Date: February 13 2017 1:05 PM Title: Chapter 18
Love that Eli is meeting the world outside of his home.
Super neat seeing a shrunk person who is thriving in their life.
Author's Response:
Yes, he's come quite a ways from his initial awakening as a premie. Let's hope he doesn't have too many setbacks. Thanks for the comment, realIRS! (PS. Still waiting on your next writing...when life gives you time to write).
Date: February 12 2017 12:48 PM Title: Chapter 18
Oh! With your reponse I think I see whats going on here. Is this binding thing part of a fetish for you? I never considred that, but it would explain why it keeps getting in the story for no particular reason. Me complaining about it must be like wondering why people keep getting eaten in a vore story...
If thats the case then carry on. I'll just show myself out.
Author's Response:
In Luna's Ascension, it's an integral part to the fetish aspects of the story. In Splinter's Edge, it's used (in the chapter that comes to mind) as a form of punishment. In YouTube, it's an aspect differentiating humans from premies. You'll notice in the story premies are often not referred to as humans. This is for a reason. So while the inclusion of binding may seem arbitrary and for 'no particular reason', it is indeed part of being a 'premie' and thus falls into the bucket of what I consider allowable to preserve realism. Clearly folks may disagree and consider it deus ex machina.
Regarding authors, you have your pantsers and your plotters. The former just write 'by seat of pants', whatever comes to mind. That describes my style. I'd never noticed the trend in my writing to include 'mental manipulation' aspects until you mentioned it. But it is what it is. Can't please everyone, as they say. Also can't psychoanalyze it too much; that's just quicksand and a drain on time that could be used for creating. It does mean I'll probably be more aware of it when writing future stories and may or may not include it (or if I do, give some hint in the summary). But I could never learn these things about my patterns and own style without feedback, so thanks for being honest in the chapters you managed to get through. :)
Date: February 12 2017 11:50 AM Title: Chapter 18
So, first I want to say that I am in awe of your output. A new chapter a week is already pretty good for this site, but with all of those wonderfully done pictures each week as well? Amazing, very good job.
As for the story... look I don't want to be that guy who just reviews to complain and demand the author change their story, but to be honest your story is losing me. And its all because of this binding thing.
I never liked the concept of binding. Whats the point of giving these super-powerful giants the additional ability to brainwash the main character (and it will never seem like its not brainwashing regardless of what the characters say)? I just don't see where this concept is leading to, which is a problem when it becomes increasingly prevelant in your chapters.
For instence, this whole chapter was building up to the big character develoment moment where Eli asked his sister to bind him voluntarily for the first time. But I don't know what I'm supposed to feel about that. Am I supposed to be happy for him? It's not like he triumphently conquered his fears, he just had them brainwashed out of him. What about his character was being developed? why is it important?
Since I don't know what to feel, I just feel nothing, and I'm left unsatisfied.
There were so many interesting things you could have explored in this chapter. It was his first time outside, his first time being treated like a pet in a cage by those children and his first time meeting anouther premie. You could have spent an entire chapter exploring any one of these themes. Instead you rushed past them to get to the binding scene that I don't understand.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this or what I want from you. It's just, unless I can get a clear sense of what you find so interesting about this binding thing that your making it the central piller of this story, I going to lose interest in this story entirely.
Which is a shame because everything else about it is fantastic. Its just all taking a backseat to the one part of the story I don't like or understand...
Author's Response:
Thanks! I'm trying to learn 3D art. It's fun to create the pictures along with the story.
As for binding, thanks for expressing your concern/opinion. It's good for authors to know when they're losing folks. I can see your point of view. One thing I've found is that every author has a particular voice, identifiable and distinct if you read enough of that individual's stories. Most of mine, for example, include 'mental manipulation' in some form or another, whether it's age regression, the kiss as in Luna's Ascension, or Raine's abilities in Splinter's Edge. These all make it into my stories, almost invariably.
I can't explain why I'm drawn to the concept. I just am. But I'll keep you're commentary in mind.
Now, I will say that Eli did conquer his fear in this chapter. Sure, he asked for a binding at the end, but he went down the slide the first time without one. In some sense it was one step forward, two steps back as he deliberately requests a binding at the end, assuming you consider it a step backwards.
Ultimately I just write what comes to mind with little filtering and little concern for popularity. I expect my stories to fail, flop or become unfinished as I hop to some new idea...but that's why I make them free. My current goal is to write more and write faster (and more recently, create 3D content faster).
I don't know much about what will happen in next chapter, maybe more binding, maybe not. Regardless I do like hearing thoughts, including 'critical' ones, so thanks for taking the time to comment!
[Report This]Date: February 12 2017 10:28 AM Title: Chapter 18
Again very good. The way they have all kind of realistic protection and facilities for the premies makes the world feel real.
Realistic development and behaviour.
Author's Response:
Thanks, Barrowman! The screen was perhaps a little less secure than what I'd originally envisoned, but still believable...in a world where perfect premie facilities simply haven't been designed yet, folks improvise.