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Reviewer: Foxinbox Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: February 22 2019 1:10 PM Title: Chapter 13: Cherry Picking

Definetly going be keeping an eye out for your next work if its as wonderfull as this and your other works. That goes doubly so if its a continuation of this story.

Reviewer: dood07 Signed [Report This]
Date: February 18 2019 2:56 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

What. The. Fuck.

 

I mean, what the fuck was going on with this story ? Why the fuck was I so much into it ? This was so... Perverted ? I started reading it last week, and I've been so preoccupied since then. It was so violent at first, really not the type of writting I'm usually looking for. But something kept me wanting for more, like I identified somehow with Rembrant's pains and feelings. And I wanted to know what would happen to that boy. And without seeing it coming, I got through the entirety of the story, having to stop only two chapters before the end (they weren't posted then). I was thinking about it several times per day, and finally the last two chapters came out. They were in the spirit of the story : violent and cute. They were intriguing. The last one was a bliss, literaly. I must admit that I didn't like "the end" that much, although it must be better this way. Of course Rembrandt can't choose for now. Of course he's still in love with that rich bitch. But... Come on. What is she comparing to Crystal ? I love her. How could I not ? She's a tricky character, it seemed like she was just some fucker bitch at the beginning, but she came out to be more complicated than that. It was as if we learned more and more of her story as she gradually opened up to Rembrandt. She's been acting so lovely in the last chapter. Gentle genuine laugh ? Saving her brother from their own abusive father and dismissing it so casually ? Dominant, insecure, rough, caring ? Fucking Rembrandt ? That was definitely a turn on. I love this girl. She makes me think of my girlfriend (even if she's smaller with no dick, of course). Now that I'm thinking about it... I'm wondering if that story didn't come out to be my subjugation as well. Like... I was somehow hesitant to try that kind of sex with her, but now I'm feeling like I'm ready somehow. She's been impliciting it some times now, and I'm really starting to think that it could be great. I've only been waiting to be ready, really. That little guy and that giant fucker somehow guided me through that, I now feel a bit dumb to not have seen it at first with my fiancee. But it feels weird to come out as a... Sub, sometimes, isn't it ? A

 

Anyway. Thank you for that.

 

I loved your perversions.

Reviewer: Babulbi Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: February 17 2019 3:59 PM Title: Chapter 13: Cherry Picking

Loved it from beginning to end. I'll look forward to seeing more of the characters in the future.

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: February 15 2019 3:09 PM Title: Chapter 12: Virgin Lost

Oh God... it's the future ! Someone fucked up and added some extra-spice to the MAJORS and some girls ended with dick! Damn it!

I hope it's not the Matthewson Foundation's doing. But then again, with how much Shannon love having an anal on ALejandro, I could see her pushing for women being able to grow a penis...

By the way, if you ever want to use any of them, I have some names already set for Shannon and 'Rando's children. Grand-children and all the rest are fair games, so run wild if you feel like it :) !



Author's Response:

The future???...You're imagining things. I haven't typed "MAJOR" once. "Matthewson" is a very common name. There's no one we know with the initials I.I.! Any similarities you've observed are just because I'm uncreative. 

Reviewer: SHRUNK LIFE Signed [Report This]
Date: February 15 2019 2:25 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

It’s really Gripping and I like it alot! Not a lot of futanari stuff and I’ve finally found it! Just an advice if you could get some rude cruel behavior by the Girls cuz I really like it!

Author's Response:

Glad you like it so far. There might be a bit of cruelty coming but this story's almost over so probably not much before the end. I hope that's okay. 

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: February 09 2019 12:54 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

Damn it!

Can't a small prey enjoy one, ONE, movie ? 

Anyway... Another excellent chapter. What interest me the most is that apparently, Futanaris are a rather novel thing in this world. I wonder then who will end with Rembrandt. I can't see a trio ending with them, but it'll be a funny ride anyway.

Please, keep going !

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: February 05 2019 1:25 AM Title: Chapter 10: The Prize

I think the formatting went arwy in this chapter, making it a little hard to follow. Overall though, it was enjoyable enough. The following line was curious:

“And I’m not letting you die because you’re stubborn!” She snapped back. “It’s the law!”

What's the law? Will this be explained? How could he die? So many questions!



Author's Response:

I'll look into trying to refine it a little. The law refers specifically to the car seat in Velvette's Jaguar. Velvette like most people in this world is around ten feet tall. The car she drives is literally too big for Rembrandt to ride in safely. Technically it's not (he's barely tall enough) but she likes arguing with him about it as another way of babying and humiliating him. I'll clarify that better too.

Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: combine45 Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: January 28 2019 11:40 PM Title: Chapter 9: Lingering Feelings

Well this is really getting interesting, the way you build up Rachielle I was really expecting her to be unlikable and abusive but it seems at least she's attempting to turn over a new leaf for the sake of winning Rembrant's heart. She certainly seemed to do it through any method though. I like the way you've portarayed 3 different characters so far who all want to fuck Rembrant but go about it in 3 totally different ways. Jericho was a simple rapist, Crystal has a more gentle nurturing approach despite her delinquent personality but gets him to give head regardless, and Rachielle wants to totally own every aspect of him. 

Rachielles world of wealth comfort and protection is one it would be difficult for anyone not to get entranced by. Which I think shows Rembrant's greatest strength is his willpower not to give up his individuality and not give up his anal virginity. Despite the glorious sex in this story the actual romance and intrigue has been a suprisingly fun ride. Also I'm not usually into Futa/m but he's basically a trap so it kinda works for me on a new level lol.

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 27 2019 12:26 PM Title: Chapter 9: Lingering Feelings

I wasn't sure before, but now I know !

This story takes place in the Dark Multiverse, only it was Izzellah who peered at the dark and ended created this world of nightmares for Minors. There is no escape from the Cockpocalypse !

More seriously, poor Rembrandt can't see to catch a break. He's either the street urchin bad girl or the welthy and corrupt heiress pining for his ass, litteraly, and not one friend to help him.

Will he manage to preserve his anal virginity through the end, or will he be wooed by Crystal's impressive skills in Dick Fencing ? 



Author's Response:

Very interesting theory even if explained a little ridiculously! "Cockocalpyse" "Dick Fencing"! Yeah that's how this is gonna end! With dick fencing! 

Actually I'm pretty sure Jericho has the key to Rembrandt's heart and places beyond! 

Reviewer: Foxinbox Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 26 2019 9:24 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

Im really loving the story so far. I even kind of like Rachielle if only she wasnt such an ass hole, any way keep up the good work, I look forward to where this story goes with the next chapter.



Author's Response:

Stories still trucking along! We're into the main course now. Thanks for the comment.

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 17 2019 1:39 PM Title: Chapter 6: Reunion

Another awesome chapter. Rembrandt's mother is totally crazy, but I like it. I also like how she's literally a bitch to Crystal and yet love her son enough for her to be okay with biker-girl and him being together.

Concernign Rachielle, I wonder who is taller and stronger between her and Crystal. Clearly, Rachielle come from a lot of money, so I would suspect her to be smaller than Crystal and less brutal.

But on the other hand, she terrify Rembrandt more than anything else, so either she's small but incredibly volatile, or she's actually as tall (or taller) and big (or bigger) below the waist than Crystal, so Rembrandt fear would be all the more logical then. 

I can't wait for the two futa to meet, really !



Author's Response:

Rembrandt's mom is a little unhinged. I wonder what role she has to play in this?

 I guess I haven't answered who's taller and bigger yet. Hopefully you can at least figure out why Rembrandt is so scared of Rachielle by this point.

Reviewer: twitch99 Signed [Report This]
Date: January 15 2019 11:49 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

Thanks for keeping this one going.  I am not a writer, so no great critique from me.  I am really enjoying the storyline, characters and overall feel to this.

Hope Rachielle shows up and Crystal kicks her ass!!  While Crystal may not be the most caring person, I think she is actually starting to care for and about Remy.

Looking forward to more chapters. 



Author's Response:

Thanks for commenting. I'm sure when Rachielle shows up someone's ass will be on the line! Haha! 

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 09 2019 10:26 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

A NotSIrk unleashed and I hadn't even noticed it! Shame on me! 

You should have PMed me on DeviantArt man ! 

I really like the relationship between the protagonist (Remmy), the obstacle (Jericho), the antagonist (Crystal) and the antogonister (it's a word now ! - Rachielle). 

I hope than when Crystal and Remmy's former "owner" fill meet, someone will pop in to utter a "Let them fight" as Remmy goes all worried !



Author's Response:

Hah! My bad! I'll be sure to message you next time! 

Reviewer: prophetofgreed Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 06 2019 8:07 AM Title: Chapter 3: Hard to Swallow

Another great chapter. Liking the growing dynamic between Remy and Crystal as the story continues. 

 

Great work!



Author's Response:

THANK YOU!

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: January 05 2019 5:15 PM Title: Chapter 3: Hard to Swallow

Junie appearance is never described (as far as I know) which was a bit frustrating. Overall it was a nice chaptewr to read, even with the various time skips. Now, when Rembrandt says:

“You wouldn’t be the first.”

Is that a hint at family issues?

Here:

Than it was forced

I think you mean “then” not “than”. You would use “than” in a statement such as:

“I want more than that.”

“Then” is normally used to describe something in sequence.

Here:

“She’d went topless today.”

It may be better to simply state that she wasn’t wearing underwear/bra because topless implies (at least to me) she’s not wearing any clothes above her waist.

Here this sentence seems unfinished:

“...side of Rembrandt’s face with her fingers and then nuzzled his cheek with her.”

With her what exactly?



Author's Response:

Thanks for the edits. I rarely find the time to actually go back and do that (laziness) but since you took the time I will! 

Junie has been described. In the first chapter actually I just didn't give a name till now. She's the girl that stares at Remy whenever he's waiting by the locker. She has thick glasses and long black hair. Crystal owed her money but she forgave it so Crystal can save for a purchase. In exchange Crystal let Junie watch Remy give her a blowjob! Because they're friends!

Rembrandt has some sort of troubles going on. Seems like he's avoiding people and lives by himsel.f There's probably a story there.

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: January 05 2019 4:48 PM Title: Chapter 2: Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Well that was interesting and a mix of emotions. I think there may have been a story similar to this years ago. "Don't Talk To Danielle" I believe it was called. I don’t wish to insinuate that you are copying that story; if you did see the incomplete story and thought to yourself: “I can think I can do a better job”, then great! My own qualm with this chapter would be that I tend not to like time skips. Perhaps there is a better way to link two or more scenes than jumping abruptly between them.



Author's Response:

Never heard of don't talk to Danielle but I'll look it up and give it a read. 

The time skip thing is a bigger issue for me. I used to write every little moment of my stories but I learned it's sometimes best to break that if nothing interesting happens so I skip stuff I find irrelevant. Like do you really care how Rembarndt's doing in his math class? Those kinda questions weigh on me in balancing that. I'll to find it.

Reviewer: hadumba Signed [Report This]
Date: January 04 2019 7:15 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

 

Hi, just saw your new update and wanted to drop by and say some stuff.

Most of my favorite writers are gone and now we are stuck with you, which, still a good thing that you upload some decent quality stories. As I search some believability in strories and this perticular fetish is making most of the stories such a challenge. Hence there are such a small group of people writing what I enjoy about a story with believability, even if it's such an imposible fetish to exist in real world, consistency of the rules you build your world around, relatability of the characters even if they dont have human standards and of course good word forging helps alot. Don't downgrade your writing with simplified versions of your sentences, I'm not saying this because of this story but another author started his new story with his standard quality sentences and some person said its too confusing to read who is talking so place the name of the character speaking infront of the paragraph, now I have hard time reading it not because its too confusing but story simply feels ugly.

Sorry for the rambling.

Now you gave us some informa- no you just throw us some information to chew while you're writing the next chapter (I hope you keep this one alive for some time). Having little information can be a good thing while you reveal new things in chapters to come but having a main character too oblivious (even if you have reasons) puts him in a non-desirable position, he seems clueless to events going on around him even if the is living in this world for some years. He knows about school bullies but not their ambition which this girl explains later.

You said this story isnt in your confort zone so you used your previous work's template (a clueless school student explores new stuff), while I dont mind it much its better to explore new teplatates and dont get this as a bashing I just dont want you to get too repetitive (still we are in the second chapter it may be too early to make assumptions).

I also want to address the descriptions, you brutally showed us this girl is alot stronger than our MC and he is somewhat puny. After that you dont give much description. After rereading some I realised that you give much more description about the jock and nothing about the girl after their first encounter and I honestly forget about the scar or the body shape in general. What I mean is you can try subtile descriptions, like when she carried him how wind passes him realise the speed of the movement or how gracefull she was or how he get a feel of her while they are so close proximity. I know you mentioned she was athletic and we can deduce some of them but it still adds to the description or reminds us and make a lasting impression (still it is better to not to bore the reader with too much description like some authors).

Lastly this is a futa story and I still dont know why penis size is a rule of thumb on this fetish but if you combine this two in particular that is some "monster" on her and I hope you dont break the immersion of this story or the MC in half with that.

 

P.S: You may think some of the stuff writen above is obvious to you but I wrote those for any one to read and understand where all this coming from. Also futa is my one of my numbered fetishes which I have hard time understanding in itself, what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU for writing this one and hope you go somewhere with all these.



Author's Response:

Well thanks for all the feedback! I'm not sure what to answer first. Well....

Descriptions are one thing I'm trying to work on and that's part of the reason I'm even writing this story. In my opinion, good literary erotica (porn) needs great detail to be enticing. So I'm trying.

Jericho's been described more in my mind anyway, because he's had a...well I won't call it a sex scene, but the general intent is the same. Crystal hasn't gotten that far with Remmy yet, but it's coming. She'll have her turn. I also scribbled down a bad drawing I'll be posting with the next update.

I know the school settings kind of cliche but that's not the real focus for this one. It's more a place for characters to interact than anything else, but you're right that it to mention it. I'll take that feedback.

Also know I  won't be making some like 10 foot long dongzilla! Haha. There is an element of fantasy to this just based on the size difference but I am taking measure not to give exact number for stuff like that and let the reader fill in the blanks.

Don't worry I'll be writing more of this story! At least enough for the main two to get together otherwise what was the point of this?

Thanks for the comment and feedback

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: January 02 2019 5:12 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

That was quick. I'll take a look at the new chapter tomorrow when I have more time to review. Do you have any reference images for the main characters? They could be a real help. Or rather I'm just curious to know.



Author's Response:

Don't really have a reference photo. It's all from my imagination. The best I could do in that regard is draw up something, which I might do before I post the next chapter whenever that happens. I can understand that some people like a firm idea of the characters for content like this. 

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: January 01 2019 4:21 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

There's some nice plot development. Not often do people make an effort with that. I understand this is a fetihs story, but it's good to know some thought has been put into it.

 

I'm not really sure what else I can say. I hope I can help you out of your comfort zone. I hope the next installment isn't too far into the future.



Author's Response:

Thanks for the support. Lucky for you I just added a new chapter right now so you didn't have to wait long. 

Reviewer: Tehleris Signed [Report This]
Date: January 01 2019 9:13 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

A promising start, looking forward to what deviancy can come of this!



Author's Response:

Yes...deviancy. Well here's hoping I don't let you down. 

Thanks for the comment. 

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