Reviews For Mexican adventure
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Reviewer: julieshrink Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: January 12 2015 3:30 PM Title: Chapter 1

very good...

continue...

Reviewer: tritty Signed starstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 12 2015 9:50 AM Title: Chapter 1

I liek the story elements a lot. You ran with a good idea. I think you still need to work on two elements of your narrative though. The first is your description of events. You write in a very point by point approach with little explanation of feeling. This is ertoic writing, the feeling and the sensations are what you're trying to ocnvey. The second aspect is paragraphing and progression. Huge blocks of text are hard to read, plain and simple.

Reviewer: FreemanCD Signed [Report This]
Date: January 11 2015 11:18 PM Title: Chapter 1

I think you should continue his adventures as he gets pooped out and survives.

Reviewer: stargate1990 Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: January 11 2015 11:06 PM Title: Chapter 1

This is a realy good story!  I remember reading it before. I'm not exactly sure what you added.    I love the whole premise of him pissing someone off and being traped in a thong.  I belive this story really needs to be expanded on.  By what is here you could easily get 3 times this size and split into 3 or 4 chapters.  Besides the length issue, it was a good read.  Hope to see more!

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