Reviewer: Casanova Signed [Report This]
Date: June 05 2013 12:57 PM Title: Chapter 1

Bravo! This was a very enjoyable read. I especially liked the "race" scene -- it makes the wide power discrepancy between the two that much more delicious when the tiny has a "chance" to win. Really well done. I also thought the use of alcohol was a nice touch. And as a foot guy, I of course loved the foot action.

It's tough to find anything to be critical of in your amazing piece, but I guess the one thing I have to complain about is that I didn't really have a good picture of what Lorelei looked like. You mentioned she was the "older woman" but that was pretty ambiguous in general and also in the specific context of where it was written. While it's never ideal to have a block of exposition describing a character's appearance, it could help if you dropped tidbits here and there. For instance, you could include that "Lorelei brushed her black hair out of her face," or something to that effect. Obviously you would use your beautiful control of vocabulary to make it flow nicely. It seemed a little weird also because you did drop hints here and there about Faith's appearance.

Anyway, thank you for the great story. Please keep writing!

Reviewer: codeman83 Signed [Report This]
Date: June 05 2013 9:32 AM Title: Chapter 1

Man this was incredible, I can't help but notice the use of the name lorelei. Are you the same person who wrote lorelei 1 2 and 4 years ago? Just curious.  Great story although it says it's. Complete you really could  continue it easily if you chose to do so.

Reviewer: Chozo Signed [Report This]
Date: June 05 2013 1:03 AM Title: Chapter 1

As soon as I read the part where Lorelei needed to clear a place for Faith, I knew what was going to happen. Was it really necessary, though? Why couldn't she have kept two slaves, or even more than that? Seems like such a waste. But on the other hand it does drive home how serious Faith's predicament is. In a few years or however long into the future, when Lorelei brings home another normal sized woman, Faith will know what to expect. I am curious what would have happened to Faith if she had allowed the tiny woman to win that race? Would she have been killed?

This whole thing could have been going on for many years, and the tiny woman may not have been the first victim. You could write a prequel where you cover her story. That would be cool. Another thing you could do is write a sequel of the cruel things she does to Faith in the days, weeks, years ahead... and what happens when Lorelei decides that its time for her to go.

And what of Faith's car? Is there a chance the police might show up at Lorelei's door? Hopefully she was careful enough to cover her tracks, but if not, maybe those smoky tendrils can help her out? ;)

Reviewer: wildcatman Signed [Report This]
Date: June 05 2013 12:16 AM Title: Chapter 1

Ice cold and unflinchingly dominant!  The stuff nightmares are made of...

Your 'Incredable' Tiny!   You just blew me away again...but, your right,'Nobody' really wants to be broken.