Date: June 11 2020 9:57 PM Title: Chapter 1 The shoe
You really need to drag this out more and add more detail and pacing, what if the boy had been working a paper route and imagining his mother as a giantess, crushing the suburbs with her giant heels? What if he passed out masturbating into her new shoes? Why would her shoes fit a bunch of teenagers? What if his mother turned into a teen? I''m going to try a story about a giant woman crushing the paper and her paperboy now.
Date: January 26 2008 2:02 PM Title: Chapter 1 The shoe
Oi! That was hard to read. I liked the concept, but the story needs alot of help. As the other person wrote, you don't have to be good, but you have to know what you're writing. I hope you'll take this as a constructive criticism as it could be great if you worked on writing it a little better.
[Report This]Date: October 06 2007 12:34 PM Title: Chapter 1 The shoe
what...
Date: October 06 2007 12:37 AM Title: Chapter 1 The shoe
This is just disturbing... and not at all believable.