After watching the movie "Dirty Dozen", Chuck Noriss decides to make his own Dirty Dozen, but their first unoffical mission goes wrong...
A funny story full of strange charectars and many twists
, Vore Characters:
Minikin (3 in. to 1 in.)Size Roles:
This story is for entertainment purposes only.
June 03 2009 Updated:
June 05 2009
Contains adult language and sexual content.
1. the beginning of the dirty dozen 2 by SpongeBob
2. Dirty Dirty Boys... by SpongeBob
3. Oh sweet irony.... by SpongeBob
4. Spoiled rotten to the bone! by SpongeBob
5. Final battle! Turn back and get facked! by SpongeBob
the beginning of the dirty dozen 2 by SpongeBob
This chapter is mostly for the Comedy and to get to know the charectars. Enjoy. The next chapter(s) will be alot more for what your on this site for ;-).
"Damn, that movie was almost as good as mine." Chuck Noriss said after watching the movie "Dirty Dozen".
"I bet I could make my own Dirty Dozen, alot better then those Dirty Dozen..." Chuck Noriss bragged, "Yea...And if I did, people wouldn't think i'm fucking dead! I'm going to make my own Dirty Dozen called...The Dirty Dozen 2!!!! Or DD2 for short..." Chuck Pondered on who he should ask to join it..."Aha!" He said. "To the bottom of the ocean!" Chuck Noriss jumped out his window and ran to the ocean.
About 30 minutes later....
Chuck Norris arrived at a small pineapple house under the ocean.
He walked up to the door and kicked it open.
"Hello?" He looked inside and saw SpongeBob, masturbating to a picture of Sandy.
"Oh shit" SpongeBob muttered and his cheeks reddened. He pulled up his pants. "Didn't expect you coming here Chuck Noriss." He said.
"Well, I came here to ask you something." Chuck said.
"Wanna join my Dirty Dozen, or the DD2 for short?"
"I need an explosives guy."
"What makes you think I know about explosives?" SpongeBob looked around nervously.
"I know why earthquakes happen in the ocean Sponge, i'm no fool." Chuck said.
"Fine," SpongeBob sighed. "I'll go get my nukes, mines, and grenades."
"Wait?! Nukes?!?!" Chuck Noriss said aghast.
"Bought 'em off of Ebay" Said SpongeBob. He went to his room for what seemed like 5 minutes and came back with a bag across his back. "Ready." SpongeBob said.
"Okay, Now we need some kind of computer expert or genius hacker" Chuck Noriss said.
"I know a guy who's pretty good with computers" Sponge suggested.
"Lead the way."
1 hour later they arrived at a house and rang the door bell.
A 50 year old looking woman arrived at the door.
"Can we go inside to talk to John?" Asked SpongeBob.
"Why certainly...Johns never had friends over" The woman said excitedly. "John! Some friends are over to see you!"
10 seconds pass..."MOM! I TOLD YOU I'M URLAK THE WIZARD!!! TELL THEM THEY MAY ENTER!!!" Yelled a nerdy sounding voice.
"He's in the basement..." The mother ushered SpongeBob and Chuck in to the basement.
Chuck and Sponge walked down the basement steps to see a geeky kid with lots of pimples on his face, very chubby, huge glasses, and short brown hair. He was playing on the computer.
"John" SpongeBob said.
"I'm Urlak!" He protested.
"Okay whatever. What the hell kind of game are you playing?" Sponge asked.
Urlak looked shocked and disgusted. "It is no game!" He snapped. "It is an MMORPG! Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game! Maybe you've heard of it."
"Nope." Chuck Noriss said.
"Well why are you here than?" Urlak asked.
"We want you to join the Dirty Dozen 2." Chuck said.
"Why me?" Urlak asked.
"We need a computer expert." SpongeBob said.
"Uh...Okay..." Urlak really didn't know anything about his computer except that he was a level 90 Mage.
"Don't we need a sniper?" Urlak suggested.
"Yea!" Chuck realized.
"I know a guy perfect for the job." Urlak said.
They arrived at a pond 1 hour later.
"Why are we at a pond?" SpongeBob asked.
"You'll see." Urlak said.
They walked to the edge of the pond and a duck was walking around.
"There he is!" Urlak said.
"Where?" SpongeBob and Chuck asked in unison.
"There." Urlak pointed at the duck.
"Behind the duck?" Chuck asked.
"No he is the duck," Urlak said. "And his name is Jeffy!"
"Quack." Said Jeffy.
Chuck shrugged. "He'll do." He walked over to Jeffy and picked him up.
"8 more people to go!" SpongeBob said.
"Quack." Quacked Jeffy.
They looked around all day and at last found the 8 people they needed. They met at Chuck Norisses dining room table and had a meeting.
"We now have 12 people and are the DD2!" Chuck said.
"YAY!" Everyone said.
"Role call will begin." Chuck said.
"Here" Said Sponge.
"here." Said Urlak.
"Quack!" Quacked Jeffy.
"Hamma Time!" said MC Hammer.
"8 year old brat?"
"I WANT ICE CREAM!" Screamed the brat.
"HeeHee" Said Micheal Jackson as he touched the brat.
"DoDo the clown?"
"HARHAR I'm here!" Said DoDo and he threw a pie at Micheal Jackson.
"Osama Bin Ladin?"
"ALA!...I mean here!" Said Osama Bin Ladin.
"Nien!" Yelled Hitler.
"I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME!" Said Barney.
"DUH!" Said Timmy.
"Dude he's disabled why is he in this?" Asked MC Hammer.
"He's the best pilot we could find." Said Chuck.
"He can't even move his hands allah dammit!" Said Osama.
"Throw him to the furnace!" Said Hitler.
"Too soon..." Said SpongeBob shaking his head.
"Oh come on I was joking." Said Hitler.
"Hitler, just don't talk okay?" Said Barney.
"Okay, we're goin on our first mission tonight!" Said Chuck Norris.
"YAY" Everyone yelled.
"Theres some illegal drug dealing going on at this house. I think." Said Chuck.
"To the car!" said DoDo the clown.
DoDo led everyone to one of those really tiny clown cars.
"Dude what the hell?" Said Urlak.
"i'll help you all in!" Said DoDo and he shoved everyone in the tiny car then got in.
"Micheal jacksons touching meeee!" whined the brat.
"Shut up or i will drive this car off of a side walk!" Yelled DoDo.
"We're here." Said Chuck.
They arrived at a normal looking normal sized normal normal normal normal house.
"You sure this is it?" Asked Sponge.
"Yes, now break down the door MC Hammer." Chuck said.
"HAMMA TIME!" MC Hammer took out a hammer and smashed the door open.
Everyone ran in with their guns raised.
There was a naked red headed white woman with huge breasts and a nice ass comeing out of her bathroom from the shower.
"PERVERTS!" She screamed and pulled out some kind of gun.
"Gun!!" Yelled Chuck.
She shot all of them and they all fell to the ground unconscious but still alive, except for Jeffy who she looked at hungrily.
"Quack..." He said nervously backing into a corner.
To be continued...
Dirty Dirty Boys... by SpongeBob
Here's where it gets good.
he DD2 team awoke the next morning to the smell of roast duck.
Chuck Noriss woke up and studied his surroundings.
"Holy shit..." He said, "We're in an empty fish tank with the lid ontop!"
"To my calculations...." Urlak said trying to sound smart, "We've shrunk."
"Wow jour pretty focking smart..." Hitler said sarcastically.
"My dicks even smaller now!!!" Urlak whined.
"I don't have a dick." Said Micheal Jackson.
"But you spooned me last night." Said the 8 year old brat.
"Shush, no-ones supposed to know..." Said Micheal Jackson.
"Vhat the fock?" Hitler said, "Our Veapons are gone!"
"I still got one nuke." Said SpongeBob.
"I got some pies." Said DoDo and he threw all the pies at Osama Bin Ladin. "I'm out of pies."
"What in the allah, why are we shrunken?! ALALALALALA!" Said Osama as he wiped pie from his face.
The red headed woman who shot them with the strange gun last night came into the room-this time fully dressed- and looked at them all with an evil smile.
"Glad to see you perverts are awake." She said cheerfully.
"Uh, listen," Said Micheal Jackson. "I don't have a dick and I don't like woman so....how can I be a pervert?...To woman." he finished.
"In that case you can go." She said.
"Really?" Micheal Jackson asked cheerfully.
"Yes." She said, opening up the cage lid and picking him up. "To hell!"
She threw Micheal Jackson at the wall so hard that it left a crack and his smeared blood on it.
"Anyone else want to leave?" She asked.
"ADURRRRR!!@!!@!@!" Said Timmy.
"He's mentally disabled...." Said Chuck Noriss putting a hand to his head.
"Throw him to ze furnace!" Said Hitler.
"Oh just shut up..." Said Barney.
"Nein! Jou shut up!" Said Hitler.
"Nein! Jou!" And Hitler shot Barney in the head with his last bullet.
"Oops Barneys deaddd! shot in the head!" MC Hammer sung.
"That was his last bullet come on!!!" Chuck Noriss said depressed.
"SHUT UP!" Yelled the woman.
"Nein! Jou shut up!" Said Hitler.
"Okay smart mouth. it's time for a torture." She picked Hitler up and placed him between her toes... rubbing him between her pink painted toe nails, but not very softly, her feet smelled of sweat and perfume. Hitler passed out of exhaustion and went to one of his "Ji Vule Ze Vorld!" Dreams.
Hitler threw President Barrack Obama out of the white house window.
"Ji Vule America!!! Blitzkreig! Gutantag! Schnitzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll!!!!!" He said.
Hitler woke up back in the fish tank.
"Vhat a good dream." He mumbled.
"Now that your all quiet..." The woman said. "I'm Jenny or Jen, Jennifer, Jenitalia, Jenski, Jennay, but you can call me Jen... I'm going to destroy all of you perverts... Physically and mentally..."
"Well Timmy is pretty much broken mentally..." Said SpongeBob and he saw that Timmy was in a wheel chair. "Yea and phsyically...waist down."
"This calls for a rap!" Said MC Hammer.
"No, No it does not." Said Chuck Noriss shaking his head.
"My name is....Mc Hammer! I hit with a hammer! Hitler likes Schnitzel! I got a big pistol! We're all shrunken dawwwwwwwwg!!!! And I just shot Osama in the head! Peace to your mother dog."
"But you didn't shoot me in the-" BANG! Mc Hammer wasted his last bullet by shooting Osama in the head.
"The Dirty Eight doesent sound as good as the Dirty Dozen..." Said SpongeBob. "Listen Jen will you let us go?"
"Don't back talk me." She said.
"i'm not." Sponge said.
"You just did!!!" Said the 8 year old brat.
"Shut up your not helping." SpongeBob said.
"SpongeBoy you get the torture of showering with me." Said Jen
"But won't that just let him get a perverted dream?" Asked DoDo.
"ADUR!" Said Timmy.
"Not when he sees what I do to him." Jen stripped down and opened the lid of the cage, picked SpongeBob up and walked to the bathroom.
She turned the shower on.
"Let me gooooo!" Spongebob cryed.
"You have to learn your lesson SpongeBoy."
"It's SpongeBob you stupid whore!" He yelled.
She tightened her grip till he couldnt breathe.
"You better apologize right now you stupid yellow ass!" She snarled.
"i'mm....sorry." He choked.
"Good boy.." She smiled and walked into the shower.
She lowered SpongeBob down to her vagina and shoved him in and out of it getting him wet with her cum and the shower.
"OH YES!" She moaned.
"NO!" SpongeBob cryed.
"OH YEAAAAAAAAH!" Said KoolAidMan as he crashed through the bathroom wall.
He looked at Jen naked.
"Oh...Akwardddddddd......" He stepped out of the giant hole in the wall he made.
"Oh my roast duck is done!" Jen said as she stepped out of the shower.
SpongeBob sobbed over how he can't do anything to stop her from hurting him, his friends, or having her way with him.
She placed him back in the fishtank and walked to the kitchen.
SpongeBob curled into a ball and cryed over and over again. "I'm a goofy goober, I'm a goofy goober, I'm a goofy goober...."
"She must've broke him pretty hard..." Urlak said.
Jennifer came back holding a plate of roast duck.
"Jeffy!" Chuck cryed. "You son of a bitch...I'll kill you!!!" He pounded at the glass wall but it was all in vain he couldnt reach her.
"Hmmm..I do need an appetizer." She picked up Chuck Noriss and lifted him above her open mouth.
"Our leader!" Urlak cried.
"I want my mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Whined the brat.
She swallowed Chuck Noriss alive and he fell into her stomach acids to be burnt alive by stomach acids. He was burned down to the bone by her stomach acids in seconds...
She began to eat the roast duck (Jeffy). Well all of the DD2 Sobbed...
to be continued....
Oh sweet irony.... by SpongeBob
Enjoy the next chapter! :D
"I'm a goofy goober...i'm a goofy goober...i'm a goofy goober..." SpongeBob says over and over again.
Hitler slaps SpongeBob. "Get a hold of jourself SpongeVob! Ve've got vigger problems zan jou getting stuck up ze vagina!"
"What'd you say about viggers and vaginas?" SpongeBob asks.
"Nevermind!" Hitler says.
"ADURRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Timmy yells.
"WHAT DO WE DO WITHOUT A LEADER?!?!?!?!?" Urlak panics.
"Dance!" Mc Hammer says. "HAMMA TIME!" Mc Hammer starts doing the hammer time untill Timmy accidently shoots him in the heart.
"Don't be hatin TimDog...." Are MC Hammers last words.
"Dur?" Timmy wonders what happened.
"Don't worry guys! I'll summon a dragon to save us!" Urlak says.
"Dude shut up your a nerd." Says DoDo.
"Dur!" Timmy says.
"Throw him in ze furnace!" Hitler says.
DoDo throws a pie at Hitler's face.
"Vhat vas zat vor?!?!?" Hitler yells.
Jen comes in.
"What are you guys yelling about now?" She taps her fingers impatiently.
"Hitler keeps talking about cooking retards." The brat tattles.
"Your mother." Urlak responds to Jen-but too quiet for her to hear...thank 'allah'.
"Well I guess we can cook Hitler than!" Jen says happily.
"YAY!" Everyone says.
"Vat?!?!?!" Hitler protests as Jen picks him up and carrys him to the kitchen.
"Ven please don't kill me! Ji have a vorld to vestroy!" He crys.
She places him in a cake pan.
"Vhy am Ji in here?!" He asks.
She pretends not to hear him and fills the pan with cake batter.
"Your gonna be my special ingrediant!" She says. "You better stay under the batter well it cooks, otherwise you'll ruin the cake!"
She places the cake pan in the oven and Hitler feels like hes on fire from the heat. Ding! it's done... She removes the pan and waits for the cake to cool down.
She finds the piece with Hitler on it.
"Hitler, its time to repay the greif you caused the jews" With that, she eats hitler and he joins Chuck Norisses lifeless skeleton, Jeffy's chewed up roasted body, and Hitler is slowly roasted alive too, the cake protecting him. He realizes he's missing an arm and begins to cry.
"Vat did Ji do to veserve zis?" He sobs.
"Die jew die!!!" Hitler says as he whips a jewish boy.
"Hitler quit picking on Bobby just because he's jewish." Says the teacher.
"But he's too diffrent!" Hitler says.
"It's not my problem." Says an American boy.
A japanese kid comes and spills his milk on the American boy on purpose.
The American boy sighs... "Now, it's my problem..."
"Nothing jan ztop me vrom ruining zis movie by zelling ze ending!" Hitler yells in a movie theatre.
"Did Ji really do all of zat?" He asks himself.
Hitler is burnt to a crisp after the cake is burned off too.
The story is nearing the end..... Don't worry, I'll think of a sequel! ;-)
Spoiled rotten to the bone! by SpongeBob
Enjoy this chapter too! :)
"I WANT A BICYCLE I WANT THIS I WANT THAT I WANT EVERYTHING GIVE ME EVERYTHING GIVE ME YOUR SOUL GIVE ME YOUR DICK GIVE ME YOUR HEART I WANT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!" Whines the brat.
"Shut...the...fuck...up...." Says DoDo the clown.
"NO I WANT ICECREAM!!!!"
"ADURRR!" Says Timmy.
"STFU AND GTFO!" Says Urlak.
"STFU and GTFO?" Asks SpongeBob. " 'wtf' does that mean?"
"It means shut the fuck up and get the fuck out." says Urlak.
"You do realize you just said that to a little kid?" Asks SpongeBob.
"Well my dicks as small as that kids so STFU and GTFO SpongeBob!" Says Urlak as he points to the brat.
"We need a plan to get out." SpongeBob says.
"Well Timmy's shrunken helicopter is in the backyard...." Says Urlak. "And you've still got that nuke right?"
"Yep." Says SpongeBob. "It explodes if you say 10 Chuck Noriss jokes."
"CHUCK NORRISS IS SO COOL THAT-" The brat begins but is cut off when Jen picks him up.
"Ohhh aren't you so adorable??" She coos.
"Not really..." SpongeBob says and he lights up a cigarette and smokes to look cool.
"You smoke?" Asks Urlak.
"Nope. Stole it from Patrick. But yes, now I smoke." Says SpongeBob.
"ADUR!" Timmy says.
"HELP ME I WANT A BIKE I WANT ICECREAM I WANT A FAIRY I WANT A VAGINA I WANT MY MOMMY I WANT IT ALLL LSSMDGLKEFJGIOGBNM,DNCBM,XNB,MCVNLDF DJGUIHG!" Says the brat.
"Should we help him?" Asks Urlak.
"Nahhhh He'll be fine..." Says Sponge Bob.
"You sure? He's crying." Says DoDo.
"He always crys." Says SpongeBob.
"He's just a kid." Says Urlak.
"He's still part of this team, he knows what he signed up for." Says SpongeBob.
"No he didn't." Says Urlak. "We told him this was an ice cream testing program..."
"HA! That still cracks me up. Hey Jen can you get us some ice cream?" Sponge asks.
"What are you doing Sponge?" Asks Urlak nervously.
"Saving the kid, i think." Says SpongeBob.
Jen swallows the brat whole.
"Oh well looks like i get tortured for nothing..." SpongeBob shudders.
"I've got a special torture just for saying that SpongeBoy." Says Jen.
"SpongeBob." He says non-chalantly.
She brings him to the bathroom and holds him above the toilet... it's full of shit stains and looks very dirty.
"Your fucking kidding right?" He asks.
"Nope." She says.
She puts spongebob in the toilet and takes a shit on him. it stains all over the toilet.
She doesent flush. She lifts him up and begins to rub him all around on the toilet.
"STOP PLEASE!" He begs.
She doesent respond to his pleading and just keeps washing the toilet with him.
"Now to dispose of you." she tears SpongeBob in half.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Urlak and DoDo sob.
"DURHUR!" Says Timmy not knowing what is happening.
Everyone cries..... SpongeBob is dead... there's no more show for spongebob anymore...it'll have to be....Squidward no pants...or....Patrick fat ass....or...mr krabs jew pants... the world is over!!!!
Both of SpongeBobs halves twitch.
He forms back together.
"HA YOU CANT KILL A SPONGE SILLY DUCKLING!" He gloats.
"grrrr...." She throws him back to his cage.
"Now tell me about the plan to get out of here Urlak..." He grins.
"So...it'll start like this...."
To be continued... the stories almost over :(
Final battle! Turn back and get facked! by SpongeBob
"So the plan is..." SpongeBob recalls what Urlak says."DoDo distracts jen well I say chuck noriss jokes to blow up the nuke, and the nuke would only be big enough to blow up this house. Well you and Timmy run to the helicopter. sounds like it'll work. I'm in."
"Yea, my life sucks already so I'm in." Says DoDo.
"ADURRRRRRHURRUDFM!" Says Timmy and he smashes the fish tank.
Urlak attaches a jet pack to Timmy's wheel chair and they begin blast off.
"Good luck you two!" He says to Sponge and DoDo.
"You too. And don't stay a virgin your whole life okay?" Sponge says.
"Whatever." Urlak replys and they blast off.
"Jen do you like pie?" DoDo asks as Spongebob thinks of Chuck Noriss jokes.
"Yes why?" She asks.
"Choke on this biatch!" He throws pies rapidly at her well avoiding getting stomped on.
"Um.....AHA!" SpongeBob says. "If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Noriss has 5 dollars, Chuck Norriss has more money then you."
"They say that there is no chin under Chuck Norriss' beard...there is only another fist!" He says.
"Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."
"If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death."
"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris"
"The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably."
"Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves."
"There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live."
"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever."
"Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris."
"What the fuck!!!" Jen shrieks.
Theres a nuclear explosion but only blows up the house, Timmy and Urlak just make it out.
"We made it!" Urlak yells with joy.
"Indeed we did." says Timmy as he stands out of his wheel chair and brushes himself off.
"You can talk and walk?!!" Urlak exclaims.
"Of course I can my dearboy..." Timmy grows back to normal size.
"But you lied to us?" Urlak asks.
"Actually I didn't lie. I said ADUR!" Says Timmy.
"Can you grow me back to normal?" Urlak asks.
"Well you see, this was all a test... To see if the DD2 was good enough to be a real team... and as you can see you all failed. the Dirty Ten I would have been fine with. But the Dirty One? I think not.... And the losers or as you would say 'survivors' get punished..." Timmy snaps his fingers and Urlak gets teleported away to a bowl of cereal and milk.
A beautiful blonde haired woman lifts up her spoon and him with it.
"ZOMG WTF STFU GTFO AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He screams.
And Timmy lived happily ever after.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.