"My entire life was dictated by her, and she was totally unaware of it".  -that single sentence had the most impact, or the most effect on me, anyway...

If you could have elaborated on that particular point; diving deeper into that realization and really driving that point home.  This wasn't even his new owner, (it was her room mate) and the idea of this, (as she contemplated 'kidnapping' him(unknowingly)) could have been carried out with a lot more detail...

Being in this extremely submissive position, even a little girl could steal him away and there would nothing that he could do about it! 

I think the erotica within this type of tale, pretty much relies on that aspect.  The complete helplessness and the 'unknown' that could happen to him...

Great discriptions while he was held captive inside her tight jeans!  ;`)