[Report This]Date: September 13 2013 8:45 PM Title: Filling In.
An interesting start. As of how far I read we have a shady company and A kind girl looking after our main character., and the promise of some interesting action further down the road.
I'll make sure to look out for this story, and hopefully continue reading the rest of it.
If I hade to offer one critisism it would be that when you switch speakers you need to start a new paragraph in order to indicate the shift in who is speaking.
Author's Response:
Many thanks! I look forwards to your reading it as it continues through it's paces, and hope you enjoy it and see it through to the end!
I know I mentioned a reply to the criticism you had at the Writer's meeting, but I'd like to also reply here just for the sake of any new readers that might see this review: I think that begins around chapter 3 (An Unexpected Visitor I) as UHF suggested that as well before. =)
Many thanks again for the review! I appreciate them, as always, and look forwards to any more you might have in the future.
- Xan. (Aetron.)
Date: August 31 2013 11:44 PM Title: Filling In.
Still intrigued.
[Report This]Date: August 31 2013 10:52 PM Title: Filling In.
Very good chapter, perhaps not as engaging as the last one but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. Just wish that you would've offered a little more detail. But I will definitely be waiting and reading the next chapter.
aaron
PS how did she come home so early in the day?
Author's Response:
Yeah, it was a bit slower I admit. Though it was partially intentional because the next couple of chapters I plan to have be much more ramped up. =)
I must ask, in what way do you feel it was lacking detail?
Thanks for the great review!
Also! I invisioned her to work a sort of 7 - 3 shift. She also lives quite close to the building, so it's not very far from there to her place. =)
- Xan.
[Report This]Date: August 31 2013 8:15 PM Title: Filling In.
Nathan's blacked-out memory really adds to the suspence of his sudden realization. Elysse might be his saving grace, (or) she could just be 'toying' with him, allowing him to think that he's in good hands...
I really like the way that you've set this up. I hope that it's a long adventure, seeing that this 'Research' is somewhat common place for this 'Company', you've got a perfect setting, with tons of possibilitys!
Great first chapters, can't wait to read more... ;`)
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for your great review! I'm glad that you're enjoying it thus far, and hope that I can continue to entertain as it goes along. :D
Hoping to have the next chapter uploaded either tonight, or tomorrow afternoon at some point as well!
- Xan.
[Report This]Date: August 31 2013 3:52 PM Title: Filling In.
This is going to prove a BAD idea...for both of them. I just know it! :-(
Author's Response:
Haha, it very well just might! But I wouldn't want to spoil anything. :D