Reviewer: TomSpeedy Signed [Report This]
Date: September 28 2017 11:53 PM Title: 17: Off to Work

Wow. Where did all these reviews come from? And why is everyone into the 12 year old? I had to check if people didn't have alternate accounts just to make sure.

My pick would be to stay with Dianne becuase all the other choices have a word or two that are turn offs for me.

First girl is 12. Second mom is a "bigger" lady. 3rd woman is buff. The teacher has "big librarian glasses". The next girl sounds like a bully. The last girl was shy.

Most of these descriptions seemed kinda negative and for the 12 year old, you included "tight bright clothing" which makes us think of those sexy gym girls and then the "kind innocent smile" which gives me a schoolgirl vibe. I think that's why people chose her.

If Dianne wasn't a choice, I would go with the teacher, but why is her name Mrs. Little. If the name was sexier, that could've helped.

I was expecting some tempting choices and would have juggle the Dianne option, but this time it was clear to choose Diane.
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Back to the chapter:

The dialogue was 11/10! I loved it. The way Dianne was teasing Max and wishing she could keep him forever was perfect! Also the way she asked about his sleep was great! It sounded like she was going to put him in there for future sleep sessions.

I'm glad she kept the restraints on him and also placed him in her yoga pants. At first, I was kinda disappointed about the lack of panties. I thought panties would make it a more snug fit, but I guess the yoga pants are tight enough and since he was tied to it, it was good.

"Nope, you're going to stay with me". I love the authority Dianne has. So sexy.

The one thing that I would've changed if I was writing it was to make Max face her crotch instead of facing her yoga pants. That way he is forced into those lucious lips of hers and his face would be kissed all day by them. In addition, he would never be able to see these other women so that would have been a bonus, haha! If I was Dianne, I would make Max think only of me and not of the other girls.

("Comfortable? This is going to be fun. You're like a tasty treat dangling in front of my hungry pussy. You fit perfectly, all cozy and snug up against my lips. Mhmm I just want to keep you there forever.” Dianne said while checking herself out.) This was my favorite sequence in the entire chapter. Loved that first line about being tasty for her hungry pussy. Dianne, you are naughty and I like that.

Max must have a nice view of her toned legs from that angle. When Dianne is driving, I bet she loves the vibration of the engine while Max is vibrating within her lips. Probably why he got wedged up in there too. I agree, I would give up my life to be in Max's position too. Dianne is such a goddess. I would love to be her sex toy forever.

My pick is still Dianne. Since I think we all know what the next chapter or two will be about, I guess I can't wait for the chapter after that. Darn, 3 weeks to wait. Well, maybe the 12 year old won't be so bad.

I can't wait for the next chapter (with Dianne!)

Author's Response:

Lol I guess I have many readers just none that actively comments (besides yourself). But I have to keep in mind that there are many readers that I want to write for. I will go back to Dianne and I know you are a big fan of her so I'm planning on keeping her as a big part of the story. However, I need to explore and introduce new characters and new obstacles for Max.

I purposely added negative traits for each one because I dont want to have a perfect character and I wanted to see what the readers were into. Apparently its young girls, but thats okay. I'll write to this and try to make it good. I apologize in advance if its not your thing, I'll try to write it quicker so I can get you back to Dianne. But also remember Amy hasn't seen her brother in a couple days so eventually something will have to happen... Thats what the whole story was about until Dianne lol

I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter and liked Dianne's dialogue so much! I will try to keep that up with her. The young girl may not say stuff like that but I'll make it up to you in later chapters with stuff like my last chapter!

Thanks for the review and I hope you continue enjoying the story! 

 

Reviewer: Storyreader21 Signed [Report This]
Date: September 28 2017 11:53 AM Title: 17: Off to Work

I say the 12 year old girl wearing tight bright clothing, with a pigtail and a kind innocent smile, though I also say it should be an unaware arc the entire time with her.

Author's Response:

The 12 year old girl won the vote of the readers and I agree with it being unaware. Thank you for your comment and I hope you enjoy the next chapters and leave a rating :)