[Report This]Date: November 01 2017 7:16 PM Title: Chapter 2
Oh! There's a second chapter of this?....Well Uri's still ungrateful, but I guess Falcon's a bit of an ass so it kinda evens out. Interesting hints of Uri's backstory. No dad huh?...Bummer. That can really mess a girl up. I find the pairs budding dynamic fun and refreshing although now that I know what shocks do to Falcon (unless he's lying) I don't think Uri has the stones to do it. I can't be sure this early but I'd be very interested to see it happen. Especially the longer time passes...as their trust starts to build.........when it would hurt the most....but who knows if that'll happen right?!
I'll enjoy reading about these two driving each other crazy.
[Report This]Date: November 01 2017 6:26 AM Title: Chapter 2
This is a nice complex scene. The (sorta) give and take between the characters makes the dialogue purposeful and driven. It has weight within the story, very nice. Their conversation is revealing, but still subtle. Really superior work.
Neither of the characters is super likeable or super hate-able, in the context of the world. I’m finding Uri’s reaction to the implications of Falcon’s origins to be a little shallow. Reincarnation? Mental transference? These things should inspire a little more “wow” from her, in my less than humble opinion. But everyone is not me, so maybe that’s just her.
Again, your descriptions and dialogue are solid and super enjoyable. You are delivering in a big way her and should really be proud of what your labors have produced.
Peace
And happy national novel writing month.
pix