they hushed, looking inwards. What was that dummy thinking - and what was this woman saying?

The minion chirped up. "Who else would you be, my king? A yellow thing injured me when I was defending your room, but the sounds of your fierce skirmish reawakened my fighting spirit!" He looked around at the silence, and asked: "Lord Bowser, should we send reinforcements upstairs?"

With a stammer, the queen sat up. "N-no! Stop calling me that! Look!" She cupped her hand across her generous chest, ran it down her shapely arm, and brushed a finger on her disgustingly soft lips. "Look at this, this isn't Bowser material! How can you call me a king or anything if I'm so... wimpy? I can't even squish a little yellow squirt, or keep hold of a princess. I don't deserve your pity."

Still hiding, Wario rubbed his multiple chins in consideration. That explained why she kept calling herself "Bowsette". But none of this helped with the star...

To the crowd's surprise, a Koopa scooted up closer, joining the Goomba. "Sorry to intrude, but - you broke the ceiling, dude." He pointed a finger up to the huge hole above. "That's some seriously thick material, see. Those stunts say 'Bowser' to me."

After an awkward, confused pause, a Boo approached - fluttering safe distance near the woman's crown. "And those battle cries... Scary! That's the Bowser I admire!"

"And isn't us losing Peach standard operating procedure at this point?" A Shy Guy shrugged two stubby shoulders. "If you're wimpy, then we're all wimpy together."

A small, sad smile crossed Bowsette's face - which slowly lifted up, revealing itself to the surrounding crowd. The anxious chatter lifted again, with a few happy cheers lifting from it. She held a hand to her toothy mouth, tail fidgeting. "What idiots! You don't understand a thing about this, do you?" Her angry shouts only made the cheers louder, causing her to pound a foot on the floor for attention - shaking Wario's body a little more. "Quit mocking me!"

The first Goomba, from behind his cranium, revealed a Super Crown. "Maybe I don't understand... But I'll follow my leader, no matter where that takes me!" He placed it on his mushroomy head. With a POOF, the minion became a brown-haired princess with a glare of senseless determination.

The Boo followed suit quickly, equipping her own crown. Replacing the white blob was a pale, ghastly maiden, with a slobbering tongue hanging loose. "Haha! This is horrifying. I love it!"

Another POOF from the side - and where the odd Koopa Troopa once stood was a short girl, somewhat resembling the bemused queen herself, in a green dress.

A set of multiple poofs filled the room; multiple Shy Gals now stood chattering, in every colour of the rainbow. One with a shapely form in red and light green hair over her mask shrugged. "If you can't beat 'em..."

Bowsette, with arms crossed, tried to hold herself back; but ended up giving a hearty laugh, crossing her cuffed arms together. "Gwahahaha! How the heck did you guys get so many Super Crowns?"

From the side, a girl with cute round glasses and blue pajamas snickered in response. "This is... the Hyper Final Boss Weapon, my liege. Simple duplication magic to confuse the enemy. But really, I didn't plan for them to do this together." Kamek observed the display, then returned to Bowsette, standing proud in the center. Flames blazed out of the queen's mouth in contentment.

"Well, of course! Of course they still love me, Koopa or not!" She cheered, a few tears streaming from her lashes; which she quickly flung off. "I'm a buncha things, Kamek. But here... I am queen!" Soon, there were few baddies that weren't transformed into girls, too - whether grinning Chain Chomps, dashing Bullet Bills, bespectacled Lakitus, or heavy-booted Thwomps. It spread in a wave, flooding the dark room. "And what's weird, is all of this is thanks to..."

A chill ran up her spine.

"WARIO!"

Her shout silenced everyone instantly, as they turned to their beloved leader. In the commotion, Wario had taken his Power Star and bolted for it. He nudged his way past a Shy Gal's heel, and now ran through the door. Hearing the shout, he began laughing in victory. "Wahaha, a happy ending for everyone!"

His laughter stopped when the Goomba princess stepped on him. She twisted her heel, rubbing the mark on her head. "Vengeance! My people shall have vengeance, criminal!"

The blow made him drop the glowing treasure. It bounced down the hall. Minions scrambled for it - but clashed together, jamming the doorway, and trampling the thief inadvertently. Finally, after a two more bounces, it landed in the hands of...

"Thank you so much, Wario, for to finding our star!"

Mario picked up the star, holding it high. What?

Following him, Luigi stumbled forward, carrying the encaged princess. Using the star with its lock, Mario freed her. It dissolved upon contact with the lock; making the thief's jaw fall agape in mourning. They applauded in glee at their victory, Peach blowing kisses to both brothers - until she turned to see the room nearby. All three faces sank in confusion at the horde of princesses scurrying on top of each other, Bowsette screaming orders and insults in the distance. Taken aback with horror at a Booette crawling out, Luigi shut the door.

From underneath it, Wario scurried out, his body bruised and broken. "It's not fair! I worked hard for that star! I knew you were coming, but not that soon!" He chewed at his cap, tearing its seams. "I want my reward!"

Accordingly, the titanic Peach leaned down, and planted a large, wet smooch that encompassed his face. "Thank you, Wario. Your quest is now over. We will remember you forever as a hero."

He growled in response. "What good is that? How am I supposed to sell that in Rogueport, or ransom it off for money?"

With a heavy pound, Bowsette forced the door open, knocking the Mario Bros. aside. The horde of baddies stood beside in wait, looking through the legs and arms of their beloved boss. Peach receded, shaking, as the rivaling monarch's large hand approached... And landed on her puffy shoulder.

The queen bowed her head. "Thanks." She glared up. "Now get out with your two plumbers. You won't escape next time!"

Peach bowed, putting her hand to Bowsette's cheek. "If you need any help with the crown..."

"Don't test me!... Jerk." With a hum, the queen returned both Mario Brothers to their feet, confused, and pushed them out. Peach followed, but was looking behind herself. What about the third capped man, who retrieved the star from the danger of Bowsette's clutches?

Suddenly, a pressure lifted from Bowsette's scalp. In a POOF, the crown was off. Instead of the curvy, dark-dressed queen was a bulky, red-haired Koopa grumbling in confusion. Wario slid off the normalized Bowser's shell, carrying the Super Crown in hand - and rushing off after the other heroes. "Wahaha! This I can get rich from!" He drooled, eyes in the air. "I'll send out a message: 'I am a wealthy Mushroom princess in need of help. Please send all your money to Princess Wario at-'"

"Get him!" Bowser commanded to his troop. Immediately, a troop of girls rushed to capture the fleeing, chortling Wario, hastily marching together to please their monarch. "Get my precious crown back!"

Kamek, still with his crown on, tugged at Bowser's leg. "Sir? I thought you wanted that off. And anyway, we can find another..."

"It might come in handy!" Bowser growled, looking to the marching women, and following after with clumsy steps. "Come on, do it for Queen Bowsette!"

[Suggested music - Going Home DX - Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdQmyH2oPNY ]