Date: September 20 2020 9:16 AM Title: Preschooler (Gen VII)
I heard about this story from Franchise Writer, and so took a peek, and this one's title stood out to me the most.
The good: You did a great job of keeping her innocent, despite her actions. The thoughts and feeling she had throughout were believable for her age, especially her reaction to being told that "they'll enjoy becoming her poop". That whole bit, where she's excited to eat them, but it seems like she just means being treated to a lunch at a restaurant, all of that, the dramatic irony was fantastic.
The room for improvement: It was a bit short, it ended up feeling the build-up was half the story. A big place that could have used much more description was the initial shrinking. Explaining the sight from both character's POVs southaven added a lot, how she went from reaching his thigh to towering over him, now barely reaching her ankle. A bit of description of one of the guards trying to escape, or the guards urging the CEO to escape while they "fend her off" would have been good display of the futility and humiliation it brought, while further hammering home her innocence, maybe with a panty shot that she didn't notice or care showing.
Speaking of, description. We got very little for her description, would have been really good for when they first shrank.
Finally, not to sound rude, but don't use slashes. Choose a descriptor and stick with it. But that's nitpicking.
The hope for future characters: I saw someone ask about more preschoolers of other gens, I'd put a vote there, in addition to twins, especially gen 5, and tubers. Fairy tale girls too. I'm not into too hard of sadism or snuff myself, but so long as they're innocent like this girl (bratty, bossy, demanding, etc are all fine though, so long as she is innocent) then I'll most likely love it. Am willing to expound on ideas for interactions if interested.
Best of luck with new additions!
Thank you for the review, I'm really glad you liked it and thank you for the helpful critiques!
Looking back on it now I also feel this chapter was lacking particularly in comparison to other things I've written and I think I discovered why, I was impatient. This was the last thing I wrote before writing my love letter to Gorgon from Fate/Grand Order and I wanted to get to work on it as fast as possible. That story took almost a month to write and I can see now that effort that I should have spared for this story was directed towards Gorgon instead. Gen VII Preschooler deserved better, but when I get around to Eevee Pokékid from Gen VIII I promise to not make the same mistake.
Date: February 25 2020 6:49 PM Title: Introduction.
Didn't notice that it's scrolling now. I'm happy that there is yet another addition of fun with the Pokemon themselves. The Dawn chapter feels a little unintersting, but it may just be because I'm not a fan of foot stuff.
With the previous question about gentle stuff, now I'm curious if there might be women who actually go out, defeat male trainers, and keep them in their home to protect them. Like they wish they didn't have to do it, but the only other choice is to risk them getting beat by some girl who would treat them badly. So she's protecting them the only way she knows how, by making them her property.
Not a bad idea, but that might be harder to pull off with what I have planned in the future. Although, I could picture certain individuals doing this. ;)
Date: February 07 2020 7:01 PM Title: Rylee [Lucario]
A few chapter ideas would be. Valerie the Fairy gym leader from X and Y since she had a doll house gym. Sabrina is always good low hanging fruit. Besides gym leaders maybe a jelous girl shrinks a boy or two and just leaves them to fend for themselves in a forest. Or if a tiny got sent back in time by Celebi before the whole shrinking thing occured and either is the reason that this starts or just what happens if someone finds him when it is not a normal thing yet.
I like the Celebi idea, very creative.
Date: February 04 2020 4:10 PM Title: Introduction.
this is really good and i am, intrested if you can make a full blown story out of this or build more on the lore. i am incredibably intrested and i am enjoying this alot. i really feel bad for the young male trainers tho :(
I plan on exploring more of the lore as I go since I find this setting and the implications of the laws and tech interesting.
It is a little unfortunate for the male trainers, but that is the point of the setting.
Date: January 28 2020 10:47 AM Title: Introduction.
Oh I forgot to ask in my review.
Can I request a gentle phermosa chapter? Where the 21 year old guy gets beaten and shrunk to 4 inches but then gets saved by phermosa who takes him and is gentle and loving to him? Maybe ending in some cuddling?
I'm not opposed to the idea, I just don't know that much about Pheromosa (never actually got around to catching her in Moon lol). It might take some time.
Date: January 28 2020 10:30 AM Title: Introduction.
Where the pokemon arent the monsters and they are the kind and gentle ones.
Whereas the women are the monsters who are cruel and will kill any guy for no reason....
Hoping for some more gentle chapters.
The Pokémon's behavior is more a reflection of their trainers, like Maylene's Medicham who loves playing with and ultimately killing shrunken trainers. But yeah, have more gentle chapters is something I plan on incorporating in the future.
Date: December 24 2019 10:10 AM Title: Introduction.
Even in a fansty universe such as this society would be breaking down. Males would be gone knowing anyone could treat them like disposable tissue. Though the police (corrupt as they are) currently back the "new order". Men who do the dirty jobs that keep the garbage from pilling up, the water clean and sewage from backing up, transport the food and medicine would of long gone (most having hunting and at least some survivial skills).
It's great fun shrinking and killing folks until it starts to effect you. I am sure your 'elite' won't be feeling it yet, but all classes upper middle class and down should be. That back up sink, the bluebarries no longer availaible in the stores. The majority of women who 'human' worried about thier family members. When is someone going to write about that.
It's not going to get any better either as most women will not do the jobs required that the men have left, and sure you can hand wave it away, since that's what you have been doing the whole time. Not really surpised it's one-deminsional, having anything interfer with the cruelity and vore would actaully make it a story...
I was tempted not to respond to this given the denigrating tone of your statements, and the general lack of understanding of what fantasy is, let alone the universe this fantasy is set in. However, if this is your honest opinion and not just strewn together paragraphs of criticism, allow me to go into this conversation with you myself.
The purpose of this story is meant for enjoyment and escapism. It's not meant to shine lights on the world as a whole, only angles of aspects that go on within it. No story will go over every element of a universe, no matter how detailed an author may try to make it. It's up to the reader to fill in these blanks, which is what you have done. That said, you chose to try and imagine the aspects the story isn't trying to center itself around. That's alright in its own way, but being angered at the writer over not going into what you specifically want is both unfair and unwarranted.
I could do the same as you have and fill in the gaps of the society with missing males, and not draw the same conclusions you have. Keeping garbage off the streets and sewage? Feed it to Garbodor and Muk. They enjoy eating it. Clean water? Many pokemon entries have water types that do just that with lakes and rivers. There's no issue there. Transportation? They've invented a way to splice human DNA and change the shape of matter. Working on the internal components of an engine would be comparable to building lego blocks at that point. Not to mention the fact people RIDE, pokemon even when they have planes, cars, and boats. Picking berries? Now that's just ludicrous. Ten-year-olds do that all the time. If you built an industry around it, you'd be shocked to see how many grass type pokemon would excel at minute tasks like this, and probably improve it better then humans ever could.
All and all, you calling the story one dimensional is subjective to how you perceive it. This type of setting isn't for everyone, that's clear given how you feel. The only thing I can recommend is looking somewhere else if this story doesn't suit your needs. A lot of things go into series such as this, and if you can't appreciate them, then, by all means, click the little arrow in the top left corner of your screen.
Sincerely, F.W ^,^
Date: December 11 2019 9:12 PM Title: Introduction.
So how have u guys enjoyed sword/shield?
It's been pretty fun so far. There's also been a lot of fun concepts and idea's that have popped up as well throughout the playthrough. You can expect some Galar girl's making an appearance soon enough. ^,^
Date: November 21 2019 8:23 PM Title: Introduction.
Let me start off by saying that I made an account just to give a review for this story. I love cruel, "new world order" domination themes and I love giantess Pokegals! I look forward to every new chapter for this story.
As for possible suggestions to be frank I am foot guy myself and I would love to see more scenarios with feet, humiliation, and in-shoe stuff. If I could pick a girl in particular for this I would love to see Misty, Marnie, Lana, Lusamine, Serena or Olivia. In fact i tried to link to a couple images for ideas I would want to see but I was unable to post the links in the text. What I will say is look at the picture, "Luzamines Collection" by preesoul on Deviant art. That is the kind of scenario I would really love to see in this story.
Anyways thank you for all your hard work and writing and I can't wait to see what you all come up with next!
Thank you for the review Straw Hat. Love the name btw. ^,^
I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I think some feet chapters can be arranged. I have something in mind actually already. As for more chapters with the character's you mentioned. Let's see what we can do. :)
I could also imagine Lusamine collecting trainer's she think's are cute as her collection grows.
Date: November 19 2019 10:12 PM Title: Introduction.
I love this story. And it was a great chapter. Love when there's interaction between little girls and shrinkies, and althought I not exactly a fan of vore, prefering a gentler, if slighty dominant sexual interaction, your stories made it interesting despite not all of them being whithing my taste.
Well, here are some ideas I would like to see for future chapters, know that you will be playing Sword/shield (hope you anjoy it), but still, can't wait to see more of them:
A continuation of the Hex Maniac one: Love the charater, and the hide was simply the best.
Lana's sisters: They have been mentioned a lot, there's gotta be a chapter of them "playing"
Lillie story: A continuation of the lusamine/lillie one, with Lillie now being more willing participant, while still trying to be on the gentler side
Lana: She playing with some little ptes she keeps from her sisters.
Preschooler: More of this, maybe having some naughty play, ending with them "breaking" her toy.
Anyway, no matter what you decide to make, hope to see more of your work.
Thanks! I'm glad you were able to enjoy the chapter despite the vore aspect not being to your liking.
I'd love to play more SwSh right now, but with the risk of it bricking my Switch Lite (which I bought specifically to play SwSh) I'm holding off until the matter at least gets addressed.
For the story ideas, in order:
FW did leave a 'to be continued' at the end of the chapter, so maybe we'll get to see one. (Lowkey, I hope so sign HM is my favorite generic trainer class)
Lana's sisters would make for a good chapter likely
Again, I'll leave any potential Lillie sequels to FW
As one of my more favorite Alola girls, Lana is a temping subject for a chapter
While I didn't initially think I'd write another chapter with the Preschooler, I wasn't expecting it to be so popular! While I might no write another with the Gen VII Preschooler, Gen V, VI and Pokémon Masters all have cute little playful giantesses waiting for some shrunken men to play with :)
Date: November 18 2019 8:48 PM Title: Preschooler (Gen VII)
..........was this a request or did one of u come up with the idea yourselves?
While it is my own original idea, the thought process behind getting to it is pretty complicated. To skip a lot of the details, I wanted to put someone through a thoroughly humiliating loss, which developed into an older, successful business man losing and getting eaten casually by a naive little girl, which preshoolers are the youngest trainer class in the games that use Pokémon. The bodyguards were added as a natural extention of the older man's position.
Date: November 18 2019 1:20 AM Title: Introduction.
I really like what you're doing here! Considering I enjoy both the games and the fetish, this really is just a match made in heaven, haha.
It's just my personal tastes, perhaps, but I'd love to see a story where someone eats a tiny opponent while also introducing a stink component (vore/mouth play with bad breath, basically). I'm not sure what girl that would fit- Mallow comes to mind first, though a continuation of that Shauntal chapter would also work, especially after the armpit focus and his fear of vore in the last chapter.
Love your work and hope to see more of it!
Glad to hear you're enjoying the stories! I was the same way and thankfully FW agreed to let me join in.
Bad breath isn't something I've covered before but might think about in the future. I left Shauntal's story open ended so I could continue with her, she'd definitely have to let 'Chattle' experience vore scenarios eventually, so it is something to consider.
Date: November 17 2019 5:24 PM Title: Introduction.
I see. I wanted sword but I have it to my friend and kept shield. Though it was hard to do bea is top tier quality and who wouldn’t want Sir fetch
Tough break on Sword, but Shield has Melony at least :)
I'd like to do a chapter focusing on Maylene in the future and possibly have Bea be visiting her or something lol I'm not much of a foot guy, but to cute and sexy, barefoot girls working up a sweat is a really attractive idea!
Date: November 16 2019 6:41 PM Title: Scientist (Gen V) II
So Pokémon sword and shield r out have u guys been enjoying the game?
Beause of reasons, I only just started today and even then I haven't done anything yet lol
I'm excited to play though, went with Sword because I want to write a story with Bea :)
Date: November 06 2019 10:41 PM Title: Shauntal
Being honest I forgot this cheracter existences has to look her up to see what she looked like lol
Yeah, she the only one of the elite four that doesn't show up in the anime for Unova too. It's a shame, I thinks she's super cute. Hopefully this story got you interested in her :)
Date: October 31 2019 5:05 PM Title: Olivia
Wow wish I could of gotten to this soon got ALOT to say first off this maybe the best chapter yet from a non fetish POV the combat was pretty clean and I thin u could be real good writing Pokémon original fanfics
Next the ring thing got me thinking about how girls could cheat in Pokémon battles have a few boys/jewelry that know high damage moves like bast burn, hyper beam, frenzy plant all the benefits non of the drawback since their Pokémon would not be using them......thin I though of something
A move called attract. With it female trainer could bend other female trainer to their will. Creating their own harems.
Maybe it’s cuz I been watching the anime recently but Olivia made me think of Brock. Dude must be in paradise right now since he was always such a ladies man (I’ll hold off on what my opinions of what that should be as I am sure u got a plate full of idea and I already asked for 2 as is
Finally that to u I been having dreams of different Pokémon related scenarios now my personal favorite is Red came back battles Cynthia in a nail bitter of a battle and wins. It’s broadcasted live and all the male trainers r overjoyed that things r gonna go back to normal so hundreds of thousands sign up to be trainers...then they find out red just wants the prize money and is letting Cynthia keep her title. Hopes r dashed and when the broadcast is over turns out red as the 1st shrinking victim. Cynthia knee jerk was the greatest obstacle in her plan and removed it. Keeping him as a trophy she just undid his shrink to put on a show to fix the male trainer shortage issues her new empire was experiencing.
....man what does this say about me for having a dream like this?
Thanks for the detailed review, I'm happy you enjoyed the story!
I'm a pretty big Pokémon fan, and I had a lot of fun writing the battle in this one. I've thought about writing Pokémon fanfics, but don't have the time to do that and write stories like this, and in the immortal words of CinemaSin 'The power of boners is stronger'.
I never considered using the trainer jewelry like that actually. Beyond making them into accessories, I was thinking of letting them use moves like Flash for utility purposes lol Interesting idea.
Oh, I have plans for Pokémon's infatuation mechanics :)
As for the named male characters. FW seems to have something going on in the background with some/most of them and I don't want to ask and be spoiled on it so while I have the ok to use named male character, when I do I'll likely use supporting characters rather than mainish characters.
Also, there's nothing wrong with a dream like that. It's your dream, have fun with it!
Date: October 29 2019 12:09 PM Title: Olivia
This chapter was really nice. Rylee's affection for her trainer was really cute. I also like the idea that men have to rely on women for protection. I didn't see a "to be continued" at the end of this one, are you gonna continued this one cause I like the smutty and dirty stuff you put in these chapters but I love the more gentle stories you write here. I don't know I think it would be a shame that we wouldn't get to see more of Rylee.
Glad you liked it, it was really fun to write.
At first I was thinking that this would just be a one shot story, but after writing and posting it I now want to write a follow-up with Rylee as the focus lol
Right now it's no more than an idea, but if I can think of something more for it I totally will.