They hopped in the car, she told him about all
the fancy features the car had, the truth was that this was not just whatever
random car, she had made sure to buy a car that offered the most for a
convenient price. She always made sure to take decisions carefully, on the
contrary, Nick would´ve bought whatever he liked the most, making sure the car
was fast and powerful. But she chose what was best, a car they could afford and
maintain, the car had to have everything; and also, the pieces shouldn’t be
expensive to replace and it shouldn´t consume much gas, together with other
things she had written down on a list.
Maddy was a very meticulous woman, when it came
to big decisions, she made sure to check on everything. Nick just sat on the
passenger sit, listening how she explained all the things she liked of the car;
he didn´t care much, he was never going to drive it, she wouldn´t allow him at
his size, but he liked the way she was happy. She talked with a big fascination
and a huge smile on her face, she was content now, and that´s all he cared for.
He was just fooling around with the window,
turning it up and down, when he felt Maddy´s hand scratched his head. “I know I
may have been a little too worried Nick, but trust me, I only did it because I
care for you, you know that right?” she said with a resentful tone. Nick just
watched her without saying a word, right now, he needed to hear what she was
going to say.
“It´s just, you know… you´re getting too small,
your head doesn´t even reach my shoulder anymore, it´s just a matter of time
for you to go all the way down to four feet… “ he didn´t like that what she
said was true, he would´ve preferred if she didn´t mention his “condition”.
“I… I can´t take it, I don´t know what´ll
happen if you get hurt… “ she said with a more concerned tone, “I need to take
care of you now Nick, I need to be with you at all times. You can still go to
work, I accept that, but I need to look after you from now on” he wasn´t sure
where she was going with this, he knew that she just wanted to make him
understand that she cared, that´s why she acted that way. But deep down, he was
worried for what she could say, what was she going to do?
“I´m sorry if you don´t like it but, “ she said
as she grabbed the steering wheel “I´m going to be more strict from now on, I
don´t wanna be mean or anything, it´s just that… I was really worried
yesterday, I really thought you were not coming back… “ she said as her eyes
turned a little red and their underside fill with tears. “That´s why, from now
on, you can´t leave the house alone, I´ll drop you at work in this car and I´ll
pick you up after. I´m gonna need you to wait for me inside, I´ll give you a
call when I arrive so that you can come out.”
Nick didn´t like the idea, he was hoping she
trust him enough to know that he´ll be ok if he had to come home on his own,
but apparently, he had lost her trust on him. “B-but, are you like… always?” he
asked.
“Yes honey, always, you won´t leave the
apartment if I´m not with you, that´s the only way I can guarantee you´re safe.
I´m the only one who can look after you properly. And if there´s any need, I´ll
dictate who takes care of you” she said, announcing how things were going to
be.
“Wow wow wow, what do you mean? I´m like, I´m a
grown man you know, I don´t need anyone to take care of me” he said a little
agitated.
She took a deep breath and said firmly: “That´s
not up to you, at least not anymore, I told you, if you want me to forgive you,
if you want this relationship to work, you need to do as I say; and understand
that, I´m the one in charge” she said leaning over him and pointing at herself.
“But, but that´s not fair” he exclaimed, he
disliked all of this, why does she feel the need to diminish him, he had gone
shopping and everything came up find, why would she need to worry?
“What´s not fair, mister” she yelled, “is that
you still think you can do as you please, can´t you see? Don´t you realize that
you´re too small already… and you´re only getting smaller, every day that goes
by, you wake up smaller than the day before, it´s just a matter of time for you
to be completely dependent on someone else” she was hysterical.
“And that´s me, whether you like it or not, I´m
the only one you can turn to, tell me, who else is going to take care of you?”
she asked trying to make him understand.
He had no one in mind, she was the only one he
wanted to be with, she was his everything; he knew it, and was sure that by
now, she also did. But it just wasn´t right, he was going to be like a prisoner
in his own apartment, the only place he could go alone was work and after that,
he´ll need to be with her the whole time. He didn´t dislike the idea, but how
was she going to act from now on? Will she be the same or… was she going to be
all over him the whole time?
There was a risk in this, he was sure she was a
sweet person, but as he shrank, he realized that she was not always so sweet;
now, she was acting as a more severe person, this side of her, was something he
didn´t like at all. He just look straight at her, saying nothing.
“And don´t give me that look… “ she said, “from
now on, your actions will have consequences, and if you don´t like it, well…
too bad.” Those were her last words. After that, they returned to their
apartment, both were pissed at each other, but a part of Nick was worried.
Things had got a little better, but after this,
it wasn´t sure if they were going to make amends so easily. Nick entered the
apartment and locked himself on his room, Maddy noticed and said:
“I´ll give you five minutes, you have five
minutes… after that, if that door´s not open… oh boy, you´ll regret it!” she
was beyond mad right now, he knew it.
Nick was furious, there was no way in the world
he will open the door, but that was before; at his current size, he hated to
admit it, but he was actually scared of what she could do. She had never been
mad for so long before, and what were those consequences she talked about? What
could she do? will she hurt him like, physically? He was unsure about this, but
he didn´t know what else to do, he locked himself because he didn´t want to see
her, at least for a while until things cool down.
She sat on the couch thinking: “who does he
think he is? Can´t he see that this isn´t right, he needs me… besides, I´m not
doing anything wrong, I didn´t say he couldn´t go out, I only said he needed to
be with ME to go out… could that be what bothers him?” she knew what he did was
stupid, he needed to let go of his pride, he wasn´t a full grown man anymore,
he couldn´t be alone the way he used to do.
“God, why do I need to be the bad on here? I
just want to hug him, cuddle with him, just… just… I just want to protect him,
can´t he see it?” she felt as if she was right, but she needed to understand
that this was something new for Nick, he was used to do whatever he felt like
without depending on no one for the past years, now, all his freedom, all his
liberty will be revoked from him.
“A 25-year-old man shouldn’t ask his girlfriend
for permission to go somewhere” he thought sitting on top of the bed. His arms
were crossed over his chest. Then he laid on bed extending all his limbs, he
could feel how their queen size bed was huge, even if he extended his arms all
over, he couldn´t feel the end of it, on either side.
He turned and grabbed his phone from the night
table. “All for this stupid phone, just for not turning the volume up. FUCK!”
he thought, he unlocked it and checked on it, just in case. He was surprised to
find a message from his boss, Miss Williams. He decided to open it, it said:
Miss Williams 10:12:
“Good morning Nick, I hope you´re enjoying your
weekend. I was checking on some papers, but it´s too boring without you here in
the office, maybe I should make you work on Saturdays too, haha, just kidding.
How are you honey? What are you doing?”
It was weird, never before she had texted him
on weekends, actually, she had never texted him at all; she had called him to
ask him about some papers or to let him know pick up some stuff on his way to
work. It was something really odd for her to text just to check on him, in a
way, he felt good. He liked the idea that she cared, at least that´s how he felt
when he read the message.
All of his rage decreased, his frown
disappeared and now he was just looking at his phone with a neutral look. He
stood there for a couple seconds, wondering how to reply to her message. He
knew he needed to calm down before writing anything, if he was still mad, he
could end up transmitting the wrong message. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled,
and started writing.
Nick 10:53:
“Good morning to you too, I´m find, just lying
in bed doing nothing, how about you? Is there a lot of work to do?”
He just sent the message and dropped the phone
next to him, and then.
*BEEP**BEEP* His phone received a text within a
minute, it was Miss Williams again.
Miss Williams 10:54:
“Hello dear, I´m glad you answered. Well, there´s
not that much work actually, maybe I can wrap everything up early and head back
home. How´s Maddy by the way? Is she lying next to you?”
He was starting to calm until she asked for
Maddy, it made him remembered why he was there in the first place, he wondered,
whether to tell her or not about his not so good morning. He had his doubts,
will it be ok? He could´ve just lied about it and tell her she was find, but
she had her number, what´ll happen if she asks her directly? That couldn´t
happen, but what if it does?
His mind was full of paranoic thoughts right
now, could these two women conspire against him? It will be too crazy, but he
decided that it´ll be better if he told her about it, besides, she has been
very supportive to him lately, maybe she can give him some advice.
Nick 10:55:
Well, actually, Maddy and I had a fight this
morning. It all started last night, things cooled down a bit, but now, I´m in
our bedroom and she´s on the living room. I feel bad.”
*BEEP**BEEP*
Miss Williams 10:56:
“Awww, honey. Do you want me to call her to
check?”
He immediately replied
Nick 10:56:
No no no, it´s ok, I can take care of that,
but, do you have any advice?”
Miss Williams 10:58:
“Have you told her how you feel? I don´t know
why you two were fighting, but I assure you that if you open up to her, and
tell her how you feel, she´ll understand.”
He was reading it, when another message
arrived.
Miss Williams 10:58:
“When she called me the other day, I could tell
she cares for you, she really does, you only have to let her know how much you
appreciate that. You don´t know how hard it is to find someone who loves you
the way she does”
“Make sure to let her know you appreciate
everything she does for you. If you need anything else, just give me a call,
ok? Bye bye pumpkin”
That was her last message, and it was true. He
had tried to open himself to her, but he didn´t told Maddy the whole thing.
Deep inside, he had some thoughts, some ideas that terrified him, the real
reason why he didn´t wanted to let go of it and do as she said was that he was
scared that she will no longer see him as a person, as his boyfriend, he loved
her and he didn´t wanted all to change into something bad.
Nick 11:00:
“Thank you, I´ll tell her. I really appreciate
your support, you´re the best”
He sent it. Little he knew that those words,
that could not mean much to him, meant a lot for Miss Williams, just the fact
that he decided to answer her texts made her day; and that he followed her
advice, it filled her with joy; when she read his last message, she had a sweet
warm feeling inside.
*KNOCK!**KNOCK!*
Maddy was standing outside their bedroom, and
by the way she knocked, he could tell she was mad. “Open up, it´s been over
five minutes!” she demanded.
Nick stood up and rushed to the door, thinking
what he´d tell her; he needed to apologize, and do it for good, not just
whatever apology he had already give her, this time, he had to mean it. He had
to let go of all and just focus on what he still had, her. If he decided to
play it as the man he used to be, then there´ll be a possibility of losing her,
for good. If he wanted to have a solid relationship, or at least, have a
working relationship, he needed to find a way to get into a commitment with
her.
He opened the door and crane his neck to look
up to her, he could see she had a huge frown on her face. He just grabbed his
thumb with his other hand as she said: “So! Are you ready to admit I´m right?”
she asked putting her hands on her hips and looming above him.
He just lowered his head and started looking at
the floor, trying to find a way to tell her, let her know he was willing to
follow her, but deep inside, he wanted to keep some dignity; he needed to know
he was able to have some freedom, even if it was not the case. He just wanted
to pretend that an aspect of his life was still normal, that he was still a man
and she´ll respect that.
“What?! You´re not going to talk to me anymore?
That´s how you want things to be from now on, huh?” she was leaning closer to
him, she was about to lose it, if he didn´t answer, then she´ll be forced to
take some actions, maybe some physical ones.
“C-can we talk for a moment?” he said as he
looked back at her and pointed to the bed.
“Sure…” she stated, “but if this is another of
your fake apologies where you get to say whatever I want to hear and then tell
me to fuck off, then I don´t want to hear it” she had a mean look on her face
when she said that, but inside, her heart was filled with pain, she felt like
he was playing some kind of game, only lying to her.
“N-no, this time, I… I want to talk to you,
seriously” he said while he sat on bed, feeling how his heart winced inside his
chest.
And when she sat, he stumbled, being dragged
closer to her. She was now taller and heavier than him, so his small frame was
dragged by the force she applied on bed. He sat straight again and said:
“Maddy, I… I´m going to be completely honest with you… I´m scared… I´m afraid
of what´s happening to me, every night, I go to bed thinking about what´ll
happen tomorrow, my clothes won´t fit, people will stare at me, no one will
take me seriously never again!” he said as his heart quickened. “I need you, I
know, believe me… at the end of the day you´re the only person who will always
cares for me in your own tender way. And I know your intentions are good, that
you´re a pure soul, but… it´s just…” she was looking at him the whole time,
first mad, but then, she started to pay more attention to where he was going
with all this, she had decided that this´ll be his last chance, and no matter
what he chose, she´ll do what´s right.
She let him continue, waiting in silence,
letting him speak his heart out. “I don´t want things to change between us… I
know I screwed up things very often, I know I´m not the man you need… that,
sometimes I´m messy and get distracted… but you´re always there for me, even if
I don´t deserve it, even if no one else will give me another chance, you´re
there.” He said dropping some tears, “I know you´re too good for me… I don´t
know why you´re still with me, you could get someone better, someone that
proves to you he´s the man you need, not a fool like me.” He then grabbed his
hands and set his gaze away from her.
Now, his lip was trembling, and with all his
will, he maintained his composure and told her: “But I promise… I promise that
I´ll change, I´ll become the man you need, the one you deserve… but I can´t do
it if you´re… you´re… I can´t do it if I can´t be an independent person, if I´m
supposed to be with you the whole time, then, I won´t be able to surprise you,
to go by myself and look for something that makes you happy, I will no longer
be able to go out and bring you something you need, I… the only thing I can do
for you, is to surprise you, to go outside and look for a way to bring the joy
back to you when you´re sad, get something to eat when you´re hungry, go get a
present for you just because I know the one that´s getting a gift it´s me,
every day that I´m with you… and if I´m not able to do it, then, there´ll be no
reason for you to stay with a loser like me, because I know I´m not worth a
thing, I´m just, a waste of space, and the more I shrink, the… the less I´ll be
able to… to provide” he broke into tears there, he couldn´t take it, deep
inside, what he feared the most was to become dependent of her, and get her
tired of him.
She just
grabbed his hand and turned at him, with teary eyes, and told him: “I… I won´t
leave you Nick, I don’t care if you can´t go buy some stuff, I don´t care if
you can´t drive our car and buy me flowers or chocolate. The only thing I care
for, it´s you, and only you. I fell in love with you because of who you are,
because you´re honest, spontaneous and I feel happy when I´m with you, when I
see you, that brings joy to me…” she brought him closer to her and hugged him
tight with a single arm, “The only thing I don´t want, the only thing that
scares me, is losing you… so don´t worry for whatever you won´t be able to do,
I´ll do whatever you need, the only thing I want is… you, I want to be with you…
now and always” then she kissed him and embraced him with both arms, squeezing
him tight. He began to cry, pouring tears all over her chest.
He was sobbing over her while she caressed his
back, trying to say: “It´s ok, let it all out”. He pushed back a little and
said: “I… I love you”, “I love you too” she said as she wiped a tear from his
face with her thumb. They stayed there for a while, he knew she won´t leave
him, and she knew that the only reason he so desperately wanted to keep things
as they were, was because he wanted to make her happy.
She knew she needed to find a way to convince
him that, the only thing he needed to do to make her happy was to be himself,
and let her take care; take care of everything, he wouldn´t need to worry about
anything else, she knew there´ll be some changes, but instead of imposing
herself, she´ll persuade him to accept those changes. And the first thing that
may need to change, will be his job; the only thing she was unsure about, was
if he could still work.