Date: February 20 2019 10:26 AM Title: Chapter One
@DarkStarGoddess I mean. This is primarily kink/fetish website, period. If you come here looking for other types of content, that's on you. If by "younger people," you mean minors, they shouldn't be here. This website has blatantly pedophilic rape porn stories. While I realize minors are gonna come on here anyway because that's what they do, a site with content like this shouldn't be made out to be anything other than what it is: a fetish site.
Date: February 14 2019 4:19 AM Title: Chapter One
I really wish this website had better communication features, it would be interesting to discuss writing with some of the reviewers here, but the medium does not make for stimulating discussion or civilized conversation, the medium of these reviews makes comments seem more bold and confrontational than they probably are. I say this because I am not calling anyone out with this review, I am just thinking out loud because it is late and I am having trouble sleeping.
One comment I want to make is on what Saf has said; the author having a specific kink does not mean they are immune to bad writing. I would not say it is bad art since art is very subjective and personal to the creator, but writing prose generally has rules and general guidelines to follow in order to achieve maximum effectiveness. You can't say breaking the rules is not breaking the rules because it makes your peepee hard.
But contrivance, when used to such a massive degree as it is done in this story is a writing flaw, and it is not one you can fault readers for being annoyed at.
I see down below the author and Ghostwriter talked about how Plot Armor (contrivance) is mandated for a story like this, and I wholeheartedly disagree: having to fall back on contrivance means that the story has not been fleshed out enough to allow for a better reasoning for the events happening, or the author lacks the writing skills to pull off the idea. It is a lazy writing tool; now, a little here and there might not be so bad, as the author claims, but saying a little is used in this story is flat out false, it is used heavily in this story, more than many I have seen.
Contrivance basically punishes the reader for caring about the story. It creates unsatisfying payoffs, and when used repeatedly it makes the reader feel like they are wasting their time. Of course, if the contrivances make for better jerk off material it can be ignored by those jerking off to it, but that does not mean it is still a storytelling flaw.
That leads me into my second point on Saf's comment, I do not think it is entirely fair to say that people can not judge a story because it might be used as jerk off material for some. I do not believe that a story being posted to this website inherently makes it sexual, and there are a number of younger readers who come here, as well as readers who come here because they enjoy sized themed fiction despite not having sexual interest, such as myself as an asexual female. I and others like me are as much a part of this website as anyone else, as much as the GTS community is designed to serve hetero male fantasies, but that is not an argument for now.
Now I am not saying the story is bad or anyone who likes it is bad or the author is bad with this comment, but it is incorrect to say that using contrivance in this way is not bad writing.
Another comment I want to make, and this one is more addressed at the author, is about how the audience perceives Mel: you do not show her as cute. Like, at all. You directly TELL us she is cute, but... who are you? You are not in the story. The story does not have anything redeeming for her. I might have mentioned this before, I forget, but this is super cliche but SHOW DON'T TELL. Telling is Mel is cute is lazy, showing us her cute actions or characters reacting to cuteness. I fall into this trap too I think everyone does, but it would help if that is what you want.
It could be that your idea of cute and what most people think as cute are at odds too, possibly.
There is also the possible issue that you have inserted yourself too much into the story and it is blocking the reader's view of the story, but that is a conversation for a different time.
Anyways I am just thinking out loud after reading the recent reviews, no one take anything personally, hope all the best for the story.
When I say Melanie is cute, I do indeed say that with a knowing, smug grin on my face, the fact that most people would, in fact, not consider Melanie cute. When I blatantly tell reviewers that Melanie is cute, I do so half-jokingly, understanding that to someone who isn't interested in the creepy aesthetic of dark, haunting women like I am, Melanie would probably come off as gross, horrid, unlikeable. I've never been bashful to admit, even from the very beginning, that Melanie was designed for me, with my interests in my mind. Furthermore, I do defend myself from the "show, don't tell" writing critique: my responses to reviews are not part of the Endless canon, and shouldn't reflect the quality of the writing. In-story, I have not referred to Melanie as explicitly cute -- unless I'm totally blanking out on a stray comment I made about her! I don't think I am, especially since I've had it in mind that "cuteness" and the identification of cuteness is a running theme. It hasn't really been coincidence that so often I've used the phrase "cute girl" in regards to how Melanie views people around her.
I think the note I'll leave this response on, as it extends to the rest of the topics brought up too, is that my endgoal here is to share the story that's in my heart, the way I invision it, and express that story with the size community as best to my abilities. There are going to be elements many don't like or understand or sympathize with, elements that do break the immersion if read as a casual story, but my hope is that those flaws would be forgiven as they're somewhat necessary evils for what is... ultimately, my erotic giantess fantasy, where much of the erotic and fantasy comes from aspects that don't make for a bestseller. I'm rambling, but I hope what I'm saying is understood. For my erotic giantess-shrinking yandere fantasy story to exist as it does in my heart, and for that to be expressed purely, there will have to be plot armor. My heart demands it, go talk to it.
I will also mention this, as it did come up and I'd like to make a statement: I do not support "younger audiences" reading this story. I don't think this website makes this distinction clear enough, especially considering the legitimately disturbing synopsises of stories listed here and what that says of this ragtag community, but this story is purely for audiences 18 and older. To tie this back into the discussion earlier, it's not been my intention, ever, for this story to be read and critically acclaimed by a wide audience. Although my writing is, allegedly, good enough to make an engaging story, I've not committed to writing it with making a literary masterpiece. It is an erotic adult story and should be read as such at all times, even if there's more emotion and drama behind it than the usual erotic novel.
Thank you for the readership and the review! I know I don't respond to reviews until I push out a new chapter, but this provoked some thoughts from me that I didn't want to lose. For anyone curious, the next chapter is coming! It is. Delays have certainly come up but I promise the next chapter will be out very soon! Thank you thank you for your patience~
(Also, just so everyone is clear, Melanie is cute, everyone else just has bad taste.)
Date: January 16 2019 9:08 PM Title: Chapter Seventeen
Oh what a fun chapter. Melanie did slip, but will it actually cost her? So far she really hasn't had to work too hard to get out of tough situations.
Can't wait to see what paiges involvement will be. Great story keep it up!
Thank you for the review! I hope the story continues to entertain you as the twists unravel!
Date: January 16 2019 4:36 AM Title: Chapter One
Great story! I'm loving every chapter so far! The dialogues are quite beyond what we are used to and makes you want to enter the story.
P.S: Do I see a fan of JackSmith's 'Julia' here? The plot has many similarities. If so, exceptional reference!
Ah, it warms my heart to see an appreciation for the dialogue. With a story like this, hearing their thoughts aloud has a lot of impact, and making enticing conversations is important. I'm sure there's... some chats in Endless that are unnecessary, I could probably have skimmed those, but I'm glad you've enjoyed them!
Unfortunately I don't know a Jack Smith or a Julia! Perhaps it's worth it for me to check it out? Thank you for the review nonetheless~
Date: January 14 2019 2:57 AM Title: Chapter Seventeen
Another great chapter. The debate between the captives, the scene with Melanie and Chloe, and the capture of the professor were all really well done. I'm curious what's going to happen with Paige; I'd been expecting both her and the professor to be shrunken by the end of the chapter.
Comments like this make me wonder what kind of visual people have for Melanie in their mind. Perhaps the ugliness of her nature sticks with folks and represents itself in that way.
There's that, and also I think we take cues from how the other characters view her, especially before they find out her secret. As far as I can remember they always see her as either bland or off-putting.
Indeed, indeed, other characters aren't too charitable in how they see Melanie. But you can take my word: Melanie is actually adorable, eye bags and obsessiveness included! Those are features, not flaws.
It's pleasant to see you enjoyed so many scenes. I sometimes wonder if the less-giantess related content flows well with people, like the debate in the bag. Necessary scenes for sure, but I worry they drag on too much for an audience likely more interested in the giant women parts. But I've made it this far dragging my feet, I guess I haven't done anything too awful yet.
Thank you thank you for the review~
Date: January 13 2019 7:46 PM Title: Chapter Seventeen
Damn, Adrian's turn towards the darker side is a bit of a fun twist but I trust her judgement on this one. Bradz is kind of a bitch so while bad its not too bad like most of the others.
The Paige curveball though I am most interested in.
I hope Paige can prove to be an interesting new element in the story! A curveball for sure, but I still need to stick the landing, I'd say. I'm excited to get feedback on Paige especially, I've been wondering how folks will react to her! Thanks again for the review~
Date: January 13 2019 2:41 PM Title: Chapter Seventeen
Good to see that Melanie is so powerful and simply does what she does. I like it.
It's so annoying when some huge girl is bossed around by some plebs or tinies.
I think this story is a bit refreshing compared to all that bullshit.
As for the story itself, I can almost see Adrian turning in some psychopath and shrinking people together with Melanie.
Thank you for writing!
Thank you for reading~! Your encouragement means a lot!
Date: January 13 2019 3:23 AM Title: Chapter One
This story is on a website specifically for a fetish involving overly powerful women and so many of these reviews are criticizing it for doing just that. Not liking the author's personal tastes in kink doesn't make it bad writing. It's clearly not everyone's fantasy to be in a situation like this, so keep it up for those who do, OP.
Date: January 13 2019 1:54 AM Title: Chapter One
This story could have been good, because the writing style is very good and creating tension is good. The problem is the Mary Sue type. Everything is handed to her without her have to put any effort into it and nothing they do fazes them. These characters are hated, because they are totally unrelatable. These are annoying characters whether they are good or evil.
I have to watch out for that trap in my story. It is more balanced and people actually have to put effort into achieving stuff making the characters feel more real, they learn, they develop, they from opinion. Actions have consequences.
I'm happy to hear I can create solid tension! I think that's an important quality with a story like this -- especially with a story like this, actually. It's good get feedback that I'm successful in that regard, I often have a hard time telling if I'm being suspenseful or not.
I've discussed the topic a little before, so I won't get much into it, but Melanie does often have things "handed to her," but I'd say those "things" specifically are opportunities. She happens to be at the right place at the right time, she's also the worst person for this to happen to, and I think that's part of the fantasy. For me, anyway. So easily could Melanie be stopped, realistically, that it makes the atrocities she commits even more ridiculous. Everything she gets away with is so close to being prevented in some way, but she's fast enough and heartless enough to keep things in her favor.
I can only blame myself as the writer here: I think I've failed to show enough that Melanie is crafty in how wicked she is. It's probably better shown in the earlier chapters, where she manipulates people into being where she needs them so her curse can work. In later chapters, the drama of events added with the convenience of the potion's evolution takes away from her cleverness, it doesn't leave a lot of room to show it off. But... that being said, I'd say that's the point I'm attempting to make. I think the next chapter will have touches of this topic in it, so I'll end my response here. Thank you for the review!
Date: January 12 2019 8:43 PM Title: Chapter Sixteen
Yeah still on course of what I expect, hopefully Adrian will guide Mel's choices to 'empower' her potion toward those that are truly evil and deserving of being shrunk (if not worse), rather then Mel just shrinking random poeple, also if Mel's able to 'muate' the potion to remove the curse Adrian needs to ensure that part of her 'freedom' is that the 'innocents' (espeacilly the five random people Mel shrank at the motel as well as the remaining captuves) are restored.
Date: January 02 2019 3:22 AM Title: Chapter One
I really like this. The scenario seems simplistic at first but the writing is good enough to make it compelling to read.
Looking at the reviews is interesting too. I'm not well-versed in moe so maybe a true yandere is different, but characters of Melanie's type in movies or books usually have a mix of malice, allure, and pathos, so that the protagonist and the audience are conflicted between attraction or sympathy on the one hand and fear and revulsion on the other. A lot of the appeal comes from that tension.
In this story, though, Melanie is written as unattractive (not once is Adrian or anyone else even slightly drawn to her) and as an unsympathetic bully (except for a few moments like at the mall).
This isn't a criticism, since I'm sure that's exactly the way you intended to write her. It's just speculation about why some people might dislike this while still liking other things with just as much darkness and depravity in them.
"Melanie is written as unattractive." Melanie! Is! Cute! Y-You can't just say something like this...!
All jokes aside, heh... Melanie does seem pretty unappealing to most palates. Comments like this make me wonder what kind of visual people have for Melanie in their mind. Perhaps the ugliness of her nature sticks with folks and represents itself in that way. Personally, I think Melanie is adorable! The messy hair, the bags under her eyes -- she's Miss America, or at least Miss Halloween in my book. The unsympathetic bully part, well, you've got me there. She is pretty mean! But that's part of her charm~
True what you've said though, perhaps Melanie just isn't the kind of giantess for some, and so her actions are a lot less forgivable. But overall, the response to Endless has been so positive. I'm happy my story can interest people, including you! Speaking of which, thank you for this review! I hope the rest of the story continues to be entertaining~
Date: January 01 2019 8:38 PM Title: Chapter Sixteen
A tremendous way to begin 2019!
I was thinking Juniper was destined to be Nicky's foil but her actually discovering her gives me great curiousities for the future of them both.
Also the random strangers shrinking scenario would be a pretty awesome spin-off/one off if you ever chose to do so.
The Juniper-Nicky plotline should be an interesting one, to say the least! I've been looking forward to exploring that side of events since Juniper and Nicky's creation. It's nice to have them together, finally. Crazy to think that I introduced Juniper months ago and only now am I actually using her.
I figured at least one person would think that of the motel victims, hehe. There's certainly some potential for fun stories with those five, but alas, I probably won't be getting around to exploring them. I think a lot of the excitement with that element is that it's left to the reader's imagination. Who knows what happened to them? I don't know any better than anyone else, haha~ Thanks again for the review, I'm glad I could kick off your 2019 with a little Endless!
Date: January 01 2019 5:41 AM Title: Chapter Sixteen
There’s not much more I can say about this story that I haven’t said already (also I still haven’t gone to sleep since staying up for New Years lol so my mind is a lil sleep depraved to say the least) but this continues to be one of my favorite stories! Although I definitely don’t want to get my hopes up too high, this story seems to beheading into exciting territories for me - I mean as you know, violent F/f stories where the prey are complete strangers is my all time fave, especially if the prey doesn’t exactly have a happy ending ;) I’m so excited to see how this goes and I’m so hoping Chloe meets her fate soon (maybe Melanie has gotten a taste for people? Or maybe she wants to feel a human body burst under her barefoot?). I have a half theory of where the cure storyline is gonna go but I honestly highly doubt it’s nowhere close to how good whatever you’ve decided is. Can’t wait!!
Thank you for the kind review~ I hope the outcome of the story exceeds your expectations! Thank you thank you thank you.
Date: December 12 2018 8:54 PM Title: Chapter Fifteen
I am very intrigued to see what Mel is planning.
As for Nicky, great sense of peril with everything that's happened to her and Juniper might be the ultimate wildcard.
Juniper the Wild Card... I like that! I wonder how many folks expected her to be involved in such a way. I'm glad she's turned out to be a fine addition to the plot, at least. As always, I really appreciate the review~ It's wonderful to hear that people are fascinated with all the twists and turns.
Date: December 11 2018 11:55 PM Title: Chapter Fifteen
Oh man now I’m super freaking excited to see what Melanie has planned in the next chapter! I know most of my reviews can get kinda repetitive but I feel the need to add some positivity to these negative reviews to show you that there’s a lot of us who are in love with what you’re doing to the story. I mean sure I agree Melanie is protected by some plot armor but really, you could make that case with practically all fictional stories. It’d be difficult (near impossible) to create a story (especially one about a girl who shrinks and kidnaps women) without even just a little plot armor, so I don’t understand all the vast negativity about it in this story. Keep it up and can’t wait to read more, especially if there’s more vore/crush ;)
Indeed, I do feel a little bit of plot armor is sort of expected and, to a degree, mandated to make the narrative flow the way it's intended. A crazy giantess's fun being stopped by something too mundane, it doesn't make for an exciting tale. Ha, but I do see the critiques of my plot and appreciate them. They certainly don't deter me.
Thank you again! For another review! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as well~
Date: December 11 2018 7:57 PM Title: Chapter One
Seen enough cop shows to know where this is going Ardrainls 'choice' will be basically kill some innocents or lots of innocents (maybe with even more vore... great...).
You write well, but depending on the next couple chapters I think I am going to put up the lemon juice and salt. Perhaps if Ardrain would pick up the lemon, salt and razor Mel could be moved from always present hurt everyone around me (though some justification of insane parents, still not enough) and expect my crush to love me.
The plot armor or armored plot, the inability of Ardrian to make the obivous threat that would stop Mel butt cold, Ardrain telling she hurts another person she hurts herself, she kilss another person her crush kills herself leaving Mels already hollow life a complete VOID, at this point she knows she doomed and for her to continue to 'play' with Mel is only going to get innocents hurt and kill.
We'll see what devolps, though the storyline seems more like flaggeting oneself at this point...
Wherever your expectations may be, it's my hope you enjoy the story as it continues! Chapter sixteen is up, so perhaps you will see more of what angle I'm going for. Thank you for the read and the review~
Date: November 30 2018 8:22 PM Title: Chapter One
this story is kind of reminding me of dexter. you kind of want him to get caught but you also want him to keep going.although dexter mostly did his thing with criminals and really bad people.
I cant believe this is the first time I've commented on the story. Im pretty happy with it so far. Definitely agree with plot Armor stuff, but same with dexter and I'm doing my best to forgive it. The part I'm having trouble with is how the main she's not the brightest bulb. At least dexter was super smart.
Anyhoo i get pretty excited when I see new chapters. Keep up good work 😊
Oh, you should give Melanie some credit! Dexter is an adult and a professional in both his career and his hobby, whereas Melanie is still just a bud, a college student that's only been up to crimes for about a month! Give Melanie some time and she'll be a fully developed psychopath with experience under her belt. Or something. Besides, isn't her dull wits a charm point? It really pushes the terror of what's happening, how a girl that's far from a genius supervillain is able to inflict so much torment. Or, maybe that's just something I'm into...
Regardless, thank you for the review, and for all the reading! I hope the chapters ahead continue to entertain~
Date: November 30 2018 1:21 AM Title: Chapter One
A story featuring characters of difference sizes does not immediately make it a fetish story, nor does a story being on this website make it inherently sexual. A lot of people in the community do not read stories for sexual gratfication.
The author also seems to be writing the story to tell a story they want to tell rather than simply make smut, from what I have seen.
Date: November 30 2018 1:15 AM Title: Chapter Fourteen
Y'all know this is a fetish story, right? Lol. I've never seen a story on this site pointed out for "letting the giantess character win" too easily. Like that's what people are getting off on here. That's the point.
Date: November 27 2018 6:22 PM Title: Chapter Fourteen
You've almost humanized Mel more than she maybe ever has before and I look forward to seeing Nicky's march towards potential freedom.
Again and again, you come in with such a nice review~ As always, I appreciate the review and the loyalty to reading my story! It means a lot!