[Report This]Date: June 30 2015 5:41 PM Title: A Simple Phone Call
Really great plot so far will follow this! One little critic point, the phone part was an awesome idea, but it was a little lived short, and the phone was destroyed and taken out of the plot too easily and too fast in my opinion. Would had been a great twisted element to have him get to the phone again o make another call, and even get through, but some more bad luck would lead again and again to get things worse, for example because of his tiny size there would just be static on the other line or his voice would be in a too high pitche freqnuency and not undertsandable at all. Another cool idea could have been if the phone accidentally would have been swallowed, and he gets the "brilliant" idea of seeing his only chane in the phone, getting after it, so get swallowed too, and make a phone call from inside, unfortunatnly the plan totally back fires and he gets a one way ticket south, and not like he planed it would go. Anyway hope to see more form this :)
Author's Response:
That's a fair point and something to consider for future chapters. Though a lot of where this story is going has already been planned out in my head. Nothing set in stone, but planned out. What I'm really going for is absolute desperation. His phone doesn't really play much of a part in where the story is going, and it was going to be more of a distraction than anything so I opted to eliminate it sooner rather than later, and also a means to show just what he's up against...or what he thinks he's up against, and I'll leave it at that for now. But I get what you mean by that and will try to be a little more considering of giving things like that more time.