[Report This]Date: March 29 2014 9:22 PM Title: Jenna - Part 2
Wow this was not what I was expecting but it was still a very poignant and hard hitting chapter. It was completely with Jenna's character to hit Ashely with some cold hard truth like she did with Naomi in Consequences. Good job!
Also I'm fine with no epilogue since that can technically take place in Consequences should you decide to continue it.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the compliment and your continued readership. I definitely kept 'Boil' up while writing this one.
[Report This]Date: March 29 2014 9:18 PM Title: Cold
I can just imagine that Ashley is going to have trouble be around Omegas for a while. And even when she gets past that, she'll probably have some level of trauma. You're right. This will probably change their relationships forever. I look forward to more from this series.
Author's Response:
Guess we'll...have to see! It will stick with her, though. Thanks for reading.
Date: March 29 2014 9:08 PM Title: Jenna - Part 2
I sense the real pain is coming in the next one, still don't like Jenna. Not at all. I am curious about what you have planned in future stories, will you ever go back to the three girls?
Author's Response:
We'll have to see next chapter, I suppose.
And which three girls? I have two sets :P
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 6:15 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
This is the best read going today besides Titan: Pandemic and a few stories that are afk at the moment.
That said no matter what you decide to do I will be here to read it.
Author's Response:
I appreciate the high compliment. Thanks as always for the review, and for your thoughts.
Date: March 25 2014 4:12 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Yeah, this story seems to be getting longer and longer. Maybe you shouldn't bother making strict limits like that and just write til its done.
Anyway, I'm of two minds about you finishing Consequesnses. On one hand I'm for it because you are at a good stopping point, with maybe one or two chapters to serve as conclusion and epilogue. Also, I'm looking forward to seeing more of the broader world outside of these few girls. There are so many questions to be answered and stories to be told! How does the government in this world work? How does it interact with the Omega groups? How wide spread is anti- beta/ omega sentiment among Alphas? How do mixed cities work? How do mixed couples work? How does a beta parent go about raising an Alpha or perhaps Omega child?
Honestly you could write a dozen stories about this world your creating an only scratch the surface. But I personally want to see more interaction among the sizes, and I don't think we'll get much of that while focusing so narrowly on the girls punishment.
On the other hand there are more stories to be told about the girls punishment. I was looking forward to the beta history classes and the community service. As well as seeing how the girls developed as characters.
Maybe you can end Consequences like you planned and continue the girls punishment as a periodically updated group of short stories? That would allow you to skip around to various interesting points of their year long punishment.
But the real question is, What are your ideas for a new story in this universe? Do you have any? I would make a story about an expirimental mixed Alpha-beta school overseen by Omegas to teach tolerance to alphas and for betas to gain self esteem alongside their larger peers. Cliche I know, but there's a reason school stories are so popular. Schools just have so much potential for drama and kids make for cute protagonists.
Author's Response:
Part of the temptation definitely centers around feeling rather...constrained by the limited world available in Consequences. I do want to get out in the world a bit, explore some things. In any case, I appreciate hearing your thoughts on the matter.
As for new stories, well, the origin one is a big priority. Outside of that, things I've currently got on the brain: I'd like to go see what Marshall's up to and go over his meeting with Abby, get an anthology story set up to do little shorts on the Lindons, handle the situation with the Fire. Also been brainstorming a little idea for a post-Consequences story where Corey, Claire, Melody, Jenna, other Alphas/Betas/Omegas in their general circle of friends go on a cross-country trip of sorts together. Just a little slice of life tour.The idea amuses me.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 3:45 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Mrs. Reynolds' guest is one more reason why I can't wait till I have enough time to read your other story (not to mention the positive reviews I'm reading here!).
Now you'll probably hate me, but... "that man from earlier, was where the digits he had been" :)
Author's Response:
Hahah, nah, I appreciate it. It seems that whenever I proofread something I always miss the stupidest shit. Thank you.
Date: March 25 2014 3:00 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
So can Jenna watch her mother when she punishes her charges? If so, I can see that definitely helping to foster a young Jenna’s burgeoning sadomasochistic thoughts. If it wasn’t for her upbringing and education at the institute I dare say she could have ended up as a cruel giantess. What I find more disturbing is that she is punishing a charge right within view of Ashley. From how nonchalantly she was eating her dessert while Jenna’s mother was chewing that guy out I guess she’s already used to seeing things like that.
Author's Response:
She can, assuming her mother allows it (which she did, in this case, or at least she didn't attempt to hide it from her daughter).
And to be fair to her, Ashley never would have even seen what was happening if Jenna hadn't been zoning the hell out, causing Ashley to actually look and try to find whatever had Jenna's attention.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 2:59 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Oh god what a setup for what’s to come.
I’m very interested, and very scared, to see what Jenna will do. On the one hand I tell myself it can’t be that bad as Melody and Jenna are decidedly still friends going into the future. However at the same time Kayla has flat out said Jenna shouldn’t be in charge of anyone with a chance at redemption. Will that be because of this incident, or just what Jenna has developed into?
I think if this was just a slice of life story people would probably love Jenna, from all accounts she has fine self control of herself outside of dealing with criminals. Because of the nature of this series though we always see her at her absolute worst, here’s hoping for a swerve and it’s not too traumatic…
As others have said now that the pattern has been set there’s room for timeskips and maybe an epilogue on their progress (or lack thereof ) Really so long as we’re not left hanging, either through Consequences or another story, i’ll be happy.
Author's Response:
Jenna is consistently interesting to hear opinions on, because I constantly feel that the general response toward her is because I made Naomi TOO sympathetic. Naomi is a sweet, remorseful girl who wants to do the right thing and then Jenna shows up and lays into her verbally as well as physically. It feels like I poisoned Jenna from the start by attaching her largest scene to the nicest girl. And yes, due to her scenes typically involving a criminal or some sort of punishment, it presents the worst aspects of her character.
And thank you for your thoughts.
Date: March 25 2014 2:39 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
You could, it has become something more than a simple giantess punishes three smaller people.
Author's Response:
It really has, hasn't it? It's almost frustrating how much ended up being spawned from that one little idea.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 12:41 PM Title: Jenna - Part 1
How old is Ashley in the first part? They aren't doing her any favors sugarcoating or protecting her from the truth considering where she ended up. (Interesting that they still seem to have actual jails.)
When Jenna was zoned out watching the guy's punishment, all I could think was "Get away Ashley, get out of the house!" Not going to speculate further on Jenna, I'll wait for part 2.
I agree with the other review. Establish a pattern for how the sessions went, then give us an epilogue of how the girls turned out. Then you're free to jump in at any point with any of the characters to do side stories like this one. You can also do the time skip as a sequel.
Author's Response:
Ashley is about 11/12 there. It should be noted that I went into that segment picturing the guy as a serial rapist who has victimized Alphas and Betas, so there is a reason that both Jenna and her mother become protective and don't want to go into detail with her.
And than you for your thoughts on that. Hearing opinions on it really is a big help.
Date: March 25 2014 11:31 AM Title: Jenna - Part 1
I have to agree with Kaz on this. Consequences is such a great story with great characters that it shouldn't JUST end. A couple of suggestions on how you should approach this. Finish Marion's first punishment. Establish the pattern of their punishments, then you can time skip, only doing highlights of the their year together or jump to the end with us using the before mentioned punishment patterns to imagine how the rest of the year went. At least let us see how the 3 girls ended up. You could also set this story aside for now and tell other stories, coming back to this one every so often when the muse strikes you. I think you have so many potential storylines that could spin off from this one, like you did with THIS story.
But KEEP WRITING! There are still many mysteries that you've tantalized us with to stop now.
Author's Response:
I appreciate the thoughts and suggestions. I'll definitely consider them, and I like the general idea there. Thank you.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 11:28 AM Title: Jenna - Part 1
When I read this:
"her thumb and forefinger latching onto the sides of his head and dragging his body"
I was thinking, is that possible? Can a person’s head support their entire body weight? After all, drop hanging will break a person’s neck.
This sentence:
"He really had done something bad to be treated like that, Jenna realized"
Should be ‘Ashley realized’, I think. The paragraph is a little weird actually, can’t tell whose head I’m in. :)
As for the chapter itself, very nice. Gives us some background into Jenna, hopefully she doesn't use that same smirk on Ashley. The next chapter will be key to understanding Jenna.
Author's Response:
I'll admit that I leaned more toward the visceral than the realistic with that first part. The thought is such an uncomfortable, terrifying one to me that I couldn't quite keep it out.
The latter will be fixed, thank you for noticing it.
Date: March 25 2014 11:09 AM Title: Jenna - Part 1
Not a review but if you are ending consequences without even an ending then I’m seriously reevaluating how I feel about it. I don’t care how good a story is, if it’s just going to be ditched with so many loose ends left untied and wasted character development then I can’t say I’m going to look back on it fondly.
Author's Response:
I appreciate hearing your thoughts on it.
The biggest problem I'm having is that I'm almost out of "content" on it. I know the story and character beats I want to hit on it, but thinking up appropraite content to surround those beats is proving to be the real issue. I'm not really out of material to write into it quite yet, but it's getting there. Pacing is also a concern. Story takes place over a year and the next chapter is taking place `a month in, and I'm concerned about jumping forward too often and whether those jumps may be too much or too little. Hence the idea of folding that cast into another story, so that I can have other things happening around them as time passes.
But who knows. Like I said, nothing is even a remotely done deal on it. It may just get backburnered for a bit while I hammer things out, possibly work on other things. Half the point of the comment was to gauge reactions to the idea, and I appreciate your candidness on the matter.
Date: March 23 2014 5:10 PM Title: Cold
"On Jenna, she received those reactions due to being frank. She herself took no pride in any of that and I was hoping it would be apparent that she really did not want to be proven right on her assertion. It's also important to note that that that lack of confidence came from the fact that she was dealing with a criminal that almost killed a dear friend of the her's, and even then she tried to impart a lesson onto Naomi that she did want the girl to take to heart."
Reader feed back time: It doesn't read like that, at least not to me. Obviously I don't have all the info you have, but rereading that part it sounds more like she takes for granted she's right, and there's a sense of satisfaction in being proven so. She doesn't rub it in because she knows it pisses the other two off. (She still manages to let how she feels slip out in front of both of them though.)
Also your readers don't know what Jenna's true intention was because she got caught off guard and had to adlib a lesson. She's pretty much just causing Naomi pain when Claire catches her. Keep in mind your readers had already identified with Naomi. This is our first impression of Jenna. It's what needs to be overcome if you want us to see her as something different.
Aside from that encounter, we know Jenna is not athletic, likes westerns, is a sadist, second of her friends qualified to handle betas, had a sad story with a beta friend who was harmed by an alpha, practically thinks all alphas are the same and that betas should be segregated for their own safety, and is a strawberry blonde. That's pretty much it, (not counting review responses). This story it's been one step forward and one back for her. Just something to consider if you want to change the perception of Jenna since the next chapter will be hers.
P.S. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being too harsh on your character. I look forward to the next chapter.
Date: March 22 2014 11:29 PM Title: Cold
Yeah, not me. People like that are hard to get to know on the same level. Justified or not, it leads to being stuck up. Ironic, because that's not at all how I've read Claire's personality from Consequences. I actually expected you to tell me Ashley's interpretation was off due to her own inferiority complex.
The reason Jenna gets so much hate I think is that we haven't seen a whole lot redeeming about her. When we first meet them, she made Melody want to hit her, we learn Claire has hit her, and neither has the greatest confidence in her supposed self restraint. The three of them still being friends isn't a vouch for her character. If anything it reads like they're childhood friends still together out of habit.
Author's Response:
It's honestly a thin line to me. I think Claire generally veers more toward confidence than arrogance, but she's certainly capable of the latter (mainly when it comes to soccer, which is usually what I consider with her when I associate her with arrogance). When it comes down to it, it's also been two years between stories and it's seen Claire shift from a more high school environment to a professional one where she's no longer at the center of everything and some of her more immature tendencies may have simmered down.
On Jenna, she received those reactions due to being frank. She herself took no pride in any of that and I was hoping it would be apparent that she really did not want to be proven right on her assertion. It's also important to note that that that lack of confidence came from the fact that she was dealing with a criminal that almost killed a dear friend of the her's, and even then she tried to impart a lesson onto Naomi that she did want the girl to take to heart.
[Report This]Date: March 22 2014 7:54 PM Title: Claire
This is like reading a movie, you really feel for each character when faced with whatever adversary they find themselves with. That said I'd love to read the chapter.
[Report This]Date: March 22 2014 2:12 PM Title: Cold
Speaking honestly even though I seen the consequences story and know how this plays out. I think if the report on Ashley was false then that would create a lot of drama down the road after receiving her punishment, creating an unconfutable relationship with the sisters and gilt with Melody, Claire, and even Jenna. But after going through the 4 chapters so far I'm glad it took this direction, and it seems theres no need to torcher any of the cheracters more than already.
As for the alternate chapter if it doesn't fit the character you've already established, then it doesn't matter how well written it is and should be left out. I don't know the extent on how different it is, but if it's something you don't want collecting dust then you should use it for another characer all togerher.
[Report This]Date: March 22 2014 1:36 PM Title: Claire
I think this chapter is fine, just cause Claire wouldn't get that dark. Because of her brother Corey.
If you do decide to post it, I probably would still read it.
[Report This]Date: March 22 2014 10:25 AM Title: Claire
First off, it's a little troubling that Claire's personality is generally arrogant, at least from Ashley's perspective.
Second, I hate to admit it, but Claire's talk has a lot more impact for Ashley given what she just went through with her sister. Still not sure if I agree with their methods, but I can see Ashley getting defensive and being in denial if they had just straight out told her. In fact this part of the session has been a lot easier to stomach than the last, and actually gives me hope that the girls will be okay after. (Well maybe not Jenna, cheeriness, Really?)
But I have to wonder, between the degradation and now the guilt, how is Ashley not suicidal right now?
If there's a possibility an alternate chapter would further harm the "character" of your characters, I'm not sure I would want to see it.
Author's Response:
I personally don't really find an issue with the arrogance, though I also prefer it even in a gentle giantess. Claire, remember, is: the captain and star player of her soccer team, is extremely proud of that fact and the condition she keeps her body in, and as Ashley implies is basically the Queen Bee of her class. She has reasons beyond just her size to be arrogant, and despite that arrogance generally tries to conduct herself in what she feels is the morally correct way. But I also know plenty of arrogant people in real life that are ultimately extremely kind, generous people.
Ashley is still processing things. She has even more to process still. But the girls aren't going to finish this whole matter and then just leave her to fester.
Date: March 22 2014 9:15 AM Title: Claire
I'm a bit puzzled sometimes because I realized I should have read your other story before this one (d'oh!), but even then, this story is just really well written.
Even better when I think that "Consequences" is likely just as good, and ~4x longer...
PS
"she had been been" :)
Author's Response:
Thanks for the kind words.
And I don't know what you're talking about >_>