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Reviewer: Coelestium Signed [Report This]
Date: August 19 2013 8:54 PM Title: Chapter 3 - Employment

Great story so far but one tidbit of advice. You don't have to use a new verb for every piece of dialogue, and you especially don't have to use an adverb after every 'says' Don't be afraid to use some bare 'says' every once and a while! 

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 19 2013 8:37 PM Title: Chapter 3 - Employment

The plot thickens a little more.

Reviewer: youre_my_slave Signed [Report This]
Date: August 19 2013 8:24 PM Title: Chapter 3 - Employment

I honestly can't wait for when reality hits Holly like a bag of bricks. I also hope that she's reduced to a mentally broken, willing to do anything slave for this charming woman. (I have a thing for watching the proud fall.)

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