Date: July 29 2013 7:29 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Express
It's an interesting concept and a good idea I think. Although one problem I noticed it that you tend to switch between past and present tense in the story. Pick one tense and stick with it, it's better that way.
Author's Response:
Yeah yer probably right.
[Report This]Date: July 28 2013 12:00 PM Title: Chapter 5: Toma, Chapter 6: The New Yu
I quite enjoyed this story.
I'm not one for foot fetish, but I don't avoid such stories either. Because sometimes I come across a good one that is original.
Like this one. Chapter 4 was amazing. Very original showing them that video, and that the debris of the house is still on the shoe with the parents. It's not the usual use of feet that is done to death.
It wasn't exactly humiliation for the two brothers, it was pure psychological terror (and physical of course). I like that you played that aspect. I was shocked what you made them go through, and I am not easily shocked anymore.
Bravo.
Author's Response:
High praise, thank you very much.
Date: July 27 2013 6:29 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Express
Oh wait, just re-read it, she WAS suspected.
Author's Response:
Yep I can see that that would be strange. I figured since there's no remains, theres no case. Thanks for the input
Date: July 27 2013 6:28 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Express
Id be interested to know more about the world, and why nobody said anything about her killing those guys and their family. Pretty good story, I still kind of lose a bit of belief in the fact that nobody suspects a thing about her, but its fine.