[Report This]Date: August 17 2015 9:05 AM Title: Chapter 1: Willing
Sorry to have not reviewed this sooner, as I just found it through your other story, but it is quite good! I do hope you write more of it, someday!
[Report This]Date: May 14 2014 2:35 AM Title: Chapter 1: Willing
Heyas, really interesting story so far :) Good themes, character building etc, nothign seems 'mindles' about how you've stylised your characters (Its such a relief to see a story where the two girls arent bimbo cheerleaders or collage room mates with hour-glass figures or some other over-used cliche!).
The dialect/accent thing is interesting, never seen that done well in a story before, it makes you kinda read it in their voices which helps with the immersion.
the layout is nice and fluid, so i would reccomend you keep that up, too many broken up paragraphs is an utter CHORE to read and breaks up the fluid style of a story, but you've done alright here.
Over-all, hope you keep this going :) All too many terrible stories are spamming updates on this site at the mo, it would be nice to get some quality back into the mix!!
Author's Response:
Thank you. Very much appreciated. Spacing gets to be difficult when you have long "smut" scenes, as you don't know how to space it out without breaking the immersion.
[Report This]Date: May 11 2014 9:13 PM Title: Chapter 1: Willing
Really good start. And I noticed the tag for 40yrs old. Does that mean the mom will have her sexy feet get worshipped too?
aaron
PS if the mom does join in, I hope she washes her feet or has her tiny daughter(s) do it. Maybe with a pedicure for good measure lol.
Author's Response: Hmm, maybe.
[Report This]Date: May 11 2014 3:57 PM Title: Chapter 1: Willing
So far so good my friend! I always enjoy a story that involves sisters. Good characters as well, they have an interesting dynamic lol. Being a fan of the more violent aspects of the genre, I hope that Sam has a power trip :). Whatever way you take the story though I will follow it!
Author's Response: I do like the term "power-trip". There's some irony in Sam having one, actually, but that's for later. Thanks.
Date: May 11 2014 2:00 PM Title: Chapter 1: Willing
I like what you've got here so far. The plot set-up before leaping right into the shrinking is appreciated, as you've done a nice job establishing the relationship of the sisters and foreshadowing to how the dynamics between them change once the main character is reduced. I like the dialect and language style you're using for their dialogue, and because it's consistent, it helps it stay immersive. Good luck in continuing.
Author's Response: Thank you. I definitely spent time on doing that. I actually am pretty proud of myself looking back at some of the story, and am very excited to tie the character development in with the more "interesting" parts.