[Report This]Date: April 26 2022 1:06 AM Title: Day 18: But I Can Feel Everything
Tapped out here. Loved the story up untl this point, a great blend of realism and fantasy, obviously leaning more towards fantasy in the second phase, although that kinda only made it better. Especially the foot stuff. The under-table foot washing, Olivia keeping her brother's face covered under the couch, the mom's socks used for self-discipline. All 10/10 stuff!
Only thing that really dragged the story down for me was the cuckold-y stuff. Up until this point, it wasn't too jarring. The whole 'fucking his best friend' was much too far, imo, made worse by the fact that she recorded it for the specific sake of psychologically tormenting him. All of it felt super out-of-place and killed any interest I have in the second phase which sucks because I was loving it up until this point. Wish that part had been left for phase three and the ultra-sadistic version of Olivia where it would have felt more appropriate.
Sorry if this seems harsh, This review isn't to critique the quality of your writing, which is great so far in this story, but purely an opinion from someone who's been quietly watching this story since the start.
All the best.
Author's Response:
You haven't been quietly watching, I recognize your name! haha
Totally fair opinion to have. And there were a few other people who said the same thing, so idk, maybe it was a lesson I guess. I don't even think the final day in the story gets as crazy as this and the prior chapters were.
But yeah that's OK. I know lots of people like the story because of the more sympathetic relationship compared to most (especially for an R-rated story), so having removed that element I can see why people would be disappointed. I said this in a previous review, but I took version 1 as far as I could think to take it without ruining Olivia's character, and the same for this version. And I'm a big proponent of trying to always build on previous chapters which is why I take things slow. If I started stories off with insertion or full blown foot worship or whatever it might be from the get-go, I'd have nowhere to go but down, you know? I mean I guess that's writing 101 tho, building momentum and stuff.
Anyways yeah, I completely understand, and I appreciate the review nonetheless!
Date: December 25 2021 5:37 AM Title: Day 18: But I Can Feel Everything
I love this story both version 1 and 2. Also, while I feel Reese deserves to be punished a little for messing up her computer. I think that screwing his best friend not only with him in the room but on top of him and then to force him to stay up all night to listen to them do it is too far. I can't wait for the next chapter and can only imagine how mentally damaged and scarred Reese will be and if Olivia will feel any guilt. I also wonder how this will effect his relationship with Jarrone and how he is in school.
Author's Response:
That's totally fair! I'm glad you liked version 1 of this story because that was definitely the one that was meant to be "realistic" haha. But people wanted more, not just more chapters but for stuff to go even further, so that's why that stuff happens. I still try and make things as realistic as I can, aka people having emotions and a splash of common sense, men and women not being constantly horny, etc. But there still has to be a bit of suspension of disbelief.
That being said if there's one thing you can count on with these stories it's that I won't get sadistic with them, although maybe some call this chapter that. but like, nothing evil, no real physical harm; i know some people out there have fucked their siblings' friends before and im sure they didnt get like long lasting PTSD from it, it just hurt them for a few weeks or ruined the friendship (if she had sex with his boyfriend or girlfriend or something then THAT i'd consider pretty cruel. but a gaming friend aint the same lmao)
but yeah, version 1 is the one thats mostly realistic, version 2 is a bit more unrealistic but major "realism aspects" are still kept in check aka she doesnt directly do anything to him sexually and he messed up big time before getting punishments (i never like when someone's given an impossible task in stories and then penalized for not completing it). version 3 will be totally wild tho. like if you think about it, there's no way that a story could go as far as i did (or further, which it definitely will) and still be considered realistic. like i cant get that deep into a fetish while retaining full believability, you know? so yeah, i go as far as i can with the tone of each version and then start anew with the bar being lowered.