Reviewer: Disthron Signed [Report This]
Date: December 24 2015 10:39 AM Title: Episode 1 A...The Apprentice:Homecoming Pt. 1

Hi, I was reading through my reviews and saw your comment and apparently there's no way to make a direct response to you, so I'm writing it here instead.

Anyway I wasn't criticizer the Title I was criticizing the Description.

I've never seen any of the Godfather movies, just so you know. But my point wasn't that I didn't understand her position, I understood it just fine. My point was that I can't muster up any sympathy for someone who gleefully dishes it out but then breaks down when they get blowback.

It's a like Kratos from God of War. He bitches and moans about his family while he'd been slaughtering other peoples families left right and center for years. He get's a small taste of his own medicine and he can't handle it. Because, you know, he's a shitlord. Witch is why I never finished that game ether.

Now I'm not saying that you can't/shouldn't wright a story about this kind of character, but that it's not for me and I wouldn't have started reading if it had a more in depth description.

Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: September 06 2015 9:40 PM Title: Episode 1 A...The Apprentice:Homecoming Pt. 1

Lovely, Zara no longer became the villain she was before but now she is reformed and ready to move on from her past life.

Reviewer: Disthron Signed [Report This]
Date: August 19 2015 10:59 AM Title: Episode 1 A...The Apprentice:Homecoming Pt. 1

I think this story needs a better description. I stopped maybe a page and a half in. The main characer talks about taking revenge on "The Order" but it's hard to feel sorry for someone who goes around murdering people.

I wouldn't have looked at this story if it had a preper description.

Author's Response:

I'm sorry you feel that way. The title is appropriate because she did go home. Home isn't just a place but a state of mind. For her to have a semblance of life and to keep her family safe the order had to go. Revenge is never a clean business. I wanted the reader to feel sorry for her not because she was nice but out of pity of her circumstances. After all eating meat doesn't make someone a bad person and if you read further they addressed that. You really needed to read further to get all of the perspective. I actually got inspiration from the godfather if you can believe it. Take Micheal Corleone. At the end when he said he's wrapping up unfinished business. That's what my character was doing taking out the organization that killed her father. Was Michael Corleone a lovable character? Probably not. Could we understand him? Yes. Why? Because we as the viewers understand that this is the life he was born into just like how my character was thrust into her life.

 

Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: July 16 2015 7:03 AM Title: Episode 1 A...The Apprentice:Homecoming Pt. 1

It disturbed me but then so do most of the chapters here, good job.