Date: December 06 2013 8:28 PM Title: Survival Training Pt. 2
This chapter was good.
You further developed Nephila's character, and soundly introduced the theme in the story with Michael's helplessness in his situation. You also enlightened the readers, by allowing to observe Nephila's actions, they can come to terms with the stories title easily. The wild savage I felt was overplayed, but worked none the less.
Dialogue was heavy, but acceptable with proper exposition. I felt that the reader need to refresh themselves before reading the chapter. It might have been good to have some sort of re-cap exposition. I also felt the character of Herme's was severely underplayed, and lacked what he needed to be considered a good side character. Honestly, if it had been me, I would have dedicated an entire chapter to Nephila's interaction with him, before saving Michael. But due to the fact that last chapter involved a very fast action scene, I feel it also couldn't be helped by the author.
The wild giantess I also felt to be a minor character, because she was overplayed, but not so much as Herme's. She got plenty of lines and seven her personality was done well, so in the end, for a random encounter, she passed. Would love to see her develop more if they meet again.
I only saw one run on sentence, and your use of comma's generally gave readers go breath's. You had a tendency to overuse spaces between exposition, but not very badly either, it passes.
The chapter passes with a good grade, for the development of theme, and character personality in the main characters.
I will look forward to reading your next chapter.
Author's Response:
This is high praise coming from you Eric lol.
First off I am glad to see you notice the amount of effort I put into developing Nephila's character and how I am slowly adding more from her POV.
On the subject of dialogue I would have to agree with you in this department, but I felt that the heavier amount of dialogue was acceptable seeing as it was a more action oriented chapter. As for Hermes I have to admit that he is a minor character and will not show up much up until around the end of the story
I'm glad my grammar is getting high marks as well.
Lastly, "The chapter passes with a good grade" all in all a good grade. Thank you Eric. :)
*Spoilers* The wild giantess is going to be a minor character, and she will appear in later chapters