Date: June 29 2016 11:24 PM Title: Chapter 10 Arrival at Roger's new Home
I like your view about him changeing, not her. Great point.
Maybe he should answer her with yes ma'am to show respect to someone better. When will the next chapter come out?
Date: September 03 2014 10:53 AM Title: Chapter7 Kyndall takes control
Oh, yeah! Now, I remember that review. I had opined that Roger would be better off with Erin rather than Kelsie. And, you kind of hinted that I might be wrong. But, at ths juncture (I've ALWAYS wanted to use that word!), I don't think so.
Date: August 06 2014 7:08 AM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
The only thing Im not a fan of so far is the non-linear writting style, I always have trouble figuring out which is the new chapter.
Sorry you dont enjoy the non linear storytelling. i totally understand your frustration but I do have my reasons. Please see my above post where i try to expain my reasoning behind this approach. I hope you can still enjoy the story despite not liking my writing style.
Date: August 06 2014 7:02 AM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
He might as well stay with Kelsey, at least with her its a stranger treating him badly instead of his own family! Although, ideally he should have ended up with Erin, she seems like a sweet girl and definitely the nicest person to him!
Wait and see how things go with Erin. You may get to see what you are looking for with their relationship or you may not. LOL time will tell. As to Kelsie and Roger, Kelsie may not treat Roger well but she is not a bad person. The situation she finds herself in has excited her and offered her new unexpected opportunities that most girls are not lucky enough to experience. I think if I were to shrink, I would want a girl like Kelsie to be calling the shots because she is pretty much like most girls. Haha most girls who seem to enjoy the power trip and rush if they had the opportunity to have their own little man to do with as they pleased.Kelsie does treat Roger badly but she also kind of adores him too and its hard to dislike someone like her that enjoys having her own shrunken man, isnt it??
Date: August 02 2014 11:49 PM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
You've got a good way of bringing your characters to life. A lot of people do a lot more "Telling" than "Showing" when they write.
You get inside their heads and let us know their motivations. Some of this of course, can be done through conversation, but you actually give us a look at their inner workings and personalities.
The only thing I'd like to see on the face of it, is a little more scenery. You've done great in descriptions of the terrarium, for example. If you painted the rest of the backdrops so well this would add even more amazing depth to your world.
Sometimes, it helps to start with describing the place the scene is happening in, and then the focus character of a scene. Like when you watch a movie, if the scene takes place in someone's back yard during a swim party, you might notice the pool, or a barbeque, even before you focus on the guy flipping burgers at said barbeque.
Honestly, your work is (with the minor typo demons that plague us all aside) of a higher quality than I've seen in print where the author was actually paid to write it.
If you want me to go more in depth to critique, I will, but really it would feel like really nit-picking at that point.
- thank you. That is a very generous review of my work. I hear what you are sayinbg about the description and I guess as a reader, I do not like to get bogged down in reading about all the details. I like to get to the action. But the point is well taken and I will keep that in mind as I continue to write further. I believe character develpment is of the utmost importance and I liek to concentrate on gthe characters most. By the time I finsish writing a chapter, I have a very strong opinion about my characters. I might adore them, dislike them, or feel they are very human with faults and weaknesses like the rest of us. Thats kind of what I strive the reader to feel. For example, in this story, I have made Jenna, the middle daughter into a very sweet girl who you just feel for as she watches her beloved daddy go through this horrible situation. She will eventually succumb to the situation and though she will never become like Kyndall, she will start to see her dad as a possession rather than as her strong loving protective father. Then there is Kelsie Mckenna who is both conniving and demanding yet she has positive qualities ins pite of her faults. She will learn to love her little man and perhaps in the long run, their relationship will be stronger for it.We will have to wait and see how it develops.
- I enjoyed reading your commentary and i would love to read more of your thoughts, perhaps about the charactersthemselves? I very much appreciate that you think I get inside my characters heads and show the inner workings of their minds. I certainly work at that and I am glad someone notices the care I go to to make that happen. I agree about telling stories vs showing. I get so bored reading lots of detailed descriptions rather than having a scene develop and having it bring the story to life.
thanks for taking the time to read and comment Michalecs.You give very constructive critique and that makes your compliements much more rewarding. Though I doubt I write better than paid writers but its nice to think I might hold my own with real authors!
Date: August 01 2014 9:59 AM Title: Chapter 10 Arrival at Roger's new Home
Not that I want to take Kelsie's side in this. But, that's the trouble with most parents like Roger. They're under the misconception that respect and courtesy are one and the same. Which is not the case, at all! True respect is neither commanded, demanded, nor bought. It is earned by _everyone_ BEFORE being given to _anyone_!
No exceptions...not even parents.
Carycomic- you are too funny! I love that you comment on each chapter. I wish others who read it would take the time to tell there thoughts. I worked very very very hard on this chapter and stayed up late many nights! Not that I need praise, though I like that too. Just comments on my story and the characters is what I am looking for. Well thanks for being interested and continuing to read. I hope you like the next part. Its written and I am going to do a slight preview later tonight. so keep your eyes posted. 12000 reads and 14 comments? Damn those numbers suck. :) I even would take suggestions people as to what you would like to see happen to the charaters or how you feel about all the young women taking control of Roger's life. ( I assume that bothers some of you readers- you can tell me. I promise I wont cry at criticsm)
And Careycomic, please do take Kelsies side. I want people to like her character, thats why in spite of being bossed around and teased, Roger understands and still in spite of himself likes Kelsie Mckenna!
Date: July 08 2014 9:52 AM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
Finally got a chance to check this out. It's an intriguing start; there's really only so much I can say since some of the early chapters are repeats, but I like the set-up. It's nice that Kelsie isn't necessarily mean to the speaker, but simply sees owning him rather than letting him go home as the best choice for both, as it makes her a more complex figure. Like with another reviewer, Sibling Rivalry was one of the first macro stories I encountered and it was a very fond first reading; I'd be interested in seeing that continued someday. I would suggest in the future with this story though that you don't post repeat sections, as they can trip up the reader a little and there doesn't seem to be much reason to have them there. There were some minor spelling/grammar errors that you might sweep up as well. Other than that though this was a very enjoyable beginning. Keep up the nice work.
Date: June 29 2014 7:51 AM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
A girl stealing her friend's dad? What a great idea.
Your story Sibling Rivalry was one of the first stories I fell for on this site, so I'm happy to see you writing again. Looking forward to seeing where it goes.
Thanks for saying so realRS. I hope you enjoy this one as much as SR. Some day I would love to go back to that one and complete it. At least I would like to Eric to Missy's dorm room where he will meet Alexandra. That story still had a way to go. Its nice to hear that people rememeber that story fondly. Thats how I view the writings of Zotster, Littletoy and espcially slipsteam. If you like SR and you like the one I am writing, I totally recommend Slipstreams work. He is my favorite author and like me, he doesnt write enough.
Anyways thanks for commenting and telling me you like the idea! Its nice to hear. Feel free to keep sharing your ideas as the story progresses. It's great getting feedback, good or bad. Sometimes the criticisms make me laugh! Other times they are very constructive and helpful so feel free.
Date: June 28 2014 11:32 PM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
It's good to see you back in action again, I'm Deuce Micro, also known as Ace Corona, and back in 2000-2002 I was known as Riverdog13 and Deuce Little O, do you remember me?
I like how you got right to the good part, showing how he lives at tiny size, and the descriptions of Kelsie's personality sounds like a real teenage girl.
Ace! Of course I remember you. You and i often have similar tastes. I hope I have the enrgry to keep thios story going for awhile becaue I often run out of steam. The typing part is my biggest hatle and I write it out during the day and then often struggle making sense of my scribbles at night! Here's hoping I complete this one for a change. I Really like the character of Kelsie and I agree, I am trying to make her a real teenage girl though she will be more mature than alot of girls her age as we shall soon see. I have finished chapter 10 and I just have to get a chance to type it. I really like it and I hope you do too. Teaser: It goes to when Kelsie first brings roger to his new home and how that goes. First I need to finish the first day the strain hits Roger and then I will add the chapter 10 then I am so eager to share.
I think you will like the way I am planning to go a little out of sequenence with my storytelling. It allows us to see Roger at different phases of his experience.
Please keep commenting any time Deuce, I am totally into feedback, especially of people whose opinions I respect,
Date: June 23 2014 5:21 AM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
Well, like myself, you've started another and haven't finished any of your others...
...I know, it's hard to stop the juice from flowing when another idea enters into the fantasy. That's cool though, you can always go back and pick up on one of the other storys when the feeling is right.
____ I really like the idea you have here for this one. Rogers shrinking is still a mystery, as to how it all started. Hopefully we find out how in the next chapter. I think that you could take this story in just about any direction, all these young girls and so many possablitys...
I noticed that you forget to capitalize at the begining of some sentences, and a few minor errors, but nothing too distract much from the story. The only thing that seem to stand out to me, was that you could add more discription when the action takes place.
Like, when the cat attacked... You could have drawn that out a lot more. Also, whenever one of the giantess picks him up; a lot more detail would be so much better during the actual handling of him, ya know. ( It's what happens, that makes the story)
I hope that you continue with this one for at least several more chapters, before losing steam, your writing is well formed, and easy to follow...
Keep it up! ;`)
Some very interesting comments wildcatman. Thanks for reading and taking the time to give a very detailed assessment. It's the longest most thoughtful review I have ever had and I like critque on what I write. I'm pretty tired right now so there wont be much commentary right now on your analysis but I wanted to thank you for your support and I hope you will keep reading and commenting!
A few things about your points- I type poorly and try to go back and correct my typos and punctuation errors. Unfortunately, I do the typing late at night and I am not always at my best at 1am! I appreciate your constructive cristicism because I am somewhat anal about my writing. haha, Its why I never finish anything. It takes time to make my stories look the way I like, and you are so right, I run out of steam. Just for your information, I originally named the character Marcus and the girl's name was spelled Kelsey but then I went back and tried to improve it to my liking. I changed every single Marcus to Roger and each time I wrote Kelsey, I changed it over to Kelsie, Dont know why but I thought that would be a cuter spelling. Anyways your comments about the not capitilizing first words in some sentences definitely bothers me and I will look it over when I have the energy and try to make it look better.
I think the first chapter was just to set the stages a little and in chapter two you will get more back story of Roger's life and his family and how it changred after the strain. I plan to be more decriptive later on after I get into the story and there will be dialogue between the characters. I was just trying to set the stage for the story. Hope you continue to enjoy. I am goign to look up your stories too and see if they are my kind of stories. I will let you know!
Date: June 22 2014 1:37 AM Title: Chapter 1: Roger's new life
Interesting story and looking forward to more.
Shame it wasn't his wife captured though.
hmmm Adamx, are you into SW? Are you female or do you just enjoy tiny women? LOL Or do you mean its a shame his wife didnt capture Roger instead of the girl cpaturing him? Glad you are interested and I hope you will enjoy future installments.