Reviews For World of Silver
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Reviewer: Amateur Wordsmith Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: May 22 2014 4:01 PM Title: Chapter 2

If I were Tommy I would be afraid if someone showered me in so much love after having just met me.

 



Author's Response:

Yeah me too, but you gotta remember that in this universe being showered in love (even if it IS really sudden) is probably the BEST thing that can happen to you when you come across a Lyrian...Most will just kill you on the spot, or do something fucked up.

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: July 09 2013 5:31 AM Title: Chapter 2

In the profile biograhpy section (any other areas of text input on the website) there is the option to edit HTML tags/code and I have managed to use hearts just fine if you look at my profile. For the heart symbol itself (igonring spaces that I have added):

& hearts ;

becomes: ♥

In the HTML you cannot use greater than or less than symbols as these normally form part of the HTML tags. So ignoring the spaces I have put this would be a heart in text on a HTML webpage:

& l t ; 3

becomes: <3

Play around and see. "W3C Schools" is a good place to learn about HTML and with a little knowledge you can do things such as add borders, edit text colour and many other things.



Author's Response:

I swapped the heart in the text with the one you put here...I'll be sure to check that place out when I get a bit more free time.

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: July 08 2013 12:40 PM Title: Chapter 2

I am enjoying the story so far, although there are a few things that I feel I need to point you. In the summary it says the growth is Mega and Shrink is Micro which I think is odd. If you go by the  sizes you stated it doesn't make the story very believable. For the purpose of reading your story I'm imagining a human slightly bigger than the size you stated as otherwise interaction becomes difficult.

When it says:

“Why was she trying to converse with him?” he asked himself.

Don't you mean:

“Why is she trying to converse with me?” he asked himself.

When it says him it sounds like he's asking why she is conversing with a person other than himself.

Then here:

Nothing bad will ever happen to you again my little darling b29;.”

I assume b29 is a mistake. It does seem very out of place.

Finally, remember to put the speech of different characters on separate lines. It will make your story easier to follow.



Author's Response:

Thanks for your feedback!

The first thing, your absolutely right, Im going to fix it...

The second thing, its a heart symbol, I thought everyone would be able to view it on their computers, but I guess not.

And the third thing, Im trying dude, Im not legit guy...but thanks for the advice Im trying to do that.

Reviewer: gerald Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: July 04 2013 11:34 PM Title: Chapter 2

Not bad, not bad at all.

The two main problems I have so far would be:

1. The giants strange behavior - I assume You have something planned to explain the unreasonable and pointless violence towards the humans. Some history of the world You envisioned would probably help, but I fear the impersonal terror would still feel empty. Are there any particular motives for them to do things like that? I mean.. the first one crushing a human being.. and Kim licking the blood? Who does that... and.. from the floor? Violence aside, what about hygiene...

2. Inconsistent size handling - You say 1"-1/2" in the categories, but half the thickness of female hand suggests around 3-5 millimetres (depending on what part of it he attempted to climb) - unless the "giants" are built somewhat differently - and even with something closer to half an inch she wouldn't be able to hear him. I don't think at least - the physics model can vary, but no matter how you scale the aerodynamic effects of the human throat, it's unlikely to happen. Not without holding him very close to her ear, at least.

Otherwise all good and of course You have a very long way to turning this not-too-much-violent monster into something gentle (if that is what You intent, at least) - so far she seems to be just-barely-too-lazy-to-kill-him rather than actually caring, but I understand the apparent idea for a plot here (However, I still don't think people would believe like that, so.. explanations!).

Author's Response:

About the size thing, Its a little under half an inch but I didn't want to use a different category because I feel like 1/2 inch is better than using millimeters to describe the size. And as for the hearing, well I haven't gotten around to explaining too much about the giants and the overall world backstory, and certainly didn't get into any physical characteristics other than size. But that was because I wanted to jump straight into action, its something I'm planning to explain over time, I didn't want to have a long, wordy explanation intro. And about Kim and the blood thing, she's kind of weird, remember "mysterious things" and all that jazz, it too will be explained. Thanks for the advice though, Im gonna need all the help I can get!

Reviewer: AdamX Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: July 04 2013 7:21 PM Title: Chapter 2

Pretty interesting start so far.



Author's Response:

Thanks! :D

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