Date: August 16 2020 10:25 PM Title: Chapter 1
Couldn't respond on twitter so I'll just post here
First time reading your work (that I'm aware of anyways)
Overall I thought it was pretty good. A bit rambly but its forgivable to an extent because its a self-insert story and all.
Descriptive ability is solid, and I liked the twists you used a lot.
The boyfriend angle felt a bit wasted with the way he died feeling a bit detached, dying with a crowd with little description or note to mark him out
Overall though its good, could use a proofread but that's a small nitpick.
My point is that I'd like to see more, hope you didn't mind a little criticism because overall the story was a nice one and I'd *love* to see more like this, maybe trimmed down a bit on the extraneous thoughts and a bit more description to balance it out.