There's been unending speculation as to the shape of the planet. 

Conventional science suggests that anything that size would have to be spherical, if only to avoid collapsing on its own mass. Weirdly enough, though, the New World we inhabit is most definitely not a sphere.

I've spent my whole life researching just what is up with the planet, but after our old home, a sphere called Earth, was lost in an incident no one will admit to having records of, the New World just kind of . . . appeared. The space program was retired due to the highly irregular gravity of the New World, and cartographers gave up shortly beyond the Great Plain, as mountains border us on the East, and we have discovered sheer drops to the North and South. After an incident in which the entire planet quaked about a century ago, our governments agreed unanimously that we never, never head West.

During my interview with The Librarian, a brain in a jar old enough to have been on Earth, it mentioned something interesting- before shutting off and ordering me out for reasons of "redacted data", it mentioned that this was "the closest we ever came to waking her", and a good deal of babbling about forced hibernation. 

Hence my theory: we now live on the Earth Mother, Gaia.

Highly unscientific as it may be, it makes a certain degree of sense- the unfathomably deep ocean in the center of the Great Plain seems too much like a bellybutton to be coincidence, the gravitational anomalies would all fall in line if we assumed a humanoid shape in an irregular body position (the right leg raised slightly, the arms bent so far back it would have to be uncomfortable), and explanations would finally arise as to why the Eastern Mountains are far higher than any peaks we can comprehend.

Thus, my current situation- riding in a snowmobile, so far to the east that all my maps are useless, taking advantage of gravity being odd to essentially drive straight up. My entire life must have been dedicated to this one moment. Assuming I'm right, I'm heading into the ear of a woman millions of times my size. Hopefully she can even hear me.

------2500 Years Prior------

"Can't you do anything to help me?" Valerie Wright sobbed, trying desperately to keep from destroying anything- and failing miserably. She had even gone so far as to use the cloth they promised would grow with her to bind her arms behind her back.

Valerie had always believed in the sanctity of life, preferring to gently release insects and spiders into her garden rather than callously kill them. So, naturally, when the first growth tremor had caused her to unintentionally murder all of the neighbors she loved so dearly, it had nearly broken her heart. Not too long afterwards, she had tried to pick up her mother to explain what had happened- and another growth tremor had caused her hand to clench.

Valerie had been fine with her life. She had never done anything to warrant becoming a monster. In fact, once it became clear that she would not stop growing, she begged to be killed before anyone else got hurt. However, by that point not even nuclear weapons could harm her.

By some cruel twist of fate, she had been granted the power to hear and understand anyone close to her head, meaning that she couldn't sleep. Could you, with the horrified screams of people you had never meant any harm blaring in your ear at all times of day?

The General sighed. "We can't get you back to normal, ma'am. Not before you're big enough to smash our little planet to dust." Just before Valerie could fall totally into despair, however, he added, "But we won't need it for long."

"What do you mean?" Valerie asked, mumbling as quietly as she could to prevent another hurricane from forming. 

"We've discovered a way to put you into a forced sleep. As long as you're asleep, you won't grow bigger." The General sighed again, resigned to finishing his point. "However, by the point where it could take effect, you'd be larger than the planet."

"You haven't explained how we won't need the Earth," Valerie mumbled cautiously. 

"You won't because you generate your own air and food. We won't because, if you cooperate, we can live on you." The General said with finality.

"On me?" Valerie asked.

"Yes." The General was nothing if not blunt. "If you position a relatively safe part of your body- say, your stomach- closest to the Earth before you drift off, we'll impact there, and have the best chance of survival."

Valerie nodded. "I can do that. Just make sure I never wake up."

"I'll see to it best I can," the General replied.

------Present------

"Mother Gaia!" I shout into the absurdly massive ear. "I have something to ask of you!"

Valerie stirred, waking for the first time in over two thousand years.

No sooner had the beautiful orbs opened did they fill with tears. "Please," she whispered, "if you can, get me back to sleep. I shouldn't be awake. I shouldn't be alive."

I was shocked. Had the Earth Mother expressed a desire to die? Was that possible? What would happen to us if she did?

"Yes, you should live!" I yelled, trying to work out how to calm a suicidal planet-sized being.

------

Valerie blinked, confused. "Who . . . who's there? I don't see anyone," she whispered. 

"I am one of the many billions of people who live on your body," the voice spoke from her ear. "I've spent the past ten years of my life trying to contact you, Earth Mother. No one else believes that you exist, but I've been . . . unusually determined. I've never had such a strong desire for anything, but . . . you've been special. I apologize for waking you."

"Ten . . . years?" Valerie asked, confused. She quickly changed the subject. "You don't need to apologize. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me. I'm a monster," she sniffed. "It's extremely lucky I had the rope binding my arms, or I would've scratched myself. I'm so itchy, and that's probably all of you. I don't want to kill anyone else." She continued her self-depreciation, beginning to shake lightly with sobs. "Any move I make could kill billions. Please, just go further. If you go deep enough into my head, you might be able to give me a stroke. Since there aren't doctors my size, that might finally stop me."

"Stop talking about yourself that way, Earth Mother!"

------2500 Years Ago------

"Stop talking about yourself that way, Val!" Sierra yelled, shaking her shorter friend.

"But really, Sierra, I'm a small person. I have small values, a small presence, and I live in a small town," Valerie said seriously. "You, on the other hand . . . you're a big celebrity now. I can't exactly compare anymore. I barely eked by in high school, you've got a triple doctorate. I can barely afford to rent a room, you just bought your third house. I own a flower shop, you're a rock star. Last time you visited, your groupies sent me death threats. You need more high-profile friends."

"But I want you!" Sierra yelled, smashing the vase of crysanthemums on the counter. Valerie and Sierra winced simultaneously. "I can pay for that," Sierra promised.

"Of course you can," Valerie smiled. "If you wanted, you could buy everything in my store," Valerie said, looking at her otherwise empty shop sadly. "I might be able to afford to buy a car if you did," Valerie laughed.

"I will!" Sierra promised. "I'll buy you a car, you can live in my house, you won't need to run this shop anymore! Just let me stay a part of your life!"

"Geez," Valerie blushed, "it almost sounds like you're proposing to me."

"I will if you want," Sierra said, without a hint of irony or sarcasm. 

Valerie's jaw dropped. "I- I don't know, I mean . . . you could do a lot better than me." She ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "Besides, you said you love bouncing between your groupies. I wouldn't want to be the ball and chain that stops Sierra's rockin' reputation."

Sierra narrowed her eyes. "Are you rejecting me, Valerie Wright?"

"N- no, I'm not rejecting you . . . I don't have enough of a spine to reject you . . . I'm just too small a person next to you, Sierra." Valerie looked straight at the floor. "I wouldn't feel right holding you back. If you seriously want, I'll do anything you want, but . . . I'd feel guilty the whole time."

Sierra laughed. "You're bigger than you think. You'll have to realize that someday."

------Present------

Valerie blinked the tears out of her eyes. "O- okay. Okay, Sierra."

"Who?" The voice in Valerie's ear asked.

"Sierra," Valerie said slowly, "the big rockstar? Her concerts draw crowds the world over. The only reason I couldn't go was because I couldn't afford to." At the lack of response, Valerie added, "Everyone is attracted to her, on some level."

The little voice laughed. "Rock music? That noise hasn't been popular in . . . what . . . three or four centuries?"

"Centuries?" Valerie asked, confused. "How long have I been asleep?"

"At least 2000 years," the little voice said, "but given how we don't know exactly how long we've lived on your body, it could have been as many as 3000! I have done a few studies on it, myself, but I haven't gotten any conclusive evidence."

"Two . . . thousand . . . years?" Valerie gasped, creating a super tornado that, thankfully, burned itself out long before it passed her breasts. "Everyone I ever knew is dead. Their children, their grandchildren, their fifty-times great grandchildren are all dead." Valerie clenched her eyes shut in shock. "I never got to meet my niece," she whispered sadly. 

------

I was utterly flabbergasted. The Earth Mother sounded so . . . human. She despaired at having missed so much. In fact, it almost sounded as if she were human . . . once, long ago, before she became far grander than a planet.

I had no idea what to say.

I wondered, in the rational part of my mind, how she could even still think of us as human. Through some miracle, she could hear my voice, but at her scale I was a microbe. If she ever truly thought about her situation, if she ever escaped her self-applied bonds, we couldn't do anything to her. Her idea of my using my body to give her a stroke would not have worked even if I had tried it- her blood vessels would be several times wider than myself.

I wondered: what if she ever grew hungry? All of the food we had wouldn't be enough to satisfy a stomach as large as hers. We wouldn't be able to satisfy a stomach as large as hers, even if our entire species leaped into her maw. She might still try, and it would be both within her power and within her right- we had lived on her, without her permission, for thousands of years.

I thought to myself that, to her, we were an annoying abdominal rash, if her comment about being itchy held any weight. It was only the rope she had used to bind herself, and her personal concern for us, that kept her from uprooting our entire civilization with fingernails thicker than the continental crust, which I just realized was a layer of dead skin that sat over the presumably living tissue underneath. If those failed, we would have no power to stop her. Our entire nuclear arsenal going off had only caused a tremor- she didn't wake from it. 

I decided, in that moment, to pledge myself to her. It didn't matter what she was capable of, I decided- she was still the Earth Mother, upon whom I had been born. I had spent my spring break scuba diving in her bellybutton, I had grown up in a city situated a few miles north of that, I had had my first kiss in a cave that was as close to her skin as one could safely get. My existence was relative to the Earth Mother. It was due to her presence I was able to be born, it was the fruits that grew on her body that had sustained me, and if it was her will I should die it was entirely her prerogative. 

"I am yours to do with as you please, Earth Mother," I said proudly.