Date: April 08 2021 10:44 AM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Author is ridiculously skilled. Had literally three viewpoints on how panicked Bradley was, and how it was affecting his ability to think logically. And the spacing is really easy to read. Definitely written paperback books, and listened to feedback, i'll say.
Author's Response:
Hmmm, can't tell if you're serious or not...but I'll take a chance at you being serious and say thanks!
[Report This]Date: September 11 2013 6:29 AM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Overall the story is good. I agree the ending is a little weak and rushed. There's alot of room for a sequel and I hope there is one. Some ideas I came up with: The Trial of Arell-Brad is taken to her homeworld to act as a witness for her trial, but quickly realizes that Earthies are on trial as well. The punishment could be that they have to live with eachother to prove that they both can live in civilized society. With Arell treating Brad as a pet and/or a man at any given time.; Team 2-A new research is sent to confirm Arell's findings. They are more objective and treat it as a science experiment, gathering "samples", etc. I just think that Arell shouldn't just return to Earth, unless it in exile. Otherwise you'd be covering the same ground you've done already. Just some ideas, take it or leave it, its your story. You may have more plotted out already.
[Report This]Date: September 10 2013 8:05 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Im with the guy below, its really hard to feel bad for Arell with the things she's done. I mean its obvious that humans(little ones) are jacked up and that it rubbed off on her but that doesn't suddenly make what she's done justified.
Secondly, about Avakon, its REALLY hard to believe that their race has no discrimination or war, especially when Arell goes and says that the ONLY reason her race would externimate the little humans is that they look like alike. So basically, any OTHER race that is violent and despicable is okay but just because we look like them, all of a sudden Arell suggests that we might be wiped out? That sounds like discrimination to me...
Also, Arell and her people could just leave Earth alone, yeah little humans are violent and whatnot, but they are not only bigger but also WAY more technologically advanced...Do we pose a threat to them or something? Destroying an entire planet because you don't like the people on it doesn't sound like something a benevolent race would do.
Something else I want to talk about is why I think, realistically, the giant humans are benevolent and all that jazz. I think its because of their lifespans...Im not sure exactly but you didnt mention anything about their brains being slower than ours, in fact maybe the opposite. And they have THOUSANDS of years to discuss and deliberate whatever differences they may have amongst eachother. We obviosly wouldnt have that luxury, so we resort to violence...I think its unfair of the giant people to be disgusted at how their little brother race is doing with such huge advantages.
Anyway, this was a great chapter, and it felt like an ending, although it seems you plan to continue this. I obviously dont agree with how Arell tried to justify her actions but Bradley was AMAZING in this chapter...Totally stole the show!
Author's Response:
Arell's actions are, indeed, not justified. I'm in agreement...as well as she. ;)
It's a little more deeper than 'they just look alike'. Think back to the example that Arell gave. Imagine you found a long lost brother or sibling or someone who has close ties to you in that fashion. You're excited to see them, thinking of what may occur within the newfound relationship, only to discover that the person is murderer. Not only that, but he is getting away with murders and you know it. You may react a few different ways. You may call the police, tell a friend...or stop them yourself. Either way, it's unlikely you'd just ignore the situation. Ignoring the additional values that Arell's race hold on altruism, you can sort of see where they are coming from. You have to remember that Arell's people are not gods. They see the Earthies as something so vile that they just do not want anything to do with them and loathe any connection that they have with something like that. Arell's personal reasons go a little further. The centuries of violence and apathy made her cold and indifferent, and when she accidentally kills and Earthy, she finds that she likes it, a fact that causes her to be disgusted with herself and makes her realize that she's turning into a monster, which causes her to be afraid that the people of Avakon will banish her. All of which merge into her bitterness towards the Earthies.
I'll expand on the Avakonians and their lifestyle...in the continuation, of course. ;)
[Report This]Date: September 10 2013 7:29 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
After I've read the story I have to say I don't like Arell. She's not a sympathetic character. The explanation reveals her motivation, but doesn't excuse her crimes. Crimes, I might add, against two worlds, but only one of which she seems to care about. If you think about it, given her murder count and the moral code of her home world, she's one of the worst people to have ever lived on both planets. Also, as a sort of ambassador for her people, she's done more to disgrace their name and expose the hypocrisy of their values than any Earthly insult.
So no, she's not sympathetic, but she is pitiable, as in I feel sorry for her. Her psyche is as fragile as a china dish. Bradley, on the other hand, shines in this story. He's more like a metal rod, malleable but not easily broken. Even bent and dented, still keeps the rigidity of a spine. Most shocking given the true reason she picked him, to be her torture stress ball. There's so much Arell could have shared from her culture, instead she's got a lesson in forgiveness from a human a fraction of her age. Funny how she only looked at the bad. If this was the Fifth Element, Bruce Willis would have been screwed.
Now don't think because I don't personally like your giantess, that I thought your story was bad. The 5 star rating should make that clear. It does a great job of expressing its themes in what I felt was a very believable manner. (Okay, maybe Kevin was a little over the top.) But I don't feel like the ending was rushed at all. It gets to the point without straining believability be prolonging the chase or delaying Bradley's epiphany for extended ship scenes. To have padded it out would have felt like filler. All and all, good job.
Author's Response:
Showing that Arell and her kind have the potential to be flawed is what I was aiming for, so I'm glad you think that...though I will add that disgrace is in the eye of the beholder. ;)
As I said to Gadget, her grievances with the Earthies was more than the trauma of the violence and evil, but a few other personal things that could heavily (and not to mention negatively) affect her life.
I'm glad you liked the ending! You're probably more pleased with it than I am. :P
Date: September 10 2013 6:06 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Storywise the ending was good with explaining the background about Arell´s motivations and all, but i wished there would have been some more..."private interactions" between Arell and Bradley some kind of more development in their relationship to each other.
At the beginning of the story i really thought that that is the core of the story and the conquering of earth is only kind of the reason why Arell showed up in the first place. But then Bradley was more time on the run than he actually spend on Arells ship.
That was a bit dissapointing to be honest.
I didnt expect them to make love lol but..well if Arell even a single time would kind of get out of her suit...well you know..
But perhaps ..at one day..Bradly is beamed up again while he watches up to the stars..short after he heard "hello my little earthy" in his head XD
And as a sidenote, i missed one arguement in the final conversation between Arell and Bradley. Human on earth my be less civilized then Arell´s people, but the agedifference of the both civilizations was never mentioned. I mean how long, how many probably million years do Arells people already live, how much time did they have since they lived in caves clothed in furry loincloths? I hardly can believe their never where violant in their evolution. They seemed to grew out of it, got a better understanding for life, learned to threasure it and all. But judging humans on earth for didnt learn that, after perhaps less than 1% of civilization age compared to Arells people is kind of unlogical. Its like hunting down gorrials in the jungle coz they didnt invent the wheel yet..after all gorrials are kind of pre-human in evolution. (perhaps they are not really but it fits to the example^^)
[Report This]Date: September 10 2013 4:33 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
While it was a bit abrupt have to say I liked the ending, I half guessed at some of the aspects. How such a long life could effect her view of humanity, but was still surprised by the revelation.
Date: August 30 2013 8:42 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
The old fart coronel, is a badass!
Date: August 30 2013 5:05 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
That was another great chapter, full of suspense for me he he, great work.
Hope to see another one soon. Thanks for the time and the care that it took you in writting it, it's a great story so far.
Date: August 14 2013 5:18 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Really liked the most recent chapter, Bradley's escape down to pure dumb luck, though at the same time he enough of a backbone to keep running. Hoping he isn't instantly captured next chapter, and can make a decent chase of it.
Date: August 04 2013 1:09 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Here:
“As I said, I’ve here to research you
You mean: I'm
And here:
Yep, there were people in there, alright.
Before alright I don't think that a comma is needed. It sounded weird when I read it because a comma would normally be put before alright if it's part of a question.
Finally, a light year is a measure of distance, not duration, strange I know. You should change that to millenia or centuries.
Author's Response:
Thank you for your critiques. I'll try to change those. I blame late night writing. :P
In response to the comments about the "light year", I know it's a measure of distance, in a strict, literal sense. But, in the context that Arell uses it, it's clearly metaphorical. Like when some says "I'm miles ahead of you" when they think of something before you, or "I'm way ahead of you". I'm kind of surprised that people suggested I change that, when I thought it was obviously metaphorical.
I would hope that if I had someone in a story, who got ripped off at the car dealer, say something like "I got fucked in the ass!", people wouldn't respond in say "Fucked in the ass' is a sexual act, not an act of dishonesty. You should change that to cheated or swindled."
Date: August 03 2013 7:51 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Take that! Bradley was like fuck dat bitch, im outta here!...That or someone took him away somehow.
Author's Response:
Find out in the next exciting installment of: The Final Frontier!
:P
Date: August 01 2013 1:03 AM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Hey, I really enjoyed the opening chapters of this story and had intended to comment earlier. I'd like to point out that some of the confusion over her size arises from the fact that you've described her as being about 500ft tall, whereas in the 'growth' field of the story description, you've put Giga: 1mi. to 100 mi.
Author's Response:
This was because I didn't see the "Mega" option. Giga came before it it, so I assumed I had to use it. Just now edited, so it should be good now! :)
Date: July 30 2013 3:31 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
To clarify, it doesn't matter if people minded or not. Arell equated the two, in an accusatory tone, while defending the action of her people. That's defending hipocracy with hipocracy, and that's why it's poor reasoning. I also feel like Bradley would have pressed the same argument Orpheus made rather than concede, even if he's wrong, even if he only thinks it.
Also, someone who is kind hearted to begin with can snap, but they snap in a different way. They become cold and indifferent or lash out at the perceived perpetrators of injustice, they don't become them. Unless they themselves were the victim, and from what I see the people of Earth have only hurt each other. They haven't done anything to Arell.
Right now it's shaping up like she was just bored and lonely after so long, and tormenting random humans isn't doing it any more. So she got herself a pet and a project. Her concern for their well being is only her wanting it to be a success. The only thing that doesn't quite jive with that was the hint of anger. That said, that would be the kind of story I'm less interested in reading. Well maybe if Bradley is able to start affecting her. So like I said, I'll go back and take a closer read of the first chapters and trust in your abilities as a writer to make the pieces fit.
Author's Response:
You guys make some great points, and I can't respond to them in detail without giving away the plot. I will, however, admit that the original ending, as I was writing, like...chapter 3 or four changed as I thought of a more realistic and complex ending. So, I'm trying to avoid contradicting myself, and, so far, I think I've been able to do that.
I will say, again, in response to the concerns of Arell's poor reasoning: Arell has her own views. And her views may or may not be completely rational...
Thanks for all of the comments, guys! It's nice to see people looking into my work. It means you guys must be interested! :)
[Report This]Date: July 30 2013 2:47 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Awesome story i really how Arell is really cruel at points but then is being kind of nice almost really am looking forward to their interactions in the future
Date: July 28 2013 1:38 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Wow, it was another great chapter, i'm super hook. Thanks again for sharing.
[Report This]Date: July 28 2013 12:56 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Your description makes it seem as if Bradley is gonna fight her or something. Not how this story is panning out, Bradley is anything BUT a badass. Great chapter by the way, I wonder what Arell was so mad about.
[Report This]Date: July 27 2013 11:09 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Great story, I'm glad I decided to give this a read. Arell is already a fav GTS, she's charming, smart, and sexy. She can be very cruel in bursts, but also somewhat gentle and caring. Basically she's the mix of everything that I like in my GTS's, the only thing that I find odd is the size of her. Is she like 1 mi tall, or several hundered feet? I think you should give us a good reference based on how big Bradley is. A simple sentence should be enough, its just something I'm having trouble synthesizing from what you've described of Arell so far.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading, Gadget!
I think I said somewhere in one of the Chapters (the second one) that Arell is about the size of the Washington Monument, which is 550ft. She's a little shorter than the monument, standing roughly at 535ft, so her head might be right under the pyramid head of the Monument. Bradley Peterson is just 6ft. so he's slightly under an inch from Arell's perspective.
Here's an aerial view of the Washington Monument, just to get an idea of how big it is compared to surrounding structures. Hope this helps!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d2/US_Navy_030926-F-2828D-307_Aerial_view_of_the_Washington_Monument.jpg
Date: July 24 2013 9:57 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Nice follow up to the previous chapter, can't wait to know what has in store for him now, it's gonna be one awfully LONG nap of her, for HIM lol.
Thanks for sharing it and continuing.
Date: July 22 2013 9:06 PM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Wonderful beginning you have here! I can't wait to see the adventures of these two.
By the way, would you consider continuing your other story, 'The life of a giant'? Charles is one of my favorite characters, and I would love to continue to read about him.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading!
We'll see about the Life of a Giant. It was a good story, but I got little feedback on it, other than one other person who was a frequent viewer.
Date: July 22 2013 11:32 AM Title: The Woman from the Stars
Great start, i'm hook to know what's coming next.