Date: January 16 2017 3:55 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
I don't why I'm replying now all of a sudden, but I feel I have to, just to get it off my chest.
Tucker's fight with Ronan was so unbelievably farfetched, it drove me crazy. I know you were trying to mkae him look cool, but there's no way he should have won the way he did.
For starters, the instant Ronan had Tucker in a bearhug, he was/should have been done for. If the man was strong enough to lift him off his feet and hold him in place, no amount of headbutting would make him release his grip. Certainly not enough in the window of time Tucker had before he asphyxiated.
Ten headbutts might seem painful, especially if right to the nose, but believe me it doesn't work. I know, because I tried to escape a bearhug myself like that. And it hurt me almost as much as it hurt my aggressor. Why? Because his skull was just as tough as mine. If you crash them together like that, you are cracking bone on bone. BTW, He did not let go, not because of my headbutt anyway.
Secondly, every headbutt would be weaker than the previous one. Why? Because every moment, he's still in the guy's grip. By exerting himself, he's actually losing even more oxygen than he was just by being held. Also the effectiveness of his attack is reduced by the fact that he doesn't have the ground to support him. A headbutt is made all the more powerful by throwing one's body weight. Tucker, being held up, is only using his neck muscles. If you watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D-KijfBtZE, you'll notice the victim is using the guy's arm as a lever so that gives him more power. Also, keep in mind, this guy is not nearly as strong as Ronan and was only stopped by bullet to the head. Okay... That's going a bit off the point, but what I'm saying is, Tucker would have blacked out by the time he got five headbutts in.
Furthermore, if Ronan had any sense, he could have simply adjusted his hold and wrapped both hands (or just one) around Tucker's neck. He might not be smart, but he is a warrior and should know the fundamentals of dealing with opponents of varying sizes. Also, Tucker can't possibly be the first one to try this shit.
And let's assume he got out. Tucker would not have the strength to stand up, let alone kick his opponent with enough force to disorient him. Ronan, in your words, was only angered by the damage done to his nose and should have simply punched Tucker right then and there instead of tackling him. But even that would have rendered a man like Tucker unconsious or would have at least winded him beyond the point of recovery.
Somehow, not only is he still able to attack Ronan's leg, he also finds it in him to dodge every punch and keep on kicking. It's just ridiculous at this point. Even more so, when Ronan could have just backed up, or grabbed Tucker's leg. When you do the same attack more than once, even a moron is going to figure it out.
Also, if Tucker really had the strength to break Ronan's jaw (and the is not easy), he still would have most likely broken his own foot in the process. And the fact that Tucker is still able to keep moving after that. He's already exhausted his third wind at this point, and should not even be breathing.
Yes I know this is a fantasy story, but the way you wrote it gave me teh WRONG impression. Overuse of the word "seem", "seemed" "seemingly" --I counted eleven before the fight ended--kept me thinking WTF? How is he even alive? That's such BS! I should be cheering for T but from everything I'd seen from him earlier, there was nothing to suggest let alone prove that he was capable of such a superhuman feat. And Doc, no lie, no ordinary human could have done this.
Tucker could have won with more reaonable methods, such as biting, elbowing, crotchkicking, throat punching, hell, after getting free, however crazy that was, he could have done the exact same thing to his oppoent. Giving Ronan a chokehold would be doubly avantageous, because he can use his strength AND his weight to deal with him, just like Westley (Cary Elwes) did to Fezzik (Andre the Giant) in The Princess Bride. And yes, I know that he got slammed into rocks while he did that, but that did visibly hurt. Also, there were no rocks for Ronan to use as such, which means Tucker would only to had to worry about Ronan falling down. I know you want Tucker to be NOBLE and HONOUR, but this was a battle of survival and there is a difference between honour and stupidity
In conclusion, I say: be a little more creative with your fight scenes. This wasn't the only one I had problems with. The fight with Tucker and Tyrone was nonsense. If Ty wasn't trained to fight with his fists, he'd never be follish enough to challenge a man who is clearly more msucular (or was he not?) and who would obviously have to have some knowledge. And the fight against the Jessica double was resolved without much difficulty as was the fight with Tucker and Jessica: I take issues with spells being broken by "Speeches of Love". Why couldn't he have at least used that as means to get close enough to destroy the locket?
Sorry, this went on too long. I just thought you should do this in the future.
No hate intended. Still a good story overall.
Date: August 31 2016 5:11 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
And this ends the warpath that the "Mistress of Size" created. Shame about Jessica though. She must have overlooked her growth and in result, her body didn't take it well. It'll definitely be interesting seeing how she will handle things being 3.8 centimeters tall.
Well she might not take it well for now. But she might get used to it.
Date: August 18 2016 5:25 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
And one more thing:
"I thank you for seeing reason my Lord. Despite your defeat this day I do not wish any ill will on you. You and your army will be allowed to return home but these lands belong to me and my family until the end of days." She then turned to see the carnage that was taking place all around her. She needed this to stop as soon as possible to ensure the most amount of survivors. "Everybody listen up!" Her voice was loud enough to be heard by everyone. "Lord Sherringham has surrendered, all of his men are to lay down your arms right now or else you will answer to me! All of you are permitted to return home but your swords will remain where you drop them. You may remove your dead and wounded, my men will not stop you. There is no shame in defeat this day, you were defeated before you started. At least now you can return to your loved ones and tell them the tales of this day."
This was by far the dumbest speech I ever heard. I mean I know she's trying to sound bold, but who the hell would want to remember a day like this on the losing side? And seriously, if she didn't wish ill on them, WHY THE HELL did she mercilessly slaughter many troops. Surely that was unecessary. They could not hurt her. Maybe she should have warned them AFTER she had grown.
Again I'm sorry that you didn't like it. Maybe they can tell tales about how they saw a gaint woman. Also in not that many troops died in the end, a low percentage of the full army.
Date: August 17 2016 8:39 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
This latest chapter was a bit of a letdown in comparison after the rather exciting last two. Felt unnecessary and like a rehashing of other chapters concering Tucker and Jess.
Seriously, we get it, they're in love, we don't need to reminded every other chapter, and overdramatizing with 'it time had stopped for them'. Not to sound super-harsh but this was hardly the most touching moment.
And while I appreciate Jessica finally returning to 'normal' it did not require a whole chapter of her adjusting, nor did it need to involve her toying with her fiancee. Also O'Hare's exit was so rushed that it diminished her impact and felt like a rather lame sideplot.
Despite the good action, there have been MANY sideplots that DON'T connect back to the main story. I was hoping for O'Hare's story to be explored more and more of Gwen. I mean she just disappears for a dozen chapters, shows up VERY briefly and then leaves again. This needs to be resolved. And as for O'Hare, I expected her to be more of an obstacle in their quest.
Nevertheless, the story makes good with Tucker and Jess nearing the Home Stretch. Hope the final part lives up.
Hopefully you'll think that the next chapter lives up to your expectations. I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy the last chapter that much.
Date: July 27 2016 10:36 AM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
Anyway, are you gonna do some BFG stories soon? Or should me and Nostory do it? Lul, jk. I only read stories and is a horrible YouTuber. Yay.
Yeah I will be writing more soon, I just want to finish this story first.
Date: July 17 2016 6:46 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
Something has to be done about Gwen. She's really gone too far this time.
Her sense of feeling all-powerful must change or this plotline will become boring. Overall, the story's still good, though it no longer feels like the Treasure is the main goal and I'm hoping for much more intiimidating opponent then Gwen, fucked up as she is.
Maybe a full-fledged god, or something capable of fighting gods.
Things will be moving forward soon, the end of the story isn't too far away and every you said will come to head.
Date: July 04 2016 2:23 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
It'll take a bit more of experimentation to find out how much of the first two potions you need so that things don't become wacky. I like tall girls but they got to be proportional.
The first two potions seem like a little bit of a waste to me because you can only grow so much before it becomes weird. I can see a natural look for up to a foot but thats it.
I'm a little confused about how i feel about the third potion. I was really liking the powerful amazon thing, but I also enjoyed the shrinking.
As for the last potion I could only guess what it could do. I know what I would do with it but you probably have something different in mind.
I would allow the last potion give the person total control of their proportions. This would allow the Lady to use the first two potions to grow taller and the last one to fill it out until they look normal. They could also control their mass so that they can have breasts/muscles/etc as big as they want.
Or you could have it give them growth powers just like gwen but to a certain limit.
Maybe that can happen. You'll just have to wait and see.
Date: June 15 2016 10:46 AM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
Can't wait to see what all the bottles do. Seems that she has an unlimited supply of each so she'll figure out Is which
Yeah, when it is powered by a demi-goddess almost anything can happen
Date: June 07 2016 6:13 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
It is going to be great to see Nancy again, but there are a few problems that see with her growth. Depending on how fast she grows then growing to Jessica size in a few months means that she would be gigantic in a years time and even bigger considering that she still has 50+ years of life. That doesn't even take into consideration the amount of food that she would need. She could literally eat all of the food making her people starve or her family run out of money.
I want Nancy to get big but she needs a limiter like Jessica dress.
Lady O'Hare on the other hand would be perfect at around 9 feet tall. She would still think she was the tallest without knowing otherwise. That and the fact that her tallest knight wouldn't even come up to her chest.
Those are some pretty good ideas and I do plan to see Nancy in a spin off story at some point. For Nancy's growth it will be different to Jessica's.
Date: June 07 2016 1:50 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
I don't think that Lady O'Hare is evil/bad, she just seems like an opportunist. She seems to have a fixation on being tall and finds it amusing that there is a woman as tall as Jessica.
I'm really glad that Gwen is coming back into action for the next chapter mostly because size shenanigans usually ensues. I wouldn't be surprised if the two ladies have some of the same qualities. Hopefully Lady O'Hare finds a way convince Gwen to give her an extra few inches, or if Gwen is feeling generous a few feet. I'm just saying that it would be cool to have a Lady that even Jessica has to look up to.
Not a bad idea although we do have Nancy who will soon be going through a never endin growth spurt.
Date: May 12 2016 5:33 PM Title: Chapter 1: In The Beginning
Once again, this is a chapter that does little to progress the plot. I'd appreciate the reconciliation if it didn't feel like they were just repeating what happened last time.
Also, I must ask why Jessica feels her larger form to be her "true" self. I don't think it is. In fact, I only saw her true self, in that cavern when she lost her magic. This body is the one that hides her true self. And it most certainly does not need to define who she is.
She states that being gigantic is her true form since without her dress that's what she would be. I hope that the next chapter will further things for you.