Date: March 27 2020 9:22 PM Title: Chapter 4: Poolside Playtime Part 1
Well now that there's 5 chapters i'd like to give my thoughts "Jade"
Positves
Firstly Jade is a character who i'm intrested in.
-Who has she befirended other than Jason and what are they like
-her height(I wouldn't be suprised if I missed this)
-What's here lifw like,hobbies her relation to other people, how she deals with anger, past experiences with people uskng her, what she's going to college for pet-peeves and dislikes.What the hell she see's in Todd(I'll expand on this later)
-It'a nice to see Jessica is still Murder-bitch while Jack has mellowed oyt which the seed was planted for that sonce uptown girk I guess but I di miss him being a prick.
-Chapter had some nice teading moments that I really enjoyed like Jade enjoy dominating Todd. I love that shit.
Negatives
Firstly right of the bat the story right now while it's in it'e infamcy i'm still not enjoying it THAT much, at least not as Escape at this point.
Firstly there is a lack if tension.
What do Imean by this? In Escape Jack's on an Island and wakes up trapped . Jessica teases hom mercilessly and they both firse shot constantly at each other than gets mad and that was amazing to see.
Downtrodden had Alvin become really depressed and feel worthless. Casey was even worried he would off himself.Casey toturing anf managing to instill fear in Wendy was also aweskme to see.
With Jade iyr protags are right now a kinda just fuckong about with bo goal ir purpowe behind the story like stopping terrorists or putting a corrupt stepmom in her place this makes me at least yearn for more.
Next Todd.
While I think Jade is on track to be a snarky, mouthy fomineering slay queen
Her counter-part quite I din't like him. Todd is boring where his predeceseors were intriguing. Jack was a witty,selfish,arrogant dick who had to be humbled while Alvin had his sad feelings and shitty situatikn that made him compelling. Todd has nothing; jade could go on to be amazing bit Todd needs a comeplete overhaul to become anywhere near likeable imo.
Next character dynamic.
First Jde says she loves this fool after meeting him like yesterday and having a dinner. Being a lil attracted to his appearance is fine and realistic but dating?! Tonput this in perspective Casey abd Alvin had roughly half the series b4 the got it on and Jess and Jack' relationship(Wow alot of J's in dis family) was still devlopig in uptown girl because shit like a relationship NEED time and devlopmnet for the characters to even become aquainted.
But the methid you chose here was very rushed,underbaked since these two have no chemistry.
A good fix this would be to have consequences be a result of the two rushing into a relationship. For example they could class and argue alot since they would have bery different backgrounds. Maybe for example Jade could take sometihing for granted since she's prvileged and piss off Todd or have her just intimidate him and use a physicality to win arguements. They should have to work for their relationship.
Thanks for reading this megafuck can't wait ti see more from this man!
P.s sorry about the typos and format ut i'm writing this on my phone and this commentt system is shit so I just want to pust this without accidently losing it all THX.
Author's Response:
What a review. I will address every point to the best of my abilities without spoiling any future chapters.
You are right there is a lack of tension, for now. This is an intended part of it, the lack of obstacles for now. There will be obstacles to the relationship and I like your suggestions, that is all I will say. I willl neither confirm nor deny whether what you have brought up will surface. Jade and Todd have started from a position of strength but it is a position that will be tested.
Todd does seem vanilla and rather plain and he will receive more fleshing out into his life. Right now the focus has been more Jade than Todd so it's only natural he feels undeveloped. He and Jade didn't really rush that fast, it might be 3 chapters in but it's supposed to represent a few months into them meeting. Yes there's a lot of J's in the family, probably a running theme in their family.
As for purpose, it is less direct for now. I know I keep saying for now but that's all I can say. There is a plan for this story and it will slowly unfurl itself across many chapters. There are consequences to them hooking up, both internal and external.
Hope you stick around for the rest of the story!