Reviewer: carnaj2 Signed [Report This]
Date: August 09 2016 5:01 AM Title: Faith

I'm really enjoyingyour story so far. As others have said, you need not worry about your English. It's better than many on here and your grammer, punctuation and over-all storytelling is very good.

I'm enjoying the introduction of the characters, which is always a good start to any story. Personally I like descriptive stories and would like to see a bit more description of what the characters look like, but that's just me. I'm assuming Yuni is of some type Asian origin but a little more description of Faith's appearance (beyond 'gorgeous') would be appreciated, at least by me.

Your writing flows well and more importantly your characters act and speak like REAL people. People speak using contractions and nothing distracts me from a story like a character that always speaks like a proper English Butler. Your little universe you are creating feels REAL to me and that is good.

One final thing is your use of foreshadowing, which again is good. Your initial story description of Yuni and Faith deciding that James is perverted seems about to happen with James' computer now in his sister's hands. You mentioned that Faith and Yuni like each other and even Text one another so I can see them ganging up on poor James in the near future. You also mentioned Faith's friend Chloe and the mutual dislike between her and James so figure she'll eventually be making an appearance.

Only question left I guess is how the shrinking will occur. I don't recalll that you mentioned a Shrinking Virus or anything on that order so I guess time will tell. All in all though you are doing a fantastic job! Looking forward to the next chapter and thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work!

Carnaj

 

Author's Response:

Wow. Thanks, really, thanks. I've never written any story before, neither in french nor in english, and it means the world to me to know I'm doing a decent job so far. 

I actually think I'm bad at describing characters, which is why I didn't spend much time on their physical appearance. To be fair, I have no idea on how to do that properly. I'll try and read some good stories in which the description is well done, maybe it will inspire me in the near future. 

As I've already said to someone in the comments, I can't stand non-realistic stories either. I'm doing my best to make it all feel as if it could have happened to anyone. Not just the "I'm a mean girl out of nowhere, I'll torture you" thing. 
Therefore, I'm really glad you're feeling the story the way I intended. 

Hehe, I won't tell a thing. Next chapter is already written though, and you will get to read it in a few hours ! 

As I've written in chapter 1, I've been inspired to write this story by "Brian's solemate". Maybe the shrinking will occur in a similar way ? Time will tell. 

Now, I do have one question. Are you the Carnaj that wrote "Heather's Decision" and "Racquetteball Bet" ?

Either way, thanks for taking time to share your thoughts. It's really helping and motivating me.  I hope I'll hear from you again ! :)

Reviewer: versusterminus7 Signed [Report This]
Date: August 08 2016 12:26 PM Title: Faith

Excellent chapter- lots of good world-building. I wonder- maybe faith will accidentally discover James' research??? Very good story, max- looking for more!! :)

Author's Response:

I'm glad it pleased you ! Next chapter should be the longest yet, and we're getting closer and closer to action ! 

Will Faith have a role in Jay's downfall ? Time will tell...