[Report This]Date: September 30 2016 4:00 PM Title: The Whole Damn Thing
Fantastic! Precisely what I've searched for since I discovered GTS fiction. I'm glad you were paid for this because this was top quality fetish material. Everything from Nicky tricking Madison with the twins to the toilet scene was superb. The only flaw about it is it reminded me how fucked up my fetish is but hey what's new?
Great work!
[Report This]Date: May 20 2016 9:23 PM Title: The Whole Damn Thing
Sorry for the double post, I just had to write this. The critism of Chozo is total nonense, why? He comes up with some "logic inconsistencies", I can understand if they were plot issues, but he uses examples which are totally fine in a story like this. Seriously? This is a shrinking story... Also, where does a shrunken person "travel through someone's digestive system" in the plot? It is totally plausible there is breathable air in the stomach or even the small intestine, it's not a vacuum... it's the same atmosphere than outside, and nothing in there exhausted the o2 or produces co2. So a shrunken person, regard the fact, that a shrunken person couldnt breath at all becaue of the change of size of the atoms..., ooh logic flaw..., could be able to breath in there, and if the stomach's exit "gulped" air with it, there would be some in the small intestine too, like gas bubbles.
Also the part of "would have been better if Madison had eaten her siblings unknowingly" is nonsense too, because that happens in 99% of the other stories on here, and it's fun to read something like this.
Author's Response:
It really all comes down to suspension of disbelief. Some are willing to accept a certain number of liberties, but not others. He's entitled to his opinion, and I don't hold any ill will towards him if he wasn't able to enjoy the story due to a coincidence too many, or some other details that annoyed him.
Thank you for defending my piece, though, and I appreciate your kind words.
[Report This]Date: May 20 2016 9:12 PM Title: The Whole Damn Thing
One does not simply travel through someone's digestive system alive. There is no breathable air either in the stomach or the colon so all of the victims would have asphyxiated within a few minutes. Putting that aside, how is it possible that Nicky could listen to the screams of the twins in Madison's intestines yet their screams/pleas and Heidi's could not be heard when they were stuck in the cheesecake? I'd also have to give criticism to the "deus ex machina" of Heidi's shrinking, and the fact she just spontaneously appeared on the bottom of Nicky's foot yet was not crushed despite having been stepped on repeatedly.
I feel it would have been better if Madison had eaten her siblings unknowingly, because it seemed implausible how easily Nicky was able to talk her into it. Especially with Heidi and her parents. How would she explain it to them? Granted, Heidi is out of the picture, but as for her parents? I guess the solution would be a deus ex machina shrinking of the parents and their subsequent elimination.
$100 for this? Seriously?
Author's Response:
I certainly respect your opinion in this matter, and normally I wouldn't write someone surviving well into the digestive process. Or the coincidental shrinking of the eldest sister. Or screams being heard through the equivalent of dozens of feet of solid muscle, fat, and flesh over digestive noises, but not being audible when a short distance of empty space away, on a slice of cake. But it was specifically what the commissioner wanted. They were quite particular on what they wanted, and I was more than happy to write it for them.
When it comes to the customer and their money, I'm not going to argue about the impracticality of their desired scenario, and certainly don't expect others to suspend their disbelief any further than they're comfortable with.
Regardless, I've always respected your work and appreciate your criticism.
[Report This]Date: May 20 2016 9:01 PM Title: The Whole Damn Thing
I have a new favorite story now <3
[Report This]Date: May 20 2016 5:31 PM Title: The Whole Damn Thing
Absolutely Amazing. I'm unfortunately not big on vore, but the foot stuff was perfect to me. The between toes/toe jam stuff especially. I'd love to see more of that, more butt stuff too. Would be great to get a character to have her friend unknowingly torture tinies with her feet, maybe hide them in her skin cream or tight or such.
Date: May 20 2016 2:21 PM Title: The Whole Damn Thing
What that other guy said. The story was GREAT, the descriptions were AMAZING, and the main character was CRUELLY SADISTIC. I really loved how helpless Heidi and Liam and Lisa were to succumb to Nicky's false attestments that they didn't want to be eaten. Bravo and continue being awesome.
[Report This]Date: May 20 2016 8:34 AM Title: The Whole Damn Thing
Wait... what!? Do miracles still happen on this site!? This was... is... by FAR THE BEST story Ive read, in, like two years maybe on here. 20 out of 10 points... 30... Everything is perfect with this story. The shrinking size (ant size), the unaware combined with half aware and half unaware, I fell in love with the idea of Nicky manipulated her best friend in believing her siblings wanted to get swallowed... wanted to become her shit. That whole conversation, the toilet part, absolute amazing. I hope so much you will write a story like this again, I saw it was a commission, though not sure if it's what you enjoy writing yourself, but dude, this was just outstanding. I love sarcastic plots more than anything. Just curious, how much do you charge for a story like this?
Author's Response:
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I dedicated a good chunk of time to it. A large amount of the story's content happens to align with my own interests, so it wasn't too difficult for me to find inspiration.
As far as the cost, my current rate is $4 a page. Before formatting and conversion to HTML, the story was 25 pages, or $100. Of course, that's a good bit longer than most of my commissions tend to be. 5-15 pages is much more common.
I realize that's still more than most are willing to pay for a story, as compared to a drawing, or comic, but if you are interested feel free to message me on DA and we can discuss details. My profile is http://zyphsqueak.deviantart.com